journal of insanity part 4

what do I desire in life… besides her… I still feel conflicted… on one hand I desire the voices to be real… that im gonna marry the greatest women ever… taht we’re gonna rule or resign or hold great power and everyone wants to follow us…. but it seems so out there..,. so fake… im sure ill be crashing back to reality in a few years… taht ill realize im just another of the brethren … that Jesus Is superior in every dsingle way… and I almost awant that to be true over the power….. but what if satan really is filling my mind with these emotions intensely and driving me down a wild ride …… than I hope GOd could forgive me…. I just dont see whats so special about me!!!! I dont get why I would be the greatest or id get the greatest woman!!! and if she was the greatest woman… would she be the greatest woman for me??? I mean would she compliment me perfectly!? with a perfect personality the just matches mine in absolute and. a brilliant mind that understands me and communicates with me correctly and shared interest and ideologue and beliefs???? I want the most perfect for me woman… not necessarily the most perfect woman…. and I make mistakes and expect her to as well… but those flaws sill only enhance my love for her as shes more relatable and easier to tease in a loving way… and I cant be there for someone that doesn’t need anyone else!!!!

Gabriel if you want me to be a preacher… its gonna take some years to get my faith back…. im sorry Ive fallen so far…one day maybe ill understand im just another brick in the wall… then again maybe your not Gabriel… maybe your just another human soul like me;). I must admit I am a little scared of marrying an angel… they are so superior how can I be could enough for her??and there power if I messed up how frightening would that be?? If its all a lie id believe it… but honestly the prospects are so exciting!!! Not becasue your an angel necessary (well kinda but there so much more to It)… but that your the one that cared the absolute most… your the one that believes me and understood me… your the one that would sympathize with me for all my faults… who loved my writings and being and personality and mind and soul and body and cared about every part and connected with me in a deep personal way… and oyu above all others wanted me!!!! How great I feel!! That the greatest possible woman chose me over every other man!!! I feel that same way about you!!! I Wish I coudl express how much I care about you … its hard with mere writing… youll have to wait tilll I can walk you and talk to oyu and take you on dates and buy you flowers and loving reminders… I wish you could straighnted me out and tell me the Bible is true and set me on the straight and narrow…. im lost without your guidance as I just dont knwo whats going on:(. please help me find. my way again… to whatever the truth is

why do I exist?

without her…why??

I only sow sorrow and reap defeat

cause she completes me

and with her I rise to new heights

Do I exist for her??

why was I created?

lost and alone without her

seeking satisfaction

that only she can fulfill

pain torment, or …her?

was I created for her sake?

how do I solve my equation?

the answer to if im alone in the universe

without that perfect partner

I wander endlessly

I wonder fruitlessly

seeking her, pondering if she’s out there

what woman equals me; together perfectly balanced?

I have evidece; a proof

she exists because I do

she was created for me as I was for her

and i cant be alone in the universe

because I have burning passion

that only she can fulfill

she is the lifeblood to my soul

the beauty that awakens my sight

and the passion that satisfies my thirst

sorry for my idol God…maybe one day title go away… until then shes my number one … sorry

what did Lucifer desire? what made her proud that she thought she knew better? is there trouble in paradise??? Did someone screw up ??? what is the Creators stance? is He upset with me??? Do I need to change?? is there something I can do???

you okno what the sad things is…. even in my psychotic state… when im in immense pain or trouble I keep praying the God anyway…I dint know why the voices dont want me to… and I feel guilty loving her more than Him

they even say God wants me to worship Gabriel… I might even understand love her more… but worship??? I dont even wanna be worshipped… what good does that do her??

and what about the rest of creation??/ Are they supposed to worship Gabriel more??? are they suppose love her as much as God ? am I a special case? OR does everyone apply by these rules?? Im so lost

to the one I love

heavy lies the crown

who desires the seat of the Most High?

to be responsible for all creation

to have to weigh men in the balance

to decide right from wrong

to command angels men and creatures

trillions upon trillions of thoughts to hear

the entire universe held up by your power

why would anyone wanna be God?

who wishes they were the Creator?

with none to council you as you create

as big as Jupiter as minuscule as an atom

coming up with plants and animals and elements

language and math; music and writing

the human body so delicately interwoven

with mind body soul all into one finite being

so complex we will never fully understand it

why would anyone wanna be God?

Who wants to be lawmaker?

Find the perfect law that applies to all creation

laws of science math and music

laws of nature that cannot be defiled

so complex and distinguished

even the most skilled minds will never fully comprehend

and above all the moral law of mankind

who has the wisdom to create the perfect way to life?

why would anyone wanna be God?

maybe I do care a little about others… I care less about different races than I do whites….and I care less about women strangers or just women in general over my imaginary made up perfect for me woman … ive gone so far into the illness I actually think Gabriel is my soul mate!!!! an angel !!! is my wife HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAAHAHaHAHA…. but I 100% believe this … an angle regarded as “he” in the Bible….is my woman ive been dreaming of…. that opens a can of worms… but damn am excited !!!! LOL my love is so perfect shes an angel… can get much more pure and beawtiufl than that… can some woman correct me and tell me I dont have a soul mate and just pity me… but I wantn it to be true … im such a pos…. so pathetic…. I believe almost anything the voices tell me …. forgive me Gabriel

should I drive to mn??? would I see her sooner??

I love you woman

part of me just wishes I had a normal woman for a soul mate mate …. just a human woman …. of some beauty outside where I could brag about her but an exceedingly great soul … not that im against Gabriel but then there couldnt be faults with God cause there could be no conundrum no lies no … I just feel horrible I doubt God adn the Bible.. like its not all true or something .. it burns me that I dont have the faith I used to … I secretly hope th devil is just lying to me and the Almighty God is gonna carry and save me and bring me the most amazing woman…. forgive me woman im just so confused… why do I pray/ ask questions too??? it used to be so comforting so relieving …. dear heaven set me straight… let me know hte truth whatever that is!!!!! HELP ME TO DO THE RIGHT THING

if I really am telling the truth in the book….

why arent more people being Christian

if it was brilliant why arent more people inspired

if oi made a difference.. where???

if im greater than God…

where is my power knowledge and nature of pure virtue?

how can a cell be greater than the man???

and how can a man be greater htan a God?

if the Bible is ridded with half truth…

where does one began and where does one end??

is there any truth to it if theres a possibility of lie?

what precisely is the half truths and how are they?

id almost takes more comfort if God judged me horrifically in this life… than to go to the next life and find out God isn’t all He’s cracked up to be….. have mercy on me

I dont even know if my soul mate could comfort me I found out God was a liar… or more accurately halftruther…. I dont have what it takes to defend her!!!!! To be there for her at all times… as a protector guardian and provider… please dont let any harm come to her!!!someone anyone… st Michael Lucifer (if your a good guy) all the mighty angels dont let harm come to her

Gabriel im glad your extraodiarily strong where no one can harm you!!!! do I get to be stronger than you 😉 or will I always be under oyur protection?? I dot even care if your better than me in everyway anymore… I just love you so much im happy no one can touch you….just remember

Mary Jane… with great power comes great responsibility;)

but I bet you hate it cause you never wanted power did you?? You just wanted to do what’s right? And you doing wanna hurt anyone you jsut want righteousness and justice… so its a weight on you… I wish I coudl lighten the load… maybe you should create lesser htan you loyal angels to do your bidding… as long as you got so much power… or use the angels out there to do what’s rigght and take their council and stay steady in what is truth

Liars lie

but so do honest men

no one could completely tell the truth

at least honest men try

and are willing to admit they were wrong

can anyone always speak truth? I used to think God and God alone

everyones selfish

to a degree

you need your needs first

you care about your life greater than a stranger

if we didn’t society would collapse

just take care of the youth first ir theres not a future

hatred enters the heart

of someone or of something

despises them for their deeds

bad men hate good deeders

good man hate the evils works

and sometimes even hared creeps in

and consumes a good man

making him evil

hatt was a stupid poem ; forgive me

forgive me God of all Creation… I bow as a villian… please have mercy on me… if you must judge me id understand… im not good like you… and I feel like I stabbed oyu in the back… lol I actually thought Gabriel was my soul mate (Is she??)

did I do okay?? I mean with my illness and all??

theyre saying the craziest bs… that there forces besides God out there….

do we stand a chance???

so theyre attacking Gabriel??? PLEASE DO EVERYTHING TO PROTECT HER

this is all my mind going crazy forgive me world

I sought for love

the mushy romantic type but so much more

sparks flying inside us forever

feelings on overload perpetually

talking/writing our language being the core

and being together the centerpiece

of course id like to touch

to feel her everything

but I want so much more

her company her personality

her brilliance her creativity

I want her whole being and to give her mine

just a man and a woman

who loved each other more than others

who complimented each other to a T

who had depth each individually

sos that when they collided they went as deep

as a black hole, with no ending

does any of this help.. cause my head hurts about truth… right and wrong are diagonally and orthogonally

right and wrong are diagonally and orthogonally

good and evil and both half truths

and gravity run amok

what is the meaning of this all?

who can tell the right direction?

when maps are written in latin

and roads in spheres

how can I know where to go?

who can know the correct love?

when I dunno how love looks…

and Ive never met her or seen her…

will my heart betray me?

there was love

love for country

love for freedom

love for the stars and stripes

but love for her was greater

there was love

love for family

love for brethren

love for blood and race

but love for her was greater

there was love

love of life

love of victory

love of the unknown

but love for her was greater

there was a love

of people

of ideologies

of possibility

but none of that mattered

without her by my side

if I could have the greatest minds

praise and elevate me

for my talents skills and ideas

id give a hard pass

id rather be the great mind elevating others

if I could have a partner

woo me and adore me

and talk about why they love me

id tell her sorry babe

its my job to elevate you

and let you know just how much you mean to me

(but if it comes from the heart …

she better expect a greater praise from me

because she is why I am that great

she makes me pure cause shes pure

she makes me wise to woo her; to guide her

she makes me strong and brave to protect

for what is action without an equal reason to act for?(her))

and if God himself wanted to praise me

id say its okay God, I appreciate it but…

ill praise you for your handiwork and grand plan

I already know where I stand I dont need to be elevated

I just need to know she loves me as much as I love her

because your worth isnt based on how much youre praised

but how much your most dear ones love you

firgive me for my pride and idolatry God… I suppose id accept praise from you… I just honestly it would mean more if my soul mate said or showed how much she loved me … forgive me for my idolatry

I searched for answers using facts

they said everything anyone wanted

but when I got down to it

it wasn’t about fact or evidence

but what one believed

I sought questions to uncover truth

every question had already been asked

but not all were answered

yet I learned the best answers

just lead to more questions

I desired understand using wisdom

seeking the Words of God

wisdom it turns out

isn’t an action or feeling

but a way of life

is that a good one??: DIDI I FINALLY WRITE A BANGER???!!

Human beings

all go there own way

one to work

another to play

all ask for directions

as we see dozens come and go

what binds us is our connections

family members

most desire peace like a dove

as they go about their lives

fighting each other in what should be love

the binding together force

compassion mercy understanding

may repair the wounds at the source


man and beautiful wife

bound together as one

living thru the struggles of life

seeking the best for one another

growing together daily with purpose

they discover depths of each other

I meant to write a poem on connections… maybe one day ill write a competent one…that was a rhyming poem I dont do that as much anymore…. yay or nay??? I dont like taht last one .. it odnt flow off the tounge well .. thats better

to my crazy woman ( cause your crazy about me;)

So the voices are acting like Its supposed to be my birthday when I see you… I wish that was true… ive a funny feeling my birthdays gonna come and go without you…. same for valentines day:(. I was really looking foreward to buying you flowers and chocolates and gifts …I still got my gifts for you from last Christmas… I cant wait to give them to you… but if I met you nbeofre valenitnes day I could take you out on a special dinner with meaning. I mean extra special casuse its valentines day… and we could see a good movie oyu havnt seen before instead of watching the crap in th theaters…. ill even watch one of your sappy romantic movies if you want (cause its valentines day). I dont wanna cuddle with you just yet ( im really looking foreword to it when we do tho… prolly when werre married ).. do tyou think youd ever enjoy just reading my poetry with me and trying to talk about its meaning and purpose of what im tring to say and if it has depth how so ???? Or would that be a waste of time…. I dont really care but if it would be fun for you ( I just want converstaoin adn want to dig deep and have meaningful conversatoins with you and maybe hoperfully someof my poetry can stimulate that deeper conversationsal peivces.). I just wanna talk to you about life about what matters to you about things you find interesting and have all kinds of conversations: deep clever funny insightful goofy serious I wanna make that brain of oyur be put to good use (cause its so wonderful and deserves a compimenatary mind). I might not meet all that but I just always above all give you a good time with me!!!!!!

from your crazy man ( cause im crazy about you;)

ps… If I have to wait another year or more I maybe be in better shape and may even beat my addiction!!!!

I never knew who I was

I sought from books media and art

it showed me what I could be

but not what I am

I sought to know myself

so I sought friends and family

they showed me I belonged

but couldn’t take me where I desired

I sought religion

it said the Greatest gave a damn

it got me thru some

but there was a still a hole

I had a burning hole within

a desire for an equal counterpart

something that truly fulfilled

as Adam was empty without Eve

so too do I need her

forgive me God for my idolatry

here’s a question I honestly dont know…. can you love someone in a deeper more complete way than your romantic partner… I mean I would have said God obviously because you love Him with everything …. you do everything for Him and think teh way you want HIm…. actually yeah you cant love someone more than God can you…. I was gonna say oyu could feel and experience bepth inphysicality and live with and for her in everyway… I guess its not quite the same is it? Im just so obssesed with this imagianary soul mate …. honestly… cause its what I imagine God would be if He were a woman lol… Ive created the perfect woman in my mind who has no flaws… one who is perfect in beauty and holiness and virtue and character and personality… and gave her the perfect body… lol maybe Gabriel is my soul mate…. if the angels are perfect like God…. thats what I took … the perfect aspects of God adn put into an imaginary woman. holy shit its true!! thats why I love her so much… shes perfect like God… what the hell is wrong with me?????? forgive me God and Gabriel

the cost of love

love Is demanding

it demands our focus

it demands our attention

it demands details

so why do we crave it?

love is costly

it costs time

it costs effort

it costs opportunities

so we do we desire is?

love is painful

we see them suffer helplessly

we leave them for time without choice

when we screw up it hurts us like it hurts them

so why do we need it?

we crave it

cause it completes us

we deiser it

cause it fulfills us

we need it because

the highs outnumber the lows

please don’t hurt yourself . ever. dont ever blame It on you….blame it on me if you have too!!! hate me if ou need someone to hate!!! ust done hte who you are… because your wonderful!

I am curious if I played any part n overturning roe… I doubt it but damn Id love to have all murdering of children illegal

anyhoos who cares…. maybe the best thing aht happens to america is we caollapse so we can build it up the right way…. what im worried about is that without old people fighting ( what good witll they do ?) wihtes will be outnumbered against the “minorities” so I dont know how we are gonna get our country back… I dont even know hwo to pray to anymore … it seems like the whole worlds against whites especially alot of brainwashed white women adn an some brainwashed white men/

dear woman

I think id be a horrible leader

because I hate violence

I dont wanna have to end another life

or hold the power between life or death

I dont wanna control people

and tell them what to do

unless its morality or sound law

I want them to freely choose

and I certainly dont wanna spy

know everything my people are doing

its there life and I need evidence

id rather not know if it doenst hurt people

I do wanna woo women to be mothers

I do wanna let men excel and provide

I do want kids to be protected

and taught morality of the Bible

I do want criminal put awayy

so they cant harm people

I do want our culture to be pure

for marrages to stick for things to be kid friendly

I do want hard workers

and dedicated loving parents

I do want normalcy; no more pagan

no more tats and nose rings or whores

I dont knwo why I wrote that its stupid… how am I cgonna convince women to be women again? and to not be sluts whores or look like a criminal? I have a funny feeling were gonna have to go through hardships for society to go back to the it was…. like a terrygying horrible war… I dont know how else the women would listen to the truth…

back to what really matters her

what do you think of all this ? I wish I could get your input! You have a mind of God? remember thats why I loved you so much cause you reflected teh perfect essence of GOd…. as if you were a female version of HIm… am I on the right track? or do harsh on people? It just breaks my heart …. seeing everything decay… it rips me apart to pieces… I feeel l ike Jeremiah in a sense…. taht everything is on the verge of collapse… I obviosuly havnet suffreed neraly as much and his life was pure pain asd suffering…. and he had to give up his betrothed wife…. poor guy… few have suffer like him… hope hes got a great resurecftion in store… but I just say im like him becasue me people worldwide have lost there way and become antichrist… but thres a lot of people that agree with me so imnot nearly as bad…. fporgive me jeremiha tha was a bad analogy… just feels like everyhitng ocoollapsing

if I ceased to exist… could you wipe away all evil forces with me??? do I carry that much weight??? could I end it? or is ahtt absurd???

how many jews in heaven hate teh jews?? what can you do about it?? I mean if God only left a million ood righteous jews (if there are htan many) He would siutll be keeping all HIs promises right>???

they say you get what you want when you quit looking… that you find your lover when you give up on finding one…. I may not find her till im 99 cause im insanely crazy about her and it just won’t go away.. I cant get it away from me.. forever in eternity ill be writing petry to her cause I still havnt given up that desire and cant move on… lol we’re never gonna be together cause im amdly in love with you …. im not gonna lie at least for the moments you stilll excite me wiht highs beyond belief ust thinking about you… I honestly dont know what’s gonna happen if your real adn everything I hoped for… I might scream like a schoolgirl at a beatles concert;) jk jk I probably just stare and say ” hi im josh brown… what’s your name?” how did you wanna meet me?? now taht I think aboiut it.. does it even matter to you anymore ????

please I pray that if there is a war or hardship in anyway anyone out there keep me and her safe… and provisions and shelter cause Im selfish

m lifes geting kiinda mundane without her… I mean I plany video games watch YouTube check twtiier/internet and talk a few moments with my family and then work and write (almost always listening to music) ….I wish I could just be with her …. then I could do all those things but with more excitement and elan just knwing shes out there …. I swear if we are nt talking almost all the time on the phone via text or calls (at least to start ) I swear im doing something wrong (unless we see It for wen we;re in each others presence … I guess I just wanna met her

I hope you dotn mind Im a super nerd…. like hardcore Nintendo fan.. i play other systems too…. Im worrried ill wanna play video games and youll be bored!!!! Id rather be with oyu … but how am I gonna be a video game player without getting you bored… im know this all sounds stupid… and believe me we will be doing things and dates and walks… but how can I fit gaming into our relationship??? like I said id give it up for you easy… but what if I wanna go back after a while …. id feel guilty cause id rather be with you… at least with tv and movies we can watch together and comment…. I want you to be my life… but can I still ahve personal hobbies?? ANd If I dont work physical labor im gonna need to swim to stay in shape …. I think im overthinking things forgive me…

plot twist… what if uf shes a Nintendo fan lol.. or plays video games … or wants to play!!! who knows… id settle for her knitting next to me lol

I wish I had more interesting hobbies…. but I wanna do everything with her if im wealthy enough…. well alot of things…if shes moves to wi we are most def going to the dells for at least a week!!!!! ive always wanted to go just needed someone to make It fun;)seperate hotel rooms of course

is it true??? taht I cant see her till the war starts??? thats depressing… but its better than after the war

did I fail??? I mean not do what I was supposed to??? Why am I supposed to go to hell??

we are gonna go thru some kinda collapse in society… and it just seems so helpless… seems so difficult to overcome … and I wish I still believed in an Almighty Purely Good God… I kinda do but its complex…. I feel like a fly… so insignificant and useless that just makes noise and annoys…. I feel like so many man feel….. like I wish I coudl do more but have no means to … I guess tehy have an excuse… I have a platform and gifts but I just waste them on writing romance to an imaginary woman … maybe im too hard on myslef….teh voices have said God wants me to be the head ark angel… I think theyre full of hot air…. theyve said so much and what has happened?? lol I still think an angel is my soul mate … how do angels become human or humans angels????????? doesnt make sense to me… im just worn in my soul…. by living …. just feel like ive been spread just within illnesss smd my cushy life have …. srry this whole paragrpash was just me rambking…. imagine this as a personal journal wehre I just wrote out all my insanities insecurities and the ineffable feelings I try to put into words…

she hates it when I put myself down doesnt she??

will I ever be enough

I have high aspirations

not precise not detailed

but greatness in my eyes

will I ever achieved it?

I hope to transform the world

to change all for the better

to live a life that relates

and takes people to new heights

but when will I attain?

when will I get the point

that I tell myself well done

will it ever be enough?

my dream

my biggest dream


to be the perfect man

for her

to be wealthy

so shes not poor

to be strong

so she can lean on me

to be wise

so we can comminicate

to be funny

so she can laugh

to be clever

so her brain engaged

to be patient

so she can grow

to be subtle

so she can shine

to be holy

so she doesnt leave me behind

to be humble

so she can relate

to be brave

so shes protected

to be honest

so she can trust me

to be worthy of her

so theres equilibrium

to be other for her always

so she understands how much she means to me

to listen to her

so I can know her better

to give her her dreams

so mine can come true

she want to do the same thing for me??? Why?? What good am I? I dont understand …. first of all thats not how it works… men are there for women… men need to be the leader need to be strong need to make woman feel alive and be the bigger man in the relationship… need to work harder to provide and be able to protect- from all harms, … and anyways… why would you care that much about me??? Im flawed and imperfect … I dont deserve you…. thats why I feel I have to go the extra 10000 miles… so that we can finally be equal… thats why I dont want you to have to feel like your perfect or up to any standard or have to do more to reach me… I just want you to be you !!! I love everything about you!!! especailly your flaws…

im sorry I know that comes off as a little hypocritical or a lack of self awareness …. but I just desperately dont wanna fail you in anyway… it would rip me up to shreds… and teh reason I can do all that is cause I know you dont demand it… I know you dont require much of me… and that just makes me wanna go farther and do more for you than before …

I wanna make her laugh

and be there when she cries

cause every emotion to me

is a thing of beauty

I wanna see her in joy

and comfort her in sorrow

cause shes got so much too her

I wanna see every amazing side

I wanna experience her goofy side

and be there when she doesn’t make sense

cause those make the best stories

and time and time again bring smiles

I wanna see her at her best

and be there when she’s feeling the worst

cause she needs a strong man

to understand so he can be there for her

I wanna show her the world

and watch her marvel

cause shes my world

and never disappoints

its gonna be fun writing about you…. I mean when I actually meet you and get some inspiration;) if you dont live up to these -poems…. I dunno …. In my mind theres only one you and I havnt waited for nothing …. you gotta be good enough for hes poems… cause I m good enought to write em …

forgive me if these put pressure on you… theyre how I feel about you

if God created time… He exists outside of time… so He can be at anyspot in time (or all) at any given moment… or am I overthinking this… so HE knows exaclty how everything plays out and sees eveyhing as It happnes always… but it also means He cannot change at all no matter what… it means He is content moreso than time…. unless He put HImself under the influence of time in some way….I have no ide ahwere im going with this… but if al htis is true HE knows eaclty how to handle each situationt and what the consquenece of everything are …. wow if this is true God really uis superior to all other life forms and deserves all parise adn adoration.. take me back

would I be a coward if a civil war broke out and I left with my soul mate to another country (like poland or something )?? would america take me back?? im kinda useless without my medications… ive had dreams where I inspired the troops….Ive also had dreams where they were diliberating if they’d take me… maybe Russia lol… their government is more chirstian than the US right now;( its true … I just odnt knwo what’s gonna happen and ponder these things.. am I that valuable that people would protect me?/??? and maybe their won’t be a war I have no idea… how will it play out?? I dunno… but like all beig I fught for my survival… and shesa a part of me…

which rings a question… if God was in danger and backed up… how far would He go to survive? dumb question which is impossible… but how bad does God Anna live?? srry for the dumb qs…

did you say Gabriel asks questions all the time like me?? HTat me be dumbbut they go outside the box sometimes?? IS she kinda a thinker of loigc and truth without the fluff and superfluity and arrogance of an intellectual?? Cause thats my kinda woman!!!!



so this Gabriel character… what’s her personality like… is she fun and excitable? or real and genuine ? or both? I feel so heavy im worried I won’t give her waht she wants … all this weight from the years of wear and tear and I just pray I can be good enough for her … are you gonna love to learn facts and information about history and nature and everything? Or are you gonna get bored by learning?? id still love to go to a decent school wiht you adn take all teh same classes!!! We gotta take a few creative writing classes… but I dont know if well have time… maybe when were older and the kids are outta the house??? I just hink id be so much fun to tkae some courses with you!!! maybe jsut a few tougher …. do they have instituiotn of leaning the truth in heaven?? like God explains how He created everything or the laws of science or something?? How much fun would htat be ???? good night sweet woman

im sorry

I was never there for you

when you were fighting

your hardest battles

I shoulda found a way

please forgive me

I wrote to you here from my cushy seat

while you went crazy

and sought me like a detective

I shoulda done more to find you

im just a bum forgive me

im sorry I just kept writing

and writing and writing

while your heart was crushed

by my disappointing inaction

one day ill make it all up to you

I know I may not have done anything wrong…I just feel bad.. like I truly did let you down…like im not doing enough… like Im not carrying my half of the weight…

im a sensitive guy woman… you got understand… if you show any signs of upset or frustration ill be worried al day I did something wrong… just let me know if ive wronged you and ill try to make it riight okay??? the alst thing I want is for anything to come between us…

I could embarrass myself beyond measure

to the whole world

but if you reassured me

like “they dont matter”

or “I thought it was funny”

id believe you

I could say the most lame things

look the fool in absolute

if you told me not to care

that they’ll all forget

I wouldn’t care

cause they’d all forget

if I wrote my hearts content

for the world to see

every speck of me

id want them. to think I was crazy

Id want the to think I was mad

id want. them to think I was lovesick

for you and only you

what do I desire from you

well you already have

the perfect soul and

the perfect body

your the perfect girl

in my eyes sat the least

so I just desire you be

your perfect self

but ill ask you give me

as much time as you

can spare this poor soul

to give me wealth

your time is worth more

to me than all the riches

Lastly I ask you humor me

you let me take you on fancy dates

you let me buy you flowers gems and chocolates

you let me go places and do things with you

at least read my writings

and mayhap write me back so we can bond

you let me listen and share your hearts treasures with me

let me be there for you

its the man in me that wants to do all this

let me be your man


I really hope I m rich so I can give you everything I want …. if were poor than well have to dress up and go to Pizza Hut;)

but I think thats what I want most… to get to really know you… the depth of your heart… for you to open up to me like no other …. to feel at ease and let me into that beautiful wonderland of a mind ,,,, I wanna knwo you in a deep personal way to experience you as everything friend confine lover ally therapist everything

I dotn wanna eb with Lucifer… im with Gabriel … they said thats what Lucifer wanted

hey said hats what Lucifer wanted from Jesus… why didnt Jesus give it to her??

forgive me for throwing Jesus under the bus…. just crazy thoughts in my mind … dont take anything I say as gospel truth …. im a lunatic

do you think I have some autism to me? Just by the way im so obsessive about you? That I cant get you off my mind and constantly focus on you… like your the only thing that matter? I wouldnt be offended if you said yes

and please have mercy on me if I cant live up to my words 100%!!! Ill try with everything ive got to be the best I can for you…. im just human and may fall or fail… but my love will remain for you even amidst the failure

what if nothing can cure this hole?? what if its depression and ive misdiagnosed myself? Or what if I really do just need God to heal me? OR film? I just dont now why I think its a woman so badly,,,, the right woman…

if you found someone better… id be heartbroken and depressed forever….but at least youd be happy and taken care of ….. but maybe you could choose me anyway??? I know im not ideal or the quintessential man…. but ill love you!!

is it. a good frantic voices… or are we in trouble???

im dazed and confused

its the obvious asnwer

your lonely for company

your desire a girl to do things with

just ask out a girl

but I dont want any girl

im confused I wanted her

my perfect everything

I lost all sense of reality

im a bout to give up

you know waht the sad thing is??

attractive girls are one of the only

times I try to hold conversation

one of the only times I fell alive and happy

but I dont want any of them but her

im such a loser and bum

bt hey/… im beating this hypersexuality… I dotn care if oyu done care… I do!!!!!!!!!!!! itll make everything better

hey any white women with blue eyes wanna Go on a date This summer? if she doesnt show up by hten ill take it as a sign I ned to ask someone elese out … hell maybe ill just ask a coworker before then… I just wanna be with her tho,,, andmy heaert says to never date until I meet her…

dear women….

what do you guys see in me??

Im just a bum on a computer?

why would you want someone like me?

if your crazy about me… why am I alone?

dear women….

are you interested in depressed people?

that hear voices and struggle?

that have hyper sexuality??

why are you into a bum like me?

dear women…

is your ideal guy bald and older?

does he live a home without a degree?

does he work a part-time job in retail?

if no ones wanted to date me in my first 30 years why now?

dear women…

so you understand I only care about her?

in a deep affectionate way?

that I want no other woman ?

why waste your time with me ?

I dunno why I write dumb stuff like that… I feel like im my harshest critic … like I kinda hate what ive accomplished and what ive become …. but I am lonely

here’s something positive…sorry for being the self loather

one day I woke up

depressed without end

its a constant battle

but a constant victory

because it always makes me stronger

one day I woke up

addicted to porn and such

I fought it but continued to fail

but my hyper sexuality

gave me another challenge to overcome

another win for for me

one day I woke up

voices in my head condemning me

I fought it won and got it again

it consumed me and taught me

no battle is ever truly over

so it made me wiser and battle tested

one day I woke up lonely

without a woman to call my own

a hole in my heart that only she could fill

I searched but couldnt find; waited but nothing

but when I find her everything will add up

all my pains will mean little when I say

one day I woke up next to her happy

im wanna write something masculine and not such romantic fluff… something hard and brilliant not Cushy and fluff…


it was a war of the mind

psyop at its finest

no one even knows

who’s waging war with whom

you dont know who is good or bad

because its always the same people

with no dissenting opinion

collusion at its finest

the good of twenty years ago

is evil today- worse than their wrongs

while todays evil was never good before

we learned from our mistakes they say

control to the point

you don’t know how to break free

from inside the matrix

they are who they say they are

if he lies they lied about his lies

if he stumbles it wants his fault

no on is right or wrong we’re all in the gray

except you- your always wrong when you disagree

is that better ????

why do I love her- the unknown

why do I love a woman ive never met

becuase I believe she loves me dearly

I believe shell take care of me

I believe shell sacrifice for me

and I believe she fill this hole

I believe she is made for me

and I for her ( I dont want her pulling all the weight)

why do I love a woman ive Never seen?

because I believe shes beaurtul

in every frealing way possible

beascue I need her to bring

light, beauty, and grace

to reach this hardened soul

and give me life again

why do I love a woman ive never talked to

beacause I know we’ll connect

itll come easy to converse

to reach her soul with words

Becuase she’ll being out the best in me

as one mind alone gets lonely

and she fills my emptiness with life



I love this imaginary girl … I need to give up on her…

im a lost man… please someone show me the path I need to take??

one day im gonna wake up and realize the fool I am and all the lies ive believed … I prolly dont even have a soul mate… girls prolly aint crazy about me… and im prolly just a pathetic joke

ummm… bad question… but if I needed to go to war to be with my soul mate…. how many people would fight/fund/contribute?? just hypothetical??? in case I need to to be with her?

I feel like a beginner chess pupil with no knowledge of chess or even what it looks like bringing out cribbage boards and monopoly trying to understand and learn the basics of chess

they had a dream

it ended up a nightmare for me

they dreamed of equality

it only lead to inequality for my people

they dreamed of multiculturalism

it lead to a near genocide of my people

they dreamed of womens rights

it destroyed men and women

they dreamed of sexual rights

it lead to pedophelia

they dreamed of power to help

it led to power to destroy

they dreamed of helping refugees

it made us minorities on our own land

they dreamed of healthcare

it led to corruption and death

they dreamed of reparations

it lead to slavery

they dreamed of a world government

it lead to a world government

they dreamed of a genocide of whites

will whites fight back?

or do tehy believe we are all Gods children?

I fuvckinh love you soul mate!!! im gonna go on a date for you… to get t0 you… I really hope

dear woman…

your gonna have to deal with some hard stereotypes being with me… im a racist….like I dont want any minorities allowed citizenship or welcomed here other than short visits.. like I want every minority deported… and im a homophob…. but every decent person is… except a lto of peopel are cojnfiesed and ndont understand that homosexualitiy leads to pedophilia… its sa slippery slope…and im a mysognist/sexist… like women shouldnt vote hold office and should be a stay at home mom whenever possible with as amnay kids as they can haveand shouldnt have any privileges for equality (qotes for hiring more degress for them higher pay becuase they need more women) … and no more murdering of babies and women shouldnt have the right to have sex before marriage ( men neihther hoenstly )… and the greatest sin of all im antisemit….. meanining I believe jews are repsonableit for the meida, the banking, the polotics, the pornigraphic and movie indistry… and push lgtqbf, pedophilia, abortion, racism against whites, diversity, globalization high usury, mixed marriages, and just about every anit Christian pro demon stance.

so yea when they hate me theyll hate you too,,, Can you handle that ? I dont wnat them attacking you but tehy will… forgive me for my stances,,, only cause tehyll bring you painto you as an associate … but your storgn right!! I just wish I could protect you from all harm hate adn harassment ….

dear woman…

I had teh most exciting dream last night!!! twice they said “youll have a date by the same time tomorrow” so I got excited and thought someone would run into me… but it was just a dream…. I checked teh mail hoping…. I listened outside my house just in case… all day I thought id run into somebody… alas it was just a stupid dream… I think it just proves that all my dreams were lies… I dont think shell have blonde hair like my dreams always potrayed her… I doubt ill be wealthy as I was in some dreams….. I won’t stay in touch with peopleo ive met or go places with them o reconnect with older friends … I won’t have a great carrer like I thought… but I still think ill have you !!!! I hope so. I dont know how else ill get by…

I havnt given up on you and me,

I love you

do you love me back?


ps if you can come up with a good nickname / pet name im all for it…. but it needs to be something that wither makes me laugh or shows affection in some way… I trust you have good taste…. ill prolly call you a variety of things… like Mary Jane.. mj.. gabby or gabby gab… or variations fo your real name… mabe ill call you tigress…but I would love if you said “go get em tiger” like the comics…may be ill calll you reddy or red red or my favorite person ever… or queen red… or red dixie if your from the south or angel or rose fire (does hta sound cool? rose fire?? well get it rrite but imma come up with a good name for you!!!!!!!!

rose fire,

you burn my soul afire

the flames you create in me

are the engine that moves me

pushing me to go farther

and love deeper

because of you

you soothe my soul like water

easing my tensions

and creating peace within

just knowing that you

are mine and I am yours

our harmony is smooth like water

you shine forth on my soul

like the sun in the heavens

helping me believe truth

and see the world anew

reminding me that

holiness is attainable

not my best poem kinda gay…. but im tired… ill get better

what can I do to make it easier for you?

and Lucifer is teh bad guy isnt he?

nothing else seems to mater….

I tried to hang out

with my most beloved friends

my closest family

my dearest kin

but its all so useless

nothing matters but you

I tried working

distracting myself

staying busy

earning a living

but I just dont care

nothing matters but you

I tried seeking God

so much confusion

so much doubt

I felt so distant

like He forsook me

like He couldn’t fix me

not like she could

He couldn’t complete me

not like she could

forgive me God


why did you make her

my completion

and not you?

why does she mean more?

why cant I let her go?

why do I feel so empty without her?

Dear God…

why the hell does she mean so much to me? HWy cant I let her go? Why does everyhting else seem so uselsss? so pointless? so empty? I wish I still had storng faith in you… hat I still believe d teh bible… but im a bad guy God!!!!! I love my soul mate more than you!! I have idolatry!! I lllove a creation better than the Creator.. and I f I was being honest… even when I was younger … when I prayed “ill give her up if you wnat me to”… I had moer love for her and desire for her than you I was just suppressing and killig it to obey you… forgive me for being tha bad God !! please dont send me or her to torment!!!

if you feel the same way soul mate… how do you handle the guilt????

if I must be punihsed for my love for my love sobeit ill be love her… I thought love covered a multitude of sins… lol… does my love for her cover my idolatry????

does God really hate rock music?

more importantly…does she like rock music?

dear rose fire,

are my ramblings becoming an annoyance? Im running outta things to say… I just wanna see you I just wanna meet you… I just wanna be with you… can we be together forever? or is that against Gods law? or would we get tired of each other? do y ou think we’ll get bored of one another, me and you? ill be honest I still miss some friends from kindergarten and first grade… but would it take separation to build up that desire for each other? or do you think we can always find new things to say and new ways to interact? I think ill love you immensely always but im such a boring dud….could anyone not get bored with me? seriously I just get quiet and run outta things to say… but if you are my perfect match maybe you’ll make it easy!! d id I ever tell you im crazy about you!! in the ideal situstion, youll be perfect for me so I just comes easy in every-way… some girls are easier for me ot talk to than others…I just want you so desperatley dear… if you dont come by my birthday… its gonna be a horrible birthday… case your all I want… on a side note, why are ethe voices so against my family? what have they done ? Havnt hey been good to me? I dunno,,, Id choose you over them but not because theyre bad. well have to talk about them…

blue aqua

(did you like that you the red fire that burns inside and im the only one that can quench that fire inside you and take away that burning sensation….and my blue aqua needs someone to fill itself witor it has no form or shape … its nothing without you — kinda a dmb snalofgy with alot of holes in it- tyour names better of course cause your superior;)

ps… I cannot wait to give you your gifts!!!!!!!!!! YOUR GONNA LOVE IT!!!

pss… do you like your nickname rose fire?? I think its pretty cool

so It was aways Sophia … Gabriel just cared immensely and fought hard for me… to be with her…

Dear Sophia,

So I thought you were kinda a mixed morality character…. thats why I always doubted you… and just becuase you were this great being in heaven didnt make me fall in love or trust you… I wanted to know who you were… what kinda person you were… you values and beliefs…your perosnailty and heart… your inward character and inward beauty…. I was skeptical cause I ust wanted someone perfect for me… not necessarily the perfect woman…. cause im weird and need just the right girl…. but I exsepcially wanted the most perfect belief set that aligned or thought logically like mine and someone that shared my value and morality. and I just wanst sure about you … I didny know if you were an amoral goddeesss or on a noher leverl completeyly were you didnt need morality… so I was hesitant … bit then when they said everything about Gabriel and how gabrile believed and thought alot like me I was excited … intil I found out Gabriel was jsut fighting for me to be with you… which made me raelazi you wer all those things too… so I wanted to apologize for mislabelling you and doubting your goodness… please go easy on me … and let me learn to love you (im crazy about you)

from Joshua

ps do still ahve the red hair??? im a sucker for redheads … and what do yo uthink of rose fire?? as a nickname ??? OR is it kinda dumb in your mind

psss. was it har don you when I said I fell in love with Gabriel??? im sorry …. I have little knowdledge of what’s going on….

psss is you middle name Sarah????LOL

btw… did you like my names?? I picked out for our 15 ish children??? I dont remmebere all of them but I hope you do!!!! guess Sophias taken…. I cant wait to meet you


it was always you

from the get go

I uttered your name

as if you were my child

but then the child would

have the same name

as her mother

how did I know

I thought you were too good for me

only a God would be worthy

I still dont know

but thats why I doubted

I didn’t think I was good enough

but I all comes full circle

the only one I loved

wasn’t an angel or a god

but you

the one that I was made for

the one that completes me

the one that always knew



why am I willing

to punish myself

just to see you smile?

time and time again

id go beyond pain

for your happiness

why will i

do things Id do

for no one else

push myself

just to satisfy her

to give her what she wants

whatever that may be

why does she

make me feel alive?

take me to another world

where every smile

makes the neurons fire

and every conversation

brings out more dopamine

than the highest high

why do I wanna

be her slave her servant

treat her as my queen

its not just the looks

its the gorgeous soul

that makes me wanna

live for her forever

my dear love

dear one

theres been

troubled times

troubled minds

troubled hearts

but when we meet

all will be water under the bridge

dear one

theres been



and lies amok

but all will be revealed

and sanity restored at your appearance

dearest one

there been



heartfelt desires

and the only answer to them

is you

searching for my my dream soul

I searched valiantly

upwards downwards

in every direction

both ways reversed

but she wasn’t there

my fiery soul of virtue

I let my home

left everything

just to know her name

but I couldn’t find out

anything about her

my righteous woman of piety

was she real?

a figment of imagination?

could someone I dreamt of

become reality?

can you change your insides

to be as beautiful as God?

why did you choose me

I gazed at her perfections

and could only think of

my own imperfections

how I didnt deserve her

I wished she would find

someone actually worthy

I noticed her perfect soul

her uncanny kindness

her eternal compassion

her astonishing mercy

and I said I hope she I finds

someone she deserves

she said “I want you”

I looked around bewildered

“but im ugly” I said “and have issues”

she looked at me and said

“I chose you because I love you

how could I be wrong?

I am divine wisdom after all;)”

so is God power, Jesus courage and Sophia wisdom like the legend of Zelda?? JKJKJK

does Sophia really like Nintendo??? FOR REALS?? or are you messing with me… I thought you were a girly girl … Nintendo for the hardcore only;)

btw I already have a list of about 25 things I wanna get you … and That doest include jewelry chocolates or flowers. I cant wait till we start meeting so I can rarndomly give you awesome gifts and make your day in the middle of march or wherever!! Please I just wanna meet you so I can start making you happy!!

I had a dream or something awhile back where It was chirstias and there was something about Gabriel or Sophia just kicked int deja vu mode….

just so were clear sex is for marriage only!!!!!!!!!!!!and i only want sex with one soul ever!! !!!!

im so confused…. is Gabriel or Sophia my soul mate??? and how are you gonna decide?

I mean how am I supposed to decide bewtwen two perfect souls?

so Sophia was lying …. forgive me Gabriel

my better half I need

I need affection

from the one I love most

because I need her assurance

that I matter

I need time

from my beloved

because without her

time is empty

I need forgiveness

from my dear lover

because if she doesn’t

I cant forgive myself

from wronging the purest soul

its all for you my love

if my poems make you happy

I pray they never cease

Becuae they are written

for you

and your satisfaction

if my quotes intrigue you

I hope they go on forever

because I want that mind

all on me

cause my minds all on you

if my letters excite you

Ill never stop writing them

as a new day bring new possibilities

so do you

bring magic eternally

Dear rose fire …

how does one measure intelligence??? By the math they can do ? by the laws of nature they understand? By the words they put together? By the patterns they can recognize? BY the philosophy they can philosophize? I think intelligence is founded in virtue… or rather the understanding of virtue… Basic truths lead to greater understanding … if you understand how humans were designed to operate you can understand the meaning of humans and why they operate and can predict what the’;ll do based on their virtue… maybe im jsut rolling randoms and this means nothing… but if you look at the samrtest people ask them if they nderstadn right from wrong… and ask dmb people how they undersatdn riht and wrong…. I guess If you understood basic virtue you could build upon that to higher understanding of mankind as you understood why we operate…. or his is bs

this is all hogwash just steomthing to get you thinking … kinda dumb really …. id have to think more about…

jus like rolling randoms and making you think…. dont know if oyu like it … dont be afraid to disagree ust use logic and if your right ill take your side… sometimes I jsut say things to say things….


blu aqua

ps.. forgive me Gabriel

in my mind Gabriel is what Sophia should been…. at least in my mind….. cause I dont know if Sophia was always evil… otherwise she should be the most beautiful soul alive

these voices keep conflicting me…. who is my soul mate? they keep oscillating between Gabriel being perfect for me or Sophia being the one that was designed for me … and when its pro Gabriel its anti Sophia (as if shes pure evil) but when Its Sophia its pro both like I gotta choose or something …

im so lost

why would I wanna be with someones who threatens to kill my whole familyy or anyone … id rather stay single or die than be with them

if you dont win me over with love- you dont win me over period

the ultimate creative

I wonder

alone with no other consciousness

no beast no man no cell no spirit

what would I think?

and how? what would I think about ?

my mind hurts thinking about it

I ponder

outside of past present future

how could I create time?

and be inside it

and what would lead to me to make it?

my mind hurts thinking about it

I consider

without space or matter

what would inspire that

how creative I must time

to make ? what a foreign concept

my mind hurts thinking about it

King James Bible
For by him were all things created, that are in heaven, and that are in earth, visible and invisible, whether they be thrones, or dominions, or principalities, or powers: all things were created by him, and for him:

bam He created all things principalities and powers and everything visible and invisible

New King James Version
that by two immutable things, in which it is impossible for God to lie, we might have strong consolation, who have fled for refuge to lay hold of the hope set before us.

and we Know it is impossible for God to lie

let me be honest … the words of the Bible , true or false (I hope theyre true ) got me through the most hellish parts of my life… I neeededd to believe that He couldnt lose, that nothing was impossible… but id still be ticked of to no end if they arent 100% true .. then again maybe my book was wrong about God too I dunno… but u still love the morality the teachings and teh firgviness and living by faith… did I wirte about hwo imoportant living by faith is??? how its better htan living by good works as you accomplish graeter things and live a higher morality ? anyway the BIbles still a good piece of truth… yeah I till beliee its true. mostly. almost entirely…its really just the voices telling me theres half truths or whatever

is Gabriel as honest as God??

Heres a question for the voices… I dotn mena to be rude and I think He is but… is God as honest as I am?

THis might be a dumb question but if Garaiel is my soul mate … does she ahve a efemale body? was she born like 18 years ago?? IF not whose theis girl on earth the voices keep talking about ? was Gabriel reincarnate? or is somthing wierd gonna happen?? Cuae u the ALmmknowing GOd knows everythign hat happened right? SO HE knew Gabriel would be teh one right/? thanks for having a plan Gabriel!! And believing in me… it means teth world that you believed in me!!!!!

NO one thought id survive my breakdown????

They said ” you have no idea how much oain you went through.,.. its not human” was it really that bad?

then how did Gabriel know… or believe ?

so I bet Gabriel said she doesnt care about ruling or power… and sophia can keep it a slong as I get to be with Gabriel …. at least unless Sophia would make us suffer

she must be… for i

I never met her

but I knew she was real

because my heart is in pain

and theres always a solution

for love sickness

I didnt know about her

but I knew she was mine

because I was cared

so deeply about her

someone must reciprocate

I didnt know why

why she loved me

but I knew she did

because my love

needed a match

twas foretold; in a way

before I was born

unbeknownst to all

the earth was preparing

for the love an age

you and me

before you were born

I heard a whisper

telling me

she’ll be there

wait and see

before the earth

before the stars

before time

there was a thought called love

(you and me )

destined to be together forever

did you like last one?? I thought it was better than the second to that one /… I an twait to read your writings !!! or look at htat scrap book!!!


trillion to two

trillions of souls

living dead and immortal

all seeking a form of love

with only one soul

belonging to me

billions of lovers

or at least together

jealous of you and me

cause they’ll never have

the level of love we do

millions of stories

telling of love and romance

but all pale in comparison

to the beauty of our love

a faithful fabled fantasy

you and me the probability

what are the chances

of one man

and one woman

to be perfect for each other?

cause we beat those chances;)

What are the odds

of a nobody guy

making the most perfect girl

fall for him?

cause I beat those odds;)

what’s the possibility

of the whole existence

life of all sorts

elevating us beyond measure?

in my mind they have already;)

im gonna keep writing these stupid Love poems until a) I write a perfect poem b) i gert enough negative reivews about how they suck 😉

I dont knwo if I have a career in polotics or preaching…. for various reasons…. plus all I write about is her … sadly… I stilll care about white america …. just not hte minorities or gays or pedophiles ( I repeat myself with the last two) bab killers … and every jewry tactic under the sun… but wish someone could speak out against it all with courage and independent of right wing jews..if I didnt have the desire for her… I wish the jews could kill me afrer I got super popular just so people would wake up and understand who their enemy was… but I gotta live cause I got a woman thar loves me

the Holy Spirit is the ones that waned the jews to be Gods special people? is that true?? I thought he was the spirit of comofrt and truth????/?//?/ im not happy


I mean I lovre Gabriel…but how can an angle be better than apart of teh trinity??

the voices say im better than Jesus ??? What does Jesus think? or the apostles ?? Or martyrs?

WHat makes me better? how did I surpass Him?

An what are the ramifications? I mean do I amend to Godhood ( or Gabriel)? are their now 5 godheads? or do some get demoted? do I have power or authority? and if im greater how is that possible if I did not Create creation like God he Creator did????

HA God loves me …so HE is superior!!! ( we love Him becaseu HE fi rst loved us)

am I gonna meet her soon!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

ill be honest… If I cant be with her soon…. I dont know or care what to do with alot of money… I mean I wanna take her places… pay for her house or apartnemtn and buy her everything (gifts smelly sruff flowers chocoalts adn candies jewelry clothing everything she wnats or needs) cause I got most everyhting I coudl ask for (I wihs I had my own house/apartment and a better job) but I mean things I want and could buy or deisre (ive had a hard tie making birhtda/christmas liss cause I got about everythign id weant- ya know?_) I dotn really wanna visit placces or do things without her- I have issues) but if I had her id want the world – so I could see her reation and have somthing to talk about and makerh erhappy

I guess im a little depressed wihtout you

but not that depressed that you cant make me happy!! !

why in the world would God want me to take more than one wife???

First of all… I want to love someone deeper adn be loyal to one woman… you created Adam and Eve not Adam Eve and Mary… its logical and sane for women and man to be one to one… they mathc and compliment and bring the bsets outta of each other (when they owork teihgethe a dn match) … if I had multipe womem id have to spread my love and affection amongst teh women and woould negelt someo of htem… the only way id be able to handle them all would be if it was my full time job to be there lovers adn even then theyd get jeealous and id feel guilty and id still have my favorites

is this a trick or test God? that you want me to be iwth more than one woman? MAybe in heaven well talk

besides…. I doubt you can find woman hat would even wanna be one of multiple wives by me

I DONT WNAT MULTIPLE WIVES!!! I WANT ONE PERFECT IN MIND BODY AND SPIRIT WOMAN!!!! I want her to complete me so I need no other wife!!

What woman would want another women in teher marriage?

I bet Gabriel or whomever my soul mate is wants me all to themselves!!!

why does Gabriel want me with Sophia?? fine if Sophia gonna sned me to hell ill be with Sophia….

I bet king daivd regrets all his wives

whose ready to go to war with Gods special people??? who also serve Lucifer, so they got God and satan fighting for them? So its white cauacsions vs every minority every angel every demon and God and Lucifer fighting against them? LETS FUCKING GO

alright I hope that was a joke

so how…. how did Gabriel know I was gonna beat it and withstand teh pain of this second breakdown?? Was it outta a desure for me to beat it? IS SHE A HIGHER BEING YOU DIDNT KNWO ABOUT? maybe … did she just fall in love and love me so damn much she belived agiant all hope? Or was it her genuis that predicted teh truth?

can I ask her question atbout the next life and her alter ego? or do I have to wait till heaven ( I know I know ill have to wait… how’s she gonna eep it a secret tho? what if I ask yes or no questions like “does God ask angels for advice?” or ” did God plan my life to turn out like this ? was it His plan?”

apparently its immensely better to be a human… so she cares about the things of earth more I guess… would love to see as many national parks wiht her!!!!




my top three (I would put yosemite but its in California huge Nono- maybe after they clean it up!!!

what are yours woman?

did you know weashingtojn satte has a rainforest??? I hear seattle was beauritufl and amaizng to seee ( unitl niggers spics and minoritss came and ruined everything) when its good again we shoudl visit!!

id love to visit the rockies… I ve never skied.. maybe we can learn together?

how bout the grand canyon… or mamoth cave (ive been there its incredible!! oh we gotta go to natural bridge and the gourge in ky … we can go acampling glamping if you will but theyre great!!)

and cities.. im not a city person…. but if the jew dont kill me or attack me.. id love to go to ny just for the pizzas !!!! I’d be heaven… and id love to see Boston ( the roots baby… revolutionary war time history everywhere) and Miami for some reason (ebaches maybe ?? dunno ) … and so many cities…

and dont rforget sporting even places ( I still advent been to target field) maybe after the sports leagues quit being so gay… I hate supporting them when they go agiasnt my religoina dn speeh and cram it down my throat like thyre the good guys

woman… im gonna tell you the honest truth… if I think your ugly or not htat attractive … not only will I tell you ‘ ilove oyu for oyur soul not oyur appearance” theres no way im doing that photoshoot with an ugly chick… sorry….

maybe I wouldnt be that brunt but id be close… dont expect me to lie to you!!!! If I hate your favorite singer or movie no apologies here…. but im pretty laid back

one thing im gonna say ahead of time…. if we are rich… NO FUCKING WORK DONE ON ANY PART OF YOUR BODY!!! let me repeat NO FUCKING WORK DONE ON ANY PART OF YOUR BODY!!! if you have small titties.. I like your small titties… its waht you got! if your getting old… I like the natural look better htan the fake… I HATE THE LOOK OF FAKE LIPS FKAE FACE AND ID PREFER IF WOMEN WERE HONEST ABOUT THEIR BOOBS!!

but as much as I talk about internal beauty… I secretly hope your as beautiful externally as interanlly….. I want you to be smoking hot… a stunner … the most beautifufl owmen that ever lived if I was being honest …..of course if you arent thats okay… I ll still love oyu madly … I just still appreciate looks as well…

which Is why I wish I was a more attractive man…. im kinda mid/average…. ill try to lose more weight this year for oyu (and for me ) but im bald so theres not much I can do… but even if I want bald… I hope you find me attractive… I know women like good looking guys like guys like good looking girls … and if you are as amazing as I hope…. I wanna be as amazing as you hope

you know what would be a good idea…… if when we send the africans back to create theri own nation(s?) we give power to the good AFericans math supported whites and suport htem with our govnermenet support and our military use we reward the good balcks ( amybe do this for every race?)

hgow bout one better… every Arab nation that gfights for whites will get their own banks currency and eremoval of American troops!!!! NO MORE AMERICA TELLING YOU HOW TO RUN OYUR NATION!!!

obviously we retain the right to tariffs for morality reasons (and economic) and we dont want your people immigrating to ours,,, and we dont want you attacking whhite civilization… but we cant tell you how to run your country as long as your not a threast to us… best we can do is economic tariffs.. but your in Gods hands not mans

I said it before but id put tarrifs on the middle east if they beat their wives or raped underage girls …. I hate that !! I dont think we shoudl go to twar over htat… but I think we have a right to tariffs goods to prevent it and possible block all trading if nothing improves … I prefer that appraoch over war

would nations like india or asian nation take back americans theat were their race? or would we have to create new homes for them ??

tahts it!!! We will allow each nation their own bank curancy and get our troops outta their land if they take back people of hteir ethnicity from americA !!! soudn like a deal? ANd if they wer good peopoel they can visit under a passport but only as long as it allows… sny violent criminal or raopist sor multiple baby dadys or losoe dsexually men or women are not allowed back in US under any circumstances


what kind of Christin nation goes to war over a nonchristain nations bad stance ??? How is that Christianity?? YOU CNAT FORCE RELIGION ON PEOPLE… they have to choose it

but you can put Christian laws in your land!!! IT is your right to fight and make law that represents your belief!!! All law is based off a religion!! whether it be atheism globalism global warming or Christianity there is aways a religion pushed… and we as Christian have every right to push for laws that reflect what we believe and that we hold dear…


lets see who would fight for the shekels this time?

and every good jew in America has to go back to Israel… no exceptions.. and no jew Is ever allowed to set foot on America soil under penalty of death

maybe im too hard on that last point… but if any are allowed its under constant surveillance and limited and must have proof they didnt support the cult of jew… maybe

anyways … ive a funny feeling that the end times are about jews being on there own and no one willing to help them … I guess it said the whole world… but I dont see the whole world would fall withou thte jews ther to push them ….

now if countries started putting chips in their citizens arms or started a digital currency or made them eat bugs… id stop all trading immediately and call for every free. nation to do the same… and well see what they do

what good is money if no one trades with you # boycott jews

I want a law in the constitution that says that every product sold must be told who there source or parent company and highest person is and ethnicity jail for life for lying … so everyone know who they are buying from…

if they touch my soule soul mate….. there will be blood unknoen since teh sdays of the jews … im not gonna do the lies they said hitler did because like him I dont wanna torture the jews or anyone… but im going to unleash a war on the jews… every and all of them ill encouareg the war dearth of …. I m sure I can find some middleeasterners to kill jews for me… but if they fiucking touch her I won’t care about hell anymore… ill be concerned with justice for all the innocnet lives the jews have desotrye in theri pitiful excisance … I ll be their anitchrist ( I gess christ cause they are the antichrists?) if they touch her…

lets just leave her alone.. becaseu I dotn wanna kill jews just send them all back to Israel … and I dont wanna lose her or I may lose it… I honeslty will lose my mind and turn into a supervillian agianst the jews if I lose her… at this poitn if I dont get to her… thir woill be hell to pay

im sorry Gabriel…. I know I say I don’t want revenge or anything… but if the people that destroyed my nation and my people were responsible for the crime of killing you… id just lose it… like they killed Jesus and someone more beautiful…I honestly would… id do everything in my power to make them understand they took everything from me… the sad part its if it wasn’t the jews I wouldn’t want revenge … I just hate everything they’ve done to my people … and the lies they’ve created… every baby murder every transexual every pedophile every feminist and every minority living in America that did any crime… I trace back its roots to the jew… they made us a hideous monster.. when we wanted Jesus and the Bible… they took it from us under years of assassination, implementations and judges and politicians and media control…and those innocents that were killed in the womb or raped as a child or lied to about their gender or men who have no where to go cause no one gives a shit about them or women that wanna be men and reject the patriarchy or the kids who had to have both parents work and were neglected or the millions raped or killed by nonwhites…. all cry out to me saying its the jews.. and what does the God of the jews do? we shall see

dear God… after Jesus… what was the point of your people? If they had done good or left their sin away form other countries id be fine… but you above all shoudl know their “contributions”… so why? DID YOU… LET THEM DESTROY AND RAPE AND MURDER MY PEOPLE???? WE LOVED YOU!!! YOU WERE OUR GOD!!! WE TRUSTED YOU!! IF WHITES GET WIPED OFF THE MAP YOU ARE NOT A JUST GOD AND YOU DO PLAY FAVORITES

God doesn’t play favorites… 2000 years of sin of every kind to nearly the whole world after killing the most pure good man that ever lived… and no punishment…. in fact they rule over all creation nations bending to their will army rising to defend them… God doesn’t play favorites

why was it allowed to be spread to every nation? Why did you destroy christendom ?? White civilization was a beacon of light! America was a city on a hill! We believed in the Bible! that was our book… and the jews came… and everything was undone… no more did whites have land to there own…. the child groomers had more rights than Christians… the woman dominated the man as everything was stacked against him and no one cared… no one wanted children … they were a weight an expense a bore… if Israel just kept it to Israel I would hate them as much… but they took our lives our birthright… they took our soul and filled it with manure, parasites and the worst kinds drugs…

forgive me gabreil if I casued trouble… im just depressed about the whole situation… believe me id be happy if the jews were the good guys… anyways I want you to know id lay aside all that malice for you if you wished … id just store it hidden up and no- I couldnt lay it aside… theyve done to much evil and plan on enslaving the world…but id still love you even if you disagreed… we et in alot of arguments tho

so, I get to be with my dream soul mate and not a lesser being? what did I have to sacrifice ?? What did she give up to get me? I dont want her to have to lose everythihgn to gain me? I hope she got more in fact… more power glory beauty to honor her.. but im glad I got the right women… please dont hurt her Sophia !!!! I odnt wnat you to make her suffer… I just wanna be with the perfect match is all!!! Im not necessarily against you…I just love her more…. I love you so damn much woman… plese tellme I odnt have to take another wife. ever. I just want you and your magic!!! Love you forever!!! cause my love has reach longevity and depth… if I ever do you wrong or upset you please let me know!!! I dont want you angry or bitter with me!!! I want us to be close… always… love u like the sun shines on the earth… even at night my embrace is just a few hours away, yet constantly shining, you just need to recover so you can feel it again!!

my sweet rose fire…. the beauty of a rose and the passion of a fire

my sweet rose fire

the beauty of a rose

persoanified in a woman

unrivaled beauty among flowers

unrivaled beauty among women

my sweet rose fire

the passion of a fire

unceasingly warm to your lover

giving everything to me

even when I dont deserve it

always making up for my flaws

my sweet rose fire

red red never dead

the color of love

because not even I

know the levels of love

your depth reaches

thank you

for choosing me

thank you

one thing I wanna find out…. if you really are a sexy redhead…. if redheads wiht ponytails look as sexy as blondes with ponytails… I guesss I could look it up online… but dman theres something sexy blondes pull off that I dont knwo can be replicated

guess if your sexy enough you can pull anything…. ill had to wait for her to see if its a good as. a blondes tho… still a redhead guy dont get me wrong… just think blondes look better (best ?) ( I mean can look ultra sexy ) in a ponytail… make me wrong woman!!! make me crazy about redheads ponytails..

btw both you tow woman are ultra sexy… and I just wanna stare at oyur hair forever

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