journal of insanity part 3 12/24/2022

Unless the God of Creation had mercy… all flesh would wiped out… repeatedly

Save us oh Lord…save us from moral decadence from invaders from parasites and from ourselves

what do people want from me? what can I give you??

when the war strikes… what will happen to the women, children, maimed, mentally sick and disabled??

if my side loses the war… I want you to kill me… I dont wanna live in a jew controlled geneocide of my race

ya know… I hare war… I honestly thought there was a chance we could avoid it!! FOOL!!!! I dont have the haeart to hurt people… I dont even wanna shoot someone in paintball let alone with a real gun… I. know im a wuss.. I just hate hurting people… I wish I could be mroe help… but all I do is write this stupid love poetry

here’s a little of what I wrote about what I want in a woman.. here you see I still wanna worship God (forgive me Lord)

I need a woman that takes the hatred I have of myself and fills it with love.  Someone who can take the mistrust I have of mankind and give me someone to trust.  A woman who can take the weight off all the pain the eyes have seen and fill it with light and beauty.   Who can mend this heart of sorrow and bring laughter.  Who can ease my troubled mind with stability.  Who will love me despite me, and always have my back.  Someone who isn’t afraid to calll me out when I’m wrong, but humble enough to listen when I correct.  Whose love has depth and whose patience is long-suffering.  Thank you God, for answering my prayers.  Let us love you with all of our heart strength and mind.  Thy will be done, as earth as it is in heaven.  

Merry Christmas Mary Jane !!!! I hope you like gifts cause I got you some… wish I was with you….you understand how much I love you do you? I find that hard to believe …but then again id never thought an angel was my soul mate … does that make me divine??? being with the divine reflects its rays on you right?

the thought of you

keeps me going

day day day im reminded

just knowing you’re out there

fills me with hope

I dont wanna live

not without you

but with you

aye I could live forever

with you by my side

this burning hole

in my heart

aches and tears

my heart needs a home

and it only fits with yours

I hope you have a white Christmas with only white people!!!! restore American God!!!

if im wealthy and they say I have to get rid of my businesses for conflict of interests if im a politician ill force them to show how they got so rich worth multimillions on a legislature salary!

woman help me restore my faith!! Brin me back to Christ… Christ suffered for all so He deserved to be worshipped!!!

what good is the strength of men

if they don’t protect women?

what good is masculinity

without femininity to compliment

what good is logic and rationality of men

without women’s complexity

what good is mens hard work

without providing for more than just himself

what good is mans romance

without lovers to intake it

want good is a mans legacy

without his seed and the seed-bearer

what good is leadership

without a woman to impress and obey

what good are mens eyes

without a woman beauty to behold

what good is a loving heart

without one to love and cherish

what good is a mans memory

without anniversaries and birthdays of her

dear woman…

How was your Christmas ??? I love my family… I feel bad I called them a cult and talk down on them sometimes… well…mostly… sometimes some of them drive me crazy but I love them… I hope you have a great family!!! DO they love you??? Did they give you a good Christmas time? or Did you give them a good Christmas?? cause your the star of the show…. I noticed I get quite in big groups… I get quiet in conversation too… sometimes I wish I could just sit and listen to someone interesting and jsut follow along so I didnt have to talk… are you good at conversation?? Id loveto hear your story naad just interjec twiht questions…. caue I think my brains got destryoed as a kid bu falling down the stairs. so I hard to talk and easeir to write … I dunno. when im in pain I just think of you and it gets me through!!!! I still feel guilty im nota v ery good Christian… im just so confuesed about everything… I mean how can an arch angel be my soul mate??? my heart fell so far for oyu!!! could the perfect partner be a hgigher power????? WHO AM I?? are women more jealous of you or men more jealous of me?? and if I ever let you down… dont let me!!!! I dont wanna fail you or break your herat or forget you or negelct you or anything!!!! If I ever hurt you itll be like hurtin myself- the best part of myself. I wihs hter were better words to explian hwo much I love you!!! Lagnuage is too limited for expression!!! how can I suffer more just so you can see my love for you???Would that get teh point across??? I LOVE YOU


why dotn you care about my soul mate you animals and freaks?? THE CORRECT ANSWER WAS THEY WERE JEALOUS OF ME. because shes so wonderful… why dont tehy care about you woman?? DO they not see your worth??/ ILL rEPAy YOU ALL THEIR JEALOUSY. Ill make you happier than the rest of them combined… if you are worthy and have proven yourself why do they care so much??? AT least you have God on your side right????

glorious woman from heaven,

the one who belongs to me

Im gonna apologize ahead of time to her…. I feel bad eventually (maybe soon) your gonna have to play the role of therapist… im sorry… sometimes I just need to talk about the pain or struggle.. I may breakdown… or be late at night in extreme pain (ill try not to but it gets hard at times) … I know I said I never watnetd you to see e cry (its true) but im too emotional… I used to cry all the time to the point i prayed hard God would help me stop crying… and I get emotional and in deep pain and guilt and sometimes I just need to let It out…Id understand if you didnt wanna be around me then…but honestly id be nice to have a friend to confide with… il try not to make it all the time… unless you wanna come to my therapist session and hear me talk about myself;) jk jk jk… its kinda boring… and I mostly talk about you woman… my dream…being with you…finding you…. theres gonna be things you dont wanna hear I tell you… forgive me… I just need you to listen sometimes…it doesnt matter what you say as Long as its done in love… you could tell me im a horrible person but forgive me and id feel better… lol… all this time I wanted to be the one comforting you!!! I wanted to hear alll your problems… be your therapist… comfort you in sorrow… give you a huge hug as you cry on my shoulder…but I honestly… I desire someone that loves me enough that they wanna do that for me… im sorry

I still love you

I hope you still love me

your man

I still get depressed (thats how I feel) from time to time… but honestly I havnt had deep depression in a long time!!! THANK YOU!!! Thats when its feels like it physical hurts … like nothing matters… like I cant feel emotions but emptyness darkness and void… thank you I haven’t been that bad in a very long time…. ive got other issues …. pray my ankle get better its been sore over. a week….

your gonna have to be there through all my pains all my aches all my struggles… it might not be a wonderful life for you… are you sure you wanna be with em ??? I just want good things for you!! And with my illness I might struggle and I might get quiet and boring … but I promise ill love you with everythign ive got!!! I know you still wnat me… I jsut feel bad I have to go through all this for your sake!! I wish I could suffer everything even worse and all my hardships before I met you so you didnt have to witness the horror or be dragged down by it all!!!! I feel guilty like I force you into pain on my amount… I know this sounds stupid but I want great things for you!! want you to get my very best In every way!! adn youve already suffered enough coming down as a woman … it musta been hell… but I love you so terribly it hurts not being with you!!! LOVE YOU

you know soul mate…. im not very great… or very good… im kinda a racist pos.. anti christian even…. the Bible says Moses had a wife from another nation… that ruth was an outsider…. and I still hate mixed marriage… vehemently… Gods gonna rebuke me on judgemten day…. forgive me Lord… I just dont agree wiht you GOd… I dotn think race mixing is a good thing.. tehy always prefer there non white race…. almost every single time….. and im sorry Lord I want an all white nation… forgive me…itw was my dream… and I was hoping it was yours… but if you dotn want that… help me to change I guess… just want an all white nation so badly… think of the wonders and creativity….. the music and the sports by white peopele !! you could cheer for oyur own race!!! but ill be honest my brother owned me… hes right…. I just kinda hate the bible now… forgive me soul mate… Gabriel if you told me you wanted balks and jews here id listen to you… im sorry you got stuck wiht me… does anything I say make sense? That different races always prefer their race, always abide by their culutre and their religion almost always anyway…. so tehy can never be equal in citizenship??? Does taht make sense??? or is it hared??? Forgive me for making my race an idol Lord… I just didnt want them to pass away…. im not a good debater ,,, I got owned… but I still feel like im right somehow … I just .. maybe im wrong…. its just my logic makes sense to me … does I t to anyone lelse????

thats the one they always pulll… there is neither jew nor greek and all races go to the same heaven…. I wonder what its like up there… is each race separated to their race? I mean they can still visit orthers.. but is each race grouped together??

please correct me if im wrong God

im sorry im a racist Gabriel… I just wanted what was best for my nation and people… apparently thats wrong

I hate how easily the Bible can be manipulated… salvery being good (Paul never says to get rid of it!!)) the divine right of kings ( alot of them said it scriptural) people sayin communism is the way Jesus wanted things (early church shared everything)…and now diversity and race mixing… because we are supposed to love everyone…. there is neither jew nor greek…Moses had a foreign wife…ruth was a foreign daughter…so much twisting of scripture….

the Bible says

the preacher said

love your enemy

so he killed me

the Bible says

the preacher said

turn the other cheek

so I lost my house

the Bible says

the preacher said

obey the government

so i lost all my rights

and lived in a totalitarian society

the bible says

the preacher says

their Is neither jew nor greek

so neither was there white anymore


do you think im full of hate??

is a republic in the Bible? its not scriptural than… I hate when people misinterpret the Bible cause its what theyve been taught… seriously in heaven do all the races ust live together?? As one people?? or does He separate them by nation … Matthew 25 32 does that mean H esperates teh nations ro the Christians??? I think both…. but I know everyone who’ll deem me a heretic

I wonder if church people hate me….

its hard to think of myself of a great man… I dont do anything remarkable… I dotn have a lot fo money or a fancy job… or a dream girl… I struggle day to day…. Im still confused about so much… I work a normal job adn live with ym parents… im not a great talker im not a quick thinker…. I just dunno about myslef… God help me to do the will of the Father

why do the enemies

want me to perish

but rather

why do the friends

wish me to fall?

why do the friends

abandon me

but rather

why do some

stand by during fire

why do I seem so alone

with no one there

but rather

why do so many

seem to care

about a wandering soul like mine?

I thought they’d all hate me

condemn me

crucify me

send to the prisons

but they didnt


I thought they’d see me as a threat

a man who speaks his mind

not caring about

being right in another

just that he can speak his mind

no one came

They must at least agree

with some of my words

or at least be willing to defend it

the ability to speak your mind

whatever the case

thanks for not hating me

I still love you

even if we go thru war

blood everywhere

violence amok

terrible fates in the balance

id still love you

id still love you

even if a better woman came by

superior to you in beauty

id say she doesnt belong to me

never knew her never wanted her

besides my woman got a better soul

ill still love you

id still love you

even if I lost my mind again

id remember you as my only

id be in pain for everything but you

harkening to you my love

id still love you

id still love you

if you got old and aged

even if you looked worn

without that outward beauty

id remember our time together in bliss

id still love you

why do we challenge ourselves

they took the challenge

they climbed teh mountain

some mocked saying why?

but they’ll never understand

the sense of accomplishment

the wonder of standing tall

above all of creation looking down

they fought the battle

the war of the soul

they became better men

better soldiers against their

wicked instinct that pushes them

towards beast and away from human

they won her over

each to their own

the girl of their dreams

waiting for them in virtue

making their whole life change

with the joys and splendor

that only beautiful souls can reach together

a day in the life of the average adult

why do we push ourselves

to new limits day by day

we grind not to thrive

we grind to survive

getting by is a challenge

why do sacrifice

our dreams hope and desires

we were once young and hopeful

but life crushes you down

leaving you with emptiness and pain

why do we still hope

still dreams of tomorrow

things get better

we have to believe that

without that spark of light

we are a pitiful forlorn race

we live we die , everyone

youre born

with love life enthusiasm

you love new things

you want to learn

your to exited to dream of tomorrow

because today is filled with so much

you grow

you gradually get bored

you rapidly lose interest

about as fast as you gained it

you dream of a better everything

looking forward to tomorrow

youve grown

you dont have the energy you used to

you reminisce about the excitement of yesteryear

you dream of reliving your glory days

you wish you could do the things you used to

alas it went by too quick; only memories remain

but what a gift life was !!!! Thank the Creator

to those who seek glory worship and praise

Those who seek glory

what good does that get you

in reality?

some think your good at something

they praise you not for you

but for your accolades

if another raises above

you’ll be forgotten

those who seek worship

what good is it?

are you are deity?

is that what you want?

the same people that worship you today…

will burn your house tomorrow

they dont care about your soul

they care about the latest greatest

why do some people seek praise

praise after all is fleeting

it comes and goes like the wind

and they will criticize just as fast

why seek the praise of man

when you could have the camaraderie

of another soul that actually cares from the heart

loyalty/love/love of loyalty

a friend will stand by you

a better friend will die before you

leaving it all behind

as he smiles seeing you safe from harm

a lover has you

a better lover has no other

eagerly awaiting you

as the joy of her life

a son listens to you

a better son obeys you

trying to do teh will of his father

outta pure love for him

dearests woman…

im still crazy boutcha 😉


your man

dear Mary Jane Watson,

I love you more than pain can inflict more than hardship can challenge more than suffering can dish out… I wish I could let you know just how much you mean to me… but words cant express than intense and passionate of an emotion…. I feel like its not fair to you cause you gotta read all my stuff but you cant speak or convey your own words or feelings. You have no idea how excited I am to meet you!!! I dont know how im gonna know its you…. but I trust something or youll convince me. How did you know about me?? I mean how did you trust and know id be the one?? you must be psychic or something!!!! I think you were made for me… and I for you… thats what we all wanna believe… until we meet and we’re imperfect….. I dunno if I buy into the hype ive created… I mean I do… but im still nervous ill let you down or not be wha you envisioned or we dont click well… I hope thats not true but humans are just so complex… I mean everyone is unique and different and has to connect to another in a way. Sbout beliefs or conversation or hobbies or debates or something. And what do we have… each other? I hope we share some belief set. t hat we share oalto of connections so our conversations and banter and verbal love jabs never end. I want you to make fun of me if its sincerre and funny. Call me a baby a sissy or a wuss. Just do it in love and not with Venom. Unless its not like you to tease. But I dont maind banter or verbal jabs if there done with purity. or you coudl ust joke aroidn in other ways. I jus twnat laugh and fun adn exitemtn and life. I want to enjoy life with oyu… and theres times for seriousness or depth but there needs to be laughter and silliness too…

I dunno maybe im overthinking things

love your man

ps cant wait to see you… hopefully before enext summer

pss as a man I need to be the funny one… pray for me;)

one rose has no thorn

every rose has a thorn

is what they say

but they haven’t met my love

shes complete rose without any thorn

beauty without flaw

shes flawless

nobodies ever seen the perfect diamond

its beyond belief

well wait till you see my love

she has no imperfection

shining forth as the sun

she impeccable

all humans are flawed

everyone unique in there imperfection

but my love, my one of a kind love

shes more pure than the purest water

and doesn’t know how to wrong

shes perfect

dear woman

what am I suppose to do?? I feel l ike im letting you down…. like im failing you… how do i find you? how do I get to you?? im so busy with my life and im in recovery mode … I wish I coudla ran away with you… if I dint have medicine and court cases and such…how do I look for you? I know nothing… I told my coworker that I was in love with an angel… a literal female heavenly being. she just ignored me… even I still dotn know howit works exactly….anyway… pray to God aht I meet you in the right time

I feel like im a born lover

like I has so much love to give

but what good is all that bundled up

without a women worthy of it?

I wanna pour it on your soul

I wanna love you with all ive got

my time and presence

my goofs and gaffes

my attention and dedication

I won’t you to experience the depth of love

I have for you and only you

I feel like im a natural giver

giver of time words gifts

but without someone special

someone I really wanna give too

those gifts are futile

I wanna give you my everything

my heart and its tenderness

my mind and its depth

my soul and its love

I want you to have all of me

I wanna be with you forever

when I say forever I mean It

when your old

if you ever get fat

I always want you by my side

I want to be hundred percent loyal

through any trouble pain or trial

to see you through the dark times

to be by your side after millennia

loving you in perfect harmony

I suppose al these pomes only count if shes as amazing as I hope… if she doesnt play around or abuse me or lose her love for me …. its so delicate I shouldn’t be writing these poems … but I have so much faith in her brilliance and inward beauty im confident inwriting over the top poems like this.

yesterday was history todays the new history

ITs a new year

a time to be renewed

you are not the same person

you were last year

shine brighter stand taller play harder

its a new year

its a chance to


into something more

deeper wiser and equipped for war

its a new year

let yesterday stay yesterday

go farther reach higher dig deeper

until you become

the dream you hoped for

I wish I actually put effort into my poems… I bet if I carefully crafteed my poetry and editted them and wrestled over them I coudl write poetry to compare to the greats… as is its okay….. but it could be so much better!!!!!!! I just kinda throw them together naturally with little effort !!!! If I only had dedication and put out more effort foreward…

If I could express my love with poetry

I would never run out of poems

my material would be a bountiful

as your beautiful soul

and your breathtaking body

inventing new ways to say “I love you”

if I could express my love with gifts

I would buy you the priceless jewels

bake and cook your favorite foods

learn craftsmanship just to amaze you

but most of all

id give you all the time I could muster

if I could express my love with sacrifice

id give up my favorite hobbies just to spend time

id work multiple Jobs to provide

id kill alll relationships with women

yet nothing would be a sacrifice

because id rather be with you

no matter the cost your worth it

what are you getting with me?

ill give you so much

ill give you my time until you get bored with me

ill give you my jokes until you get tired of them

ill give you my assistance until I cant help you

my commitment my loyalty until time stops

my heart my mind until the worms eat it

my depth of soul from my soul will light you up and give you meaning and depth until your a different person from all the love

my words of comfort and and cheer until you cant smile

my gifts of chocolates and foods I’ll cook/bake you until your stuffed

my gifs of flowers wtih meaning an purpose so I can say everytime “but theyre not as beautiful as you;)” until your last breath

my gifts of events going places visiting new areas exploring until we’ve seen it all

my gift (Gods gift?)of walks… is it just me or is there no better time to talk to those you love than on a walk? id go everyday with you if youd let me until you cant

my gifts of poetry and writing…. ill try to write you good ones….. until you get annoyed with them

my body to use as you see fit… until you just wanna lay there outta exhaustion;)

my money to spend as you see fit cause I trust you with all of it to be responsible…. until you dont need or want anytign anymore

srry hat was kind dumb… I thought I was gonna write a poem but I just kinda went off script. I didn’t mean to brag I just wanted to write my love for her …. did nt come out great…. but I just want her to knwo I love her… and I feel bad I cant really write out my love into words as deeply as id like… I wish I couold speak a deeper language


Forgive me God… but this soul mate has given me more satisfaction and joy just imagining about her than I felt following you…. im a terrible heretic…. I wish I could not love her as much but I just have such a deep feeling for her… I love her more than my Creator!!! Im a wretched human being….if there any chance to save me from jusgment save me !!!! Yet if im doomed…. let her fly her wings in heaven at least!!!

I give you all of me

my legs for walking with

my arms for hugs

my lips for kissing

my mouth for conversation

my funny bone for jokes;)

my ankles for flexibility

my elbows for space for just us two

my hands for touching you creating ecstasy

my feet for dance ( I wanna learn to slow dance just for you)

my shoulders to cry on

my waist for comfort

my gut for all the punches of frustrations

my fingers for poetry

my head to rule as a servant leader

my mind as a wonderland waiting for you to explore it

my eyes so you have a man to look good for

my ears to listen to you about anything

my heart to match the beauty of yours

and my penis so I can give you off the charts orgasms (im gonna fucking try to make it as enjoyable as you can fucking get (when were married)

dear woman … I ehar the craziest thing… that everyone wants to be with me… im just afraid that if im with everyone every part of me will want you!!! Id comapre them to you and talk about you and tell them about your ey4es and red hair and brag about your personality and virtues and annoy my woamn im with by talking about you!!!!!!!!!!ANd if you were with everyone id be insanely jealous and make them give me report cards and act olike your dad towards them and swear that if they Hurt you or dont treat you right or dont treat you like a queen and do everything above exceptional for you id make them pay!!! I just want one complte optiaml version and you and me togther forever!!! Well I dont know how it works.. maybe one angle form and one human form for each of us??? I dunoo how that works… bu t I know im crazy about you and once im eet you its gonna be hard to look at anyone else teh same !!!! I LOVE YOU MADLY

so youd be jealous of them eh?? me too.

I wnat you with me and no one else

here’s a question I have: are people in heaven able to watch my whole life and see whaat happened?? and can they read my mind during it?? Just curious

btw its kinda boring… just read the book

if we’re so great… what are the rest of people gonna do?? I want them to have great happiness and enjoy eternity forever !!! It is paradise after all!!!! And not just for the most desirable…..

so your saying st Michael had no idea I went through all that even tho hes the keeper of souls? I know I kept alot inside… but was it that hard to tell????

NO one in heaven had any clue?

what about Gabriel??

what was so unbelievable??

was it cause I was so “brillaint” (eye roll) that people think I made it up?

I want everyone to know I wrote from the depth of my heart… because I wanted to help people

I guess I still haven’t read it myself … Is it a good read?? Kinda joking but seriously…. is it a good read?

so It was me

all alone

I had some friends

but not that friend

that one of a kind

only room for one of her

kinda friend

the irreplaceable

I still haven’t found you

but I feel a connection

between two souls in perfect harmony

a bond deeper than God

call me a heretic

but not even God

feels this close to me

forgive me Almighty

pros and cons list of my soul mate with me (pros) vs Jesus (cons)

pros : I can write

cons: JEus invented writing

pros: I love her

cons: Jesus literally suffered the wrath of God for her

pros: I make poormises

cons: Jesus always fulifils His promises

pros: I buy good gifts

cons: Jesus can litterally create anything for her plus the Holy Spirit

pros: I can bake/cook

cons: Jesus can get HIs angels to cook/bake better food

pros: Im her servant

cons: Jesus is a better servant: HE can do miracles and make her happy

pros: Im (hopefully) good in bed

cons: Jesus can probably give her orgasmis beyond belief (can you do this for her when I marry her and have sex??? I mean make her experience beyond amazing?? I want her exremely happy)

pros: I can listen well

cons: Jesus can even read her minds!! HE created her so HE knows everything!!

that was a joke… but seriously… I hope im good enough for you!!!

in all seriousness… wonder if God asked HIs angels for input when He created Things…. or if He already knew everything

is there something I can do to help my soul mate??? to solve her problems? I feel so selfish… like all I want is my desires: her. her time affection love energy motherhood of our kids kisses conversations letters everything… so caugth up in what I want I dont care about her situation….. I dont know what shes going through or what she needs or even waht she wants… I only want what’s best for her… if me being a-part from her is the best thing for her I won’t pursue her… God can you please intervene and save her from hardship?? God if im not allowed to have sex with her thats fine!!! Ill just go childlless… I just dont want her life to be hell because of me

if Lucifer lied… if hes against me and Gabriel… like he was against Jesus… maybe there has to be a hell huh?? Why do you hate life Lucifer? What is your endgame? Do you just enjoy making souls suffer? I dont understand why some people just wanna watch the world burn

i want Lucifer to know I willl find no pleasure watching him burn… even after all his heinous acts

Lord if I was an angel id be uslesss… my speech is slurred an muffled and comes out all contorted… im not a great communicator ….and im not a warrior !!! I hate violence !!!! I dont wantna hurt evil people!!! the only time would be to protect others!!! Even then I dont like getting onvoled unless I have to and can make a difference!!! I dont know how st Michael fights so valiantly!!! I dont wanna hurt any soul good or bad…

I suppose if you commanded me id listen Lord…I still see you as Creator and me as creation… I don’t want be greater than you God!!! I want you to be there to comofrt me to consul me to guide me to teach me!!! I wanna believe taht all things are possible with you!! I wanna trust that you can heal me that I can beat anything even my hypersexuaolity and if oyur willing that you could take away my mentil illness (its okay if you dont) … I wanna know that ther is an almighty omniscience being htat loves me more htan I love anything and died because He gives a damn about me!!! That He will answer the prayers I prayed and won’t let me fall into evil or the pit. That He knew everything about me and always had a plan and will see it through… can you be greater than me GOd forever!!! I dont wanna be God …. I wanna be Gods best friend…

well I dont know if I wanna be Gods best friend anymore…. im busy being my soul mates best friend …. cause Im a terrible creature… forgive me God

id settle for “friend of God”

kinda sad when I wanna be closer friends to someone other than the most peaceful. compassionate powerful being

especially if the greatest serves teh least with servant leadership….I dont want to be God… and id love to has HIs power to help people but I dont have the wisdom or understanding to know exactly how help billions of people similtaniously and abiding by al the laws…. Id rahter do my part under Him and turst HEs got it all figured out… easier than being hte genius that know how to do everything ( which I am not and will never be)

I talked to superman

He didnt understand me

He thought HE did

but deep down…He was flawless

I asked Him if He understood pain

He of course He has

He felt the pain of loss and violence

but the pain of being human no

the pain of being limited

of not knowing the answer

of not being able to save

of letting down your greatest ally

the pain of not being able to thrive

not being able to provide

not being good enough

not an abled communicator

and HE asked me

would you like to trade places for a day?

I said no

I like the pain of humanity

its brings out the best in us

I believe that God Is Almighty

that anything made can be unmade

that any damage can be healed

that any sorrow can be turned to joy

I believe that the man is made in the image of God

that he can create like Him

have morality like Him

and serve like Him

I believe that God is good

that He is by nature the morality we strive for

that He holds the wisdom we strive for

that He gives mankind purpose

being a beacon of light to ideal towards

isnt It intresteding that the most powerful being in existence wnats you to request from Him via pray so that He can serve you?? and taht the only things He asks of you are alll for your benefit?? And that He wants good things for you?? ANd that HE suffered to die for you so you could be with HIm forever?

Dear Jesus,

Please forgivre me if ive said erroneous/stupid things. Theres so much I dont understand. Im sorry ive fallen from you. That ive got obssesed with her. Please straighten me out. I think I underestimate your greatness. I wish I had a simple faith like I used to. I dont wnawt others to fall becusea of me. I feel like im sending a bad message htat its okay to love someonee more than God. Even an angel. I dotn care if shes were the lowest of angles… if shes got what I desire… thta beautiful soul… thos virtues and taht character… and gets me and understadns me…. ill love her greater than any other… which goes agisnt the Bible… how can I call myslef a Christain when I love her more htan God…it conflicts me to pieces… my head hurts… just please dont send me or my soul mate into the fire… and let us be with you…as friends…did you know it would turn out like this? ANd how did Gabriel know? A nd not to be a coky pos sleazball do the host and servants want me to rule or you? FOrgive me


Lord I feel horrible

you wanna hear something awful… I wanna reign over creation… becuase I think I could do good… obviously id need tremendous help and guidance and a faithfu lpeopel that I coudl serve…. but I desire that now… what the hell is wrong with me? I just wanted to help people… now I wanna rule over them… change my heart Lord… im sorry im so proud… I just I love people so much I wanna help them but only if they listen … its part of my wicked God complex… but if I had her id be content being your servant… for awhile anyway.. until I saw how things could improve or currurption… youd do better tho cuase you can read minds and tell peoples hearts… so I think ou should be

why do I want that weight? Why do I wnat the challange of ssaving hte whole world??? I cant even win a deabte with my brother? How do I know Im right? how do I know I know the path forward? WHyd do I want to be in chare of an entire nation?? What makes me think so highly of myslef?? Has satna been wisperin in my ear? I hope to God my soul mates a wise genius that can help me out!! And id needs scores of people to help me govnern… and wise men too…. even with all these burdens it stimulates the bairns with excitement and makes me fill like I have a purpose.

thru mistreating unromanitcness and boredom I and you will stay we

my woman

ill probably go thru phases

of not treating you as I should

of my mind wandering

but at my core I wll always have you above me

I can always write you poetry

buy you flowers

do the dishes for you

whatever it takes

to keep you

my lover

there will be times

times of challange

and unromaniticness from me

but in my heart youll always be my one and only

but I can fix it

give me the word

Ill take you out

dress up fancy to match you

show you that I never forgot you

my best friend

I may get boring to you

you may get boring to me

but my heart is loyal

I will always love you

we can spruce things up

turn things back

to recreate that magic

do things to reinvigorate our relationship

Because you have the depth and intrigue

to keep me glued to your wonderland forever

I came from a distant land

new to the area

and found friends

but they forgot me

like a playtool from childhood

I embraced them

I loved them

we bonded

but in the end

I was just another crashing wave

did I leave a mark?

graffiti at least?

no but I left

an empty chair

proves I came and went

the queen of all creation

if my woman

were the most powerful being

I should be terrified

nervous to let her down

never looking at her the same

but im not scared

even if shes stronger than me

I know her character

I know her inward beauty

I have nothing to hide

in fact Id be excited

I trust her to execute mercy

to empower justice for the little man

she would never harm an innocent

and desires harm for know one

and even if I fail

shell forgive

If I let her down

ill be harder on myself then her

she knows me

and seeks to empower not enslave

Holy schnikies.. if my dream girl is as I describe her…. shes perfect for me… I wrote most of what I did in a daydream but if shes actually that perfect for me….. is there a higher power above God that we belong too? How elae can you explain the phenomenon? I f I know nothing about her but seek to be hers and get everything rigth I talk about her… and shes been waiting for me… maybe not but its very coincidental

so what did you wanna do Gabriel?? Leave everything and everyone behind and start our journey into timespace (prolly not)? Or do we need them? will they serve as interesting comrades??? Im just curious what you think…. or shuoodl we recreate the garden of eden with me and you and everyone else serving us? ANd recreate an entire species? Or should we create a planet bi enough for everyone and rule over them? Or should we only send Lucifer to hell alone? I have no idea what’s going on… maybe this is all foolish…forgive me ….but no matter what I want you by my side forever…

Gabriel… ill be your rigthh hand man if you wanna be a God… I feel thats more appropriate… just so im by you

or do you wanna be one with me like The Father Son and Holy Spirit are one?

I feel like this is my job… to write to my soul mate… to keep her engaged and entertained and let her know shes loved

millions of ways to show you I love you

flowers for your beauty

jewels for your elegance

chocolates for your sweetness

not just on valentines day

different ways of language to communicate

I can write poetry

I can speak eloquently

I can use metaphors and similes

to say the same three words

alternate routes of creativity show

by going on walks

by taking you on dates

by listening and comprehending

everything all accumulates





do you like my gay poetry???!!!!! its not gay if its wins me over a sexy woman!! Screw you Hailey;) jkjk

you know what my worst nightmare is ….. that I meet my soul mate and I have to play the fing game by hitting on her or asking her out like a normal person!!!! You have no idea how horrible I am at pickign up women…. im always just myself and jump into deep topics or controversial topics right away to see if we agree or are incompatiable…. im not good at playing the game women play…. I just wanna start taking to her and have a good conversation… that just doesnt work much tho… I wihs I could just meet her and she read everthing I wrote so we can start off withutu me havnig to paly the game …. I hat emodern daitng and how it works… ii whis tehre was a beter way to find women

dont just go out wiht whoever saks you1! thats not what im saying… I just wish men and women interacted more and met more people so it was easier and more comfortable to ask someone out

I doubt that ever and all women would wanna go out with me… theres a lot that disagree with me and despise me…. I just hear in my head dtha women are craazy about me and I coudl get any women I wanted lol…. you wanna hear something funny when I was in high school I said the same thing … that the voices said I could get any girl I wanted … I said it out loud and was so embarrassed by what I said… lol

they keep saying girls in middle school and high school were crazy about me… where were my friends hooking me up? Why didnt any girl aprons me?? I dunno… I was obssesed with women… but I was stupid and tried to stay loyal to my crush … lol I tried to not even talk to attractive girls to stay loyal… I was such a pos… and there were other women I kinda liked but I was tryiing to stay faithufl to a girl I talked to maybe once or twice… there were a lot of girls I woulda loved dating… o well.. I think ill come out on top with the best girl

how are we gonna go on double dates woman??? I mean when I go on dates wtih you I wanna see your face and your smile and your gorgeous eyes and that red hair… and if we go on a double date ill be sitting next to you so I cant look at you!!! ITs bad enough I can stare at you on walks!!! Maybe me and the man will sit on one side and the two ladies can sit on the other!! itll be a test to see if I can stay focused on you or the other other girl lol… or we can sit 4 way on a 4 way table so I can focus on your eyes and smile and you won’t have to let all that work on oyur hair go wihtout notice

you give me meaning reason and purpose

I wanna give you a reason

a reason to look good

a reason to stay slim

a reason to fancy your hair

that the depths of my soul can

reach out through my eyes

and witness true beauty

I wanna give you purpose

purpose to be merciful

purpose to be virtuous

purpose to have character

because deep down in your soul

that beautiful soul

enhances my love you for you

I wanna give you meaning

meaning to be a lover

meaning to be a mother

meaning to be holy

because everything you are

is a perfect counter-piece to mine

and reflects our belief set

that we is only as great

and me and you together

because your beauty

reflects the inward parts

and inspires me to be better

because your inward beauty

captivates me to the point

I want no other

Because without you

me means nothing

and my soul would wander

seeking meaning purpose reason

forever unquenched

without you

I kinda like that poem cause it show that I need her for meaning while at the same time showing I give her meaning…. like a perfect complements that complete …. God did a good job creating man and woman…

If I had no on else

no other girl

for fear of my girl

hehe amen sister

I wouldnt have it

any other way

if women were terrified

of flirting with me

for fear of the wrath

of my women

hehe amen woman

I wouldn’t have it

any other way

if women

never approached me

because they knew about

my woman

Id wear the biggest

goofiest ring to repel them

just so they knew

im a one woman kinda man

you know what the sad thing is … she probably doesnt care if I talk to or laugh with other girls… cause I dont care if she talks to or laughs wiht other guys… I might care a tad if they were fliritng but long as tehy didnt kiss or touch fliritingly I prolly wouldnt care much… I wish I was more of a protective guy didnt want anyone else to even talk to my honey… but I want the best thing for her and isuts good to talk to other guys and joke and have fun… and I turst her adn the angles so much I know no man would lay a finger om her sexually… I just want her happy and I think its okay to talk to others… its natural… Iheck if her and another guy did somehting toghethre like horseback riding or a trip to Vegas as long as I knew he was asafe id just wish I could tag along

Because I trust her


so you think my woman wnats me hanging out with other women and doeijng things (I wouldnt kiss or touch innaporopriatly )??

but I dont wanna… I wanna wait for her

I could date other women

the most beautiful

elegance and poise

sexy and pure

but it wouldn’t be you

so I wouldnt care

I could talk to other women

the funniest

best conversations

most interesting

but it wouldn’t be the same

so I wouldnt care

I could find the purest

the holiest women

who beliefs perfectly align

and teach me truths

but id still want you

so Id wait for you

I dunno if I agre wtih htis poem… I only

wirte it cause I think your all three… I think your gonna be the most beaitufl I think im gonna love tlaking to ya and I think oyur the purest… kinda a dumb pome but im tryiing to say I want you and only you

I dreamt her up

said she was real

said if I can dream it

God musta already made it

impossible they say

no one is perfect for another

I kept writing her

I kept believing

but at some point

I gotta give up

dont I?

what am I holding on to?

I want her to be real

but dreaming aint reality

and Ive gone too far

maybe ill love a normal wife

nothing special nothing great

just another brick in the wall

girls are crazy about you!!

fuck you I said

ive never had a gf

they run from me

if they wanted me so bad

they’d be knocking at my door

girls are crazy about you!!

fuck you I said

I wanted one girl

and one girl only

but it appears its jsut a dream

a childish fantasy

girs are crazy about you!!

I hate you

so much

no one gives two shits about me

you let me believe id find someone

someone perfect

that’ll never exist

because I aint perfect

fuck you

Im sorry I swear and write trashy poetry… its just it burns within me to be with her … just to see that face that haunts me to hear that voice that eludes me to feel that embrace that ive been waiting for, an embarce of the soul, and to finally put an end to the misery to that burning hole… taht painful attak within that screams out taht I have a pain that only one girl can solve

Dear imaginary woman…

I still believe you are real… I just have a funny feeling itll be a loooooong wait .. like ill forget about you by then…. and have moved on… thats what I need to do I know…. let go of you… but thats what im afraid of … losing you

there you go I love you in a hundred different ways

te amo- latin

how would you like to learn another language with me??? Probably not gonna happen…. but if we did… we could speak our own code and make fun of people without them knowing and such!!

id be too difficult to squeeze in I know…just a pipe dream

you guys remember when I said

you guys remember wehn I was crazy and said dissidnet and then every liberal news show used the word for a few weeks…. and when I aid I was in a cult and they said the republican party was a cult…. I dont know why they were watching me as if I was this genius… if oyu read the book youd understand I have little direciton and few answers …. anyhow it was fun while it lasted…

are people still watching me??? Cuase im kinda boring and normal …. can I just have her… thats where my attention is desired

lol they said I stopped wwIII im a looney bin psycho

life seems so futile

so empty

so meaningless

I do things

im with people

but all I wanna do is sleep

I could write about

the depth of God

loving your neighbor

making a difference for others

but there are times

I just dont care

there are times

I wanna live

and do and create

yet even with her

I think id still feel meaningless

this pain just comes and goes

I think I still love you tho… my dear woman… I feel horrible I dont care much about God or Jesus… I just want you… forgive me dear one… can you help restore me? Or show me a better way… but I hope my illness doesnt take away my love foryou… why did you want a man with a mental illness as your dream????? im gonna need you so depsertely and won’t be able to help you as much at times…im so immensly flawed… I dont deserve you at all … im just glad I have an illness and not you… I couldnt bear that

are you happy woman???? cause nothing could bring me outta depression faster than your happiness!!! if you got what you wanted ill be ecstatic… I dont know who to thank but thank you!!!!! keep her happy till we meet okay????

I dont understand so much… what is my purpose, my destiny??? Why do people care ? About me? What good did I do? Am I destined to feel this pain for all eternity ? TO struggle as a manic depressant for all eternity?

why do you care??

I asked why

why did people

care about me?

I waited

best I got was

youre like me

I asked how

how could they

remember me?

I was a nobody

they said its cause

they were too

I asked when

when could I see

their faces and hear the

their voices

they reminded me

eternities a long time

my fantasy

I said I wanted her

a perfect soul mate

one of a kinds

made for me

like my heart

fantasy they said

but even the fantasy

drives me wild

and lights this soul afire

I wrote out what I wanted

a gem beyond comapare

better than any seen before

full of character virtue and truth

smart heartfelt and full of life

the desire of any and all men

the envy of other women

I didn’t think i was good worthy

but that high made me alive

I could doubt

I could settle

but my heart agrees with my mind

my soul aligns with my fantasy

she is the epitome of perfect

my one and only

I will love you and only you

redefining love into something higher

making fantasy reality

they said finding love like I want is impossible

they also said man flying was

they said my dream of a perfect woman is a fantasy

they also said cloning was fantasy

they said the idea of us being made for each other was fiction

they also said reaching mars was fiction

they said its not realistic to expect so much and give so much

they also said that leaving the earth wasn’t either

they said two lovers couldn’t be together forever

I said God stayed true for thousands of years… why no us?

they said its you imagining your love

I said all imagination is based off reality

they said it’ll never work

I said mankind was made to make the impossible possible

they said she’s not real

you wouldn’t think someone like me existed either would you?

they say the perfect romance is a lie

they’ve lied about everything else… why not this?

how many people waste their time reading my broken words?? I just wanna be with her… I hope I dont lead people astray…. I hop e I dont lead her astray…

I was kinda hoping to hold off on publishing my poems… I wanted her to maybe edit if need be… or maybe do the drawings if shes and artist!!! and at the very least tell me her favorites… I just want her to be happy (with me!!! it better fuckign be with me!! after all ive been through and how much I care iwith her itd be hell seeing her with someone else!!! pease tell me im good enough for her!!). I love you dear… let me know if I need to quite writing!!!

Ive had so little experience… I dotn wanna fail you…. I wish I could just meet you and talk to you!!! I think your intelligent beyond belief …. thats why I wish I coudl talk to you.. no one i know believes in you … the story doesnt mean anything to anyone it seems… I dont want anything to happen to her!!! I ll be her guradian angel!!!! She can marry Jesus or someone else better than me!! JUST DO NOT HURT HER!!! GIVE ME MORE HARDSHIP!!! ILL EVEN BE POOR WITH HER IF THATS WHAT IT TAKES… just dont let her leave me

if she doesnt want me to go into politics I won’t

shes in pain inst she?? I put her through so much… im so sorry…. you should have stayed the most powerful!!! I woulda met you in the next life!!! IM so sorry….. its like hell isnt it?? Being in your state… please forgive me

I Wrote to her

I develop a language

I conveyed my love

but I never asked

does she love me?

I wanted her so bad

I thought about her


she was all I cared about

but I never thought

am I what’s best for her?

I felt pain without her

but I never experienced

the hells of pain she went through

please forgive me woman

how can I repay you?

or make it up to you??

im sorry im so selfish

and only push my desire

of you for myslef

I dont knwo if you wnat me

if am best for you

or if I can take away the pain

I just dont wanna let oyu down

I wonder If the soul ages in heaven…. I mean time still is even in paradise… how do remember thousands of years?? do you get wiser? or forget basic truths?? and does time go by like hte blink of an eye?? To the point a decade feels like ten minutes???

is is wrong hat I want every transgender to go back to their orignal gender?? That I want it illegal punishable by lifetime in prison by the doctor? That I dont want any homosexuals in public or corsssdressers… its just unnatural…. I want therapist to help with gender dyphroia…for people to beat their illnesses… and porn to be outlawed.. for the pron stars and teh kids that suffer with addiction…and for pedephillia to be a captial punishment to stop this madness… aim so sick of our kids being tortured with sex ed in kindergarten… you are biorn eihter male or female… its not always fair… epsecially cuase alot of gender cunfused people were molested as kids… i just wnana help them be whole agian…to find healing from the disease … I know its hard doing the right thing… espcially if your got impulses contrary … and its hell overcomin them I know… but its the only way society can flurish… its the only way they can feel whole and conquere that guilt and shame (unless theyve gone so far they just dont care anymore)

or did satan win and we all can do whatever the hell is within us?

look ive fought with everythign ive had to beat my gender dysphoria… please dotn take this away from me!!! I wanna be a man!! I wanna be with a real girl the most beaitufil the most attractive in every way…. im so depressed thinking I lost… I must be the antichrist… is the devil won anyway… I just wanted to be with her… so terribly bad… its the main reason I keep going… casue I love her… cause I wanna be with her

I feel like a let down… like ive failed her in some way… by not being there for her… I wish I could just know that somehow im keeping her afloat or happy… like I am making a difference… in her life… like my words arent wasted and my thoughts are reaching her…. like she loves me and feel this heavy weight without me… but im lightening htat weight with my words… and I wish deeply madly taht she will always be the cure to my sorrow…. taht she will always excite me comfort me and bring me joy…. that no matter how much time passes and how many years we go through we always have something to say…and always feel close to one another in a deep loving way no matter anything…. I FUCKING LOVE YOU!!! I know its not oyur fault but your the only one that can take awy this pain

I shouldnt write all this… its gonna be hard for me to live up ti everything… I just feel so strongly … but emotions arent facts….its just they are more potent… and I hope my emotions dont overpower my reality to the point of dissapointment for her . please dont let me fail her

the best womens looks may age like teenage lingo but her soul ages like classic poetry

if her soul is that beautiful.. am I truly good enough for her???? I mean who am I to be with the most beautiful soul out there?? And what is beauty?? Something that dazzles that catches your eyes and holds it…. something that awes you and makes you wanna just stop and stare… its something that attracts more than just the eye… it captivates and reaches to the soul…. it transcends looks and approaches divinity…. because the greatest thing is almost always the most beautiful in one way or another… maybe im wrong about that last one…. but men and women live for the beauty of life… they crave it… thats why a beautiful women has such value… they encapsulate everything desirable in life… but the greatest beauty Is hidden… the internal beauty…its harder to spot but leaves a deeper mark… it brings out the absolute best in those who understand its language… and it never fades but only enhances itself… its the inward beauty that never ceases … its the inward beauty that transforms women into angels (metaphorically)… while the outside beauty attracts, the inward beauty grabs hold of you captivates you and takes to you to paradise .. It hidden alright… but its depth has no limits its love no height… it is what defines you… it is what’ makes or breaks you… it is the true essence of beauty whose impacts are greater and longevity has no equal… as beauty to the eyes Is pleasant, so to is hidden inward beauty pleasant to the soul

you knwo what I would love?? For my writings… my poetry… my quotes… my journal…. to inspire great works of art!!! to inspire new movies that become classics!!! to inspire children stories hat teach values!!!! to inspire novel sand books that transcends ordinary works and leaves a deeper mark on society!!! and maybe even inspire video games or music !!! That I leave the gift of inspiration to my fellow creature!!! and that stand the test of time. and that it snowballs into something aht the whole human race relates too!!

I wanted happiness

but without enough sorrow

I couldn’t each the heights I wanted

not without intense letdown

I wanted strength

but without enough pain

I couldn’t obtain the power I wanted

theres a tradeoff fo all desires

I wanted wisdom

but I was afraid to play the fool

little did I realize

the wise gain from foolish questions

too serious and your a stickler

too much humor and your a joke

too kind and your a pushover

too harsh and your cruel

too embracing and your clingy

to distant and your cold

too smart and your a nerd

too dumb and your a fool

too innocent and your inexperienced

too guilty and your a pariah

too strong and your a meathead

too weak and your a sissy

too social you don’t find yourself

too antisocial you don’t meet others

too dedicated you become a fanatic

too indifferent nothing matters to you

too much shallow you cant relate

too much depth no one understands you

time space and matter

how do we function without time?

what is creation without change?

if we stand stuck in time

we just are for a time

nothing different nothing forward

we cant be for more than that moment

time is what makes life possible

how do we function space?

what is time without space?

and where would time be?

if we cant go from one space

to another what are we?

we cant live or move or grow or act…

were just shadows

how do we function without matter?

what good are time and space with matter?

existing in a body with possibility

the ability to move to think to emote

to react and interact and just plain act

all culminating in our being

a body and mind completes us

I dunno how well taht last one was… I wish I coudl do better beut its… okay… I like the premisce but wish I could edxpand in a more proufoudn way with the same amount of words/… anyway wwhoever invented all this is a genius

emotion think ing action

we feel

our first ability

we cry cause were afraid

we smile for joy experience

even babies emote feelings

before complex (thought or action)

we feel intensely

we act

in everyway anyway we can

we test the limits of mankind

we experience life

through what we do do

use our senses to accumulate

all around us so we can

replicate our greatness with action

we think

the deepest of these

the philosophical proof of life

trumps actions done

as it puts them into motion

and rivals emotion

to see which is more substantial

but leads us deeper

as it explains emotions and actions

woman I wish I could get your opinion

ive spent so much time on you… your an addiction… a desire beyond belief … I dont even know what teh ramifications are if you really are Gabriel… does taht make us king and queen of creation?? How? Why? And what about Jesus? And teh Father??? How can something He knows insisde and out and created down to the atom and beyond surpass Him? I just wanted a soul mate beyond belief!! The perfect for me woman… maybe thats too much to ask for … but it fells like a battle to get to her… like all creation wants me and her to be one…but then whose the the bad guy? someone keeps us serrate, right? someones gottta oppose us? thats what im so confused about… if God teh devil and all of creation are fihting for me and her…. why is there still evil in the world?

but I feel like life is just a battle… and your the prize that I gotta constantly keep fighting for…. that even if I have you I have to prove myself to you everyday.. I have to be there for you to prove the validity of my words… that my love may echo fresh happiness rather than play flat repeats.. I dont want our fire to cool… or our spark to lose potency …. I wnat our connection to only grow deeper…. to bond tighter with each challenge struggle and trial and our love to be expressed perpetually with constant reminders of my love for you… taht you never have to feel anything but loved from me…taht even in our disputes we draw closer… and that I never hurt you in any way ( I might but please forgive me… im still flawed)… I just want to give you everything …because to me you are everything


as sparks plus wood creates fire

so me and her together is lit

as hydrogen and oxygen combine to be water

so me plus her is essential chemistry

as the sky and electricity show lightning

so my love and her depth allow wonder

as man gives nature meaning

so does she create purpose within me

as a king rules alongside his queen

so do I need her by me as a councilor

as two inseparable friends mourn apart

so too does my soul feel pain without you

like a dog in depression without its master

so I wait emptily to see that glorious face

as men and women compliment

so were me and made for each other

as time needs space and matter needs both

so does she complete me to the depths of my soul

as actions give words meaning

so to does her reciprocation of my love make it worthwhile

WILL THEY FINNALY BREKA AND LET ME SEE HER??? Did I win over my enemies? I just wanna be withi her foerver and provide for a big family okay? (welllll…beisedes all teh polotical/relgious stuff I want;)

Does my work show freshness and diverse thought?? Or have I been too repetitive?? I try to wirite different peices… is it fresh and new? or are people getting bored with teh format..???

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