Journal of insanity

dioes anyone read these anyways?

What am I dear woman?  cause I feel like the bad guy no matter who I choose. why would any good person wnat me to die with the devil? what happened in heaven??? how could God lose His power? I thought He was Almighty!!

NO WAY OF LIFE WILL EVER BE SUPERIOR TO THE BIBLE. No culture will surpass that of a bible culture. no country will rise above that of the ways and teachings of Jesus.

Dear woman…

if you hate me

I can take your hate

please lash out at me if need be

ill take you punches

but in the end

I know youll come to your senses

cause I always love you

even in your hate

if you disagree with me

let me know

use facts and logic

maybe im wrong

we’ll hash it out

until we can reach

a place that settles

so we both can see truth

cause ill be able to see past minor obsessions

as I respect your intelligence

if you get angry

that’s okay

ill be a tank for myself

that can take your animosity

but a punching bag for you

to take all that frustration

im strong woman

I can take your emotions

just come back one day

and receive my love

if you lose it

and dispise me as anything worse than your Man

its okay.. Ill forgive you

im not in this for power

I want power to protect you and comfort you

im not in it to rule over you with a rod

I wanna rule over you to give you freedom

and blessings and elevate you

as my partner

I dont ever wanna hurt you

but im human

so forgive me ahead of time

but what im trying to say is

I can take your abuse and obscenities

because I know its not your nature

I know you have a beautiful soul

that wouldnt wanna hurt me

but we are all human

and even if you slip

I won’t hold grudges

that’s not who I am

I wanna take in your frustrations

and flip them around to positive vibes

right back at you

woman what do you think of me?????

cause I think the world of you…

I faltered

but a hand was there to pick me up

I fell hard

but grace come over me to rise up again

I misspoke

but the truth was spoken to wash me clean

I hated

but One showed me forgiveness

so I followed

I got lost

but my guide showed me the way home

I disobeyed

but my teacher corrected me

and I amended my ways

I gave up

it was too much to bear

I didnt wanna fight anymore

but I heard a voice from the future

pleading with me

to continue on

so I disobeyed my spirit

and followed the voice

with a heart of gratitude

I stood

HOW CAN I SHOW YOU. I LOVE YOU WITHOUT HAVING TO SAY IT!!! I tried looking for oyu…I drove miles and miles searching for you… I tried to stop looking at women… I tried to stop porn… I bought you gifts… I wrote you poems and letters…ive sacrificed my time because ou are waht I care about most… ive prayed for your safety and wellbeing

I know every ones already read my book… but it just feels complete with it out here. an I can work on it. and refine it. Maybe. I dunno if I will. I wanna read it tho, so ithere. I still got aget thorough the whole thing.

im thankful for her loyalty

that she would Never leave me

im thankful for her character

tajt shines like a star

im Thankful for her beuaty

for hidden and revealed

im Thankful for our future frienship

taht we may grow together as one

im Thankful for her grace

her forgivness and mercy

im thankful that she chose me

outta all the men in the world

I belong to her and her alone

im thankful for her love

I can feel it dear woman,

it pushes me foreward

towards you

im thankful for words

so I can express my love for you

im Thankful for actions

so I can prove my love for you

im thankful your out there

and have patience for me

im thankful you exists

so that when nothing makes sense

I have one woman out there

that reciprocates my love

Im thatnkufl that we can grow old together

and remember in the future the presents past

im thankful for the amazing children you will give me

that I may have a line of successors

to carry on my work

im Thankful everyday

is one day closer

to use meeting for teh first time

and spending the rest of our lives

as one

I feel bad I lost some of my writings from my book… some extra stufff I added later that was on the WordPress that never got saved. o well.

“even if people hate you, they dont hate all of you”- me. I had some pretty good quotes imo, Get you thinking at least.

when they say tolerance, they mean tolerate the opposite of what you believe.- new quote ( I wish was a s ams art asa I used to be)

I have no idea what’s going on or who’s the good guy right now. I dont know what’s going on in teh spiritual realm. I guess If I was honest id want the best thing for me. and her. I dont want anything bad to happen to her. Please protect us. other than that I trust they can come to a concessions over me and her. Im gonna try to keep doin what is rigth and yes, follow the Bible. I love the teaching and commandments of right and wrong, justice ad mercy, love and peace. ANd if I lose everything for loving that so be it. I want to be a good guy. I wnat to inspire otheres to do waht is right. Im so crazy ight now I think im gettign my own planet like a mormon or something wild. If I dont suffer in the next life ill be happy. ANd if I can be with her, even if we cant be married. Im sorry I love her more than my Creator. I know that s wrong. FIRgvive me and help me to change if need be. Just don’t hurt her!!! I love her immensely. Dear woman, we will meet one day, and it will be glorious better than imagination can hype. And itll be the small things, the walks,th etalks, the dinners together that bring forth the greatest memories and experiences. I LOVE YOU WOMAN!!!

Where is the man of faith?

pleading with the evil to amend their ways

preaching the way of peace and charity

leading people to all truth?

they’ve turned and went there own way

water Is the man of strength?

conquering his own demons

battling fierce corruption

lighting burdens of others outta brotherhood

they seek their own power

where is the man of justice

out to serve and protect the meek

and out the wicked corrupt men of per in their places

watching out for the little man with no guardian

they sold out for silver

where is the man of mercy?

ending generations fo revenge

seeking unity among the righteous

seeking goodwill and compassion on all

they’ve been corrupted and twisted

where is the man of courage?

taking a firm stance for all that is right in the world

debating corrupt evil doers without shame

fighting for those who have no voice

they threw the towel in after all the attacks

where is the man of humility?

putting others needs above his watch

pleading for aid so he can be the best he can be

obeying the laws of all that is good without praise

he’s been conquered, no good man is left

o desire of my heart

I long for you as the earth longs for the sun

as the tides connect to the moon

my heart is intertwined with yours

what does it take to see you???

o love of my life

my passion burns as a volcano

my soul erupts with bliss at the thought of you

you are the key to my happiness (forgive me)

when will I be able to show you?

o dearest woman

the only one I want

all others seem like trophies

but you seem like a living soul

when can I experience the marvels that we create

together?

oh beauty that extends beyond physical matter

ive looked for you as a blind man looks for light

knowing not where to search

knowing not what its like to see true beauty

hoping that can set me free

and show me what it looks like

to find love everlasting…

srry that was a gay poem

but I hope you like it anyway

Dear world…

wish I could do more.. wish I was still a strong Christian. But im still crazy. And most of what I care about it my soul mate. My woman. I just wanna be with her right now. I long for her in desperate pain. .BUt maybe one day ill be able to help. If there ever is a war… protect my woman and treat her as a princess. Dont let anyone hurt her… one day.. if I ever get my faith back, ill be able to help. Until then im just a wandering soul looking for the love his woman.

when you think your not good enough

remember ive been waiting my whole life for you

praying and pleading for you

always searching diligently

remember: you belong to me

when you think your not pretty enough

let me tell you something

beauty starts form the soul

and transcends basic looks

what good is looks without heart?

when you think your not worthy

who, in reality, is worthy?

we all fail, fall short

its those who learn from that

and learn to pick themselves up

and in reality, I dont feel worthy of you…

if you’re ever nervous…

you’re alive with nerves

it part of being human

just realize the worst you’ve done

can be forgiven

and those who mock you

are ants

if your ever scared

its part of life

a self protection mechanism

realize that even the fiercest

beast experiences fear

so maybe that’s you

the fiercest beast;)

if you ever worried

let your cares flow like water

you have such little control

over this or that

assume the best

and when the worst happens

you won’t be worried

you’ll face your fear head one

I remember alot of friends that have come and passed, aqaunences too. I didn’t mean to lead on the impression that no one was good to me or I didnt ahve any school friends. Its jsut because I moved so much I felt alone. And my mental illness really surpassed me during the high school years when I was finally breaking out. Anyways shoutout to keystone elemantary in PA. I had two great teachers in mr condon and mrs flick. ANd some cool friends. I remember sitting there in a circle as we heard the 3rd grade teachers we were going to. I never had him but I think I was going to mr bowser. No idea anything about him. But I wrote a letter to mrs flick causae she cared so very much. And I poured my heart and soul into thtat letter. One of the finest writings I ever had in my opinion ( I kid you not). But thank you to both of those two!!! And the kids that were good to me. I remember PA fondly.

so jews consider white people edom or esau. descendants of Jacobs brother. Dont know if that’s tru or not. But the voices said God wants to destroy white people so there’s only the jew. That has to be a lie. A good righteous God would not favor a people as evil as the jew and give up on whites when we have embraced Christianity for centuries and carried the cross and all the martyrs. Espscilally when the ones that made us wicked are the jew. I dont think this is true. But if God truly wants to wipe out the white race, even after we repent, God is evil. And if He is all powerful there is no way to stop the evil God. But I dont believe that Not yet.

here’s one thing that bothers me… theyve always been the most evil people. Starting with Jacob sons (maybe Jacob himself!! He was a deceiver) who woiped out a while people and jsut got forgiven because I dont know. then their sons sell there own brother in to slavery!!! ONe of theem rapes his own fathers wife!! Then when Moses comes along their is numourous cases of evil and God Is literally about to wipe them out but Moses persuades Him to stop. And if you read the old t4satment the jews were mroe evil than good almost always. They did all the evils of the people that were in the land beofre them (homoesuality chidk sacfrifice everything (sound like america- but the jews pushed that here!!). Then when GOd comes they reject Him hate HIm and mock Him and curcify Him. WHy is good so good to these demons?? Maybe God odes play favorites, I dunno. BUt any other race would have been wiped out. But here’s what bothers me… how can what they say be true when all they are are liars with afew good ones in there? WHat if they wre jsut made up? Nevermind, it msut be true (seriously). IF the people are that evil then it must be true as they are a race of demons and the only few good ones obeyed the truth . But the laws are so perfec tand wonderful they must be true. They are true to any rae and any people. SO I think the bible is true. Im just little hurt that GOd cares more about HIs precious dmeons than the ones that have worshiped HIm for the last 2 mellenia and suffered in every way as meartrys jsut to follow Him. If od is a just God the jews will face HIs wrath if the white people repent. F Orgive me for my pride Lord. I m jsut angr yat the destruction your poeple have done to mine. Shouldnt you take responablity for your peopels actions!! They are as a bride to you. SO why do you let them -play the harlot and give others sexual diseases.

Forgive me for my pride Almighty… I just hate what theyve done. And honestly, Im still angry at what they did to a righteous flawless man named Jesus. Even if He’s not my friend, the Jews still hate Him as much today as they did in HIs time.

DO NOT LET MY SOUL MATE DIE!!!!! PROTECT HER AT ALL COSTS!!!

so they said Jesus is back in heaven… that makes me extremely happy. I always liked taht guy. Heres a question to the Father tho… if esau can sell his birthright to Israel (Jacob) can Israel sell its birthright to the white people in the world??? We’ve ben strong defenders of the way of God, giving life limb and torture to show our love of the One True God. Sure we have our moments of faltering and debauchery. But we always seem to repent and bounce nback. Now maybe we need to be judged for our decadence. But I would argue there are still many who have not knelt to the mouth of Baal. And alot fo people are on the fence or still would turn to God if God would have mercy. The jews on the other hand. I have no faith ttaht even if they lost their money (their greatest lov) the would turn back to God. So God, when we repent, can white Caucasians please have the birthright from you??? America your inheritance and europe you first born. I included eurpre because of all their rich history of Christendom. It was only yesterday Tyndall died for the truth/. That Latimer gave his life for God, that all the martyrs wouldnt recant becusae they loved GOd more than life, more than torment. ONe day is as a thousand years and a thousand years is as a day. DO NOT FORGET YOUR PEOPEL DO NOT FORGET YOUR MARTYRS.

remember God, whites died for their birthright… what did Israel give up for his??

Dear woman…

happy thanksgiving. I dont think I want you having a career. Not until the kids are out of the house. I just wnana see you as much as possible. I dont want you tired on the holidays or wanna sleep when we both have days off. I wanna be with you as much as possible. And if im working that time will already be limited. I dont want you worn out or having to work two jobs (career and Homelife). especially if we have many kids. I dont want you exhasusted when I come home, I want you excited. I just hate the career woman so very much. It makes me wanna puke. Its disgusting. Pleasae be my home wife, I love you so very much I wanna be with just you.

love

your man

ps. ive heard stupid voices in my head say that no one feels good enough for me. I swear your good enough, espccially after alll youve neen through. Im so confused about you. On voice said you died protecting me and became Sophia or something weird like that. I just wanna be with you!!! Your are more than good enough. Becusae you have such fervent love for me. SO ill never let you go. that’s what I want mosts is deep love, and love Is loyal.

I once got a message in my phone “girls are crazy about you. youll find your perfect match!” Was that ever true? Will that be true? Do I have a perfect match? ive been pleading and obsessing and doing everything in my power to get to her when I know nothing. nothing about her . nothing about how to get to her. nothing I can do to get to her. JUSt tell me… is she perfect for me?? Is she my perfect match? Does she love me? Can I get some moeny to provide for her? How long will it take to get to her? If shes as a racy abour me as I am of her…. she sin pain!!!! LET HER SEE ME FOR HER SAKE:)

Happy Christmas beautiful soul… I got you some gifts!!!! Mightda spent over $200… but I really like what I got you!!! For the price I thought it was all worth it!!! I know im poor and shouldnt be buying stuff for someone Ive never met, but I really like what I got you!! MY wrapping job is garbage but I always figured its was better to get a good gift than wrap it well. Anyways, I hope to see you by my brithday!! Valentines day at the absolute latest.. I know were taking it slow, but it’d be fun to but you some roses and chocolates and go on a fancy date. Anyways, I bet you wanna get me someotihgn too. if you dont I dont care I just wanna se you. But if you do, I like homemade stuff…. can you knit??? A scarf? Can yo paint? A apinting? Cany you cook?/ WHIteamacedamian nut cookies ( can you make them as good as I can… hehehe.. mine are really good.. good luck;) OR even if I just got your letters!!!! ID love anythign you wrote me!!!!. Anyways, your best gift is your pretense and your awesome personality that no oen can take away and your rocking naturally good looks that drive every boy wild. THe gifts I got you are exemptional in my mind. I cant wait to see you open them (even if oyu know what they are :). BUt their all in one package so we dont wast time. I hope you like!!!! THey came from the heart… and wehn we meet we gots beussiness to et ahodl of!!! We gotta sort through my poetry and maybe edit and sort it out so I can release a book and make money so I can support you. Anyways… o love you more and mroe it seems… dont you dar elet me down!!!!!!!! jk just be yourself… if you need to yell at me… wait a little so teh I can be hapy when we first meet. I knwo im dumb and porlly messed up but youll be worth it. I LOVE YOU WOMAN!!!! of and pray I beat my lust completely… so I dont do anythign evil or stupid. Im taking it seriosu, no omore porn!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! I hate what it doews tot me. Ive learned if you go long enough without lustful actions and images I dont have those evil inclinations. srry to end on a sour note. I love you… merrcy christams and happy new year to ya!!!!!

is think ive already covered this….. but when you beget an action It reaps conseuqences. you reap waht you sow. But if you conitnue that actions it becomes habit. And it leads to worse actions or better actions depending on what oyu practice. SO if you practice something good like the shooting range, your shots will become habit auntil its natural. But if you do something evil like porn, youll need worse and worse porn to achieve the same level of pleasure you used to be at. Such it is with sinful indulgences. When you sin and contijue to practice it it becomes habot. AN dteh habit becomes worse and worse to satisfy the lusts of the flesh. And the ahrder and harder it is to go back to no sin. IS there a turning point? AA way of n o return?/ I still think there is a GOd ahtt can redeem peopelp from anything but it takes devesation to wake them up. If nothing goes wrong for oyu while sinning, why would anyone care to stop?? But the deeper down teh rabbit hole we go the harder it is to stop and revert to decency. So be careful of the slippery slope in life, it may come at you fast. BUt its teh same principle with chidlren, they must be tough to refute there selfish natures and do the right thing. Otherwise we are all salves to our desires.

to sum up what I set with an example, imagine an itch. When you itch it you get pleasure but its detrimental to your skin. IF you keep itching it it gets worse and requires more of an itch to have much of an effect. And the longer you go itching it the harder it is to not itch. But at an early stage if you can fight it off, it goes away and the itch isnt there. And teh longer you itch, it the harder it is to not itch. I kinda alwreasdy said all of that, but maybe this helps. ITs the same with sin and vice.

Im at such a hard crossroads. Like I have to choose teh devil or Im doomed. Cant he just pick me and then I won’t let him go to hell? I wanna be a Chrsitian so bad. TO believe that these voices just lie continuously over nonsense. Like all the angels would choose me over Jesus!!! What a joke!!!! IF the angels needed me to and it wold save me and my soul mate from hell and it would save my people, yes id choose the devil. I just dont know why Jesus would be against me. What did I do to make Him hate me?/ He was my best friend just a little over a year ago… did He suddenly jsut turn His back on me??? Why do you hate me o Son of GOd? I wanted to serve you… I wanted to live for you. I wanted to die for you… unless its all a. ie. But I keep hearing Gabriels name over and over and over again. WHat do I need to do?? Im trying my best to just hang aon and get healed. But id chose St Michael even if he was less powerful because HE has such high morality adn I kno hes honest. Id be the underdog but I jsut odnt trust Lucifer. I dont wanna side with him unless I absolutly have to . Forgive me. Just help things to work out for me in this life and teh next. ive been trying my best to do the best. FORGIVE ME GOD!!! SHOW M E MY WRONG AN DLET ME AMEND MY WAYS!! I AM MERE FLESH AN DUST… HAVE MERCY

If God hates me… I feel like He’s Judas not me. Ive tired so hard to follow Him and live by faith and give Him everything. I know thats pride because no ones greater than God. But His precious inherentence is the reason for sodomy transsexuality and opedophlia. Thats what they want. They want free sex and murdering innocent babies. Why Lord? Why did you choose the absolute worst people to be your inheritance. Earth coulda been a paradise. But you had to choose them. From the deceiver, Jacob. Forgive me for accusing you Almighty. Im just breaking down here and feel as though you abandoned me and my people, the ones who have been trying to serve you all our generations. All your poeople love is money and control!! THEy wanna put chips in our brain to control us. they want us eating bugs. THey want us a slave to them in every manner. WHY LORD????? YOUR PEOPLE ARE PARASITES!!! LITERAL DEMONS!!! PLEASE IF NOTHING ELSE SAVE US FROM THEIR YOKE!!! And as for me, forgive me for loving an imaginary woman more than you. IF there’s any way to return help me to walk with Jesus again. IF not, have ,mercy somehow and let me stay away from eternal damnation. Please dont throw me or my soul mate into the pit of torment. I wannna be allies but if we cant, I dont wanna be enemies. SHALOM!

God serves Israel… Israel serves Lucifer… Who does Lucifer serve????

The only reason GOd genocides himself is because the people will spread their evil ways and the whole earth will be polluted with their filth. But why does he continue to allow teh jews to live when they are the filth fo the world and poisoning the peoples on earth? Because fo His promise. Why did you promise Lord?? YOU KNEW HOW EVIL THEY WOULD BECOME. Why did you chose the jews??? Maybe the worst people ever.

You love your people God. and I love mine. I wish I had power to protect them. But im a mere mortal. Id keep them as far away from your people as possible if I could. taht alone would preserve so much and so many.

Forgive me somehow jesus… I really am a terrible friend to you. IM so sorry. You bled and died for me. You saved me and healed me countless times. And I turn on you. I dont spend Any time with you. I dont prayer hardly at all and read my Bible sparingly. Worst is I feel like I dont love you anymore. Im so sorry Jesus. You used to be my best friend. I would have done anything for you, even burning at teh stake. Heck I wanted to be a martyr for you. But I lost myself. At one point I was willing to go to hell just so I didnt serve satan adn because I loved you so much I didnt want you to go there. Im sorry Jesus. I LOVE JESUS>>even if I have to go to hell cause He doesnt love me or cause I let Him down I love Jesus. Cause itll be hell living on any world without HIm. Im so sorry im so weak. I dont need my soul mate… I need my best friend. have mercy on me Almighty. If you must judge me for m y evil, please have mercy. Remember im not taht strong Lord. I WILL NEVER LEAVE YOU OR FOSAKE YOU>

(say Jesus)

Dear Woman

I haven’t slept well the last three days… part of me is terrified. KNiwiing hat this is how it all starts. But thats a very very very small part. Im sure ill survive as long as I keep asking my medicine. God is good. I cant wait to meet you. Do you thiknk ill get bored with you? Or find a new muse? I hope not … I hope im madly in love with you until my final breath as u stare into tthe wildreness and put my mind on eternity… praying you come with me. im gonna try to get some sleep. IM yawning good sign. I cant wait to meet you. ill finish this tommrow.

might write another letter to you…. got other stuff on my mind…. do you hate these letters m sending you/?? It helps me out tremendously;.. but I will admit in pathetic disgrace my love for you is waning… im sorry… I know nothing of you or how to get to you… but istill want you … its just but the main reason is I wanna be with God again… I dont wanna believe in a Sophia that she exists. I dont wann a be eniemies fo Jesus. I want Him to be my best friend. Even more aof a best firend athn you. I wanna believe like I used to . TO have that assuracne and peace and place to go to . The voices have ried everything to ma ke me think Jesus hates me or cant be with me. Bt I wnat HIm so bad!!!! I depsretalty miss our friendship and HIs prescene in my life. JEUSS TAKE ME BACK!!! I DONT WANT ANYTHING MORE THAN YOU!!!!!!!! TAKE AWAY THE BAD VOICES!!! I still love you Lord… take me back… do you remember my prayers I prayed Lord?? do they mean anythign to you??? I belive your word must ahve more weight than the voices in my mind. PLEASE TAKE AWAY THE BAD CONFUSION IN MY HEAD!!!! YOU PROMISSEED LORD… YOU PRMOISEDS TO NEVER LEAVE ME… TO ANSWER MY PRAYERS. To be my friend no matter how bad it got.

what is failure? What is success?

failure is

when you dont takee the shot

success is

when you give it everything

failure is

when. you dont show up

success is

when your dedicated to your craft

failure is

when you look down at a struggling fighter

success is

when you respect the underdog

failure is

when you think your too good

success is

when you go out there and annihilate them

failure is

when you seek not understanding

success is

when you the desire to learn

failure is

when you dont learn from your mistakes

success is

when you grow as a human from your experiences

faillure is

when you mock the weak and lowly

success is

when you have compassion on them

failure is

when you give up from hardship

success is

when you take the pain and keep going

failure is

selling your soul for power

success is

grinding as a beacon of light

failure is loving money more than people

success is

mercy on your fellow man

failure is

walking with anyone who gets you places

success is

willing to walk alone to do what’s right

JESUS LOVES ME… ANd satatn will never have what I have… a friend that would take on the wrath of God just to give me a a chance to live forever with HIm. A confidant who I can sahre anything with even if im wrong . A God who will forgive me no matter the level. AN ally taht will never leave me in teh wosrt of times but instead carries me. AN all powerful being that can comfort me because He suffered more htahn I can put inot words for me. How much have you suffered Satan? How much have you loved? WHat do you know about friendship? Or humility? May GOd have mercy on your soul. Forgive me Jesus.

they keep acting like there’s a Sophia out there … there is no Sophia!!!!! Sophia doesnt care like Jesus .. Jesu sdoesnt need a wife,..Hes God … His bride is theh CHrurch…

Dear woman…

did you do what o asked???? DID you put GOD FIRST!!!! DID YOU LOVE JESUS MORE HTNA ME!!! YOU D BETTER HAVE!!! I need tyou to stay true to HIm. HE can take care of you better than I can!!!! HE can love you greater than I can!! HE can help you in your valleys imensly greater than anythign I can do!!! YOU DONT NEED ME!!! You need God!! Im just there to help point you to Him… SERVE GOD ABVOE ME!!!! I will still try to love you as much as I can. BUt im only human and we can love each other better if we put God first. Come with me my dear one, and we can worship the Creaotr dtogethre. LOVE THE LORD YOUR GOD WITH AALL YOUR HEART STREGTH SOUL AND MIND.

at the end of the day… what have you done for God???

being friends with a brother is great

being friends with God is superior

having love for your woman is great

having love for God Is superior

being good to the poor is great

being good to God is superior

being loyal to your wife is great

being loyal to God is superior

being dedicated to family is great

being dedicated to God is superior

being a hero of mankind is great

being a hero if the faith is superior

being a man of wisdom is great

being a man of the wisdom of the Bible superior

dedicating your life to good is great

dedicating your life to God its superior

suffering for good is great

suffering for God is superior

dying for a cause is great

dying for God is superior

only one could help

I cried

no one heard

no one cared

each to His own

but God heard

God Cared

and God wept with me

I feel into the valley of the show of death

people mocked me

people made it more dangerous

people thought I got what I deserved

but God cared

and God protected me

All I heard was a million different lucifers

in every way taking me from my God

all enticing me to go everywhere but to God

God ended it, despised it, and set me free

because God loves me

forgive me Lord

Is tay what you are waiting for woman?? FOr me to end these atrocious anti GOd crucases?? TO turn back to our savior?? IT may take monthss yet before im steay as a Chritisan again. TEH lives are gonna be hellish today cause they hate every time I praise e Jesu and try to ocnive kme its all lie…. PLEASE ILL TKAE. ALL THE PRAYER I CAN.. TO STOP THESE VOICES THST TORMENT ME SO I CAN BE FRIENDS WITH JESUS AGIAN!!!

ALL POWER IN HEAVEN AND EARTH HAS BEEN GIVEN IN MY NAME – JESUS

dear woman…

im worried about you!! I dont want you suffering as much as I have or be tempted as much as I have … I wanna take the heavy part of the yoke so taht you can be happy and beaeutiful and oyu dont have the wights draging you down. I know youve been praying for me…. thank you.. maybe the whole lworlds been praying for me… thank oyu… and those who have been fasting… extra thanks to you. I just hope shes doing alright. I want her to know even when my love wanes ill still ahve immense to spare. dear woman… I love Jesus… cause I want HIm to be real so bad. I couldnt come up with a better man. Hope Hes been good to you. cases Hes been good to me. I cant watit ot meet you!!! I wanna hear all your stories… btw im gonna love hearing you tell teh same stories over and over again to different people !!! LOL…I try to ask differnt questions if I can?? DOunoo if I m taht smart. I just wnat tyou to know I wnat jessu, its jsut been a huge battle. LOVE Y(OU …..

love your man

dear woman,

Its funny… I honestly thought almost every woman would hate me. I assumed they wanted nothing to do with me. First because I spoke out against feminism and career women. I thought u would be public enemy number one. Every women in teh public eye and most that went to college seemed to think that womanhood was beneath them. That sounds absurd but thats the picture that comes across. Then even if they didnt hate me for that, I assumed every man and woman would hate me for my hypersexuality and gay lustss to be a girl adn attraction to me dressed as women. I thought id be lucky if any woman would wnat anything to do with me. WHat woman wnats a guy that gets a hard on for crossdressers??? I felt and still feel horribel about it. And if I wanted a decent woman, theirs no way she would think that thats okay. I was hoping for just one girl id been telling myslef for the longest time. Because even if they could look past what I just wrote, would they agree with all my high standards and sharp belief set. So itd be hard to find any woman that wanted me I thought. That was back when I thought they were gonna kill me so I ketp trying to run away. BUt I never thought in a million years that girls would be crazy about me. I still dont see what makes me so special. I mena im okay. But all isee is my filth, my failures, my shortcomings. Like never having a gf or kissing a girl ( I really wanna but I want her and in the right time). I used to be so embaressed about this. Even though I was very picky about my women I still felt like a loser. ANd mayeb the voices are lying to me when they wsay women are crazy about me. And I would be really embaressed about the stuff I write to you but I just dont care what peopeln thunk mcuh anymore. I almost never published that first letter I wrote to my future wife ( I lost it , think) becuaes it was too romantic and whatnot. BUt I cared so much for oyu, I jsut wnated you to know how I felt, like I do now. Anyways, im glad your my woman. ANd I m gald I only get one woman. I couldnt spread my affection to muiplte women. I just wasted an entire paragraph letting you know I didnt think anyone but you would want me. what a waste. I was gonna joke taht I was the real sexiest man alive but Itook a picture and saw my double chin abd just laughed. At least I have a woman with the sexiest soul;) has theat ever been used, sexy soul?? Is that a contraradiction? I dunno but I crave your whole being. Mind body soul emotions, personality, spirit, belief set. I want the whole thing woman. not jsut a soul mate, but an intellectual companion, a personality match, an women with emotions that mesh well with mine, a sexy body worthy of beihng the sexiest woman of the year ( you are to me), a holy soul that lives in harmony with mine, and the beliefs of a saint that understand the bible. can you live up to that? If you do ill give you everything.

love

your man

ps.

I hope your personality just drawls me in and makes me feel in blissfulness just talking to you!!! So neither have to even try and it just comes so smooth and anything I talk to you about comes out smoothta nd makes me feel on top of the world. I hope its sweeet and strong, easy and comforting, excitable and deep!! I dream of your personality about as much as your looks. I half almost conversations of us together in m y mind just think ijng about how fun and deep and perfect your persoanilty is for me!!! Jsut be yourslef, no pressure… I know youll d great!!

pss.

the voices said that you fond out where I work!!!!! Is that true??? I know there stuff holding back from us meeting but I really hope to see you by my birthday!!! DOnt be nervous, Im easy going;). Just dont wear duke gear!!!! Or gay pride stuff or democratic apparel. Or sick demented …. ok I just rambling now.

psss

I guess teh voices said girls in highs school were crazy and salt of them had crushes on me… is that true??? What did my school think when I lost my mind???

accountability

we lost

it was his fault

no his

everyones fault

but mine

we won

it was a little bit your win

a little bit his

we all played a hand

but it wasnt there fault they lost

I erred

when I blame others

nothing good happens

but when I take it personal

confess my sins

and amend my ways

magic happens

and people forgive

My nature was corrupt

I could blame the world

blame my upbringing

my culture

but none of that solves anything

but when I take a deep look at myself

I see the only way to change something

is to assess myself with honesty

to take the steps necessary to change

seek the heavens for help

and rise above

SO

if the Bible is true… Jesus is the answer… we need Him to do a miracle for all white civilization. If He cant save us no one can. WHites have been genioided and slaughtered by the millions before. USSR. Holodomer, Ukraine. Armenians. Turkey. We cannot let tehh west fall. WE are a beacon to the world. A light of divine spectrum to lead teh way. A city on a hill as tehy once said. And I do not believe that the God that watched Latimer burn at the stake and heard him say ” we are lighting a fire in england that shines so bright that shall never be put out” will leet him or Tyndall or Huss or Wycliffe (wasnt burned at the stakes but severe hardships and rejection in his later life) or any of the thousands of great men and woman of caucausain decent who gave their live for the truth of the Word of God let their precious sacrifice go to waste. If GOd will preserve the jews for a promise He made to Abraham afer as evil as theyve become, therre is no doubt in my heart HE will preserve the decentants of the keepers of the way of life, the way of God. Maybe it will be horrid. Maybe we will have to make tremendous sacrifices. But I believe in my heart of hearts that Jesus is the God of the Whites, as they embraces Him, He embraces their posterity. We will rise again. We will be free again. No more pedophelia. NO more diversity or globalism. NO more murdering the most innc0onet and precious of all life. We will be a Bible people. We will all love our neighbor and everyman will provide for his own, without the governemnt robbing us and saying theyll take care of our neighbor and our family. We will be a moral people. A learned people. A seeking the truth people. A people of doscovery and creativty and wonder. A people with justice mercy and truth leadint the way as we march towards a brighter future. I believe in america and teh white race. ANd im willing to bet my whole being and fate that we will rise victorious against the evil forces of the world and once agiasn shine as that city on a hill.

dear woman… do you like my political stuff?

how long does it take you to read this stuff… cause it takes me forever to write it feels like

when we do write letters can we leave it a once a week at most? That way we dont run outta things to write about and dont let it overrun. Ill try my best to write poems but sometimes I get writters block. But what do you ussually do? I mean as hobbies or fun?/ TV? phone? Internet? if so, that fine with me. we can relax and take it easy. but we at least gotta go on walks!!! Should we try one of those tandem bikes? Or would that be a nightmare… Id want you upfront so I could see your but. srry. but id love yto go to state and national oarks with you just for hiking if not camping. IF we camped and we wernt marrird tho we’d need separate rooms or something… ireally wanna stay pure. I love ya dear one.

to the Jews in heaven. and God

now I despises the modern jew over his abominations and mocked practices. I wish they were the good guys. Then id wanna be a jew. But they aint. Now theyve gone very very long without a proper punishment. I doubt the holocaust and teh viability of it being the severe. It was a way fo rthe jew to get more power. TO many holes. And I dont think the Germans were that evil were they would do someo of the things that was said. NOw I could see the jews doing all that stuff. BUt not the germans. Anyway, the reason Im writing this is that thejews need to be humbled and lose theri riches and power. to repent. ANd no race I bleive can stop them but the whites. Becuase the whites arer deeply Christian and want morality (Moslty. obviosuly id be better if owoman coudlnt vote or hold office but even tehy can be redeemed) down to their bone even if they seem to be crackign they have a deep foundation in the Bible and its laws. The common man belives alot of the bihble even if he aint christain (work to rpovide for self and family, dont get involvdd in others business, repsect your neighbor, hate lgtbq and pedophilia espcially, value life and others rights dont live for moneyect). BUt if the jews now are punihsed by you guys, they can realize they were wrong and in there sufferijng whcihc they derisive, can tuen back to the One True God. AN d maybe even find Jesus!!! That my hoipe anyway. Cause as evil as they are it would be cool to see them return to their God. But if they will not repent, I feel really really bad. B ecaues some of the best humans have been jews (asome of hte bewst huamns were caucasion stoo, maybe more causaiosn that were great, but I dunno.). I just care more about my people but still care about GOds people becaue JEsus was a jew and I care for His sake.

a Christian

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