Journal of insanity

dioes anyone read these anyways?

What am I dear woman?  cause I feel like the bad guy no matter who I choose. why would any good person wnat me to die with the devil? what happened in heaven??? how could God lose His power? I thought He was Almighty!!

NO WAY OF LIFE WILL EVER BE SUPERIOR TO THE BIBLE. No culture will surpass that of a bible culture. no country will rise above that of the ways and teachings of Jesus.

Dear woman…

if you hate me

I can take your hate

please lash out at me if need be

ill take you punches

but in the end

I know youll come to your senses

cause I always love you

even in your hate

if you disagree with me

let me know

use facts and logic

maybe im wrong

we’ll hash it out

until we can reach

a place that settles

so we both can see truth

cause ill be able to see past minor obsessions

as I respect your intelligence

if you get angry

that’s okay

ill be a tank for myself

that can take your animosity

but a punching bag for you

to take all that frustration

im strong woman

I can take your emotions

just come back one day

and receive my love

if you lose it

and dispise me as anything worse than your Man

its okay.. Ill forgive you

im not in this for power

I want power to protect you and comfort you

im not in it to rule over you with a rod

I wanna rule over you to give you freedom

and blessings and elevate you

as my partner

I dont ever wanna hurt you

but im human

so forgive me ahead of time

but what im trying to say is

I can take your abuse and obscenities

because I know its not your nature

I know you have a beautiful soul

that wouldnt wanna hurt me

but we are all human

and even if you slip

I won’t hold grudges

that’s not who I am

I wanna take in your frustrations

and flip them around to positive vibes

right back at you

woman what do you think of me?????

cause I think the world of you…

I faltered

but a hand was there to pick me up

I fell hard

but grace come over me to rise up again

I misspoke

but the truth was spoken to wash me clean

I hated

but One showed me forgiveness

so I followed

I got lost

but my guide showed me the way home

I disobeyed

but my teacher corrected me

and I amended my ways

I gave up

it was too much to bear

I didnt wanna fight anymore

but I heard a voice from the future

pleading with me

to continue on

so I disobeyed my spirit

and followed the voice

with a heart of gratitude

I stood

HOW CAN I SHOW YOU. I LOVE YOU WITHOUT HAVING TO SAY IT!!! I tried looking for oyu…I drove miles and miles searching for you… I tried to stop looking at women… I tried to stop porn… I bought you gifts… I wrote you poems and letters…ive sacrificed my time because ou are waht I care about most… ive prayed for your safety and wellbeing

I know every ones already read my book… but it just feels complete with it out here. an I can work on it. and refine it. Maybe. I dunno if I will. I wanna read it tho, so ithere. I still got aget thorough the whole thing.

im thankful for her loyalty

that she would Never leave me

im thankful for her character

tajt shines like a star

im Thankful for her beuaty

for hidden and revealed

im Thankful for our future frienship

taht we may grow together as one

im Thankful for her grace

her forgivness and mercy

im thankful that she chose me

outta all the men in the world

I belong to her and her alone

im thankful for her love

I can feel it dear woman,

it pushes me foreward

towards you

im thankful for words

so I can express my love for you

im Thankful for actions

so I can prove my love for you

im thankful your out there

and have patience for me

im thankful you exists

so that when nothing makes sense

I have one woman out there

that reciprocates my love

Im thatnkufl that we can grow old together

and remember in the future the presents past

im thankful for the amazing children you will give me

that I may have a line of successors

to carry on my work

im Thankful everyday

is one day closer

to use meeting for teh first time

and spending the rest of our lives

as one

I feel bad I lost some of my writings from my book… some extra stufff I added later that was on the WordPress that never got saved. o well.

“even if people hate you, they dont hate all of you”- me. I had some pretty good quotes imo, Get you thinking at least.

when they say tolerance, they mean tolerate the opposite of what you believe.- new quote ( I wish was a s ams art asa I used to be)

I have no idea what’s going on or who’s the good guy right now. I dont know what’s going on in teh spiritual realm. I guess If I was honest id want the best thing for me. and her. I dont want anything bad to happen to her. Please protect us. other than that I trust they can come to a concessions over me and her. Im gonna try to keep doin what is rigth and yes, follow the Bible. I love the teaching and commandments of right and wrong, justice ad mercy, love and peace. ANd if I lose everything for loving that so be it. I want to be a good guy. I wnat to inspire otheres to do waht is right. Im so crazy ight now I think im gettign my own planet like a mormon or something wild. If I dont suffer in the next life ill be happy. ANd if I can be with her, even if we cant be married. Im sorry I love her more than my Creator. I know that s wrong. FIRgvive me and help me to change if need be. Just don’t hurt her!!! I love her immensely. Dear woman, we will meet one day, and it will be glorious better than imagination can hype. And itll be the small things, the walks,th etalks, the dinners together that bring forth the greatest memories and experiences. I LOVE YOU WOMAN!!!

Where is the man of faith?

pleading with the evil to amend their ways

preaching the way of peace and charity

leading people to all truth?

they’ve turned and went there own way

water Is the man of strength?

conquering his own demons

battling fierce corruption

lighting burdens of others outta brotherhood

they seek their own power

where is the man of justice

out to serve and protect the meek

and out the wicked corrupt men of per in their places

watching out for the little man with no guardian

they sold out for silver

where is the man of mercy?

ending generations fo revenge

seeking unity among the righteous

seeking goodwill and compassion on all

they’ve been corrupted and twisted

where is the man of courage?

taking a firm stance for all that is right in the world

debating corrupt evil doers without shame

fighting for those who have no voice

they threw the towel in after all the attacks

where is the man of humility?

putting others needs above his watch

pleading for aid so he can be the best he can be

obeying the laws of all that is good without praise

he’s been conquered, no good man is left

o desire of my heart

I long for you as the earth longs for the sun

as the tides connect to the moon

my heart is intertwined with yours

what does it take to see you???

o love of my life

my passion burns as a volcano

my soul erupts with bliss at the thought of you

you are the key to my happiness (forgive me)

when will I be able to show you?

o dearest woman

the only one I want

all others seem like trophies

but you seem like a living soul

when can I experience the marvels that we create


oh beauty that extends beyond physical matter

ive looked for you as a blind man looks for light

knowing not where to search

knowing not what its like to see true beauty

hoping that can set me free

and show me what it looks like

to find love everlasting…

srry that was a gay poem

but I hope you like it anyway

Dear world…

wish I could do more.. wish I was still a strong Christian. But im still crazy. And most of what I care about it my soul mate. My woman. I just wanna be with her right now. I long for her in desperate pain. .BUt maybe one day ill be able to help. If there ever is a war… protect my woman and treat her as a princess. Dont let anyone hurt her… one day.. if I ever get my faith back, ill be able to help. Until then im just a wandering soul looking for the love his woman.

when you think your not good enough

remember ive been waiting my whole life for you

praying and pleading for you

always searching diligently

remember: you belong to me

when you think your not pretty enough

let me tell you something

beauty starts form the soul

and transcends basic looks

what good is looks without heart?

when you think your not worthy

who, in reality, is worthy?

we all fail, fall short

its those who learn from that

and learn to pick themselves up

and in reality, I dont feel worthy of you…

if you’re ever nervous…

you’re alive with nerves

it part of being human

just realize the worst you’ve done

can be forgiven

and those who mock you

are ants

if your ever scared

its part of life

a self protection mechanism

realize that even the fiercest

beast experiences fear

so maybe that’s you

the fiercest beast;)

if you ever worried

let your cares flow like water

you have such little control

over this or that

assume the best

and when the worst happens

you won’t be worried

you’ll face your fear head one

I remember alot of friends that have come and passed, aqaunences too. I didn’t mean to lead on the impression that no one was good to me or I didnt ahve any school friends. Its jsut because I moved so much I felt alone. And my mental illness really surpassed me during the high school years when I was finally breaking out. Anyways shoutout to keystone elemantary in PA. I had two great teachers in mr condon and mrs flick. ANd some cool friends. I remember sitting there in a circle as we heard the 3rd grade teachers we were going to. I never had him but I think I was going to mr bowser. No idea anything about him. But I wrote a letter to mrs flick causae she cared so very much. And I poured my heart and soul into thtat letter. One of the finest writings I ever had in my opinion ( I kid you not). But thank you to both of those two!!! And the kids that were good to me. I remember PA fondly.

so jews consider white people edom or esau. descendants of Jacobs brother. Dont know if that’s tru or not. But the voices said God wants to destroy white people so there’s only the jew. That has to be a lie. A good righteous God would not favor a people as evil as the jew and give up on whites when we have embraced Christianity for centuries and carried the cross and all the martyrs. Espscilally when the ones that made us wicked are the jew. I dont think this is true. But if God truly wants to wipe out the white race, even after we repent, God is evil. And if He is all powerful there is no way to stop the evil God. But I dont believe that Not yet.

here’s one thing that bothers me… theyve always been the most evil people. Starting with Jacob sons (maybe Jacob himself!! He was a deceiver) who woiped out a while people and jsut got forgiven because I dont know. then their sons sell there own brother in to slavery!!! ONe of theem rapes his own fathers wife!! Then when Moses comes along their is numourous cases of evil and God Is literally about to wipe them out but Moses persuades Him to stop. And if you read the old t4satment the jews were mroe evil than good almost always. They did all the evils of the people that were in the land beofre them (homoesuality chidk sacfrifice everything (sound like america- but the jews pushed that here!!). Then when GOd comes they reject Him hate HIm and mock Him and curcify Him. WHy is good so good to these demons?? Maybe God odes play favorites, I dunno. BUt any other race would have been wiped out. But here’s what bothers me… how can what they say be true when all they are are liars with afew good ones in there? WHat if they wre jsut made up? Nevermind, it msut be true (seriously). IF the people are that evil then it must be true as they are a race of demons and the only few good ones obeyed the truth . But the laws are so perfec tand wonderful they must be true. They are true to any rae and any people. SO I think the bible is true. Im just little hurt that GOd cares more about HIs precious dmeons than the ones that have worshiped HIm for the last 2 mellenia and suffered in every way as meartrys jsut to follow Him. If od is a just God the jews will face HIs wrath if the white people repent. F Orgive me for my pride Lord. I m jsut angr yat the destruction your poeple have done to mine. Shouldnt you take responablity for your peopels actions!! They are as a bride to you. SO why do you let them -play the harlot and give others sexual diseases.

Forgive me for my pride Almighty… I just hate what theyve done. And honestly, Im still angry at what they did to a righteous flawless man named Jesus. Even if He’s not my friend, the Jews still hate Him as much today as they did in HIs time.


so they said Jesus is back in heaven… that makes me extremely happy. I always liked taht guy. Heres a question to the Father tho… if esau can sell his birthright to Israel (Jacob) can Israel sell its birthright to the white people in the world??? We’ve ben strong defenders of the way of God, giving life limb and torture to show our love of the One True God. Sure we have our moments of faltering and debauchery. But we always seem to repent and bounce nback. Now maybe we need to be judged for our decadence. But I would argue there are still many who have not knelt to the mouth of Baal. And alot fo people are on the fence or still would turn to God if God would have mercy. The jews on the other hand. I have no faith ttaht even if they lost their money (their greatest lov) the would turn back to God. So God, when we repent, can white Caucasians please have the birthright from you??? America your inheritance and europe you first born. I included eurpre because of all their rich history of Christendom. It was only yesterday Tyndall died for the truth/. That Latimer gave his life for God, that all the martyrs wouldnt recant becusae they loved GOd more than life, more than torment. ONe day is as a thousand years and a thousand years is as a day. DO NOT FORGET YOUR PEOPEL DO NOT FORGET YOUR MARTYRS.

remember God, whites died for their birthright… what did Israel give up for his??

Dear woman…

happy thanksgiving. I dont think I want you having a career. Not until the kids are out of the house. I just wnana see you as much as possible. I dont want you tired on the holidays or wanna sleep when we both have days off. I wanna be with you as much as possible. And if im working that time will already be limited. I dont want you worn out or having to work two jobs (career and Homelife). especially if we have many kids. I dont want you exhasusted when I come home, I want you excited. I just hate the career woman so very much. It makes me wanna puke. Its disgusting. Pleasae be my home wife, I love you so very much I wanna be with just you.


your man

ps. ive heard stupid voices in my head say that no one feels good enough for me. I swear your good enough, espccially after alll youve neen through. Im so confused about you. On voice said you died protecting me and became Sophia or something weird like that. I just wanna be with you!!! Your are more than good enough. Becusae you have such fervent love for me. SO ill never let you go. that’s what I want mosts is deep love, and love Is loyal.

I once got a message in my phone “girls are crazy about you. youll find your perfect match!” Was that ever true? Will that be true? Do I have a perfect match? ive been pleading and obsessing and doing everything in my power to get to her when I know nothing. nothing about her . nothing about how to get to her. nothing I can do to get to her. JUSt tell me… is she perfect for me?? Is she my perfect match? Does she love me? Can I get some moeny to provide for her? How long will it take to get to her? If shes as a racy abour me as I am of her…. she sin pain!!!! LET HER SEE ME FOR HER SAKE:)

Happy Christmas beautiful soul… I got you some gifts!!!! Mightda spent over $200… but I really like what I got you!!! For the price I thought it was all worth it!!! I know im poor and shouldnt be buying stuff for someone Ive never met, but I really like what I got you!! MY wrapping job is garbage but I always figured its was better to get a good gift than wrap it well. Anyways, I hope to see you by my brithday!! Valentines day at the absolute latest.. I know were taking it slow, but it’d be fun to but you some roses and chocolates and go on a fancy date. Anyways, I bet you wanna get me someotihgn too. if you dont I dont care I just wanna se you. But if you do, I like homemade stuff…. can you knit??? A scarf? Can yo paint? A apinting? Cany you cook?/ WHIteamacedamian nut cookies ( can you make them as good as I can… hehehe.. mine are really good.. good luck;) OR even if I just got your letters!!!! ID love anythign you wrote me!!!!. Anyways, your best gift is your pretense and your awesome personality that no oen can take away and your rocking naturally good looks that drive every boy wild. THe gifts I got you are exemptional in my mind. I cant wait to see you open them (even if oyu know what they are :). BUt their all in one package so we dont wast time. I hope you like!!!! THey came from the heart… and wehn we meet we gots beussiness to et ahodl of!!! We gotta sort through my poetry and maybe edit and sort it out so I can release a book and make money so I can support you. Anyways… o love you more and mroe it seems… dont you dar elet me down!!!!!!!! jk just be yourself… if you need to yell at me… wait a little so teh I can be hapy when we first meet. I knwo im dumb and porlly messed up but youll be worth it. I LOVE YOU WOMAN!!!! of and pray I beat my lust completely… so I dont do anythign evil or stupid. Im taking it seriosu, no omore porn!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! I hate what it doews tot me. Ive learned if you go long enough without lustful actions and images I dont have those evil inclinations. srry to end on a sour note. I love you… merrcy christams and happy new year to ya!!!!!

is think ive already covered this….. but when you beget an action It reaps conseuqences. you reap waht you sow. But if you conitnue that actions it becomes habit. And it leads to worse actions or better actions depending on what oyu practice. SO if you practice something good like the shooting range, your shots will become habit auntil its natural. But if you do something evil like porn, youll need worse and worse porn to achieve the same level of pleasure you used to be at. Such it is with sinful indulgences. When you sin and contijue to practice it it becomes habot. AN dteh habit becomes worse and worse to satisfy the lusts of the flesh. And the ahrder and harder it is to go back to no sin. IS there a turning point? AA way of n o return?/ I still think there is a GOd ahtt can redeem peopelp from anything but it takes devesation to wake them up. If nothing goes wrong for oyu while sinning, why would anyone care to stop?? But the deeper down teh rabbit hole we go the harder it is to stop and revert to decency. So be careful of the slippery slope in life, it may come at you fast. BUt its teh same principle with chidlren, they must be tough to refute there selfish natures and do the right thing. Otherwise we are all salves to our desires.

to sum up what I set with an example, imagine an itch. When you itch it you get pleasure but its detrimental to your skin. IF you keep itching it it gets worse and requires more of an itch to have much of an effect. And the longer you go itching it the harder it is to not itch. But at an early stage if you can fight it off, it goes away and the itch isnt there. And teh longer you itch, it the harder it is to not itch. I kinda alwreasdy said all of that, but maybe this helps. ITs the same with sin and vice.

Im at such a hard crossroads. Like I have to choose teh devil or Im doomed. Cant he just pick me and then I won’t let him go to hell? I wanna be a Chrsitian so bad. TO believe that these voices just lie continuously over nonsense. Like all the angels would choose me over Jesus!!! What a joke!!!! IF the angels needed me to and it wold save me and my soul mate from hell and it would save my people, yes id choose the devil. I just dont know why Jesus would be against me. What did I do to make Him hate me?/ He was my best friend just a little over a year ago… did He suddenly jsut turn His back on me??? Why do you hate me o Son of GOd? I wanted to serve you… I wanted to live for you. I wanted to die for you… unless its all a. ie. But I keep hearing Gabriels name over and over and over again. WHat do I need to do?? Im trying my best to just hang aon and get healed. But id chose St Michael even if he was less powerful because HE has such high morality adn I kno hes honest. Id be the underdog but I jsut odnt trust Lucifer. I dont wanna side with him unless I absolutly have to . Forgive me. Just help things to work out for me in this life and teh next. ive been trying my best to do the best. FORGIVE ME GOD!!! SHOW M E MY WRONG AN DLET ME AMEND MY WAYS!! I AM MERE FLESH AN DUST… HAVE MERCY

If God hates me… I feel like He’s Judas not me. Ive tired so hard to follow Him and live by faith and give Him everything. I know thats pride because no ones greater than God. But His precious inherentence is the reason for sodomy transsexuality and opedophlia. Thats what they want. They want free sex and murdering innocent babies. Why Lord? Why did you choose the absolute worst people to be your inheritance. Earth coulda been a paradise. But you had to choose them. From the deceiver, Jacob. Forgive me for accusing you Almighty. Im just breaking down here and feel as though you abandoned me and my people, the ones who have been trying to serve you all our generations. All your poeople love is money and control!! THEy wanna put chips in our brain to control us. they want us eating bugs. THey want us a slave to them in every manner. WHY LORD????? YOUR PEOPLE ARE PARASITES!!! LITERAL DEMONS!!! PLEASE IF NOTHING ELSE SAVE US FROM THEIR YOKE!!! And as for me, forgive me for loving an imaginary woman more than you. IF there’s any way to return help me to walk with Jesus again. IF not, have ,mercy somehow and let me stay away from eternal damnation. Please dont throw me or my soul mate into the pit of torment. I wannna be allies but if we cant, I dont wanna be enemies. SHALOM!

God serves Israel… Israel serves Lucifer… Who does Lucifer serve????

The only reason GOd genocides himself is because the people will spread their evil ways and the whole earth will be polluted with their filth. But why does he continue to allow teh jews to live when they are the filth fo the world and poisoning the peoples on earth? Because fo His promise. Why did you promise Lord?? YOU KNEW HOW EVIL THEY WOULD BECOME. Why did you chose the jews??? Maybe the worst people ever.

You love your people God. and I love mine. I wish I had power to protect them. But im a mere mortal. Id keep them as far away from your people as possible if I could. taht alone would preserve so much and so many.

Forgive me somehow jesus… I really am a terrible friend to you. IM so sorry. You bled and died for me. You saved me and healed me countless times. And I turn on you. I dont spend Any time with you. I dont prayer hardly at all and read my Bible sparingly. Worst is I feel like I dont love you anymore. Im so sorry Jesus. You used to be my best friend. I would have done anything for you, even burning at teh stake. Heck I wanted to be a martyr for you. But I lost myself. At one point I was willing to go to hell just so I didnt serve satan adn because I loved you so much I didnt want you to go there. Im sorry Jesus. I LOVE JESUS>>even if I have to go to hell cause He doesnt love me or cause I let Him down I love Jesus. Cause itll be hell living on any world without HIm. Im so sorry im so weak. I dont need my soul mate… I need my best friend. have mercy on me Almighty. If you must judge me for m y evil, please have mercy. Remember im not taht strong Lord. I WILL NEVER LEAVE YOU OR FOSAKE YOU>

(say Jesus)

Dear Woman

I haven’t slept well the last three days… part of me is terrified. KNiwiing hat this is how it all starts. But thats a very very very small part. Im sure ill survive as long as I keep asking my medicine. God is good. I cant wait to meet you. Do you thiknk ill get bored with you? Or find a new muse? I hope not … I hope im madly in love with you until my final breath as u stare into tthe wildreness and put my mind on eternity… praying you come with me. im gonna try to get some sleep. IM yawning good sign. I cant wait to meet you. ill finish this tommrow.

might write another letter to you…. got other stuff on my mind…. do you hate these letters m sending you/?? It helps me out tremendously;.. but I will admit in pathetic disgrace my love for you is waning… im sorry… I know nothing of you or how to get to you… but istill want you … its just but the main reason is I wanna be with God again… I dont wanna believe in a Sophia that she exists. I dont wann a be eniemies fo Jesus. I want Him to be my best friend. Even more aof a best firend athn you. I wanna believe like I used to . TO have that assuracne and peace and place to go to . The voices have ried everything to ma ke me think Jesus hates me or cant be with me. Bt I wnat HIm so bad!!!! I depsretalty miss our friendship and HIs prescene in my life. JEUSS TAKE ME BACK!!! I DONT WANT ANYTHING MORE THAN YOU!!!!!!!! TAKE AWAY THE BAD VOICES!!! I still love you Lord… take me back… do you remember my prayers I prayed Lord?? do they mean anythign to you??? I belive your word must ahve more weight than the voices in my mind. PLEASE TAKE AWAY THE BAD CONFUSION IN MY HEAD!!!! YOU PROMISSEED LORD… YOU PRMOISEDS TO NEVER LEAVE ME… TO ANSWER MY PRAYERS. To be my friend no matter how bad it got.

what is failure? What is success?

failure is

when you dont takee the shot

success is

when you give it everything

failure is

when. you dont show up

success is

when your dedicated to your craft

failure is

when you look down at a struggling fighter

success is

when you respect the underdog

failure is

when you think your too good

success is

when you go out there and annihilate them

failure is

when you seek not understanding

success is

when you the desire to learn

failure is

when you dont learn from your mistakes

success is

when you grow as a human from your experiences

faillure is

when you mock the weak and lowly

success is

when you have compassion on them

failure is

when you give up from hardship

success is

when you take the pain and keep going

failure is

selling your soul for power

success is

grinding as a beacon of light

failure is loving money more than people

success is

mercy on your fellow man

failure is

walking with anyone who gets you places

success is

willing to walk alone to do what’s right

JESUS LOVES ME… ANd satatn will never have what I have… a friend that would take on the wrath of God just to give me a a chance to live forever with HIm. A confidant who I can sahre anything with even if im wrong . A God who will forgive me no matter the level. AN ally taht will never leave me in teh wosrt of times but instead carries me. AN all powerful being that can comfort me because He suffered more htahn I can put inot words for me. How much have you suffered Satan? How much have you loved? WHat do you know about friendship? Or humility? May GOd have mercy on your soul. Forgive me Jesus.

they keep acting like there’s a Sophia out there … there is no Sophia!!!!! Sophia doesnt care like Jesus .. Jesu sdoesnt need a wife,..Hes God … His bride is theh CHrurch…

Dear woman…

did you do what o asked???? DID you put GOD FIRST!!!! DID YOU LOVE JESUS MORE HTNA ME!!! YOU D BETTER HAVE!!! I need tyou to stay true to HIm. HE can take care of you better than I can!!!! HE can love you greater than I can!! HE can help you in your valleys imensly greater than anythign I can do!!! YOU DONT NEED ME!!! You need God!! Im just there to help point you to Him… SERVE GOD ABVOE ME!!!! I will still try to love you as much as I can. BUt im only human and we can love each other better if we put God first. Come with me my dear one, and we can worship the Creaotr dtogethre. LOVE THE LORD YOUR GOD WITH AALL YOUR HEART STREGTH SOUL AND MIND.

at the end of the day… what have you done for God???

being friends with a brother is great

being friends with God is superior

having love for your woman is great

having love for God Is superior

being good to the poor is great

being good to God is superior

being loyal to your wife is great

being loyal to God is superior

being dedicated to family is great

being dedicated to God is superior

being a hero of mankind is great

being a hero if the faith is superior

being a man of wisdom is great

being a man of the wisdom of the Bible superior

dedicating your life to good is great

dedicating your life to God its superior

suffering for good is great

suffering for God is superior

dying for a cause is great

dying for God is superior

only one could help

I cried

no one heard

no one cared

each to His own

but God heard

God Cared

and God wept with me

I feel into the valley of the show of death

people mocked me

people made it more dangerous

people thought I got what I deserved

but God cared

and God protected me

All I heard was a million different lucifers

in every way taking me from my God

all enticing me to go everywhere but to God

God ended it, despised it, and set me free

because God loves me

forgive me Lord

Is tay what you are waiting for woman?? FOr me to end these atrocious anti GOd crucases?? TO turn back to our savior?? IT may take monthss yet before im steay as a Chritisan again. TEH lives are gonna be hellish today cause they hate every time I praise e Jesu and try to ocnive kme its all lie…. PLEASE ILL TKAE. ALL THE PRAYER I CAN.. TO STOP THESE VOICES THST TORMENT ME SO I CAN BE FRIENDS WITH JESUS AGIAN!!!


dear woman…

im worried about you!! I dont want you suffering as much as I have or be tempted as much as I have … I wanna take the heavy part of the yoke so taht you can be happy and beaeutiful and oyu dont have the wights draging you down. I know youve been praying for me…. thank you.. maybe the whole lworlds been praying for me… thank oyu… and those who have been fasting… extra thanks to you. I just hope shes doing alright. I want her to know even when my love wanes ill still ahve immense to spare. dear woman… I love Jesus… cause I want HIm to be real so bad. I couldnt come up with a better man. Hope Hes been good to you. cases Hes been good to me. I cant watit ot meet you!!! I wanna hear all your stories… btw im gonna love hearing you tell teh same stories over and over again to different people !!! LOL…I try to ask differnt questions if I can?? DOunoo if I m taht smart. I just wnat tyou to know I wnat jessu, its jsut been a huge battle. LOVE Y(OU …..

love your man

dear woman,

Its funny… I honestly thought almost every woman would hate me. I assumed they wanted nothing to do with me. First because I spoke out against feminism and career women. I thought u would be public enemy number one. Every women in teh public eye and most that went to college seemed to think that womanhood was beneath them. That sounds absurd but thats the picture that comes across. Then even if they didnt hate me for that, I assumed every man and woman would hate me for my hypersexuality and gay lustss to be a girl adn attraction to me dressed as women. I thought id be lucky if any woman would wnat anything to do with me. WHat woman wnats a guy that gets a hard on for crossdressers??? I felt and still feel horribel about it. And if I wanted a decent woman, theirs no way she would think that thats okay. I was hoping for just one girl id been telling myslef for the longest time. Because even if they could look past what I just wrote, would they agree with all my high standards and sharp belief set. So itd be hard to find any woman that wanted me I thought. That was back when I thought they were gonna kill me so I ketp trying to run away. BUt I never thought in a million years that girls would be crazy about me. I still dont see what makes me so special. I mena im okay. But all isee is my filth, my failures, my shortcomings. Like never having a gf or kissing a girl ( I really wanna but I want her and in the right time). I used to be so embaressed about this. Even though I was very picky about my women I still felt like a loser. ANd mayeb the voices are lying to me when they wsay women are crazy about me. And I would be really embaressed about the stuff I write to you but I just dont care what peopeln thunk mcuh anymore. I almost never published that first letter I wrote to my future wife ( I lost it , think) becuaes it was too romantic and whatnot. BUt I cared so much for oyu, I jsut wnated you to know how I felt, like I do now. Anyways, im glad your my woman. ANd I m gald I only get one woman. I couldnt spread my affection to muiplte women. I just wasted an entire paragraph letting you know I didnt think anyone but you would want me. what a waste. I was gonna joke taht I was the real sexiest man alive but Itook a picture and saw my double chin abd just laughed. At least I have a woman with the sexiest soul;) has theat ever been used, sexy soul?? Is that a contraradiction? I dunno but I crave your whole being. Mind body soul emotions, personality, spirit, belief set. I want the whole thing woman. not jsut a soul mate, but an intellectual companion, a personality match, an women with emotions that mesh well with mine, a sexy body worthy of beihng the sexiest woman of the year ( you are to me), a holy soul that lives in harmony with mine, and the beliefs of a saint that understand the bible. can you live up to that? If you do ill give you everything.


your man


I hope your personality just drawls me in and makes me feel in blissfulness just talking to you!!! So neither have to even try and it just comes so smooth and anything I talk to you about comes out smoothta nd makes me feel on top of the world. I hope its sweeet and strong, easy and comforting, excitable and deep!! I dream of your personality about as much as your looks. I half almost conversations of us together in m y mind just think ijng about how fun and deep and perfect your persoanilty is for me!!! Jsut be yourslef, no pressure… I know youll d great!!


the voices said that you fond out where I work!!!!! Is that true??? I know there stuff holding back from us meeting but I really hope to see you by my birthday!!! DOnt be nervous, Im easy going;). Just dont wear duke gear!!!! Or gay pride stuff or democratic apparel. Or sick demented …. ok I just rambling now.


I guess teh voices said girls in highs school were crazy and salt of them had crushes on me… is that true??? What did my school think when I lost my mind???


we lost

it was his fault

no his

everyones fault

but mine

we won

it was a little bit your win

a little bit his

we all played a hand

but it wasnt there fault they lost

I erred

When I blame others

nothing good happens

but when I take it personal

confess my sins

and amend my ways

magic happens

and people forgive

My nature was corrupt

I could blame the world

blame my upbringing

my culture

but none of that solves anything

but when I take a deep look at myself

I see the only way to change something

is to assess myself with honesty

to take the steps necessary to change

seek the heavens for help

and rise above


if the Bible is true… Jesus is the answer… we need Him to do a miracle for all white civilization. If He cant save us no one can. WHites have been genioided and slaughtered by the millions before. USSR. Holodomer, Ukraine. Armenians. Turkey. We cannot let tehh west fall. WE are a beacon to the world. A light of divine spectrum to lead teh way. A city on a hill as tehy once said. And I do not believe that the God that watched Latimer burn at the stake and heard him say ” we are lighting a fire in england that shines so bright that shall never be put out” will leet him or Tyndall or Huss or Wycliffe (wasnt burned at the stakes but severe hardships and rejection in his later life) or any of the thousands of great men and woman of caucausain decent who gave their live for the truth of the Word of God let their precious sacrifice go to waste. If GOd will preserve the jews for a promise He made to Abraham afer as evil as theyve become, therre is no doubt in my heart HE will preserve the decentants of the keepers of the way of life, the way of God. Maybe it will be horrid. Maybe we will have to make tremendous sacrifices. But I believe in my heart of hearts that Jesus is the God of the Whites, as they embraces Him, He embraces their posterity. We will rise again. We will be free again. No more pedophelia. NO more diversity or globalism. NO more murdering the most innc0onet and precious of all life. We will be a Bible people. We will all love our neighbor and everyman will provide for his own, without the governemnt robbing us and saying theyll take care of our neighbor and our family. We will be a moral people. A learned people. A seeking the truth people. A people of doscovery and creativty and wonder. A people with justice mercy and truth leadint the way as we march towards a brighter future. I believe in america and teh white race. ANd im willing to bet my whole being and fate that we will rise victorious against the evil forces of the world and once agiasn shine as that city on a hill.

dear woman… do you like my political stuff?

how long does it take you to read this stuff… cause it takes me forever to write it feels like

when we do write letters can we leave it a once a week at most? That way we dont run outta things to write about and dont let it overrun. Ill try my best to write poems but sometimes I get writters block. But what do you ussually do? I mean as hobbies or fun?/ TV? phone? Internet? if so, that fine with me. we can relax and take it easy. but we at least gotta go on walks!!! Should we try one of those tandem bikes? Or would that be a nightmare… Id want you upfront so I could see your but. srry. but id love yto go to state and national oarks with you just for hiking if not camping. IF we camped and we wernt marrird tho we’d need separate rooms or something… ireally wanna stay pure. I love ya dear one.

to the Jews in heaven. and God

now I despises the modern jew over his abominations and mocked practices. I wish they were the good guys. Then id wanna be a jew. But they aint. Now theyve gone very very long without a proper punishment. I doubt the holocaust and teh viability of it being the severe. It was a way fo rthe jew to get more power. TO many holes. And I dont think the Germans were that evil were they would do someo of the things that was said. NOw I could see the jews doing all that stuff. BUt not the germans. Anyway, the reason Im writing this is that thejews need to be humbled and lose theri riches and power. to repent. ANd no race I bleive can stop them but the whites. Becuase the whites arer deeply Christian and want morality (Moslty. obviosuly id be better if owoman coudlnt vote or hold office but even tehy can be redeemed) down to their bone even if they seem to be crackign they have a deep foundation in the Bible and its laws. The common man belives alot of the bihble even if he aint christain (work to rpovide for self and family, dont get involvdd in others business, repsect your neighbor, hate lgtbq and pedophilia espcially, value life and others rights dont live for moneyect). BUt if the jews now are punihsed by you guys, they can realize they were wrong and in there sufferijng whcihc they derisive, can tuen back to the One True God. AN d maybe even find Jesus!!! That my hoipe anyway. Cause as evil as they are it would be cool to see them return to their God. But if they will not repent, I feel really really bad. B ecaues some of the best humans have been jews (asome of hte bewst huamns were caucasion stoo, maybe more causaiosn that were great, but I dunno.). I just care more about my people but still care about GOds people becaue JEsus was a jew and I care for His sake.

a Christian

I know this sounds strange, but im starting to get my faith back and im scared cause of it. I still have crazy thoughts and erroneous ideas. But im scared of Jesus. Iv forgotten my friend. I could always go to Him and count on Hinm to be tenderhearted and compassionate. But now its like there’s a rivalry or something and im scared He might now be completely on my side or something weird. I know I shouldnt but im still recovering. Its certainly is a battle. And If I could get a soul that read this say yes, of course Jesus loves you !!!!! HEs been carrying you!! you fool!!!! id go a long way. But im jsut tryong to ahng on right now. DO you still love me Jesus? After all my insanities and idolatry with my woman? Have mercy on me thou Son of David!!! SPeak to me heat and illuminate to se the real you agian… the GOd of Mercy… Forgive me LORd if ive done wrong, and keep my soulmate safe asecure and loyal to you and putting you first (both of us).

What does Jesus think of me???

Tell Him im sorry ive fallen so far.

Ask Him if Ill ever get my faith back.

Plead forgiveness for loving my imaginary woman more than Him.

im so lost. What do.i need to do? DO I need to move out? Cause I really dont know if im ready. Do I need to find a girlfriend? TO get to you do I need someone else first? DO I need to publish my books so that I hav money for her to visit? Or the spotlight for I need you!!! its too hopeless otherwise!!! Please save white civilization Jesus!!!! save us from the same people that killed you!!!!! Jesus take me back!!!!!! I just want 1) my own family and a means to provide for them 2) an all white zero lgtbqf 0% babies murdered non divorce big family white nations all across the world without any touch of jewry. I want laws taht say if any country deals with jews we dont trade with them. I want laws that say any citizen that deals with jews loses their cirtizenship and is deported. they love their money more than anything and I hate what theyve done to my people!!!! Please have mercy God!! Save your true people!!! the Christians…

it appears David was wrong about the root of all evil… its not money… its Jews…

if people are out there reading this…. please pray to God taht I quit masternbaitng… im sorry im a hyoersucal and it puts me to bed at night… Its is hard to stop cause I cant sleep without it… im srry I dont wanna go down the rabbit hole again adn go through hell. But its jsut so hard to stop… forgive me. especially my woman out there… I wanna beat this so we can have a stornger relationship when were married. please forgive me.

honestly, if God wiped out all the Jews but a small group ( heck even just one couple if theyre that evil) He would still be keeping His promise to Abraham and all teh Jews !!!!!!

I just wrote a 4 page letter (if you include he one poem) just to ask a girl out on a date!!!!! She wasnt there but il stop by everyday until I can get it to her… will it work??? I doubt it… but its worth a shot…shes bonds with beautiful blue eyes!!!! And great white sparkiling teeth (that stood out to me). but I couldnt remember her name cause I didnt plan on asking her out…. I hope shes not upset. it was kay something like kaylea or something …. if your out there im coming for oyu…. to deliver my letter!!! Maybe this will get me closer to my soul mate???? I mean ill try but my heart won’t be 100% sorry kaylea ….

the voices just said st Peter wanted me to go to hell… There probably lying about everything now… if I were an apostle id be excited if someone surpassed me!!!! More to learn and gleam from!!! ANd better fellowship!!!! Im not saying im better htan the apostles (I haven’t suffered s much for Jesus) but it’d be cool if others were (Wycliffe Tyndall or Latimer maybe??). St. Peter wouldnt think I was a liar would he??? I guess I do kinda gotta make teh first move…. I was hoping these writings were my move… I just never got a reply…

on the first day of Christmas my soul mate gave me…

her heart of gold

on the second day of Christmas my soul mate gave me…

her devotion to me

on the third day of Christmas my soul mate gave to me…

her time

on the forth day of Christmas my soul mate gave to me…

her love and affection

on the fifth day of Christmas my soul mate gave to me …

the gift of friendship

on the sixth day of Christmas my soul mate gave to me…

brilliant and fun conversations

on the seventh day of Christmas my soul mate gave to me…

companionship that only comes from a beautiful soul

on the eight day of Christmas my soul mate gave to me…

an ear of listening with compassion

on the ninth day of Christmas my soul mate gave to me…

the ability to trust her in absolute

on the tenth day of Christmas my soul mate gave me…

a belief set and Character that rival Virgin Mary

on the eleventh day of Christmas may soul mate have to me…

submission with wisdom … even if I think shes better … I love her humility

on the twelfth day of Christmas my soul mate gave to me…

a seed… many many beautiful children!!!!

if you gave me those things… I couldnt ask for more my dear

dear woman …

my dearest woman….

the one that makes all others pale in comparison…

How have you been doing??? Id love to hear from you!!!! Did you ever get my handwritten letter??/ I know its already online, but I wrote it …. legibly!!!!! You know how hard that was for me??? PLus I got hand cramps, sorta. Typings just so much easier and legible. What would you rahter be… a mother or my wife???? Hopefully you can be both!!!! I hope you can handle 12 kids;) I dunno how many Godll bless us with . But I know your gonna be an amazing mother!!!! And I hope im a great father. I want great kids!!! Smart strong healthy well rounded and holy. I want them to be bible kids. TO understand why verses are written and comprehend the spirit of the words. TO be brilliant in their own right and walk the walk. To do the right thing even under immense pressure. To fight the sinful flesh and conquer it and its temptations and to reign victorious. I want both you and me to show them the way and be lights role models and even friends and people to turn to in times of trouble. I want our daughters embracing womanhood and eschewing feminism, hating its core. I want our sons to be upright men of character who embrace the truth of the gospel and shine forth as lights wherever theyre at. I want our family to have each others back and be a tight knit band of brothers. Anyways… merry Christmas !!!! I love you so very much my dear one. I pray we never know hunger or homelessness. I know how hard it wsa on my mom adn I dont wnat you going through taht !!!!!!!! I want good things for you my dear. and im gonna love our walks together!! HOnestly of all the things im lookign foreward to do with you, walks are near the top. I just love bieng out in nature with someone I love and letting the words just fly o fthe toune becasue we have so much to say!!! Cpiurse well run outta things to say but im sure we will still have words to say. I f nothing else we can talk bout the kids!!! I m also gonna love gonin on dates with you!! I mean resturaunts. Casue I can see you divine face the whole time and just see that shimmering soul perice through your blue eyes as we agree on how evil society is as well as hopefully truths like the Bible.


your incredibly manly man

ps. DO you. think youll enjoy being a mother or ill enjoy being a father more???? Id say me because baby always cry and wnat their mom when things do nt go well… but maybe youll enjoy calming them down, dunno

pss. Are you excited for Christmas?? Are you the type that gets all jolly this time of year (ill write you a letter about this later)…

Dear woman

im sorry

all the voices act like im gonna fail miserably. That im running outta time. That I haven’t h done what is was supposed. Sometimes they say your gonna kill youself if I dont do what I need to. What that Is is beyond me. Its like the voices consume me enough to confuse me to pieces. They give me small ideas or partial thoughts to confuse the heck outta me. They even act like Jesus is against me. And it hurts. Im more terrified of JEus being my enemy than Lucifer. Can you imagine if the Creator had a vendetta towards you??? I shudder at His power. I miss you Jesus !! SO very very very much. Take me back Lord!! I be a beger on heaven, just please be my friend again. I dont care about power or control, I want oyur friendship. I know im a fool for iving it all up, but Lord, I think your the best and you brought me through the hell ive been through. MY GOD MY GOD WHY HAVE THOU FORSAKEN ME???? why did you let satan torment me loRd??? ITS BEEN SO HARD WITHOUT YOU. and woaman, at the voices keep saying yo hate my family. WHy do you hate my family? What have they done to you? THeyve been amazing to me, so Id assume youd atleadst appreciate the support!!!!!! If I could just meet you and you told me how strong of a Chrisain you were id be comforted moere than words express. im a broken man. Everything I was was in Christ. I didnt kkill mslef multiple times becuase of Him. I wanted to live and be ritghoeous and live by faith in Him and walk with Him and be A good friend to HIm so intensely. He was my everything. Now all I care about is a stupid girl. How do I get back? HWat does it take to restore my faith? I used to read 3 chapers a day, oaray for at least an hour becaues I loved my friend jeuss so much. Can God cure me spiritually ??? Id rather have this inlness but be rsotred spiritually than be seperate ffom rjesus and have no symptoms. Forgive me world.


if jesu truly is th4 bad guy…. I must be a bad guy too… cause I dont wanna leave HIm

just some worthless POS

Psalm 22[a]

For the director of music. To the tune of “The Doe of the Morning.” A psalm of David.

1 My God, my God, why have you forsaken me?
    Why are you so far from saving me,
    so far from my cries of anguish?
My God, I cry out by day, but you do not answer,
    by night, but I find no rest.[b]

Yet you are enthroned as the Holy One;
    you are the one Israel praises.[c]
In you our ancestors put their trust;
    they trusted and you delivered them.
To you they cried out and were saved;
    in you they trusted and were not put to shame.

But I am a worm and not a man,
    scorned by everyone, despised by the people.

7 All who see me mock me;
    they hurl insults, shaking their heads.
“He trusts in the Lord,” they say,
    “let the Lord rescue him.
Let him deliver him,
    since he delights in him.”

Yet you brought me out of the womb;
    you made me trust in you, even at my mother’s breast.
10 From birth I was cast on you;
    from my mother’s womb you have been my God.

11 Do not be far from me,
    for trouble is near
    and there is no one to help.

12 Many bulls surround me;
    strong bulls of Bashan encircle me.
13 Roaring lions that tear their prey
    open their mouths wide against me.
14 I am poured out like water,
    and all my bones are out of joint.
My heart has turned to wax;
    it has melted within me.
15 My mouth[d] is dried up like a potsherd,
    and my tongue sticks to the roof of my mouth;
    you lay me in the dust of death.

16 Dogs surround me,
    a pack of villains encircles me;
    they pierce[e] my hands and my feet.
17 All my bones are on display;
    people stare and gloat over me.
18 They divide my clothes among them
    and cast lots for my garment.

19 But you, Lord, do not be far from me.
    You are my strength; come quickly to help me.
20 Deliver me from the sword,
    my precious life from the power of the dogs.
21 Rescue me from the mouth of the lions;
    save me from the horns of the wild oxen.

22 I will declare your name to my people;
    in the assembly I will praise you.
23 You who fear the Lord, praise him!
    All you descendants of Jacob, honor him!
    Revere him, all you descendants of Israel!
24 For he has not despised or scorned
    the suffering of the afflicted one;
he has not hidden his face from him
    but has listened to his cry for help.

25 From you comes the theme of my praise in the great assembly;
    before those who fear you[f] I will fulfill my vows.
26 The poor will eat and be satisfied;
    those who seek the Lord will praise him—
    may your hearts live forever!

27 All the ends of the earth
    will remember and turn to the Lord,
and all the families of the nations
    will bow down before him,
28 for dominion belongs to the Lord
    and he rules over the nations.

29 All the rich of the earth will feast and worship;
    all who go down to the dust will kneel before him—
    those who cannot keep themselves alive.
30 Posterity will serve him;
    future generations will be told about the Lord.
31 They will proclaim his righteousness,
    declaring to a people yet unborn:
    He has done it!

the voices tell me every lie about Jesus… That He doesnt care. that HEs upset with me. That He doesnt want me anymore. That He wants to send to me hell. That He doesnt care about women. That He doesnt have the power. That He has a rivalry with me. That IM somehow better (this one makes me really mad). HELP ME JESUS. Be my Friend again!!! Im desperate. Ill give her up (at least for a while I wanna give her up for you but im crazy and think im in love forgive me ). Jesus is the answer to the problems. YOUs know how I know? All the evils in the world go contrary to HIs bible, His Holy Word. So Jesus has to be the right path.He will restore me in time with my illness. Its the illness that the devils sisng to confuse me. And he did a number on me. But Jesus was my best friend. And I dont want to try my back on Him anymore. Take me back Jesus!!!

Like a moth to the flame

im addicted to the grind

like a fish ini the sky

im outta place on this earth

like stones under a waterfall

I feel the weight of a nation

like a starve lion

im hungry for the fight

like a volcano ready to erupt

I hold the pain inside

like a magician and His wonders

I amaze with the truth

LIke storms across the sky

I bring misery to crooks

like a rainbow after heavy rainfall

hope is restored where once was none

like fools to the wise

Im an eniga to the faithless

like the path of a bullet train

I dont stop till I reach my destination

Like horror to the harmless

I fear I may never make it home

Like controversy on a sunny day

my own thoughts betray me

Like a homerun to win the game

id lay my life down for victory

like bees and their need for honey

I cant live without your love dear

like extreme danger to the youth

my life hangs in the balance

like depression to the hopeless

my emotions betray me

like a grizzly outta hibernation

im getting ready annihilate

like I bird learning to fly

im on the path to rise above

I dont know if thats any good… I wish I could write better… maybe an edit or two???? Really wish I had an editor … or hi hope shes good with English so she can help me enhance my writings… theyre ok bu they could be so much better

Dear woman;…

what do you want from me??? I want to give you up caused its the only way ill get you apparently. Id honestly rather have Jesus anyway…. My faith is slowly being restored. I want Jesus..He’s th good guy. Somethings hapeening this saturday????? Im lost… IM terribly sorry I took it so fast. I wanna take it slow wiht you. Guess my imgaination went rampid. I got carried away with my obsession. Im gonna just stat praying Jesus send me the riht girl again. Hopefullly that s you. OF course its you… your the one im praying for. ive realized you might no tbe reading these or have read my book. Maybe its better htta way.. I dunnno. I just know I have a lot of romantic/friendship with a cute girl love to give. So there… I wish could just talk to oyu… figure out if youre mad at me or frustrated. Or there a chance your madly crazy about me. I dunno. I hope your so great I can be crazy about you. Please pray God let us meet soon.

just a friend starting out


dear woman…

I think I kinda had a big head… thinking I could get any girl I wanted… I apologize…. I just thought you were the best girl I could have. So I thought if I wated you I wanted teh best. When I started praying for you it started small. Help me to find a good girl. (hinestly I was praying for my crushes hoping itd work out with them but after I got past that). Help me to find a good Christain girl. Who’s extremely beautiful. WHose exrmeley kidn and compassionate. Who has a good persoanlity. Who wants to be a mother and will be a great mother. adn then of course “who is perfect for me.” dream big right? But I still beleive you are perfect for me. Not because of you or me. But becuaes of the living Head of Creation. HE ordains all things Holy. And I belive your Holy and I can get back there. So Lord please let me be with a beautiful smart great fit for me personality who will be an amazing mother to our children and help provide me with spiritual support and be a great companion and help mate for my life. I feel like I failed. Miserably. Girls wanted me but I was too sick mentally. I had a dream where kaylieh mconnel was trying hook me up with anyone but I kept saying no. And by the time I wanted someone everyone was taken. Thats kinda how I feel. Im a retard who lost his chance. Im kinda overdramatic arnt I? I mean id be fun to get to know girls. But id be paradise and blissful ecstasy if I coudl get to know you. The voices keep saying that shes close to finding me. I m right here waiting girl. thats kinda a hge reason I keep beleiving in you: the voices. thye keep saying your looking for me or getting close. I want you so desperatly. B Ut maybe ill find Jesus agian to regain myself. To be teh complte me


gotta start small

even in obssession

if I find Jesus agin will you appear?

cause Hes close to making back to my heart

joshy ( im assuming you love me… even just as friends)

God doesnt abandon us… He allows us to wander so we realize its better with Him. When we are away from loved ones sometimes we learn more about ourselves and who we are. It solidifies us in our beliefs and driving forces. They are challanged and tested through fire to stregthen the bonds of truth of yesteryear. We need to explore and see what’s out there to really understand ourselves. Oftentimes we think we have a solution to our problems outside the truths we’ve been taught from the get go. Yet what does teh Bible say “:”return to rock from which you are hewn.” In the end, if we were sincere believers and seek for the truth, we will always come back to the rock of life, the Christ, no matter how far we venture away. He watches our every step and carries us in our times of weakness. He wants us to willingly choose Him, as love doesn’t force itself on anyone. He wants to prove to satan like Job that He has loyal followers that will walk though the fire for Him and love HIm even to the end no matter what the cost. He is proud of His followers and brags on the brightest soldiers because He gives them the hardest test. ANd above all, HE loves His dear follwers becausue theyre His dear friends. HE already gave the ultimate sacrifice for them. He has great stock and value in you and would never let satan tetmpt you too far where you cannto come back. ANd sometimes He lets you fall so oyu can be a testomony to others and help your fellow man in there struggles. B ut in the end all the wnadering all the struggle ad all the trials lead us to the glorious truth : we will never have a friend as good as the Creator of all substance, the master of mercy and the Prince of Inner Peace. So let HIm be your best friend. He will never let you down. ANd even whne you fail Him, He’ll be right there to pick you up and say ” my grace is sufficnet for you, go and sin no more.” May His Kingdom never end.

did you like that woman????

im being tried im trying to regain my faith but its not me in control. God has to restore me. everytime it seems I have breakthrough the voices act like its a bad thing. they haunt me like im losing out on so much b siding with Jesus… if I could just meet her and have her say “Jesus is the good guy. I love Jesus more than you. and you should love Jesus more than me!!” than everything would be okay again. I think. cause all the distractions are that ill lose her someonhow or some fantasy together with herfirever if I side with Jesus… really twisted stuff. illogical. but deep down I wanna get better and love Christ enough that id let go of the love of my life.

Dear whoever is reading this,

does anyone read my work anymore?? or am I wasting my time. Does she read it? does she care? I bet shes prolly feed up with me. im all talk but no action. I just dont know where to find her . Or how to get to her…

peace belongs to those

who waged war for good

resolve belongs to those

who seek the greatest alternative

family belongs to those

who seek brotherhood

glory belongs to those

who fight for what’s right

strength belongs to those

who fought the hardest

wisdom belongs to those

who diligently sought the truth

courage belongs to those

who won’t back down

enlightenment belongs to those

who sought a higher understanding

hope belongs to those

who never gave up

joy belongs to those

who’ve seen the most pain

life belongs to those

who hate the slaying of innocent

character belongs to those

who wage war on personal evil

devotion belongs to those

who have the most zeal

power belongs to those

who treat the least and greatest with fairness

mercy belongs to those

who were merciful

greatness belongs to those

who can suffer the most

I dreamt her into my life


I prayed her into existence


I wooed her hope she’d respond


I tried and tried looking driving searching


I mailed her a letter


I poured my heart and soul out


I must be a madman

cause I still believe shes real

and I love her to pieces


So it appears Michael was the the one who believed… but I believe they all trusted God He would restore me…soli Deo gloria

now whose ready to go to war for Jesus???

I may slip now and then… but my spirit is telling me Christ is as He always was… and He had my back… and tTHAT THERE WAS NO FUCKING WAY JESUS WAS GONNA LET SATIN TAKE ME AWAY FROM HIM!!!!!!! BECAUSE HE HAS ALL POWER AND KNOWS EXACTLY WHAT HE IS DOING!!! Because JEus Created satan and knows all his schemes. And Jesus wasnt gonna let a good friend of HIs go to hell.


Im sorry iv been such a basket case. Its just been really hard with my illnesss and this vioce thats trying with everything to conivince me that Jesus is the bad guy somehow. I know it was irrational but they contorled my emotions and had voices in my head. thanks for the prayers. and not giving back on me.

im so tired of fighting satan… dont ever attack him head one… tell him that Jesus disapproves

ya know… one thing that I dont think I’ll ever understadn is teh Holy Spirit…. ITs defiantly a HE, God doesn’t lie. but I dont really know much else about HIm. Hes a comforter and a being of truth. But beyond that Its kinda a n enigma. He is descirbed as the SOn of Jesus in the spephard of Hermes. WHo is HE in relations to GOd?? How is He everywhere at once? ANd why is He part of the Trinity. I may never know.

ANd forgive me Gabriel for always assuming you were weaker cause you weren’t a warring angle. You stand in the presence of GOd. And you are hte “Hero of God”

WHO THE HELL AM I ? I dont remember reading about “Joshua son of Stephen and Cynthia” in the Bible

Iguess I never had a soul mate… but Godll work something out

psych I do have a soul mate and shes perfect for me!!!! the deivl made me think It was Sophia who r the Holy Spirits man or that Gabriel wanted to be my woman (forgive me hero of God) or t no woman on eath is good wnough for me. LIES… plenty of women are good enough for me. Its just want her my one and only. The voices tried to make me think I was the Holy Spirit. LOL. Im not that wise. looks like the battle with this constant voice in my head aint over. shes almost got a birthday!!! then we can meet… Right?

is she from mn ??? did she actually know who I was before I wrote the book?? Or am I raching too far??

hardship when worn right becomes strength

curiosity when placed in the right direction becomes discovery

questions when sought correctly become wisdom

imagination when used in the correct manner becomes invention

losses when directed become tools for improvement

mistakes when taken into account become understanding

sorrow when understood becomes gratefulness

responsibility and the weight of it all leads to contentment

destruction and a helping hand show you mercy

dreaming without fail leads to hope

taking a shot despite your fears creates courage

battling your demons shrinks their control over you leaving inner peace

forgetting the pain leads to healing

admitting you aren’t perfect can lead to forgiveness

spending time repenting begets character

poison leads to a stronger tolerance

redemption is only possible if you first fall way

wasting time with the Divine begets Holiness

Dear whoever is out there…

my life is meaningless. I got nothing to give or take. I kinda enjoy video games but I keep thinking I need to do more or find her or this or that. So all I do is listen to music and write. what good is my writing?? I shouldnt be like this.. I shoudl be ecstatic !! Ive lost my pain and am almost healed!!! How many people beat a mental breakdown twice?? BUt I feel worthless. I dont even know if she could fix this right now. IN fridge gettting back to Jesus. but whadya I know. I wish I got happiness from peopel a little more in my home life. I do, its just I dunno im lost. m y existamce is b asic boring bland. I just am. forgive me this whole paragraph was useless. dunno why I wrote it … im tired

im still carzy about her… ijsut dont knwo if I can give her my best… ikm so existed … ii love her deeply

True inspiration makes people better versions of themselves, not imitations of you.

the difference between fact and fiction is its harder to believe the truth

the biggest failure is when you lose hope

peace of mind means nothing without goodness

hardship without acknowledging your weakness results in more hardship

pain only becomes useful after rest

darkness begets more darkness until you reach the pivot point of light or destruction

there cant be life without hope

struggles change you for better or worse- let them consume you and you face more struggles

your outlook of the world and perception of self play a big part in who you are

control is a characteristic of the evil; servant leadership is the opposite

what good is guidance if you yourself don’t know where you’re going?

beauty outwardly is alluring… beauty inwardly is rewarding

shortcomings teach us the greatest lesson… we are not God

if perfection were a virtue all other virtues would be moot and chasing them would be folly

(that last ones not the best… sorry.. I can do better)

the forlorn have the greatest success stories; better yet they can reach the most people and relate… (which is why jesus is the perfect person to rule…. HE suffered more than anyone and was tempted in everyday we are yet prevailed he was forlorn in a way by abandoned and lonely …)

connection to others is a type of power

its the indefatigable that are the real winners; when you grind enough you will rise

being well liked means little if no ones got your back

we chase others acceptance because we dont see the spiritual realm

sometimes we want belonging to the point we lose ourselves

what good is a friend that leads you to decadence?

I dunno do you guys like these?/. Icould do it everyday… but my hearet lies with my soulmate

if you take the fall for another you better have a plan

first of alkl… did you get all my texxt messag quotes??? I had some bangers out there!!! Please tell me they didnt go tto wawste!!!!

dear spiitual realm.. how do I compare to Solomon?

and woman… do you like?

cause if my womens likes these I could make some quotes jsut for her… shes the one I wanna impress teh most

love is useless without another to love (mighta already said this)

love is learned as a child before talking… ,maybe because its more important

when a man loves a woman… she can inflict more pain on him than the rest of the world combined. please odnt hurt me woman… who else will I go to

love of self isnt love… its obsession

love is sacrifice… if you never let go of something you cant replace it with love

love that becomes betrayal is the most heinous of evil

destruction of self comes you become too much or too little in your own eyes… balance is key

please realsae the texs messages to myself!!!!!! I wnat poeple to get the quotes and riddles!!!

for every ounce of control we have over our lives there’s ten pounds worth we depend on others, and a trillion tons on God

when lies become common.. no one understands each other

open up your soul to an elite, they’ll steal from you… open up your soul to a commoner they’ll laugh at you… open up your soul to a true friend they’ll listen… open up your soul to to God and He’ll heal you

you cant truly appreciate gain without first suffering loss

when seasons are bountiful our faith is tested to stay true, when seasons are dry our faith is keeps us

in the end the reward of true faith never disappoints

heroes are those who fight and suffer for another for justices sake… villains are those who gain and steal for controls sake

what do people like better… my poems or my quotes???

and Eva… how do I compare to Soren Kierkegaard???

when they destroy us… we shall rise from the ashes. IN the place of the jew-luciferian ( I repeat I know) state and society of self centered pleasure and tribalistic division will be a singular Christian society and government that honors our heritage and the sacrifice of the pilgrims and puritans. for they rightly discovered the evils of communal living and steered us into free market, or everyman deserving what every man does. This glorious Utopia of only white European descendants will breathe brotherhood, innovation, discovery , and wonders. Not the mention the safety and beauty of being a people of one race who share beliefs genes and culture. Big families will return meaning stronger individuals and tighter bonds that shall allow us to go to places we never dreamt of under the role of the demonic jew. Righteousness will be common again, woman will know their roles and men will thrive in there responsibility to create to demonstrate the power of masculinity and a male dominated society and culture.. Science will be Christian again and jews and their atheist will hold no power. For God did not create this great land of America, this city on a hill, to be overrun by the enemies of all that is righteous and beautiful. Rather HE expects greatness because we were planted with the seeds of some of the greatest men that ever lived, from the martyrs to the founders. So get ready to fight thru hell my fellow white Americans, because the modern jews homeland is hell and they will fight you with every ounce of demonic power they can muster. Yet after our glorious struggle God will recognize the true Israel: HIs Christian people

as God fought for His servant David… let God Fight for HIs people the Christians. IF ever there was cause for a just war… this is it. be ready.. my people

God has Almighty Power.. I fear no the Jew

Do not be afraid was a commanded by Jesus.. follow it

if perfection were a virtue all others would be obsolete. (same as last one but a litle less clutter… ill keep em both)

Dear Jesus,

I cant even pray without writing. Forgive me Lord. For idolizing my future wife. Help me to get close with you again. You are the omnipotent being of mercy and restoration. Restore me Lord. Let me be a Christian like I was. Depending on you, talking to you, seeking you. I want you to be the king of my heart. TO reign over it like a monarch, directing it where to go and supporting it with your wisdom and kindness. Forgive me for thinking I could surpass the apostles. I dont want have to suffer as much as they did. I hope you can keep me outta jail. Id be hard with my illness and hypersexuality. One day almost broke me im so weak. The voices said Lucifer hates me. Finally a word I can believe from them!!! Yet I believe you have protected me Lord, that y9ou have been guiding me and takin car eof me and carrying me when I cant walk spiritually. Thank you. I hope we can still be friends . And honestly, I want you to be my best friend. OVer my future wife even. Im sorry Lord. Im sorry I get carried awy with ehr and want her so bad. IF you want Lord, I can be single my whole life to prove my love for you. Im not joking. I have brothers and I can be a great uncle. I just dont wanna fail you Lord. Thats my biggest fear (besides going to hell but its the same). Letting you down. How I wish I coudl see you LORd, and talk to you face to face!!! Id be terrified of your glory but if you could tone it down. I hope your not upset with me. Im trying to do the right thing. Im trying to get my faith back so I can live by faith. And I want you to know im trying not to be afraid. Ive been thru hell twice and I dont wanna go thru agian. B Ut if do, you will carry me again and give me everything I need to recover. I want you to know even with these voices, I still love you. I love your words and wisdom and teachings and commanments and justice. Help me to always stay loyal to you. Even if the whole world rebels against you, let me die faithful to your cause. You know what im looking foreward to most in heaven? My time with you. ALl the talks and walks and you explaining everything to me. I dont htink it will ever get boring. Maybe in time you can tell jme about all the false mythologies too;) just for fun. But the truth will be more interesting. Please restore America nd white civilization. PLEASE. IM BEGGIN YOU. take my life if you must, but please save white america!! I trust you will hear my prayer. I love you Lord. May the heavens celebrate your glory.

please have mercy on me Lord

you scare me more than Satan

but I trust you more than myself

and love you more than life


who else cares enough to go to hell for us?? Cause thats what Jesus did. You can say it but if you haven’t done it its moot.

how is a mans worth decided? his deeds maybe?? his character maybe? his beliefs? his understanding … what about his love for his fellow creature and what develops that: his love of the Creator… and why is that.. The Creator is love.. love proves there is a Higher Power because that intense complex emotion cant just be. Love gives meaning depth and connection. Its the most potent of virtue, the most sensitive of emotion. Love defines a man and leaves a lasting legacy by those who experienced it and their posterity. When we die people only care about you if you cared about them. Maybe love is a deed, cahracter , belief and understanding all wraped up in one entity. It breaks the hardest hearts and restores the deepest woes. It shows the path to righteousness as love does no harm. People ask what is the meaning of life. Love is. Because God is love and His Son is love and commands us to love our firends strangers and enemies. It acknowledges them as having worth and deserving life even if its bad must be redeemed. If youve ever asked why you keep fighting when nothing seems right , why you care when they hate and reject you or why you keep going cuase its painful, Love is why. Love is the chief of all virtue becuase it makes all other virtues matter. And at Gods heart and in the front of HIs mind is love of all creation.

Lord protect her from the wiles of satan. Keep her loyal and faithful to you!!!!!

everyman is a slave to something. if your a slave to freedom your a slave to Christ

its the small choices that lead to the big moments

fear controls.. love compels

answers often come when we quit obsessing over the question

solitude is only conceivable with freedom

if you mind your own business… remember those in power dont

when you reject your ancestors way… are you still considered posterity? Or have you become bastards?

if race didnt matter… why does racism exists?

when they start indoctrinating children… its the beginning of the end

the difference between faith and hope is that faith expects while hope believes

surviving day to day teaches you more than if you were set for life

focusing one the pain makes it more intense… if you can find a distraction use it

creativity is a superior form of intelligence

distractions can be good or bad depending on the situation… just don’t let them control you

when you obsess over something it controls you; when you’re in control you can walk away anytime

dear womman

do y9ou ever wanna talk about my writings? I hope you like them. but maybe the best thing is if you wrote in response to my writings!!! Cute my writings I cant just say cause my brains to think and takke time to cultivate the thought. But if ou. love writing id li=ve to hear your writings in response!!! Or just talk about it if you want. I just hikk I td nbe intersting to et oyur opinion…

ps do you think my poems will be ever used for kids schools as like a template for writing their own poems??? Cuase I did something like taht a few times. I took a poem already writing and made my own.. Like the I am from poem. Are any of my poems good enoigh to be replicatedby children??? That would be wicked cool and id like to read thee best of em..

and I hope Christian kids are praying for me cause God hears a honest faithful Christian Childs prayer far greater than most adults. I neeed your prayers!!!

kids are the closest thing to God in the human race

any one that hurts a child it would be better if they had. a millstone and were drowned in the bottom of the sea

as I get better

I still remember my dreams

I still remember the unknown:

my future woman

I might not be as great as advertised

I have disagreements

and frustrations

but ill love you

im extremely imperfect

bountifully mundane

and I dont wanna hurt you

but I know I err

forgive me dear woman

il pray ahead of time

that my frustrations

my wrath and edginess

all disappear when im around you

because the pain I inflict on you

hurts me more than the pain you inflict on me

ive enven gotten upset wiht my mom before so im not perfect. I just down wanna hurt you emotionally or spiritually or in any way. csuae I trust youll be an amazing non contoling woman. cause that s hwat I need

dear woman… I want you to know I love you like water is wet like birds fly like a tree stands on its roots… Its intrinsically part of my being to love you above other humans because you are my counterpart that compliments every part of me , my beloved beautiful half… for isnt beauty of all kinds ( as yours is complete mind heart soul and body) desirable and praiseworthy…

ive texted this a couple times. but if I somehow had the money.. id love to do a professional clean (nothing our kids couldn’t look at) photoshoot so I can have amazing pictures of your rare and exquisite beauty. Maybe do it by decade or something, I dunno. I jsut want you to have a great time and show off oyur beauty. If oyur as beautiful as I think I bet you could be a model if you chose. ANd Id have a keepsake to look at your and pass down. I dunno if it goes well we could do it again maybe.. If I was rich enough… im curious what era youd wanna do most… id say 50s/60s.. elegant and sexy… but itll be tough when your a mama and popping our htose 12 kids (ill compromise at 7 nothing less).

I hope you wanna be another as much I wanna be a father… I pray none of them have sexual problems or mental illness…

Dear woman….

im not that great. I just wanna be with you (and save the world from demonic forces- or are teh demons teh good guys (cause Gods people are the jews…)) that hurts my head. I fell so hard. the voices make me think im something great. ALl my life wanted to find a wonderful beairtyufil woman and spend my life with her and raise a family with her and 2) walk so close to my God Jesus that I make it into heaven and get to spend forever wiht Him. Now I dont even know if Jesus is my ally. Does He serve Christians?? Or Jews??? Caus HE cant serve both. Either HE will love the one or hate the other. BUt anyway… I miss you and ive heard the craziest thoughts like Gabriel wants to be my soul mate. That just sounds wrong on so many levels. And I love you dear. Youre my one and only girl… I love you so much. Id trade my status or platform or whatever if I coudl jsut be with you forever. I love you dear. And I kniow I get carrried away with things but I want to be with you in absolute. The voices said Lucifer promised the jews thir own world or universe if they followed him. PLease take them all away with you Lucifer!!! As far away from humanity as possible!!! BUt they said not even Lucifer wants anything to do with them theyre so evil. I hope things go right in my life. IN this life and teh next for me… ive lost my groundedness. THey promise me power and my own world or universe or this and that … but my heart just wants three things : you ( a beautiful wonderful perfect fro me woman) 2) a lot of great smart healthy chidlren that dontn sruglle wthi what I do and 3 ) I still hope I can find a kind merciful God hat loves me and wants me to live forever in peae adn rest with no pain or sorrow ad wants to be my friend)… deep down I still wanna be aCrhistain.. I love the teachign the laws the commantments the amin cahrcter amaing and flawless. but I just pray it go my way.




like I breathe

I need to love you to exist

and I dont ahve to even think to love ya

you da besteset woman a man coudl ask for

deaR EVA holy FUCK

do I not have a soul mate!!! You have no idea how confusing the voices have been they kept saying id meet her for her birthday… if I have a suuol mate your not mine….. and the reason I thought you werent was becsaue you were engaged!!! But I dont have a soul mate and you dont love will.. your fucking perfect!!!! IF youd give up your wine for our kids, give up your career to be a mom of 12 and if you are a virin. BUt if oyud do all that (and if I dont have a soul mate … please forgvie m me if I do)id love to get to know you and tlak polotics and. eligion. HEll id love to talk to oyu no matter what. But I think oyur damn sexy enough and ii have high standards. an d I think yourmentally smart aenough.. oyur a genuoius and id love talking aouto opolotics daily with you!!!! and religion!! and I could write opoems about you so eas you have so much to Draw from. HOly cow your the perfect age at 26. I kinda want someont a litttel older ()unless she my perfect soul mate)

id love to learn another langiuega and speak to you in dutch

she shined forth as a valkyrie of light

using wisdom and truth as arrows

piercing the fools who thought they were wise

showing her colors of wisdom

she stood courageously

unafraid of the bigheaded low minded fools

staying pure as a maiden of morality

she fought valiantly for the underprivileged

rising as a beacon for her people

wait until next summer Eva… if I dont meet her… how bout a date???

do you like my poem Eva??? cause if I dont have a soulmate.. even if I did.. I dont see how I could do much better than you

could I do better than Eva? I mean… I dunno… why would I wanna do better?? I already loved her brutal honesty, her fighting spirit and her courage to go against the grain.
BUt ill be honest it might not work out. I hate to say it but even my soul mate was gonna take time to get to know and love. And I dont have teh money. Il be honest im stillsacerd im gonna miss out on my soul mate. But if Eva was my soul mate… damn I m a lucky man.. not jsut because of her body… but shes brilliant and has common sense about the issues. I guess I was kinda expecting like a divine holy creature bt now that I think about it I want something down to earth. I dunno … please lead me in theright direction Lord… if I have a soul mate dont let me fail her…. nif its Eva helop it to work out

If we do date… lets take it slow

so the voices say it ain’t gonna work out with Eva… shame. I really liked her.

Dear woman,

What in the world do you think of me??? Ive lost my marbles dear…. ive sided with Lucifer…. I gave him conditions… like this bible is great and true and al the teachings and commands are righteous. ALso if he was involved inilling baabies or pedophelia I want nohting to do with him. (or transwuxla or any fofrm of homoosesxuality) and hte jews arent allowed in white countries. and he cant hurt or attack christians or good angels. If he does those things I could side with him a lot easier. I didnt trust him till Gabriel supported him . I trust Gabriel … they broke me … I batshit crazy. I dont have any idea what’s going on in the spiritual realm. I dont even know if there is a heaven or hell. I just wanna be with you woman so I can be happy. The more youve suffered for me the more ill love you (dont get any ideas- I dont want you in prison). all I m saying is It would mean alot if you went through hardhsip s for me. I love oyu woman. a nd if you think siding with Lucifer is bad, even after all the stipulations, ill stop. I love you

im so



in some way I wish Eva was my soul mate just so I could be outta this darkness and wondering… but I doubt she loves me and is worthy … shes damn close but I have my doubts… shes getting amrried anyway

people ask why God doesnt heal people like He didi in His time. thInk about it.. we would never have advcnasd in medical field.. God wants men to Crete explore, invent adn innovate. ANSD taht cant happen if the angels do everything . SO He wants men to have purpose and imporve the life of others. and that happens with practice and trial and error. Scioenc isnt all bad

Dear woman

do you enjoy these letters? I wonder what youd think of me if you could read my mind and see though my eyes and experience all teh nerves adn timidness and shyness all these years.or if you just read my book… what did you think? Am I okay? DOes she know everything about me?? Cause I hope she isnt upset. Ive tried my best.

do you like my stupid taste in music and video games and movies? but did you enjoy your Nintendo switch becuase you liked it or because its something I enjoyed…. if you have one… I mean if you hate video games thats fine…. I just think its fun and would like to play with you…how about board agmes or card games??? have you heard of speed? or settlers of catan? We got room at my table for one more… its kinda an elite level playing fieled so if you come you gotta brnig it. and your wathing seasbiscut with me its a hrose movie so youll love it. and one day im gonna sit you down and make you lisen to the darkwst most depressing non sceramo music and say : this got me therough the most hellish year sof my life… and your gonna hate it find if you dotn wanna listen cause youve heard it fine I won’t torture you. just know it was teh onoly music hta helped me sometimes. do you hate hard rock music?

I love you you give em meaning

My heart is a stone without your love

hard cold and empty

without void or understanding

as the earth before creation

my mouth is empty flow of gibberish

without your ears to listen

what good is my words without you?

you’re the one I want to bond with as one

my mind is brutish and incomprehensible

without a partner to give it meaning

a mad man of incomprehensible insanity

but by you understand you get me,

taken me to new heights

my eros is nothing

I am asexual; purity at its finest without her

the pretties girls look like just another human

but you, dear woman, you complete me

you make me a romantic where once was selfishness

your turn on my desire like food to the obese

freeing my unsexuality and creating a sex drive

only for you, always

my one and only

I imagined her…

as an angel in thy skies

coming down in perfection

being the perfect soul to compliment mine

but she was better than all that

I dreamt of her

her personality lively and exuberant

her mind fill of question and wonder

her heart pure and honest as a child

but she surpassed my wildest imaginations

I worried about her

that she would do to much for me

that she would suffer to save me

that she loved me so much she would be in pain for me

but as much as I tried to protect and be there for her

she was the one that saved me

for without her

I am an empty tomb

a soulless body

and a lifeless corpse

but with her I shine

as the brightest of angels

a whisper

a whisper

I heard it sofly

so gently

so kindly


I love you

dont be afraid

a voice

speaking clearly


with care


I always protected you

and I aways will

a cadence

so crystal clear

so distinct

such depth


I never left you

ive been by your side

without fail im yours

death by torment

the masses congregated

had me chained up

they all pointed the finger at me

with their guns

but one soul came forth

and took the shots

I cried terribly disgusted

how could I let someone take the fall?

I felt such disgrace

such inward shame

I cried out telling her to run

but she didn’t listen

I wanted to die that day

I had broke the minds of demons

I had spoken words knowing the consequence

so I was ready to lay my life down

I wanted no one to die but me

but she took the fall

and I wept bitterly

as they tormented me worse than death

if hell is on earth its when a woman take step fall for a man

why do you want power?

I desired power

not for myself

but to protect others

to defend the helpless

to level the playing field

and look out for the little man

I craved direction

not for me

I wanted to know

the ways to lead and to guide

to show others how to make it through

and the best route for their souls

I asked for pain and sorrow

For me to take myself

to be a beacon of light

and hope the hopeless

so that those that suffer likewise

can say “hes been there

and hes just like me

so maybe I can endure”

So God choose the jews and lets them get away with every sin imaginable… from homeosexuality and pedophilia to murder to theft of money and high usury to the most devious sheme of genoidio viia migration and diversity .. Im starting to hate this whole election thing. You coulda chose a moral people or a humble people or just anyone else but the Jews!! WHy did you choose the demons of earth to be oyur inheritance? DO you agree with their debachery? Cuas you aint fucking doing anythign to stop it. FOr a mellenium. I wish you had to see your people while they were inccoent and good and slowly watch them get demorailzeed not becaue of them but becaseanither race poisne and brainsashes genreation after generatoin with lies and crafty half-truths. Becuase no one did htat to the jews. They did it to themselves. BUt they forced it on my people (who I thought wrre your people but you dont seeem to give a damn). ITs such hypocracy, this whle election thing is. So jews can publicaoly and with no shame hate you with everything they have and you allow them to flourish. But whites in amermenian who were chrsitains get wiped out and you dont seem to give a fuck. at this =point the only thing keepong me from siding with lcuifer is ahtta the jews worship him amd becsaeu of theri worshoip and practice he too seems to ahte the trth and good. It salmost like you and licifer or on the same side. The jews own both fo you. a re you and dlucifer gay lovers that have the jews as your children??

if God doesn’t fix the jews and take responasblity for HIs inheritance and restore america and Europe … then I think God should have to suffer for the problems HEs created… I dont mean Jesus… I mean every sin that HIs inheritance has caused Christians to stumble from the jews…. God should be accountable for . Theyre His people and HE should own up to it.

woman your the only one that can cool my wrath for God… I hate His people… if God doesnt take accountability I want Him put on trial for their sin against the world… God chose them He needs to take responsibility,,, riht now your the only one who can save me from damnation… God sold out His followers fr His peopole. …He may send me to hell but the main thing I ask when he does is none of His filth be a universe length near me

am I fucking Man enough for you woman!!!! I told God fuck you in my texts. I m tired or His people


help me to not care about you so much


your killing me

your most of my thought

and all of my desire

help me by being there for me

I only care about the angel Gabriel

if shes my woman

otherwise hes just another angel

I just wanna be with you

nothing makes sense

im so lost and bored with life

ive lost my marbles woman

I honestly think an ark angel is my soul mate!!!!!


first of all…thats pretty proud to think that an ark angel would wanna be my woman. I must be super arrogant to think theyd wanna come down to my level. and be the woman. Its also very creative and insane. BUt that would be cool. HIOnestly tho what idn of soul are they like? ADO they have virtue and character??? DO they match my personality? Are they a fit mentally? AM I smart enough for her? WOuld I satify an angel with my converstaoin and action? How can I be good neough for her>?? HOnestly I almost expect to have my ovice taken for unbelief. BUt its just so far out there. DO I want to amrry an arkacngel? HELL YEAH as olong as shes teh woman. But am I good enough for you Gabriela ??? IF you say so . I want a good friend more than a lover. So be a great friend to me.BUt if SHe went to hell for me even temporary, I love her like no on else, beyond a simple soul mate. I FUCKING LOVE YOU WOMAN. People readng this: yes ive lost my marbles. WOman: I ONLY PRAY YOUR APPEARCNE MACHES THE BEUATY OF OYUR SOUL. hugs and one day kisses

are you in love Gabriel??

im sorry I got you crappy cheap jewelry… I dint know you where a mighty ark angel!!! Your probabbly used to expensive exeeendingly nbeauritufl gems. Mine wer cheap $60 ( I think) and $120 ( I think)

… when I get more money when im rich ill get you gems worthy of you… ireally wanna get you a red diamond the rarest stone !!! I want you to get what you dewserve and you deserve the absolute best

I dunno im worried you might not like it now.:(. ill return it if you dont like itits kinda okay…. but I liked the quote how it says im lost without you (cause I am) and the compass like we need each other to help guide us… what day think

im sorry I ruined teh surprise … I just dint think youd like it…srry

teh other one youll have to see for yourself… I hope you like it… I wish I had money to buy you nice jewelry and do it every year!!!! (if you liked it) I just think your beautiful and deserve bearitufl jewelry to hep you shine… ill try to get you a section so oyu have options and can wear different necklaces and bracelets with different styles and colors. I just want you ahppy and I wanna see your nbearuty fully capitalized on…

they had a gold one so if you prefer gold color I can swap it by January 31 2023…. I dunno I jus t though tth white was perfection … but if youd wnat a gold one you gotta meet me by January 31:)

but its kinda cheap…. would rich and famous women wear it?? OR what they poo pah it??

if I spent too much.. its cause I ve never lived outside home… so I really haven’t had to budget… I give 10% to GOd and 10% to my mom and then just buy whatver and try to save up…. I got my car paid off in a year tho and have no bills besides cell phone cause im on insurance for bieng so poor. im trying to save up and earn enough to move out….ut I spend ussually $100 -$200 per birhtdya/ family member for Christmas.

but if im confessing… I spend alot on video games and food for myself (mostly junk food some healthy and alot of pizza/fast food)

why do peopel feell horrible??

if people thought I was a freeloader fuck you

I should add I had a bunch saved up.. and then I went crazy and couldnt work and wouldnt go on welfare and didnt realize I could get insurance for poor people so I wasted over 10,000 on bills and getting by.. medical bills

I should add when I was in mn they didnt charge me for my visits or bills. GOD BLESS YOU DR OBERSTAR

just hate government welfare and try to avoid it at all. cost …. I think its evil mostly and ahate the who won’t work… that swhy is aid id take ewlerafar fo rher cause iof I had a famiooyl I would for their waffling…. but ni time unles I have to

but I really dont care about being rich until I find her cuase I dont want her poor… I dont care If I am

please telll me I didnt screw up

I know im an idiot

I always told dr oburstar taht if I was ever rich id pay him back… I always planed on payingg him back in a donation… I always dreamed of being able to payback those who helped me so much…. im srry… and I miss you dr bursar… I still consider you a huge friend and my moms been trying her danrdest to find you!!!

im scared…. what’s going on….and why did that change things… I was gonna be happy with my soul mate…. why is everyone siding with lucifer??

why cant I be with her??? FUCK YOU … I dont wanna date anyone else!!!! I just wanna be with her!!! WHY IS GOD SO CRUELwhy does teh first person have to go to hell??? FINE I WONT DATE

fuck it… whatever gets me to her without me or her going to be eternally damned let that happen

insanity is the reality for one that most people don’t live in

helplessness In healthy adults is just an excuse to be lazy

if someone asks, you should answer… if someone requests you should consider.. and if someone desires you should test them (kinda dumb but it gets you thinking)

hardships can either makes you softer or destroys you

solving a problem can often lead to new possibilities of problems

I dunno these a c tier quotes today sorry

if you never fall youll never know what its like to be the little guy

empathy is a connection of sorrows meeting to create comfort

roads always have an end- usually another road

Dear woman…

,my woman

my dear one

I FUCKING LOVE YOU!!!! I fear im running outta things to say. Ive asked you questions but you dont respond. Ive writeen you about me or us and I hear nothing. Thats one thing Im afraid of. running outta converstaoins al peices. What is we dont have anything to talk about. thats kinda why I was hoping you were a chatterbox so I could listen to you and ask questions and enjoy oyur presence. I really dont wanna bore you. at teh very least id love to keep writing you poetry!!! Hopefulyl my mind satays cretive enough it can create something. I will say tho… one thing ive learned is that when you love someone immensely you can talk about anything and its enjoyable- as long as you agree on the important stufff. But yeah its like even the most mundane converstaoins have meaning becuase your spenidng time connecting with someone you love. all the same I wanna be interseign espcisally to you. Heres a question “is the highest form of intelligence virtue?” thats sounds too abstract to be logical. But think of this: intelligence is the obtaining of truth and being able to find truth, mostly. Because we are intelgent wehn we have truth. Thre fore, truth leads us to justice and honesty and all forms of virtue. SO wehn you obtain those virtues you are obtaining truths and thius intelligence. DUnno if hat makes sense. BUt id love to talk to tyou about it and hear oyu say its illogical and why. Wouold yuo find hatta interesting?? Or is taht kinda lame???? Cuase id love to talk to you about ideas and quotes and princples of life!!! I hope oyur mentally sharp…. anyway… Id love t0ntalk to you about everything…

love you woman!!!!

your man

joshyps. does virtue being the highest form of intelligence make any sense???

pss im ussually not smart enough to bring it out in conversation… srry.. I do my best thinking alone… but maybe I can think up ideas and quotes to talk about with you!!!! I just want you o get the best of me and make you as happy as I can!!!! if you prefer poetry ill focus on that!!!!!!!

im gonna havta ask you your preferences for jewelry cause im not impressed with stuff I found online. I honestly dont care if you have it or not, youre so sexy. But I just figured youd like it and I want you happy. and I want you happy. I guess I dont mind necklaces or bracelets or maybe earings. I dont care . If you like it ill care. I just thought htered be really nice stuff our there for more money. maybe if were Rich enough well find some really nice stuff. I like beautiful colors and gems. but I need to see it on you to be a fair judge. ill be honest, I know nothing about womens fashion. but if I see it on you and like it I could do a 180. I just know what I like to look at…. and honestly jewlsery the last thing I look for in a womans apperance. Ill still buy you fancy jewlery cause I want you happy. and I want you to feel wanted and beautiful. ANd know nothing about makeup or lotion or shampoo for women or anything like that… so ill probabyl make sure to get you a gift card to bath and body worols or wherever you go … I want you to have the best things you want. I want you to know I car eabout your deisre sa nd preferences and I wnat you to have nice things. SO that you look good and your happy and satisfied. now I know deep down… its not your priority. but you still like it… so I want you blessed. and dont expect to buy you clothes if your not their.. I wouldnt buy women’s clothes unless my woman was there to buy for. bu t it go on a dat ewith you and see oyu dressd up in clothes. if your as hot as I think I think id enjoy it. anyways… alll this nonesense. ..I hope your the kind of woman that would wear -pandan earmuffs lol. that would make me smile. I just want you to be happy woman!!!! but I want you beyond happy.. iwant you spoiled!!!! cause I know it won’t currupt you. I want to buy you jewlwery and flowers ans chocolates and everything a girl would want. caause your the better part of me and I want you to be rewarded for choosing me. I wnat to love you in everyway. By spenidng time with you. by going on our walks and talks. by doing things with you. by writing you letters or poems or quotes… by providing for oyu. by getiing physical (in time)… by discussing things deep taopics funny topics important topics… by taking you places. by taking you one dates. by remmerber ing occasions. by buying you gifts. by cooking and baking for you or wiht you. by being involeved iin your life. by listening to you and trying to inderstand . by sacrificing for you. by being a great husaabnd and father. by doing the things that you love best.

ps would you like panda earmuffs????srry I know ive asked taht before…. I just think theyre cool

io mean I guess I dont mind jewlwefy but its so small… id love for it to be a good size so more people coiuld amire it… when Im rich wer getting custom giant emeraold/ruby/saphire/ all teh colors germs on a necakalce!!!! mean one color per necklace but ittl be giant so you can color code your apparel…. then I can dress to compliment you

srry I just love fantasizing of a down to earth humble sexy absolute stunning standout as my soul mate

because even tho I tried not to look at woman most of my life…. I olove admiring their beauty and seeing them all fancied up in a sexy way… I could jsut stare at sexiness and listen to them talk to me as they were arrayed in beauty…. htat would be heaven

I mean look how tiny that is… I need a magnifying glass or need to bee nose to nose to see it… id need something 15x times that size… yeah itd beeexpseisve but damn I hope im rich to afford it… cause I want her to have the best most beautiful jewlsery….

and I know this kinda sounds gay… but fuck you guys that think this is gay… id like for her to dress fancy in different colors and Id match her with my shirt or sweater…. so we match not always the same color but complimentary…. I got like every color dress shirt…. id be fun to see her in color and match her… cause im a ladies man

at this poitn I wouldnt even care if my woman was a supermodel…. just so long as she was perfect tin every way…I wouldnt want other men looking at her almost naked :(. cause I want hat all to myself and her being pure. can you be a pure model that doesnt dress almost naked??? I just want her to be prue and mine and glorious… when we do that shoot itll be fully clothes believe me. and wehn we go swimming… idont want her wearing a bikini…. shes really gonnna have to convince me…. you can still look sexy in a one piece….

so woman… I want oyu to write a letter on what you can bring to the table… I can bring my dashing good looks… my exuberant spirit … loyalty and a fake laugh to make you feel good ( youll never tell when im joking lol) you know hwat scratch that … ill write a letter on what you can bring to the table and you can proof read it when we meet. jk I dont have sahding good looks… im bald

woman this is what you bring to the table









an ear





stunningly good looks

a standout babe

the perfect set of eyes

great set of tits

gorgeous blond hair

I know I said physicals matters least and it does but damn… everyone notices looks srry I still value her soul most important

what I bring to the table

my love

my words

my companiosnhip

my beard

my blue eyes

my loyalty

my manliness

my heart

my soul

my obsession

hopefully my money becaues someone as sexy as you deserves a multi billionaire- if I was over 20 billions Id spend 1 billion on your ring to make it worthwhile so you knew that fuck yeah I love you im committed and ill never leave you and oyur beauty ispricelss while money comes and goesi know thats a lot of fuckign money but dman I love you o fucking much

I know it own be that rich…. so ill probably buy some multi million dollar ring for her

if shes ugly I aint wasting much money on her Beauty… srry but expensive stuff on ugly girls aint worth it

yoiu know I coulda wrote an actually good piece on what each of us bring to the table but im lazy…I feel like ive already said it anyway… so yeah shes got alot more I could a worte im just lazy…. and Ifor once I focusd on physical because why waste such beauty?? by not admireing it

dont worry.. I like talking to girls about them and not just focusing on their looks… if they have interest hobbies things or ideas they think about id love to talk /listen to them … especialy from her.

how long has everyone known???

and when can I meet her??

but I bet she doesnt care mcuh about Money or looks or jewlwery or sruff… she prolly just wants to be around me and do things with em

and who the hell am I ?? IF a literal angel is my soul mate… who am I????

ive never been so unafraid of hell… but Ive never been this far away from God…am I still a good guy? do I help anyone????????

Lord please don’t make me responsible for people being tormented forever…

we haven’t even met… but you’ve given me so much already

you gave me hope

that there was someone else

someone like me

who agreed with me

who would bring me joy

and compliment me

you gave me goals

something to seek for

a goal to become worthy of

something to be Holy for

to give up the evil Im me

and choose the light

you gave me excitement

that maybe there was someone

who would get me

and follow my God

and chase my dreams with me

as we embrace each other

in perpetuity

my DNA dont lie

my love for you…

is part of my dna

it cannot be altered

I was born with it

taking it away would be

stripping me of my being

my desire for you

is deeply intertwined

with my soul

my soul wouldn’t be

without its desire for you

because your apart of it

I wouldn’t have a chance

to be one with anyone

if it weren’t for you

because as crops need rain

or the earth needs the sun

my soul is void without you

you bring me pain apart/joy together

death comes to us all

but do you know what’s more

terrifying then death?

me being without you

because death comes quickly

but my regret for you would be eternal

pain comes to us all

but do you know

what bring the most pain?

the idea that we cant be together

its painful just waiting

but never meeting is torment

the highest expression in joy

cannot be expressed in mere words

because you bring that to me

even apart imagining you and

writing you my love gives me

more depth than the ocean

hope is powerful and hard to destroy… even death can inspire hope

wealth of riches means nothing if you lose it all… wealth of virtue means everything even if you lose it all

why you betray a devil its redemption… when you betray a brother you become a devil

absurdity to the logical is logic to the absurd

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