If you’re in pain

I will feel it

I will be beside you

I will aid you aliment

However I can


If you are lost

I will guide you

 I will comfort you

I will make you forget the unknown

And show you

Theis is where you were meant to be

With me


If your are lonely

Wherever you are

I’ll be beside you

Guiding you

Loving you

Cherishing you

Supporting you


If you’re in sorrow

I’ll wipe those tears

I’ll cry for you

I’ll take it upon myself

Until you laugh

And weep no more


If you are poor

I will give you my love

I will show you laughter

I will make the rich Envy you

For the all the love and good

That comes your way


I you get i old i hope i love you more than ever…. i dont wanna be those pos that leave their wife for a younger better looking woman in their old age… i want to be yours and yours only… always

Dear soul mate:

are you real? or are you imaginative ??? Im beginning to look elsewhere for company. Im just extremely lonely and the only cure is attractive women. I try praying to God but I get bad voices and bad emotions so I just try to stay neutral/ leaning towards Jesus just waiting for Him to restore me. I was gonna be strong and wait till next summer. But everything condemned me. I talked to my mom and she said it was a fantasy. I dont want it to be a fantasy. But it think shes at least partially right. I mean even if you are real… how do we meet??? What do I gotta do?? To meet you?? How come we cant communicate??? I wanna love you but if your not here to love… where does all my love go???

dear soul mate:

don’t choose me if Im the bad guy!!!! IF I side with Lucifer or sell out God you shouldnt want me!!! I dont want you getting hurt!! You should have a deep profound love of Christ!!!!! I dont want horrible things to happen to you!!! If I become apostate I need you to be strong and stay true to the good guys!!! That s my hope… so that even if I fall youlll be there to help me!! Id be a stronger Christian but this illness get the best of me … but I want good things for you!!! I want you to be protected by the mighty angels of God. if I fall I dont want you going down with me. Don’t you dare say you’ll go to hell for me!!! Thats blasphemy…forgive me God. No one has teh power to send anyone to heaven or hell but God Almighty. Anything else is wrong. No one can trade places with another. If they do… wouldnt they be an idol. Forgive me for making her an idol Lord. I just dont want anything bad to happen to you woman… Stay true to your roots!!!!!!! Return to the rock from which you were hewn.

forgive me for idolatry Lord

I guess I love her so much because I believe she some great saint that loves you almost perfectly and is almost perfect for me…

dear world…

I dont have much. I feel like my life is of little importance. The battle within is indeed a greater challenge than the battle without. I have these demons that keep consuming me. I cant even pray ive gone so far off the deep end. All I can do is watch in horror as my people are raped murdered brainwashed indoctrinated and consumed by jewish anti white anti christian propaganda. I always wanted to be a strong Christian. To never sell out deny forsake my Lord and to do teh will of the Father. Now I question if that’s right. Call it idolatry or whatever but I feel so lost. Are Christians praying for me? Cause I can use all the prayer in the world as I battle Satan. I feel like Satans winning. Like im destined to fall to his traps. Forgive me GOd. And deep down what I truly want is that perfect match. That woman that will remain loyal even if she has to suffer because she loves God so much. I dont feel like a good man. I feel like ive lost myself. Forgive me woman. I don’t wanna lose my family. Jesus was my best friend. Now we dont talk. Now were strangers. Bring me through this somehow. IM so lost. Somehow Jesus is the bad guy????? that makes zero sense. Why would it behove me to sell out Jesus??? im so confused. That s what I had!! Thats what I loved! What kept me going and gave me purpose… now im so empty the only purpose I have is for an imaginary girl. HELP. ME. Im just another wandering soul . And my judgement will be more severe if I dont get right. SO PLEASE HAVE MERCY ON ME GOD.


so does that mean its over? teh omega sign. Does that mean I won her over? or that I lost her… it would make more sense taht I lost her. … it was a nice run dear… ill still love you depsite my failures. iverun outta poetry cause im such as pos . fogive me… id gladly lose her if I could gain back my relationship with Jesus. You have no idea how much I miss my best friend. Its felt like He left me for this past year. Like He was testing me or allowing me to suffer. But I always remembered HIs words “I will never leave you nor forsake you.” and “lo I am with you always even to the end of the world.”

I cried for my sins

I hated myself for my transgressions

I was on the verge of ending it all

because the vilest men could condemn me justly

could I be forgiven… for the worst of thoughts?

It all seemed like a big lie

like a big fantasy

why did God wanna redeem me?

how could He? I was HIs villain

a monster He created like Lucifer

what is the point of me

wandering in the time space

I used to believe in God

love cherish and walk with Him

but what now? what do you call a severed friendship

are we enemies now?

I deserve hellfire

we all do but me especially

a sex addict from puberty

was I molested as a child?

or am I just that evil?

dreaming sick fantasies

men as women and visa versa

and I dreamt of her

I wanted a relationship

but why would she want me

when I lust after warped ideas

why would she want anything to do with me?
my one saving grace

my one hope in this life

it seemed like she would leave me

like it felt Jesus did

Jesus never did but I felt abandoned

forgive me God Almighty

youve shown your mighty power

by crippling a cripple

but it was my fault always

and you were just there to redeem

will we ever be close like we once were?
will I ever find solace in your presence

that carried me my first 30 years?

what good am I Lord?

was I created to suffer and nothing else?

do I have a woman out there? or is that an illusion

a hook to fool me and find unbreathable air

destined to face my loneliness alone

when will you come back to me oh Word of God??

I miss you more than I love her

cause you always showed me you Loved me

and you always told me the pain it cost

to redeem my wretched soul…

was I worth it Christ????

was I worth that pain…

what is my value to you Great Creator??

forgive me for my pride Lord

here’s a sneak peak at a book I was writing long ago that im waiting for my faith to return to finish










what is

why benificial


vs hghnmindedness

Lowliness is an often over looked vitrue that makes great men even greater.

When looking for virtues to aspire to we often think of courage, wisdom, inner strength, charity, and righteousness, among others.  These are fantastic and should be sought after.  However, there is one virtue that when paired with these makes us superior and able to transend barriers and reach new hieghts.  That virtue is lowliness.   Now, some may ask, fairly, how is lowliness a virtue?  We think of the worst of us as lowly.  The scourge of society, the rejects of mankind.  They are the lowest of humanity.   But that is precicly why lowliness is of such great importance.  Its the only way to reach them.  Why should we aim for so little?  Because the smaller we are, the more we can help others.  How can a great man connect with the poor?  Via lowliness.  How can we really know someone great unless they come down to our level?  Otherwise we are as distant as the stars.  Lowliness is imparitive for any great leader to understand his people.  It is the binding force that keeps a people together.  Without it, there can be no equality.  After all, if we cannot see eye to eye on issues of law, which requires great men lower themselves to obey, can we truly be equal?    

God is omnipotent, omnipresent, and omnesicence.  That means He has all power, is everywhere, and knows everything.  His ways are so much higher and superior to anything man could comprehend.  He knows all that every happened, all that will happened, and all the thoughts ever concieved.  He created all things, seen and unseen, and continues to create more.  He has created all of nature, and created billions of unique, unidentical human souls.  And He keeps going.  Truly, trillions of years will not be enough time to understand a portion of Him or His greatness.  All things were created for Him and by Him.  He commands all creation and principalities.  Nothing gets past Him. The very hairs on your head are numbered.  Of His creation, He has particularly fondness of:man.  Perhaps His opus magnus, who am I to say?  Yet He has such high opinion of man, it was created in His image and He himself became man.  That is to say, the consubstantial son, who is of the same essense, did.  The same God that created all things became His creation.  Since God became man, that means man is incredablly special in His eyes.  Yet He created man as inferior to Him in every regard.   Man is a brute fool when compared to the Almighty.  So why do I say all this in a book about lowliness?  Simple, Christ is the lowliest being that ever excisted.  And Christ is the express image of God (I and the father are one.  Have you been with me so long and do not understand?  You who have seen me hath seen the Father).  

All things said of God can be said of Christ, being one with the father and creating all with Him.   Ever wonder why genissi says “let us make man in our image.” Who is us?  God the father and God the Son.  After creating all things, He became His creation.  Imagine the humility it takes to become your creation.  To lower yourself to their level when before you had seraphim and cherabim falling down and worshipping you.  Then, you do not come as a great man like a king or noble.  Rather, you become a commoner, disregarded by society as an afterthought.  How humble must you be?  To disregard all respect and honor in order to reach people.  Becasue that is at the heart of lowliness: reaching others level.  

How can you truly help others if you are too high above?  What good is a king to his people if he is lost in his own world of majesty and splendor?  The best kings are those that love their people and reign with them and their best interests in mind.   This all applies to leaders too.  The best leaders put their subjects needs above their own desires.  Lowliness for a great man is the opposite of self absorbed concietedness.  It seeks the good for others; an altruistic characteristic of servitude.  And that is what Christ has done.  

He is King of Kings, yet He came to serve.  Everything He did was for others, to minister to them.  “For the son of man came not to be serve, but to serve.”  What a wonderful Savior that is!!! What a precious God worth serving!!! He wants to help, to aid, to minister to all who will receive Him.  And He backs it up with countless miracles and, more importantly, preaching the word.  “Do not believe me unless I do what my Father does. But if I do it, even though you do not believe me, believe the miracles, that you may know and understand that the Father is in me, and I in the Father.” john 10:38 Here we see that the miracels were done for belief in the Savior.  After all, what good are miracles if said person goes to hell?  Which leads us to the ultimate work of servitude was to die in your place to save you from hell.  He came to die for His very Creation out of love.

Now He could not reach His Creation unless He lowered Himself to their level.  Just the fact He listens to us and seeks a relationship proves of His lowliness.  What good is God if He is too high and might to reach?  We cannot ascend to Him, so He came down to us.  

What good is it to be great, if you are all alone?  Thats a terriifing thought.  And how does one elevate another unless he first lowers himself to their level?   It is the only way to reach people.  And that is what Chrsit did: He became the lowest of men to raise up the lowest of men.  When you are at the top, you hate when people elevate themselves beyond measure when they do not belong there.  I think we all hate when people veiw themselves higher than they belong.  It is repulsive.  So it is with God.  He can handle those who admit to what they are.  “He abaseth the proud, but giveth grace to the humble. ”  


Inner strength

vs phyical


last longer/endurance

What keeps you going, besides hope, when you are at your limit?  What teaches you discipline, endurance and fortitiude?   Is it not inner or metal stregth, akin to willpower?   Its imposed to those who go the farthest and achieve the most.   It seperates the good from great, gives the least of us the power to forge ahead and keeps increasing for those who have it.  

 Often we want to be strong physically.  Yet where does that get us?  What do we accompish by being a stronger being?  Dont we have weapons like the gun that nuetralizes phrycial strength?  Other than atheltics, what good does it really do in this day and age?  Those that look strong or are strong phyically intimidate and accompish their goals of stregnth. But those who hold inner strength endure far beyond what normal men can take.  They take the punches and struggles life thows at them and endure.  They make not be able to hit hard, nbut they can get hit hard over and over again without giving up.  That is the mark of true inner strength.  It menas we have heart and dont despair when it seems like nothing is going our way.  Its the inward part of strregth that matters.  It seperates those who succeed from those who faulter.  Physical strenth is nithing without an inner mental stregnth that pushes you fartehr and allows you expand your power.  How do althetes excel if they dont have the willpower of inner mental stenght to keep them on the path of suceess?  They cant.   It seperates the greats from the potentials that fail.   It is  the inner will of strength that makes the outer marvels happen.

Resisting temptation is a huge atvantage of those who have inner stregth.  It allows them somthing physical strenght never could: self control.    Some may say, well isnt that just self control?  Id say in order to have self contorl you need inner stregnth to resist others coming at you and begging or trying to fit in to a crowd.  Do we stay away from drugs and audultry?  Thats a form of inner stregnth.  When your friends wanna do drugs its not self control that says no, its inner stregth that says I will not give in to pressure.  Inner strength is superior to outward because its usseful in neraly every situation.  It is you listening to your conscious and not just agreeing but following though with that agreement.  That the bueaty of it: its useful in every situation.  We need inner stregnth to resist evil temptations like getting into fights (imagine ahtat you need stregnth to resist a show of strength, this is why inner stregnth is supperior), to stay the course when we dont want too like staying true to a marragie when things arent perfect, or keeping away from unhealthy habits like binge eating.  We train ourselves up and learn slowey how to reject our personal desires and do what is right.  This is how we build up our inner stregnth.  

Another stregnth in inner strenth is the ability to last longer.  We last longer in althertics because we are tougher mentally.  We last longer in difficult situations and tests of life like college or relationships because we can handle and take more stress and pain.  The inner stregnth helps us get through any hard time because its the motor that keeps us going.   And the beauty of it is that it builds itself up as we experience tough times or challenges.  The more we suffer the great our capacity for pain and stress.  We get by easier with stornger internal capacity.  The times that were tough become lessened to the point we barely feel what used to destroy us.   It compounds upon itself until we are more than what we were.  Its what sepertes the winners from the runner ups.  Because they have more inner desire to go the distance and push themsselves they wind up surpassing those who would have won.  This is ebacuse they are mentally strong and bounce back from mistakes.  Often the weak menatlly beat themselves up and focus to much on the losing.  The storng internally, or mentally, are able to put the past in the past and push themselves to achieve more.  


mercy from God

mercy on the weak/less forgionate

mercy towards self/forgivenss

“I desire mercy and not sacrifice.”  Mercy is one of the chief attributes of God.  Without mercy there is no heaven for all are unworhty to obtain life everlasting apart from Him forgiving us.  It is juxtaposed to His justice.  For without justice there can be no mercy.  Why does it matter if someone reneges a judgement if there was never a chance of judgement?  Yet all mankind deserves to die and perish, but God wanted to preserve as many as He could.  God hates giving judgement as He loves each and everyone of His creation.  He wants good things for them, even if they rebel and do what is wrong in His sight.  God middle name could be considered mercy for that is what He excels at.  Even people that hate God may still have good lifes.  Would an unmerciful God allow anyone to thrive who rebels against Him?  Yet God does.  Yet even those that suffer obtain mercy, maybe more.  For those that suffer often start a journey for what reason?  Why did all these horrors happen to them?  And in their search they find mercy from the King of Mercy, in this life and the next.  And in that mercy they find a more beautiful being than they could have imagined, and give obedience.  Then they give mercy to others as they become merciful like those who showed them mercy.  You always learn best by example and experience, and that is why true mercy is such a powerful weapon.

What is the difference bewtween mercy and compassion?  Mercy is the forgiving or forgetting of one who has wronged you or another.  Compassion is the kindness showed to anyone despite if theyve wronged you or not.  Yet mercy is always compassionate, at any level.  Why should we show mercy to others when they have wronged us?  Its the pyramid scheme again.  God has mercy on us so He expects us to have mercy on others.  God generally isnt as interested in the sin as the turning away from it.  He wants to forgive each and every offender who wants to call on Him.  So He expects us to always deisre mercy.  Now sometimes people need judgemnt to obtain mercy.  For if they never change without judgemtn they will rot in their sin.  But mercy can only be obtained when one is willing to humble themselves and cahnge.  For what good is mercy to a man who never changes?  That is not mercy on the others he will harm.  That is why you must use wisdom when men need to be called out and when you need to show compassion.  For all men deserve wrath for their mistakes but some men are more easliy inclined to change and thus deserving of mercy.   Mercy must be deserved or its wasted.

Lastly, Id like to talk about mercy towards oneself.  We often are out harshest critics.  This is often becasuse we know what we are capabale of and realize we arent living up to our potential.  We disire better efforts out of ourselves and more results.  In doing so we beat ourselves up and destroy any mercy we had on ourselves.  Yet that is not what God wants.  If we are trying our best and fail, God isnt angry, especailly if we come to Him in contrition.  He instead opens His arms of mercy wide and gives us a big old hug spiritually.  He wants us to forgive oursleves for our mistakes becaue He forgives us for our mistakes.  He wants us to be merciful when we falter because He is always merciful to those that love Him.  IN fact, He is even merciful to those who cry out for help that dont ussually come to Him.   If God has mercy on you, you should have mercy on you.  God understands that many of us deal the worst punishments to oursleves.  But He wants us to move foreward and onward after we get forgiven.  Sorrow and contrition is a good offering for your sins.  If its from the heart, it works everytime.  God will never turn away a down and out soul who really feels remorse for his deeds.  Whcih is why you must learn to forgive yourself and show mercy to yourslef.  You can be your worst enemy or you can be an ally on your journey heavenward.  



makes us happy


It is the duty of man to be thankful.  If I created a life form and its world I would demand thanksfullness for all the creatures that could offer it.  So it is with God.  He gave us life, a world to inhabit, and all the great things that including sustiance for life.  He gave man women, perhaps His greatest gift to man (when they are and act like women, dont get me started).  He gave all food and teaches man discovery and endless innovation.  All good things and ideas come from God.  Therefore all creation deserves to give thanks to its Creator.  It is their duty.  In fact I would go as far to say it is a sin to be unthankful.  Imagine someone creates an item just for you.  Would it be appropriate to not say a simple thank you?  I think theyd be insulted.  But even so there are different ways to say I thank you.  They say actions speak louder than words, and actions can sometimes say thank you so much more than lip service.  God is well pleased with those who not only say thank you but live out there thankfullness.  

Thankfullness is like the cold, but in a good way.  It is very contagious to mankind.  If one person is grateful for life or a deed done for them, it seems to make others more grateful.   People are always influenced by those they are around, for good or for evil, to be more merciflul or more judgemnetal, or more thankful or more complaining.  When people around you always complain, you are more inclined by nature to to wanna complain about anything.  Its human nature, we influence and are affected by others.  So when another being is thankful we by nature are more inclined to be thankful.  Obviosuly different people are gonna be affected to various results but even the harshest of all are influenced to some level.  And it seems to me people are more inclined towards vices or sins than virtues.  For some reason people want to be selfish and judgmental and compaining.  It is part of the human condition.  Yet enough good virtues may overwhelm if done in sicenrity and lowliness.  Sometimes its not what you do but how you do it that influences people the most.  If you are genuinely thankful in a non annoying or bragadocious way people are more likely to be affected.  

Thankfullness is the key to a happy life.  People who are more thankful are by definintion gonna be more happy.  The idea is that because you are appreciatiative you dont focus on the negative but the postive.  You see what you have instead of what you dont have.  THe opposite of thanfulness would be complaining.  When you complain you tend to be more upset or unhappy.  It too is contagious and leads to an unfulfilled life.  When you undersatand the meaning of gratitutude, or thankfulness, you understand its value to enhancing your life.  Life means more when you appreicte the little things and realize how good youve got it.  When you put things into persepective, you unerstand all the good things your way and all the blessings you have.  We often focus on all the negative, not matter how small.  But when we see all th egood that comes our way, we should be amazed that so much has gone our way, from all the food we enjoy to the luxeries we take for granted.  Overall, we in this generation have more to be thankful for than ever before.  And when we become thankful for what we have, we inevitable become more happier.  


others first

leaders must
God serves

Servitude is the virute that favors others before yourself.  It is the art of sacrifice for the greater good.  The best of us do it naturally without thinking.  But even they must learn servitude by watching others and being served.  Its as if it is being passed down from one with the serving heart to another.  WEHn done in humility and authenticity others are more inclined to follow.  Whne people serve and live for themselves they genarally never accomplish what they want and thereby are unhappy.  Living for yourlsef is unfulfiling and meaninliness in the grand scheme of things.    But living with a heart for others gives you depth that you otherwise wouldnt have.  Servittude of those you love shows your love and stregnthens the bonds.  It means more when you aid someone than when you are served.  And there is no better way to show your love for others than by doing acts of kindness towards them.

The greatest leaders are those who have a heart of servitiude.  At any level, the leaders should serve by example via serving them.  The higher you rise in power, the more responsibility you have to those under you.  It invigorates everyone when the hardest working man is the man up top.  It flows downward as they see an honest hard worker giving it their all.  You should only desire positions of power if you can handle it and if you are willing to work the hardest.  When you are out there for your own deisres and wellbeing everyone else will follow suit.  But when you show compassion on those under you and work with their intrest in mind it makes them want to work harder and follow your example.  You then have people with others best intrest in mind and the whole organization is flowing with help for one another.  IT makes everything smoother when everyone is aiding others when possible by doing the best job they can.  Sometimes just doing your job the best you can is a form of servitude as it makes everything easier for others.  If you truly want to be great or create a great company you must sacrifice for others and have a model of servitiude for customers or consituients.  When they are happy you are gonna reap large benefits.  

THe greatest reason we should serve others is the example led by the God man himself: The Christ.   Here is the Creator of all life who came to serve and give the ultimate sacrifice of servitude.  He didnt come to be glorified and praised by men but rather He came to heal, seek and save His creation.  He served by healing and teaching the truth.  His life is not about Him but others.  And He obeyed the Father in total servitude.  Nothing is as beautiful as the greatest of us sacrfiicing everything for everyone, incuding the least of us.  He shows us how we are to be in every situation.   He teaches us how to live.  Is this not the greatest show of servititude?  To the point of death for His creation.  It shows that at the heart of servitude is compassion and love.  People that are willing to go the distance for those under them desire good things for them because they care.  The more you love someone, the more you are willing to sacrifice via serving them.


be who you are

people know fakes

change for the better- autheiically

Brennan Manning once said “Be who you is casue if you is who you aint then you aint who you is.”  I think its very importatnt that you are you and the best version of that.  Authenitcitity doesnt mean you can be evil and malevelent.  If thats who you are you need to change.  Rather, It means you are your genuine self to the best of your ability.  You dont try be someone else.  You can learn or borrow from others but you are a unique indivudual who no one else can or will ever be.  Only you have the keys to be you and only you can do what you do in your unique way.  Dont try to replicate others when you can forge your own path.  It doenst mean you dont learn from the best and immitate them.  Instead it means   you stay true to who you are.  Especially those who are in the light and have virtues, this virute is the virtue that sustains all others.  When you are steadfast to keep your virtues after they become apart of you you are a force for good.  And that infuences all you interact with.  They see your virtue and may admire and even immitate.  So have authentic goodness.

Fakeness is the antesthiss to aithenitcity.  People despise the fool who pretends to be soemthing he is not.  It reeks like disgusting odor.  When someone is fake he cannot be trusted and loses credibility.  It can be easy to spot a disigenuine person as they put on a facade.   Other times masterminds of deciet play a role to get their desired outcome.  This is why autheniticity is important.  When you are not you ussually are tryng to get something or achieve some goal that you need to lie and decieve to onbtain.  If you are the good guy, there is no reason to cheat or decieve becauea you have the forces of goodness with you.  And even if it doesnt work out, you know in the end good wins and is rewarded.  Therefore your authenticity will only bring you good in any wehather life brings.  You understand even suffering by being your true self is better than lieing to get away with wrongdoing.  Becaues thats the ussual resaon people are disigenuine: they have soemthing to hide or get away with that they know is unacceptabel.  Rather, if your authenictc and make a mistake, people are more likely to forgive you due to you genuineness.   People despise liars mistakes and it makes it worse, but an honest mistake can more easily be forgiven.

Now everyone may not like who they are and therefor hate the idea of authenicity.  However, Its not about the negative, its about the best of you.   Being authenicic is being true to the values and virtues you hold dear without embracing the sinful and demonocitic side of you.  We all have that side of sin and it haunts each and everyone of us.  Even if you dont like who you are, you can authenically change for the better.  Be true to yourslef in the best version.  Everyone has weak spots and skeletons in their closet.  Being athenthic isnt about embracing the worst parts of you, its about embracing the purest parts of you.  THe beauty of the human creature is that time allows him to change.  He doesnt have to stay the same stubburn spoiled devious creature forever.  He has potential to become better and erase those sinful passions (espcially with the help of God).  When we do turn those morals into habits we can make that part of who we are.  This new being can be authrnitcally honest, forthright, and peaceful to name a few.  It becomes a part of our fabric and the longer we practice the harder it is to go away.  We then authencitally give thanks from the heart, or say no to vices, or love our neighbor.  This authenitcity makes the virtues that much more potent.   We can take an ugly part of us and turn it into a attribute we are proud of that people appreciate.  


comes from god

in god

apart from works

God is the source of faith.  He is the one seeking out and wanting you to come to Him.  Dont be fooled, people dont find God on their own.  Instead, God pleads and pleads with His creation to turn away from their wickidness and be like Him.  God doesnt desire for anyone to perish or do any wrongdoind. The problem is that man is born into deprevation.  They are not naturally good.  And they cannot become good on there own right.  Its impossible for a man to truly change his way without divine aid.  How then does a man become good?  Faith in Christ.  Christ is God so He knows all about us and our needs.  By trusting in Christ to take care of us and change our nature, He is able to.  He wants to make everyone good but most people reject Him and His way.  He wants people to trust in Him so that they show God the respect He deserves and they stay humble.  By putting your faith in Him, you learn goodness by learning of Him and following His example.  You also learn to put your fears and doubt behind you as He is Lord of all creation and can do whatever is neccesary for your benifift, even the bad things.  Faith in God is the beginning of goodness as God is the essense of goodness.

Faith in the wrong thing leads to dissapointment disaster and discourageament.  That is why it is imperative we put our faith in the right hands of the correct being.  We can put our faith in money and we will never find true happiness or learn the value of friendship.  We can put our faith in friends but they will let us down no matter how great they are.  We can put our faith in humanity, but humanity has proven its limits, proven its curruption, and never really cares about one lost soul.  No, in our darkest hour with no where to turn, only one option has our best interest, has the power to sustain, and cant let us down even in death.  The man God Jesus Christ.  If you put your faith in Jesus, He has the power to sustain, to stregnthen, and to accomplish wonders.   God never fails, even in death.  We must learn to trust that He is Almighty and as Creator of all things can fix, heal, and take care of all things.  He has a long history of healing and will guide you to all your righteous desires and needs.

Good works leads to selfish abition and glory to you the individual.  But when you trust in God to shape you mold you and teach you right from wrong, you stay humble, teachable and on track.  Weve all seen church people who act like they know it all and are better than you.  These people live off good works and being seen by others for it.  They love being glorifyed and praised for all they do and accomplish.  Their reward for their good works is the prase and glory.  But the man of God doesnt care what people think.  His chief belief is that man is naturally evil and goodness comes from God alone.  God imparts goodness to those that believe in Him.  We do good works not to receive glory or praise but out of love for God; we want to be like Him.  We arent trying to be good in our own right.  Instead we trust God to have His way within us so that we are good by nature.  Even if we screw up, God can forgive and look past because we trust in Him to not just make us good but forgive us of our faults.  The man who puts his faith in God trusts that even in defeat God is taking care of Him.  All the actions will help him along the path because God sees their faith in Him and blesses them by watching over, protecting, and guiding His beloved children.


principle for life to survive


action that changes history

The key that all surviving creatures have in common is the virtue of hope.  It is neccesary to go on as lack of hope leads to depression and even suicides.  When one loses it they dont want to go on anymore and feel like nothing can bring back the postive feelings of life.  Thats why its vital for life, without it people dont wanna go on.   I suppose life and death are opposites.  Death is associated with darkness, pain, loss, sorrow, and so forth.  Life is associated with joy, comradery, exuberance, and especailly hope.   Life and hope go together like branches and leaves.  When the winter comes, so does depression and sorrow.  When the spring and life emerges, leaves blossom akin to hope in ones heart.  When things die out in the fall, hope leaves them and they no longer inspire.  Yet even if hope leaves for a season, it can work its way back into our hearts like spring.

Hope is the inspiraton that moves us foreward.   Of all the virtues, it has the most power to help us conitune on im difficult sitations.  When things dont make sense, it doesnt matter because we believe things will still work out.  Nothing can stop a person filled with hope.   The worst occurances may happen, but they still have optimism.  It transendes reason at times and makes one endure more  they would would normally handle.  It gives strenght to the weak as you believe you can overcome.  It gives courage when scared because you know thingll work out.   It is the essense that creates thankgiving, the inspiration for optimism, the answer to doubt.   It is the root of every positive action.  Without it we wouldnt believe the action would work.   It starts the conversation, stays at the side of the wounded, and never gives up till the last breatht.

It survives the tough times as it says even in the worst of times, that yes, things can get better.   It changes history as the hopeful are the ones that shape the future.  Its the reason the pilgrims never gave up with only a kernal a day, that america believed it could beat britian when britian was the storngest military in the world, and why millions of immigrants flooded our land to call themselves americans despite leaving everything behind.   Hope can be a weapon for good.  Evil’s goal is to thwart it.  It knows the power of hope and wants to crush it or it leads to an avalanche.  It says, even if today and yesterday were cruddy, that tommorrow can be better.  Hope doesnt give up until its over.  Hope changes things for the better.  When one has hope it spreads as far as the wind blows.  Its power transendes logic and is at its best in the most pure and paasionite of us.  Inspiraton is a form of hope that teaches us how to go on when things are bleak.


to friends/family

through adversity

to God

Loyalty is the vitue that binds us togeteher through the worst of times and brings laughter in the best of times.  How can one make friends or love family without it?   Is an unloyal friend a friedn at all?  What kind of person wants a friend who betrays them or stabs them in the back?  Not a true friend, thats for sure.  The best friends are the ones that stay true to you through thick and thin.  Even when you faulter, they have your best intrest at heart and will do what it takes to help get you on the right track.  They suffer with you instead of leaving you to suffer alone.  Thats what we all desire, isnt it?  And who do we go to when times are tough and thing look grim?  Obviously those who are :  true friends and family.  Few people have great friends thatll suffer for them, but most everyone has family that will stick through, out of blood if nothing else.  

Loyaly is important when your chips are down and you have few places to turn.  Who else will we get comfort from or aid in our struggles than our most loyal of allies.  Without people loyal to us, we’d falter.  Every human struggles immensly at some time or another.  No one gets by alone.  Etiher strangers show kindness (which happens a lot) or their friends and family stay loyal and aid them.  The bible says  in Proverbs 17:17 “a friend loveth at all times, and a brother is born for adverstiy” brothers were made to be there for us and aid us in the worst of times.   Oftentimes people are too distarcted busy or just dont care for you  in your time of trial.  But those who stay loyal to you will always be there to aid you.  Thats why God made families, and especially brothers, to be strongholds in times of our overwehleming trials, to be lights when we are engulfed in darkness, to be friends when eveyone leaves us.  

Loyalty to God is the uttmost important duty to each and every member of mankind.   We all have a duty to stay loyal to our allies, yes, but our greatest ally deserves the most loyalty.  Anytime we stay loyal to those greater than us we get rewarded.  Either tangible or nontangible, loyalty pays us in ways nothing else can.  Our loyalty to God comes with the greatest rewards.  Waking and knowing Him is a great reward, but He will reward justly.   And the more we go through and suffer for Him, the greater He will reward us.  That’s whats so great about God, He rewards us for all the hard times and staying loyal.  He demands that we stay true as He is the Creator and ought to have the right to tell His creation how to live.   And how do we stay loyal?  We obey His commands and listen to His sweet calm spirit tell us where to go and what to do.  Even if death encompasses us, we stay true to the commands weve been taught.  God will bless you in the next life.  We need to live true to Him in life all the way, no matter the cost.  Thats thte kind of loyalty God expects.  Becuase Jesus, God in the flesh, gave everything for us, He demands we love Him the same.  

Hard work



why men should work

If man doesnt work, netiher shall he eat… said the great apolstle paul.  I agree whole haeartidly  IF you can work you should work.  It is good for you.  Excercies trades pain and effort for stregnth.  Work trades pain and effort for character.  You need it to live a healthy life.   And hard work can be taught gradually.  No one starts a hard worker.  Everyone needs to be disciplined and taught how to work hard.  We can gradually learn how to work harder with each passing day.  The more we work hard, the eaiser it becomes and the farther we can push ourselves.  Think of exercise.  When we start, we start at the bottom of weight lifitng, running, or wahtever we choose.  But as we continue to practice the same exericse, we gain in power and endurance.  So it is with work.  When we start we struggle, but as we learn and suceed, we obtain more power to do more and push ourselves.  Many dont see work as a way to grow but it teaches us so much about ourselves and life.  Those who work understand how to do that which they otherwise wouldnt.  They undersatnd the challenges of a job and leanr the grind it takes to succeed.  And they understand what they are capable of and may even discover that they can accomplish more than they thought possible.  

Hard work seperates people from each other.  It determines who gets the promotion, who winds up getting farther in college and seperates the good from the great in an area.  Most people that care work harder and get back more.  Becaue you achieve more and become more when you give it your all.  Its the priciple of getting out what you put in.  The more you put in the more get back.  And not just monetarily.  You learn discipline, skills, endurance, and many other valuable traits that those who the lazy never achieve.   These help you out wherever you go.   It advacnes your cause and makes you superior to your past self.   Those who rise to the very top on their own are the ones who sacrificed time, effort, and luxury to attain their lofty position.   Even though It can be used for personal gain and deception, hard work is the at the core  to any good man.  He works to provide for his family.  He works to provide for himself and provide a good or service.  Therefore, hard work benefits all in society and makes businesses thrive.  

Why should man work??  It is his duty to God and man.  If no one works, nothing gets done.  No one eats if farmers and butchers didnt work.  No one gets electricity of heat if coal miners and other fossil fuels dont get produced.  No one can keep their money in a bank if bankers didnt do their jobs.  Its may be a small job, but every job adds up.  People think working doesnt make a difference.  They are wrong it makes a huge impact.  If everyone worked, people wouldnt need wellfare and we wouldnt pay as much in taxes so our money would go farher.  I undersatnd that some people need welfare for times of trouble but living off the government when you can work is a form of theirvery.  You are stealing from hard working indivuduals who do pay taxes.  Every penny adds up until the common man cant afford to live due to inflated taxes.  You are doing a disservice to all when you decide to go on welfare when you can work.  Now, motherhood is a job, perhaps the most important of all.  But mothers should stay true to their childrens fathers instead of living off the backs of others.  Its a way to cheat others for your looseness othewise.  


pure, not a favor

akin to goodwill

love of God

Charity is an act of goodwill towards others.  You have a desire for their best intrest.  It dosnt have to be done with money.  Money is the lowest form of charity.  The higher forms are taking care of people, showing them goodwill and kindness, and all forms of mercy.  When you give real charity you help a lonely soul, aid a soul down and out, and guide a lost soul to righteousness.  This is the greatest form of love.  Not giving money.  You can give money to anyone but have no charity in your heart.  Think of all the rich scumbags that give money to charities to save on taxes.  Is that charity?  Or the politicinas who steal so much of your money and give you some back in their form of “charity.”  Does any of this sound like goodwill?  Or is it a way for them to gain more?  True cahrity is the desire to help others without gain to yourslef.  How many people guinely want whats best for others when they help them?  Becauase thats true charity. When people expect something back it becomes a favor.  

Charity is akin to goodwill.  It acts selflessly towards others, even at the expense of our own wellfare and wellbeing.  It is a form of love toward your neighbor.  When you care about others genuinly you act in their best intrest to aid them.   It doesnt expect money or a favor in return.  Instead it does it outta pure compassion.  So many times people give expecting back.  This is not charity.  Charity is to give without return.  That doesnt mean money.  It may mean love, compassion, friendliness, mercy, kindness, grace, or so many intagible virtues that cannot be taken back.  No one who truly loves demands for it to be repaid in some form.  No, we love because we care and want the best for that person.  We love for their beniifit, not ours (even if it helps us).  When we show charity, it spreads the goodwill around as many of those who receive it learn how to dish it out.  Its a exeprienced virute htat is naturally contagious. 

Charity comes from the heavens, from God himself.   As the author of all things, principalities included, He created charity, love, and goodwill.  He has charity on all of His creaotion, never forgetting the least of His creation (even innocents that suffer a brutal death, He shows compassion in the next life).  But we as His creation must give back to the Almighty by showing Him charity.  How can we show charity to a being that needs no assistance to exist?  As we were made in the image of God, God may still feel sorrow and pain because we reject Him and His ways of truth.  So we can show charity to God not just by being good to others, but by being good to Him.  We love God by repenting of our wrongdoing and believeing in His Son.  By learning oebdience to Him we give our charity to God.  He never turns away an honest man of contrition.  And He made happy by our good deeds done in faith.



changing ways

pleasing to God

dear woman:

do you still love me?

despite my shortcomings

after Ive revealed it all

do you still trust me?

do you still want me

despite knowing the worst of me?

do you trust me to stay loyal to you?

do you think id be a good father?

a good husband?

a good man?

are you still crazy about me?

or has your passion wavered?

im trying my best to stay true

to God

to the Bible

to Jesus

but im a conflicted confused man

obsessed with you

please dont give up on me





I feel like I wasted an ability to help people and fight against the evil forces. Im so lost in my illness I cant focus on writing anything worthwhile. All I write about are stupid love poems to an imaginary person. Forgive me. The republic is falling. Please save white America and white Europe Lord. Please. IM begging you. Make our women women again. Make our men men again. Teach our children Godliness and national/ white pride again.

I wait patiently for my love

I dream of her character

because I need her holy

so I can stay true

I wait eagerly for my lover

I ponder her persoanlity

hoping it matches mine

so every line is harmony

I fervently desire to see her

those angelic looks on earth

why waste such beauty on me?

yet my eyes shall be in awe

as time passes my desire grows for her

when I meet her can I be disappointed?

her soul shines forth in each action of beauty

her whole being was made to reflect glory from the sun

and I was made to complete her: the thorns to her rose

we are hydrogen and oxygen

creating fluid while in harmony

flowing together through time

becoming inseparable as one

we are the cold autumn days

our past falling as leaves

our future being tested by harsh cold

yet even in the white of winter we shine brilliantly

we are the baby blue sky

water in white puffs of imagination

surrounded by serene celestial blue

covering the sky with our love

we are the soil of regeneration

nutrients keeping us youthful as we age

of dust we came and of dust we leave

yet ours shall leave a soil in the hearts of future generations

as water flows till it reaches its destination

finally finding where it belongs in peace

so my love flows forward until you come into my life

searching for meaning until it can rest

as rain falls strengthening the earth

giving nutrients to soil and energy to life

so to do my words pour out on you

hoping to shine forth as wisdom

as waterfalls create energy

for making humans transcend

so to do i hope my desires for a better world

reach the hearts and minds to make change

as wind trasforms water

into a devastating hurricane

so I hope my hatred of wickedness

destroys the seeds of evil sown in some hearts

if I loved you this much

without knowing a lick about you

imagine the love ill have

when I meet you and discovery

all you have to offer

if I care about you this much

without knowing you

imagine how much ill care

when I develop a deep bond

where your depth of soul reaches mine

if I want you this badly now

imagine how intense my desire for you

will consume me as I see your beauty

both internally and the externally

I’ll see that and lose my mind again

in a tranquil ecstasy all of my life

I waited to get better

and suffered for it

nothing made sense in those days

different parts of my being weren’t together

My mind wasn’t plugged in right

my spirit couldn’t tell wrong from wrong

and my emotions felt pain and forgot pleasure

I had trouble formulating logic

a plus b did not equal c

but when was that ever true

yet my mind keeping seeking

what a plus b equaled

searching fervently in earnest

finally deciding letters were too complex to add

so I tried words instead

my spirit lost its faith in a higher power

I was left at a cave with nothing

nothing to believe in nothing to hope for

so my soul drifted about seeking

something somewhere to help me

and lo and behold my greatest enemy

he who hated good was the only one that cared

my emotions where everywhere

everywhere except up

they were down sideways and spinning

never knowing how to steady

as I raged at peace

and confused friendship with strife

they made me feel alone

Gradually I was restored

but I still couldn’t rationalize

I still had not faith

I still felt emotions of boredom and loneliness

so I continued down the path of pain

clueless as ever

yet with a dash of hope

so I was thinking…. from my mind itself. Isn’t it amazing how excited a dog can get to greet you when you come home? But how great does that make you feel. But its the same with humans. When we greet or are greeted by those we love we get a feeling of ecstasy if even for a moment (maybe not the same level as a dog greeting- because they dont love us as much or arnt as enthusiastic. Even when were down It seems like the nuerons fire off happy endorphins, albeit slight. ANd teh best feelings come when you connect on a conversation. Maybe cause were so complex but when we feel the same way and can back that feeling up with words we get that great feeling of a dog greeting us. this is kinda dumb… I thought id right soemone a little more meaningful… I guess im trying to say socialization leads to happiness when you agree and feel the same way as someone. man this is dumb… im gonna stop there

I guess this goes back to why dont we go to the movies alone… just being in the presence of another gives us a feeling: good or bad… just being in the presence of a loved one makes you happy… because our souls speak to each other… I could go on but I feel like im rambling…

anyways dar soul mate… when we meet… lets try to write letters once a week to each other… I can express myself better in paper.. maybe ill write to you Thursday or Friday or Saturday (wither before during or after our date- were fucking dating every week my dear… even if its just dinner) and you can. reply by Monday… does that sound like fun???

they say you wrote me a lot of letters… I wanna read everyone… hell maybe we can make a book of it!!!! UNless you want privacy…. but yeah I cant wait to read your letters… maybe ill read them to you when we get bored and ill find out that Spiderman was your favorite superhero like mine or why purple was your favorite color (can you bs something?:) if not I have no idea why blue is my favorite color..its the color of coolness easy on th eye’s… the color of hte sea and sky… I dunno why blues my favorite color. I have no idea… it just is. anyways what if I tried to reply to every letter you wrote!!?? would htat make you happy? or should I jsut reply in person?? I cant wait to write and text you for real… DO you find random facts interesting? like how the vtruvian man is based off a book by an roman archetic or engineer and was like a rosette stone for archetics showing how the romans built based off ratios based off man…. h have you heard of the godlen ration???? look it up its wild…. I hope you find it fascintaing. I hop eoyu have a curious mind and havent lost that childlike love of life and learning. anways maybe ill write you a letter here?

October 24 2022

Dear woman:

my woman…

my lovely cherished woman…

It’d be nice to have a name. Since I dont have one ill just use teh one thing I know for sure about you: that your a woman. Isnt it retarded how they can say there’s hundreds of genders? I swear the dumbest people call themselves scientist. Science has become nothing more than propaganda. A way to push an idealogie apart from religion common sense or true science. People just slap “science ” on it and they say “ohh it must be true its what “science ” says.” Morons This is why women shouldnt be in high places . They cant even define woman!!!! IM not sure what theyre afraid of. They just loook like absolute fools. ANd whiel were at it.. I hate taht they try to say men dont have a right to rukle on women. It should be the othere way around. WOmen shouldnt be able to rule over man. Goes against nature and religion and ture science. I garuntee athta women would be happier if htey submitted themselves to men and embraced womanhood. What woman honeslty woulnt wanna be a saty at home mom and enjoy watching their kids grow up? They are fighting their own nature when they wanna be carrier women. Ive siad it befiore and ill say it again: feminism isnt pro woman. It actually embarces macukinity and manhood for owman. That she should work to provide for everyone. Tat she should be able to do everything on her own andd hse whouslde provide protect and lead. THise are all mascukline traits. Not womanly. Bt woman are easily manniipulated. WHIch is a huge reason tehy shouldnt vote or hold office. You better agree with me on this woman!!!! I need a rationale set of ears if im gonna go anywhere!!! I love womanly woman. I hate feminist (masculine ) woman. IM not saying they aahve to be useless but understand you were made as a help mate for man not the other way around. Its so hard to find a good woman. that’s why im so crazy about you!!! I cant wait to meet you and get to know you and find out how beautiful you really are!!! I hope your a girly girl. That you like girly movies. That your into fashion. That you like rainbows (not the gay ones) and ponies and romantic movies. ITll make me feel more masculine;) ITll balance out all my deep heavy testosterone. IM bald so my testosterones off the charts, babe. I feel like there’s a lot of movies you’ll wanna watch with me and visa versa. So I figured we could alternate. Ill show oyu an awesome classic and then well watch a rom com or whatever you watch. IT won’t be gay if your there. Also ive been listening to a lot of girly romance music. It would be not cool but its you that speaking to me so I;ll allow it;). But I cant wait for your mix tapes. I can listen to girly music without being gay. Cause my super secy girlfriend is listens to it;) DOnt worry I won’t lose all my testosterone by being your boyfriend. IM too manly. But ill be able to stoop down to your level;) I wanna hear your story nonstop when we meet!!! From how you found out about my book and when you feel in love with me adn everything that’s happened to this point. I hope you have beautiful blue eyes!!!! I just wanna stare as you talk your life history away (after we over our part I wanna hear about what youve done in your life and all the details about what made you and your belief set and all that). I really do hope your a chatterbox!!! I get quiet at times and I like listening to people oi love. Especially if t\hey are sexy babes. That have a beautiful soul. I could just listen all day and be content with you. Ill try to write more letters to you!!! Wish I could mail this one out!!

love ,

your man

the man

the manly man

ps. where did you want our first date to be? Should it be casual like Texas Roadhouse? Or more fancy like red lobster? I guess I need to know what kinda food you like… im an Italian guy thought and through. .. tho american italian and itailan are very different( im a sucker for usleless facts like that:)

pss: ill always be crazy about you if your what I dream of

psss: you should print this out and reply to it!!!!…. maybe I should print and out put a postage on it and write soul mate… address: the meeting of heaven and earth …

ocher 25 2022

dear beloved,

my one and only,

the one I chose over all else,

or rather the one above all else who chose me,

Do you believe in soul mates? I mean real intense love between a man and a woman? we’re talking Biblical real science kindergartners could tell definition of woman and man;) But others say there’s no such thing. Thats is just a fantasy. Cause they’ve never seen it before. But there has to be some romantic lovers whose flame never dies out, right? Like that Charles dickens novel where a man sacrifices his life for two lovers ? Just cause its rare doesn’t mean it cant happen, right? I don’t wanna put pressure on you. If you don’t think it’ll work it might not. We need to take it slow and be willing to walk if it doesn’t seem to be working. I don’t wanna live a lie. But if you’re as great as I hope, I don’t gotta worry about you not being good enough. I gotta worry about me not being good enough for you. I don’t believe in myself. I have so much internal angst over myself. What am I? Who am I? Am I friends with God? Or is HE upset with em? I dont have that internal peace I used to. One day I suppose, one day. I was kinda hoping you could help set me straight on religion. Help restore me to Christianity. We as a people and nation need it to survive and thrive. I want you to be be a strong Christian because there’s so much good in it. Theres so much beauty in it!! I still wanna be a follower of the teachings of Jesus even if I cant go to heaven. I just love everything about it. Maybe Godll have mercy and restore me one day. So many reject the wonderful teachings of perfefction. you cannot get greater thanthsoe teachings. They created some of the greatest maen that ever lved. Created some of the greatest nations conceived. And created some of the greatest villains who rejected them. if the Jews even obeyed the Old Testament, they’d at least respect Christians. But they dont. They hate us and want us to suffer and kill off white christendom. I dont understand jews they must not believe in God cause they act like one. They have some sorta God complex where they gotta control everything. Im beginning to realize jews are worse than muslims. They scould be reardeed so mimmensly and live like kings!! If the jews followed CHrist He woudl make them greater than America!!! BEcues that’s the one time GOd does play favorites, with His people. Prove me wrong God. But anyways enough of the enemies of Christ. Lets talk about something positive. Like Spiderman . Spiderman 2 to be exact. I was thinking… you know how doc oc invents the tentacles to control the new invention? Isnt that itself a huge invention? I mean robotic arms that you can control with your mind? They act like its just a normal invention. Its a huge breakthrough!!! Can you imagine how much that would change the world???!! maybe more than an energy source!!! v But you ever notice how most of the good heroes share the same thing in us comics?? They’re usually intelligent. Intelligence is a superpower in my mind. Whaddaya think? It separates so many and leads to greater progress for mankind. True genius changes things in the world with their words. How smart do you think I am? Can I change the world for the better? Do I have hidden genius within me?? DO you share my intellect?? even on the same bracket level? I want you to understand me so I can get some honest input!! I think we’d be a good team!!! With our intellects combined… we can inspire, guide, teach, and most importantly create little joshuas and little SOphias (I hope that’s your name…I love that name… maybe ill call you Sophia anyway- htis has nothing to do with the goddess Sophia… I just love that name). Or Sarah… I love taht name too. Or rachael. or Cecilia. or Madison. or.. thers a lot of names I really like. Anyway woman.. your destined for great things…I want you to help me get better after Im restored. To use that divine wisdom to help me to reach higher heights.At the very least… youll give me a test subject to write about;) I mean ill experience your beauty anda virus and characters and how that affect you and others and the blessings that flow from them. Itlll inspire poetry maybe books, diary experts, sayings ,quotations, understandings, and comprehension of the deeper loves of life. You can learn so much just be being with someone. Which is amazing cause im nto very observant. But I see certain things and ways of people. MY third eye;) jk.. jk.. jk…

with a flame that I pray never falls,

please restore me O Lord,

I love you now anyways woman,

lets hope it stays strong,

you man

ps.. what did you think of my sayings?? was that the best part of the book?? Should I do more sayings ? OR write a riddle book?? I need you input and help…

pss Do you like my letters???

October 26 2022

dear dream,

for what are you but a fantasy right now?

albeit the best kind of fantasy,

Ive been doing some thinking. As a race, hhuans have wonder of discovery, depths of curiouisty, and fascination at the slightest intrigue. But it dies when they are young. As youths we have all sorts of questions. All sorts of curiousities about everything. WE question things like proper scientists. We sek for truth like aged philosphers. We try to understand how things operate like engineers. ANd then somewhere along the line, we lost hta sense of searching. We realize it doesn’t matter (but it does!). THat is boring and lame. Especially in our culture we get labeled for wanting to undertsand. A geek. A nerd. A bookworm. Everyghing in society denounces us for seeking understanding. For loving truths. or being smart. “IT doesnt matter about that. Who cares? Why shouodl I give a spit?” are all responses of people to the intelligent. But why is oinellgience mocked? why do we degrade chidlren and adults for knowing things? FOr wanting to discover? WHats wrong with society? Why do we glorify idiocracy and mock intelligence? ANd where along the line do we lose our sense of curiosity? Ive said it before, but curiosity is a surefire sign ojf ineligence. People that dont care or alwready know are fools. BUt thre is so much wonder so much discovery to be made!!!! In every field in every subject the limits of discovery are only limmited by time. ANd I hate that we kill off the love of learning inou kids. When they first learn to read theyre excited!!! They love to discover letters and numbers and animals and alll sorts of knowledge!! ITs cool to them. They get excited about it. They feel proud and happy when they learn. BUt somewerhe along the lines it dies off. ust befcause we learn disciple doesnt mean we have to lose the joy of learning, does it? Not jsut learning but the love of life is sucked out of us. We learn to dread school, then work. Is it the work of school taht sooes this (matybe) or is there something else going one? I s it because there seems to be no purpose? NO reason? Des society fail? is thre a way to bring life into mundane situations? OR ois tha t a pipe dream? Is learning boring because of the people teaching orthe subject or the students ? I dunno. But I hope this isnt like our romance. Where we are excited and passionate and love each other deeply to start adn then it falls flat. That we lose our sense of wonder at each other. I feel like its this way in a lot of marraiges. They begin happy and then they dont care. I want our wonder to last till death. TO discovery deeper truth about love life and passion together. To delve deeper into the secrets of life as we transcend mortality and uncover wonders. I want me and you to be at high powered partnership that grows in love for one another even in the dull days. That not just teach our children but tlearn the marvels taht only comes form teh brilliant yet uniformed. I cant wait to have kdis with you!!!! ITs gonna be so much fun. I wanna teach them to talk to me about every and all things. SO tey know they have a confindine they can trust and an ear to lisson. I would liove to give them sagic advice in a gnetl way and teach them truths about life and be there for them every step aof the way. I want to be there for them always. TO help them in a n unhelpful. worl;d . To guid ethem in a confusing world. To befriend them as a superior yet outta deep love and erespect for them. I want them to shine forth as greater lights than me . I want them to be my legacy.


your man,

the man

the absolute mad man,

ps.. what kinda names did you like for kids? I hope youve chosen some good girls names cause I have trouble thingking of them. I love my boys names tho!!!!! Depth meaning and uniquenesss!!! I love you dearnt

how do I leave this obsession… im not well. I need years before im well. I shouldn’t care this much for an imaginary person… what do teh doctors think???? What is wrong with me? what is my disease? I cant help but be obssesed over her. Im sick. It cant be love sickness. I havnet met her. I dont know anything about her. SHe doesn’t exist. Shes not real. Yet why do I keep dreaming of her??? Whats the reason doc? what the hell is wronmg with me? I dreamed her up to be perfect for me. yet she aint perfect for me. Becuas no one can be that perfect from another. Its all an illusion and fictional. Im not that great whoever is reading this … all my false promises and imaginary love means nothing … im a lunatic… a luniatic who fantasizes… abbot an ideal woman. that cant exists. and im so cocky I imagined Jesus had a sister that wants me!!! LOL im crazy. I have nothing to offer. Im a bum. I acually believed that women are crazy about me!!11 When they won’t even date me. or approach me. Cause I really am a pathetic pos. Forgive me world. for wasting everything. if I died no one would care but my family. Im useless. I cant even get a date or gf when I die. SOme loser bum sellout polotician was right about me. But guesss what ? I m gone keep writing these lame letters. Because deep down I still hope I have one girl… just one perfect for me woman is all ask God… let I t be so

October 28, 2022

to whom it may concern,

to whom it has that holds the keys to my heart,

to whom my hope resides for more meaning, more joy , and more completion,

IM getting little redundant aren’t I?? Most of my talking and letters say cyclical things. Like my words go in circles as I say I love you a million different ways. I should probably be writing poems. That would do more good. Im just lazy. and I really do hope youve been able to read everything I write. Id rahter you read these writings and love it without anyone else reading them. Alot of these writings were wriitten just for you with your preciosu soul in mind. I hope youve enjoyed them. I cant get any feedback from you so its challanging. especially because I know nothing about you or what your interests are or what your persoanlities like. So I dont know if it piques your interests or dulls you to sleep. Im kinda worried th0 Because we will have that infatuation period of highs and adrenealine and then what? At first ill wanna know everything about you. Then when I know everything about you…. what then? Its not like the entertainment world is iving us much to talk about. I mena movies suck tv sucks sports are anti-American and even videro games push woke bullcrap (expcpeot maybe my favorite he he). Maybe we can get some hobbies like pottery together or take cooking or bakery classes. But id rather just do it ourselves with new recipes. Maybe well start a book club. Read some books together. But books suck today. I dunno… I just dont wanna bore you. I suppose if your passionate enough we can just make out all the time;). I think id be contetn with that. I just dont wnat you to lose your spark or get bored with me. I hope you like walks cause that’ll be a huge part of our relationship. IM already worried about losing you. About you not being crazy about me. I know women are complex and hard to understand. But I want you to keep that fire for me. Or at least be loyal;). ill accept lotalty and love if you can sistain that for a lifetime. Can you imagine trying to keep loving the same person for even a thousand years? They had better both share alot of beliefs and personality. THeyd better have enough in common to be close and unified yet enough differeences to compliment and make things exciting. Im a loyal custeomer. SO long as I dont have a mental breakdown ill love you immensly. I beg you to stay loyal to me. DOnt ever cheat or youll crush my fragile soul. I need you to crete strength in me. SOmetihgn to protect so im valiant. Something to cherish so im jealous. Something to comfort so I can be oyur kniht in shining armor to comfort. FOr to comfort oyu o must be in a stronger state , no? I want our love to shine forth in the eons of history. That htey no longer say Romeo and juliet but JOshua and Sophia (or whatever your name is). To inspoire for righteousnesss: virgin till marriage, loyalty during marriage, and a legacy of children after death. SO that forever our seed will walk the sacred lands of america and love as God intended.

your man,

the doubtful in self yet confident in you man,

the incomplete with out you man

what if I lose you?

after all the pain

all the effort

all the searching

what if its all for naught?

if you and I are no longer we

what if I become a different man?

grow cold

grow tired

grow grumpy and obscene

what if I hate what I become

but have no ability to change?

what if im not what you signed up for ?

all the promises of poetry

the smoothness of words

the highest ideologies

what If that’s not me

and you see the real empty shallow man I am?

what if my love isnt enough?

what if I keep my promises

what if my poetry rhymes to the soul

what if it get repetitious

what if you need more than I can offer?

for I am a monster in flesh compared to your beauty

and maybe you need a better man

what if it inst the will of God?

what if He want us to suffer?

He created us to be apart

He wanted us to be an example

of how not to fall for lust

how to put God first

is this a test Almighty?

will you have mercy

and let me and her be we?

I think of my dream of her

the love

the sacrifice

the passion

but what does she dream of?

what is her love she desires

what is the sacrifice she has to make?

what is the passion she wants?

what makes her tick?

I think of my hopes for the future

my goals

my dreams

our shared connections

but what about her?

what are her goals

what are her dreams

what does she share or not wanna share?

what is in her heart?

as a man

I desire her

for everything

to be my forever

to be my best friend

my submissive partner that often has superiority

to share my beliefs, my God

but as a woman…

what are her desires

if me why?

if me how can I keep it that way eternally?

does she want everlasting love

is she that committed

does she want me to be her everything

or is she truly to good for me to handle

does she want me to be her best friend?

what does she want in me?

can we share the same beliefs goals and God

or is that impossible?

can be truly be united?

or are we destined for troubled waters?

can we be each others answer?

or are we too complex?

can we have a hierarchy

with her submitting to me?
or is she superior?

can we truly be one…

or was taht a fallacy from the start?


what if it works out?

what if it works out

I wondered

what if I lost her love

that I faded in obscenity

into anger bitterment or boringness

consumed the both of us

but then again what if it works out?

what if we never lose our lvoe

that we stay in healthy passion

into peace betterment and excitement

engulf both of us forever

what is we never lose our love?

I wondered what If I couldnt be there for her?

what if I became a crippled a crutch

that I lose my health to be able to take of her

couldnt lover her or meet her needs

as she met my needs instead?

but then again what if it works out?

what If we both stay healthy?

what if were both there for each other


that we both pull our fair share

sacrifices and jobs endeavored

what if we both live good long healthy lives?

I wondered if we could follow God still

what if God was angry?

or didnt want us together?
that we went against the Almighty’s will?

would we get to have a forever?

BUt what if it was GOds will?

what if GOd was pleased

and had been waiting fo rus to be together?

that we were the will of the Father


im sorry ive made such an obsession over her. Forgive me. its unhealthy. I need to let her go . I just cant let her go. Its not good. Its not healthy. Its bad for me and her. I need to be my own person. Live my own llife. Even if we aer desitned together I shouldnt build it up… itll just make the fall worse when we arent as perfect as I d hoped. I have lovesickness… and honestly I need a pretty special and unique woman to solve it…

dear woman I must forgo…

woman I must leave behind…

woman who I may never meet…

why am I obsessed with you? why do I put so much stock in you? I dont know why I was attracted to what I was attracted to. I just sat next to a cute girl In school and bam… I was obsessed with them. And Id stay loyal to my crush for years. I knew little about them but my heart fluttered around them. ANd my mind went through whole conversations with them!!!! I was such a loser!!!! I couldnt talk to them in person but I talked to them in my mind!!! ANd its finny cause I was fascinated with their beauty . Id say they ewere the most attractive girl in schoool…. but both were pre puberty for me . SO I never once tought of sexual encounters with them (well until I got older). I just dreamed of being around htem and being their firend. I Will say… htis soudns pathetic but I always had a stick of gum after lunch jsut in case… lol…. its true. In the back of my mind id fantasize like I do now about finding a girl…only then I was kinda hoping for a kiss. It made no sense but I was ready. You know one thing about both women was they were both christians … imight not have known that right awy but I found out. but what made me attracted ti them?? they had physically beauty but what else? was it cause I sat next to them? was it cause they were smart? and seemed nice?? on top of their beauty? I dont undersand attractions… like why am I attracted to an imaginary girl?? I think Ive desired a gf (now wife… exept I need money). so badly ive prayed for hr intensly. Ive shaped her in my mind. Not how she looks. It was always “helphe rto be beuatiful” or “make her exceedingly beautiful.” BUt other than that most of my prayers were wabiout her character or personality or beliefs set or virtues. To be a strong CHirstain. TO hate lgtbqf to hate abortion. TO be a virgin. TO love JEsus as much as I did. To be a great mother. To match my personality. TO love God more than me. To be loyal. To be storng and wise and brave and compaasionate and kind and sweet and perfect for me. And to hate tatooes and piercings and wierd hair colors. SO I think ive created her in my mind. Its like Im searching for this ideal woman ive made up in my mind. ANd I thought girls were crazy about me. BUt I was still very very sick in the mind. so I ignored them even tho I knew tehy were threer for me. BUt im glad it it didnt work out. I honestly wasnt ready. I really was to mental fo r any form of companionship. I was to o sick for a friend. I just needed family and therapists. BUt by the time I wasa little better I had in my mind that I had a soul mate. And it stuck. I dint wanna date. SO I ignored women. I tried to not even look at women. TO ignore them completely. Becuae I wanted to prove to her taht I loved her. Bwecuae I wanted ti be loyal to her. I was taking things to the extreme. Shes not real tho. So I keep wasting my time.I got obssessed with a couple of beautiies on line for hbeliefs character and beuaty. BUt those I never had a chance with them. One was even engaged so I was being very rotten. Forgive me . But I really liked there character and preosnality and belief set. I wanted mroe hatn just looks. SO I hope that I can find someone out there that has alot to offer. Besisdes just looks. ANd I think after odoing someinternal deliberating. Looks are a lower priority for me. Do I want a smoking hot stuniiing babe? OF course. It pleases the eyes the mind and makes me crazy about her. But I think id prefer her being beautiful or compatabel in other ways. Her persoanlity. HEr belifie set. Her character and virtue. and her matching of me… I mean someone that jsut right for me… who enjjoys what I enjoy (or tolerates it). w ho get s the bst of me. Who makes me happy. Who sahres my goalsa nd dreams. who compliments ,me . I just want the right girl… not neccearily the best looking (tho if I could have both.. Id be ecstatic). Anyways… I dream of you my DEAR. because I desire great things for us. I want you to know. even if we never meet and I stay single my whole life… you greatly helped me through a tough stretch. so thank you… and if it does work out… I pray we both keep that passion spark and love without on earth. this letter was a waste. kinda dumb. I wanted it ti be so muchg more but I failed. srry

the one and onky

the tireless dreamer

the wanter of one

ps. am I living up to my promises in my poems? can I? I just want so much and wanna give so much…. I may not land on them but hopefully I reach your heart… and stay there for this lifetime without doubt or confkic or neglect of you

we always have a choice

when we lose we lose with class

when we fall we learn how to pick ourselves up

when we are offended we forgive with grace

when we falter we do so with dignity

when we leave we go away quietly

when we win we win with compassion

when we rule we rule with mercy

when we are the victim we fight with truth

when we exit a scuffle we do so peacefully

when we fight a war we do so with just cause

when we lie we set things straight

when we are questioned we answer honestly

when we fight we respect our opponent

when schism arises amongst brothers we seek unity

when difficulties arise we grow stronger

when we are afraid we pray harder

when our beliefs are challenged we seek the truth

when hypocrites amass we expose them

when the bad guys win we dont give up

when times get tough we keep grinding

when the world seems like it is dying we set seeds of hope and truth

when we live we do so with elan

when are children ask we teach wisdom

when its between death or selling out we die a noble death

when the world goes mad we stand our ground

when its a lost cause we fight harder

when our live is over we left it a better place

How can there be logic without understanding

how can we ask… without knowledge

how can we seek… without direction

how can we stand… without strength

how can we discover… without curiosity

how can we debate… without facts

how can there be good… without evil

how can there be choice… without free will

how can there be hypocrisy… without truth

how can there be joy.. without sorrow

how can we condemn… when we have done worse

how can we unify…if there arent differences

how can we fight… without violence

how can we comprehend… without a higher power

how can we have a family…without a home

how can you sacrifice…. without passion

how can you suffer for another… without calling them brother

how can we forsake… when we can help

how can there life… without death

how can there be peace.. without laws

how can there be inner peace… without a struggle

how can there be free will… without the ability to do wrong

how can there be forgiveness.. without transgression

how can there be redemption… without a fall

how can we love… unless we were first loved

how can we trust…. without proof

how can we betray… without dissenters

how can we blossom… without time

how can we love… without another

how can we experience… without life

how can there be artist… without critics

how can we philosophize…without discerners

how can we create.. without creation

how can there be a just God… without judgment

how can there be mercy.. without a way out

how can there be a soul… without immortality

how can there be depth… without a Deeper Supreme Being

without imperfection…what do we aspire to?

at the end of eternity…

lies the end of pain

lies the end of sorrow

lies the end of lies

lies the end of hypocrisy

lies the end of strife

lies the end of forgetting everything that stung the heart

at the end of forever …

begins the lost dreams

begins the broken promises

begins the lost causes

begins the broken relationships

begins the lost discoveries

begins the start of a new age of nothing with a new ideal of hope

at the end of the neverending…

what gets carried over?

what will last?

will there be time?

how do we start over?

when we we learn virtue?

and carry forth the sword of peace?

what will stop us from repeating the nightmares of the last ending?

waht do you think of this new poem?? I have no idea what I was trying to say…. it just kinda enigmas me…. id wish I had a confadine to read these and give me her thoughts…anyway its different… if anyones got a good interpreations taht makes me sound smart by all means share it!!!!

dear woman

my one and only

the one I wnat to be one with

I haven’t forgotten you. Youre still near and dear to my heart. Im sorry I dont pray for you my soul mate. I really haven’t recovered my faith. yet. I hope your faith is strong. that you still believe in goodness righteousness virtue and faith!! I f its a good thought, keep thinking it;). Be an example to the rest of the world! exemplify beauty of the soul! teach via living a higher lifestyle for a higher purpose!! transcend this ordinary world and show them what it means to be extraordinary!! Am I asking too much?? I just have such high hopes my lovely partner in the war of the soul. I hope I can live up to the high cost and demands of being with such a wonderful woman. The cost of love requires time attention patience and effort. Im kinda hoping my writing takes off so I have more energies to use and fulfill your desires. and I hope that your desires are pure righteous and carry an easy yoke. BUt if we both worship and serve the same God everything will be smoother easier and create more unity. I hope I dont put pressure on you to be so great. Im hoping your just a natural. That you’ve been trained via hardships and trials and its just your nature to have those virtues and character. That the beautiful soul is just who your are, not what you want to be or seek to be. I hope you understand im immensely flawed. and I udnerstand your only human. I dotn wnat to put the bar to high to put a burdon on you. FOrgive me if I do that. I just want you to be your natural self. ANd ill love you tease you and cherish those imperfections. that’s what makes life fun and exciting and unique. I think a flawlesss women wouldnt be as fun or endearing. Its the flaws that define us moer so than our perfections. No one can barely notice perffections in a human but they greatly notice her flaws. And it give s tehm somthing to talk about laugh about and even for the indiviudal learn from grow from and contemplate. ANd I think flaws can even be a source of stregth, a way to recognize or copyright in a way . Everyone knows the raspy voice fo bob Dylan, its become iconic. And an actor like Danny devote has used his short frame as an asset in his acting. (sorry if yous guys hate me just using you sas a n example). SO you can use the differences you have asa n advantage and attually again more by having them than if you were the perfect height or voice. SO I will look forward to your imperfections in perfsonality or wherever they are. and treat them as the most beautiful thing about you. ANd ill stare at your beautiful blue eyes and thank God for creating you with the depth fo my heart. Btw, I met a girl that ahd beautfiul icce blue eyes. But she had about an 8th of her right eye that was brown. It was breathtaking cause of its uniqueness. All blue would have been more perfect but that brown actually shown birghter and mroe vibrant in contrast to the beautiful baby blues. SO there imperfection can be beautiful . YOu just gotta make it so. And I think oyur other streghts are shown even higher and brighter when you have a flaw. I love everything about you right now… im praying that never change.

the imperfect,

the flawed,

the madman.

ps. I dont know waht your imperfections are but I cant wait to find out!!! YOull notice mine right away… but I can learn from them. I wanna see you as you really are.. in truth… I think its gonna be great when we meet. And we are gonna learn to grow together to a higher purpose and cause.

so im in a bit of a slump… a tad bit depressed if you will. I want so badly to return to my master Jesus. morso than finding any girl. I suppose it was bound to happen. Id lose taht passion and drive for her. I hope shes not obssesed with. me. tahtll just lead to pain when. shes dissapointed. I want her to know I still have boundless love for her. I just…im trying to find myself again. I lost my soul myslef and my God. im tryong to restore it.dear woman…you could clear up so much confusion if I could just meet you and you said “yes Jesus is the good guy. I love Him more than you” and id be the ahappiest guy on earth. I wouldnt have to worry about losing you because a greater than I could take care of you. and I could be at peace. I want you to know im not much of a Romeo. even in my poems im not all that mushy or sappy. maybe I am… but I feel like I tried to write poems with depth and meaning more than romance poems. but you loved me far beofre the love poems didnt you? my love will lbe talkkng to you, going on wlaks and doign stuff, even if its just watching tv cause were tired. I wish I was a smooth operator but im just me. I lll try buying youflowers and writing poetry. I may hit writers block from time to time. I wanna be with you so bad. just to know you exist are are mine would relieve so much. stress. and one thing I feel horribel about, that I pray you have mercy on me. and im gonna apologize for this a million times but… forgie me for jerking off to crossdressers. I m a sick pos. I wanna be free of it. I may never lose thta attraction to them on pictures or video. I still get grossed out by it in public and real life. but im sorry im such a creep. I wish I could just talk to you and get to know you and learn to love and cherish you. I want our relationship to be pure. to be fiilled with talking and laughter and confessions and open dialogue. to not need any secrets becuase wwel ove and forgive and want to do right. .im kinda glad I havnt met you yet. maybe youll see optimal josh, a better version of me. I am kinda worried im not good enough for you. t hat youll find me boring and dull and lame. I aint got much to me. im kinda shallow and empty at my core.. but I love you deeply. what good are those made in the image of God wihtout that God? are they just empty vessels? like a body wihtout a soul…


what’s the point of me writing my hearts cries out? who cares about a delusional anti semite? I greatly desire a wonderful wife, a huge family, and a way to provide for them. but ive got the big old goose egg now. when im get to a solid place with me medicoine and get my faith back… I dunno, Il probably still be nothing. But one day I hope everything works out. Do I really have someone out there? Are you reading this? Im sorry for the porn I look at. Forgive me. You have no idea how important you are to me . Im not very smooth adn dont know how to make the first move. I actuallly ahve no skills with women at all. I wanna just be nice and talk to them like normal people. I dont wanna pretend their the greatest thing or lie about how beautiful they are or play coy or not give attention right away and play that fcking game. I just wanna be myslef. I want to get to know them. For them to open up to me. TO be able to disagree on minor topics but we have to agree on the major ones. Honestly my pick up move is “hi im josh brown.” and if she doenst say anything I say “what your name?” and I wanna know what htey think about GOd, governemnet, and morality cause that’s what’s important to me. BUt I ussually dont get a chance to take about this cause I dont see many girls my age period, espicaly not attractive ones. Im can be accidnetalty smooth but id rahter just be a boring me. Cause I am what I am and hate the whole chasing a girl for a date. I just wanna get to know them. tO make them laugh. To find shared interests. To find out what kinda person she is. Im not good at being inatuthenitic. But I can be dull and boring . I greatly desire a girlfriend just to kill time with and do things with. im kinda lonley for a woman companionship. there’s something about women that just brings great joy in me, at least when theyre young and beautiful. my whole life ive been a failure when it comes to women. how does a homebody man find a homebody woman???????? im so lonely for you. I s my poetry gay? are my writings the mockery of the internet? do you actually like me? cause I dont know if I do sometimes… ive spent so much time trying to find the perfect woman (in my eyes)…ive also been trying to be as perfect asi can be … I know I fall short and dont really have much to show… but I strove for greatness… I used to get mad at myself cause I wouldnt say something funny or miss an opportunity to a girl or if I said something dumb. I sill remember this beutiful woman who came at my job ordering dog panels … I asked her what kind of dog she had to start a conversation. she said blue heeler. I froze frantically trying to remember what a blue heeler was… nothing. I ended up just saying “your very beautiful” as I got a got a disgusted look like why should fucking give a damn whs you think”. I took it pretty hard. not that I had a chance. but damn she was beautiful. ya know its pretty sad tho I cant evenn get a date!!! I wasnt trying most of the last year cause I was holding out for her!!! now im just pathetic…I even made online dating profiles but they make you pay and im trypsing to save up!!! I wanna move out so that its not weird for her!!! so I dint have to say im living with my parents. I dunno… one time they wrote…. “girls are craz about you. youll find a perfect match.” and that’s the only thing that gives me hope. but my problem is im extremely picky. Honestly, yeah im picky about looks. ANd not just no tattoos no pricing n weird hair dress not like a whore or slut. I actually am kinda picky about how a girl looks sadly. I mena there’s times a see a dime and my heart just flutters uncontrollably. I cant help it. Just a natureal guard of woman against a loser like me. But im also very picky about what the woman beliefs and what kind of person they are. I definitely want a strong Christian. who hates lgtbqf and abortion and wants white christian nationalism!!! I know that’s alot to ask… I secretly hope I dont have to settle… on anything… that you are a beautiful gem in everyday. but its just an idealized situation for me. in reality I dont know if anyones read my writings, I just gpo by clues that could be red herrings. I hope your real!!!!!!! I hope your a gem!!!!!! and I hope I can get money to raise a huge family with you!!!!!!! i hope we are close even in old age!!! and I hope wen I falter your strong enough to take care of the kids and will still stay true to me …. im very imperfect dear… and it would break my heart if my one in 8 billion wife left me cause I had a breakdown or something… I need you!!!!! especially cause my parents arent gone live forever….srry this log beens mostly about me… I want you to know that besides Jesus, your the most importnat figure in my universe. I love you so very much. I cant wait to meet you and get to know you and spend time with you and talk . I wanna be able to talk to you about everything and anything. Heres my heart woman… treat it with care.

sorry for being a sensitive pussy. do woman want emotional men or strong men? I dont know what tehy want… can you be both? is that possible? cause im pretty strong and have a deeply emotional side. does my women love me enough that if I cried in front of her shed still love me? im not gonna go out trying to cry in front of her. id rahter she cry in front of me. Honestly I just wanna be there to cheer up her bad days and make her feel happy I ussually I cry before my bro Jesus… He cares about me and drys my tears and comforts me. sometimes He’s the only one that cares enough to listen. I really miss our talks. seek after the Savior woman!!! He’s a far better friend than ill ever be.

srry for being weak. Im not a loser. im not a bum. and I will find a woman in time. I have so much potential. And I see so much potential in my people!!!! The white man has not seen his greatest era!! There will a renaissance of culture science religion and morality!!! We will be truly free again, to the point our leaders, who are white brothers, will view themselves as servants of their equals. NO more will the jew control things. NO more will any race point and cry “racism” for only our brothers and sisters will live together in harmony. NO more will we fear of speaking out against grooming pedophilia nd homosexuality!!!! No more will the govenremnet use the hard working men and women as objects to of usury. No more will our women be taught to be men and no more will they put down the beauty of womanhood and motherhood. No more will our children will be taught lies of global wamring climatre cahgne evooitions and communism. NO more will Christ be banished from any aspect of life, governement military education or work. For how can one be free without the truth , or even without spekaing freely!!! No more will the babies in the womb be sacrificed to a false god!!! NO more will they say what demonimation are you, but who do you call God?? AND The united church will answer Christ. No more will relgion and state be separate. How can there be laws without morality? ANd morality comes from your religious belife, science or the jews tulmad religion, or islam or a. cult. OR the one religion where God Himself died to take on the sins of HIs Creation. The one religion where you are taught to love your enemies. To lay down your life for your friends. To love all with mercy compassion and justice. WHre the greatest reward is obtained by sacfricing the most. Where keaders are supposed to be servants and the greatest serve the least. Where truth is the goal you seek in every aspect of life. WHere deeds done for others trump deeds done for self. This is the core of America. This is us a city on a hill. ANd we will restore our former glory and illumination. THe whole world will see what right and wrong are. The whole world will awe at our wisdom brotherhood and discovery. FOr we will set forth a new age of breakthrough in all aspects of culture to transened mortality as a people and set our mark on history forever . And the whole world will see that a small group of pilgrims have such a strong root that even when the demoniotic jews seek to currupt them they will ascend to restoration of their former glory and even surpass it.

the meaning of weaknesses

sorrow just means you have compassion

nervousness means you wanna do well

fear shows you respect power

pain show you have strength to conquer it

tears show that you have care

failure shows you tried

teasing means your showing attention

loss means you had

being bullied gives you more to overcome

hatred of evil means you disagree with evil

challenge leads to a journey

hard times strengthen you

shyness means you care what people think

being timid just means you are a dissector of yourself

curiosity means you are seeking

hopelessness is just a phase: can become hope with time

being scared means you respect your opponent

fear pushes us to go farther

weakness just means we can improve

being alone means we have room for friends

bucking the trend makes us trailblazers

standing alone leads to immortality

dear woman:

the one created for me

the one I was created for:

Its been a while since I wrote a letter. still gotta mail out my first one. How are things on your end? When is your birthday? I cant wait to see you!!!! What do you want for your birthday? Panda earmuffs? Or is taht to childish… how bout some jewlery??? I know your a girly girl. Maybe I could get you something beautiful … like a Lockett with our icture in there. But wed have to get a good photo taken together:) how about some good smelling fragrenecies or hair washes or stuff like taht??????? I love a good smeelign womnan !!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! kinda turns me on… no I know hwat im getting you and im getting it rigth now!!! Your gonna be so sexy!!!! I love giving gifts. ANd I especially love giving gifts to people i love!!!! which menas your gonna be my favorite person to give gifts to!!! I think you already know what I got you case your looking at my screen. DId it at least make you smile???? WIll you were it???? For me ??? It means alot to me… like a piece of home. I hope you lke my first gift. And youll learn of my terrribel wrapping ability;) Illl try to get you gifts every christmas birthday and anniversary. So your getting three times of bliss from my heart to yours a year. Crap… you prolly already got Kentucky gear. BUt do you have a nice winter beanie?? like a high qualiy one?/ OR a baseball cap??? Anyways… cats outta thte bag . no pun intended. I just wanted you to really feel like my soul mate. WE gotta root for the same teams right??? ittle bond us. so I kinda hope you hate sports or dont follow so its easy to conivnce you to cheer ofr my teams. At least ill have somethiing to give you when we meet!!!!!!!! Oh you mihht have fun going to a baseabll game and filling out the score sheet as the game goies on… its like a game within a game!!! We can practice ast home and then go and do it at the actual game!!! I heard a story of a girl that did it with soem stragnger and had a blast!!! Maybe not, but we shall see.. Btw you will be a kentucky wildcat fana nd a fan of all spors Minnesota!! SO you hate the green bay packers and duke!!!!!!!!! Those are your two most fierce rivals. Thats the way its gonna be. IF you aint depressed after an early exit of uk in the ncaa tournament ill question your fanhood and wonder if you really took the call seruiously!!!!! JK. d ont be dperesed that was a joke. BUt if your not sad it means you dontids (JK JK :)… we gotta be good examples for our kids. B Tw they have like fashion clothes for college and nil now (for girls). SO you could be sexy and rep the vikings or wildcats. I l l probably make a comment like “iv enever seen you sexier” but then again you cna make pjs look sexy (at least n my mind ). WHat else didi you want?? IM gonna need a list beore your birthday in case you already have kentucky hats!!!! Sory to ruin the surprise. Im just so excited to meet you!!! HEHEHEHE

I love you…

so very much

cant wait to meet you!!

and find out your name!!!

srry if you tired to add me on Facebook!!! I should just added everyone !!! IM A POS… I lost you by playing th fool

your man soon

ps. im gonna love buying you jewelry;). ill let you decide what you wear when but I hope they bring out the beauty in your eyes!!

Dear future wife,

the one God made for me,

the one ill love even after I die,

I had an interesting talk with my therapist today. She said in the Catholic church they are taught to write letters to their future spouse. I had no idea. I just love you so much. I cant wait till you read these. I hope that you enjoy em!!!! I depseratlry wanna meet you. So im kinda worried about asking out a girl. I dont wanna… I want you. BUt in my mind its the only way to get to you. I feel like ive tried everything. I even mailed you a letter. I put soul mate on it and hope you get it. But im just so confuzzled as to why you cnat respond or write me. Im pouring out my heart and soul to ya!!!! AT least let me know you exist and are out there!! I NEED YOU. The pains coming back (seems to go in stages). FRom missing you it seems. I have so much to be grateful for. I have great health overall. The medicine is working!!! I m still lonely tho, lonely for you. I pray I die before you. Itll be too much pain without you I pray more Importanatly taht I get mym faith back. I need it for the future. I need to to be great. Its what molded and shaped me in the first place. I miss my best friend. Wverything mad esense with HIm. PLeasae tell me Hes your best friend. TH e one you love more than me. He will protect you . He will save you. He will comfort oyu. He will be what I cannot for you. PLease tell me you follow JEsus.!!! I M gonna be a good guy once again!!! IM gonna follow the good book!!! So I cna love you better!! I want to be a good guy… but im the villian right now. pray I regain my faith!!!! I believe LORD… help my unbelief!!!

Im just being tested!!!

Woman the only way our marriage works is if were are equally devoted to Jesus. our kids will be taught the Bible, the truth…

Part 2 of letter

IM not a very good christian. Everything in the head, the voices are telling me that heaven is a chaos. That im somehow greater than the apostles. Or Lucifer has humbled himself. Or that God has some dirty secret that ruins Him. Or taht im gonna transcend the spiritual realmand be something greater than God, beyond male and female. Utter . Nonsense. I miss the good ole days of right and wrong, when everything made sense. Wen Jesus was the ultimate good guy. When sins were easy to tell. When I could beg forgivenes for my sins and hear a whisper of “son, thy sins are forgiven you… go an sin no more.” The voices keep lying saying there’s no gonna be a war. I dont see any other way. WHites are losing the majority and in doing so losing their country that belongs to us. Weve been brainwashed from every direction. hate your ancestors. they were racists bigots xenocpbes homophobes ect. sex isnt for marriage, its for whenever. therefor babies can be murdered and marraiage means nothing. Gays are born that way. only whites can be racists. global warming is killing our planet and the ony way to fix it is to raise taxes. w0oman deserve to be in power, they are just like man. Screw motherhood, that’s beneath you. minorites suffer and we should let them in and pay for them to live at the ewxpense of taxpayers. while the sons and daughters of America are crushed with the load of the whole world. so. many. lies. ITs all the youngest generation knows. We desperately need a revival . AN awakening. for JEuss the son of GOd to have mercy on His people, the descendants of the pilgrims. NOT the bastard children. The purebloods. IS Europe lost? Is there anyway to preserve it? Or are they too multicultural? DId they fall too far? I need to quite worrying abou tthe satete of the nation/world. it just consumes me.

hack to waht really matter :you. M Y dear woman, Im gonna vent a lot about this nation nd polotics and speak religion, the one true religion. I hope oyu wanna talk about that or that that’s a passion. Cause I care immensely about it. Im sorry. Its my core. I like speaking about what matters to me. If you ever need me to stop let me know. Ill cut it short and try to change the topic. CaUSE I LOVE you more than this nation. YOu love family beifre nation, as family is why you care about nation. I Know people will use that for their basted kids, but those bastard kids gotta go. You put God beofre family and God hates mixed races from HIs people. DO not be unequally yoked. Read what the Israelites did when they came back from captivity. They tore their clothes and sent their hethen wives and bastard children away. GOD DOES NOT CHANGE. Anyway, prayy that my faith is restored. Im gonna need it for the challange ahead. I misss you so very much dear woman. I dont even know how im gonna provide for you!!!! I just want you happy and taken care of. Because you are a priceless gem in my eyes.

this was kinda a lame letter,

srry I got carried away,

trying ti be the good guy…

your man…

ps I cant wait to give you your gifts!!!!

a hundred years ago

we lost ourselves

a people self polutted

our morals sank

we left God for pleasure

and GOd cursed us

ninety years ago

we lost what was right

we made woman as corrupt as man

we penalized people for working

we created a league of villians

we esteemed us smarter than our fathers

and God cursed us

eighty years ago

we lost our bread basket

the stock market crashed

we fight against the good guy

we welcomed the jew

we gave up on liberty

and God cursed us

today we live in hell

gay flags cant be burnt but Americas can

kids are taught sex in primary school

woman are told motherhood is beneath them

men and women live like whores and manwhores

the only race that’s racist are the whites

whites are almost a minority

murdering a baby is a right

the working man is taxed beyond his weight

welfare is commonplace

politicians are puppets for whoever pays the most

every industry is fifth- lgbtq is the tip of the iceberg

we dont have freedom of speech

they strip our rights daily

white people get killed and no one bats an eye

every race is proud of their race- except whites

and the ultimate sin is to be anti jew

but can yoiu imagine what it would look like without jews?
or minorities, what a paradise

will God allow us to survive?

or is this His final curse?

I LOVE MY WOMAN!!!!!! I need you dear… let me meet you… I think im doign good enough where we can laugh and have a good time!!!!!! Id love to meet you!!!!!! HEY IF WE MEET BY VALENTINES DAY ILL MAKE SURE ITS THE GREATEST VALENTINES DAY YOUVE HAD!!!!!! MY three favorite haolidays are gonna be your birthday, our anniversary, and valentines day!!! love you Sophia? Sarah? Madison? what is your beautiful name dear woman!! Its killing me not to know!!!!

I walked alone

with no one but my Savior

searching for you

praying for you

begging for you

but He said wait

you’re not ready

I lost Him

Or so I thought

so I had nothing

and I lost my faith

so I searched for you

the next best thing

but you never came

I prayed till you became an idol

all I cared about was you

finding you

being near you

knowing you

but I knew about as much about you

as I did an unwritten fantasy

I wanted so much from you

I requested you be virtuous and kind

I desired intelligence and understanding

I sought for you to have the best personality

I wanted you to be the greatest Christian

to love God more than me

and I wanted pure beauty that all would stand in awe

I poured out my soul by writing you passionately

I wrote as if you could read

I spoke as If I knew you

i searched as Adam did throughout the garden

but I received nothing

so God took me back and said

“Your prayers are never in vain

ive planned for you two since before the dawn of Creation”

and I said “Lord be our God Forever

and let her know how greatly she is loved.

Dont let her ever spend a day without knowing

that she is loved above all women of the world by me

protect her always above me

and tell her she shall never walk alone”

when we meet

all my worries will be put to rest

i’ll hear the words of grace

i’ll witness your steadfast love to the truth

all my tests youll pass with ease

youll show me things I never new

and welcome me into a world of wonder

when we meet

I cant be let down

because I have to have a better half!

there must be equilibrium

a soul that compliments mine!

that takes what I have

and transcends us to new heights!!

for what worth is man without woman?

and what good is greatness without a complimentary wonder?

when we meet

I wanna tell you how much I love you from the start

all the tears ive cried trying to stay pure for you

all the struggles ive fought looking for you

but first I want know everything about you

I want you to be my muse

my lifelong search for deeper love and purer passion

my reason for challenging the demons and conquer them

when we meet

I want it to last forever

to replace Romeo and Juliet as The love story

to take place on this earth and leave decedents forever

a family of character and righteousness

going on till the end of the world

while we worship the Son

together in paradise

November 14,2022

Dearest woman

the woman who cares about me

the one who prays for me

A strange thing happened the other day. I felt Christ in me again. Like the worst of the nightmare is over. Like I can I finally walk with Him again. Like the insanities are weakening . As In its getting less that I should side with Satan. I dont want to side with satan, I actually pity him. He could have been the greatest of all the angels!!!! But he chose rebellion. And theere is an interesting verse in my book Adam and Eve: ch43 vs 4-5: “Therefor did the angel bare with them without saying one bad word until the Word of God who came to Satan ” Go hence; once before didst thou deceive My servants, and this time thou seekest to destroy them. “were it not fir my mercy I would have destroyed thee and thy hosts from off the face of the earth. but I have had patience with thee, until the end of the world.” 6 Then Satan fled from before the Lord.” I found that very interesting how Jesus has mercy even to the evil. ANd how satan was afraid of the Word of God and fled from Him, showing His superiority. But I want to thank the whole church, the people of GOd, for praying for me!!! I hope I didnt let anyone down. I hope my book helped people and we need to pray for a reivial/awakening for the white chrsitains in the world… And I hope I ddint confuse people into thinking a owman will solve your problems. Thye only add more! I m just bored;). But woman I dont ever want you to experience me during a breakdown. I ll just dragg you down with me. pray hard I never have another breakdown. so much confusion. Such intense pain. I pray none of our kids sffer like idid . I want you to know I love Christ more than you!!! But that wiill allow me to love you more. Christ , I pray you keep my future wife. That you lead her into truth and understanding. THat you bless her mightily for the good works she does for you and teh prayers and aid shell do for me. That you show her the way to live the path to tread the direction to follow you. That when you call for her to suffer you give her tremnedous stregth and limitless grace. T hat she stay loyal no matter the mountain. Blesss her with as many smart healthy Chrsitain in turht and spirt children. Help her to be an amazing mother. Keep her to the end of time. thank you for her… your servant joshua

love you my dear fellow laboror

stay loyal to Jesus

and put Hm before me


always yours

your man

without you , my life is shallow

I if were a great intellectual

and wrote books on philosophy

revolutionizing our way of thought

id still feel worthless without you my dear

if I was the greatest scientist

transforming fields with new discoveries

saving millions of lives

the accomplishments would mean little without you my love

if I was a once in a generation statesman

that saved America from threats domestic and foreign

that united the people and ushered a new era of freedom

id still feel shallow and alone without you my soul mate

for what good is philosophy with love?

and what worth is science without compassion?

and what purpose does a country have without families?

but you are my greatest discovery,

and winning your heart will be my greatest achievement

forgive me if I go anti chrsitan or make you out as an idol… not my intention. just the person I am and my persoanlity grately desires and puts stock in close allies and love of a woman… I still love Christ more. FOrgive me JEsus. please dont be upset with me.

if I could just give you a good life, my life would be bliss

If I were a plumber

working in cruddy situations

getting dirty and gritty

but if I still had you

and could somehow provide for you

id consider myself the luckiest man alive

if I were a middle school teacher

and had to put up with annoying kids daily

their whining there adolescence immaturity and all

but I still had you

and could magically provide for you

id be excited to come home as the best part of my life daily

if I worked two jobs to keep our family afloat

it’d be tiring and exhausting

but seeing you at home with joy for the kids

with that love you have for your brood

id find a way to be strong and finally feel like I had a purpose

and your love for me would transform the pain to bliss

I honestly down know if I could realistically work 2 jobs. WIth my illness anyway it would exhaust me. Ill be honest, I wanna be wealthy for your sake. If I was single I wouldnt care as much. But with you , I wanna be able to spend time with you. I want first and formost for you not to have to work at all execept at home. But I wannna give you nice things and have enough where we can have a decent house and enouggh for a bgi family. And I wanna get you nice things like flowers or jewellothes or expensive smelly stuff. I want you smelling good. I want you looking good. I want you happy. ANd I want you to be an amazing mother!!!!! Cause I wanna be an amazing father!!!! Togethere we can be amaizng parents and have amazing kids. I just want so badly to give you a good life with many bklessings and good things.

Dear Lord Jesus,

forgive me Lord. Forgive me for my obsession with her. I know its unhealthy but it keeps me going. I always wanted someone but the desires been cranked up to 100%. I cant help it. I want her so bad. But soeone that will help me draw closer to you Lord. I want her to be a devoted Christian . I want her to love you with all her heart soul strethgn adn mind. And do the will of the Father. Help me to love you wiht all my heart streght soul and mind agaim ! TO desire and to do the will of the father. Lord restore my faith adn love of oyu!!! Forgive me for loving her and caring more and fixating myslef more with her!!! PLease dont let her become and idol!!! Im sorry I love her so much. PLease set me free. PLease allow me to be free of this obsession!!! I wanan love you more Lord. Help me!!! Restore me JEsus. And keep her safe. Im sorry Lord forgive me.

your friend


ps. I haven’t given up on you… heaven is such a wonderful idea, l=dont let me miss out for a stupid woman!!!

pss. Honor the prayers I prayed for years… staying true to you, doing the will of the Father, Not haveing any idols or loving anything as much as you… dont let my former Holy self down

the devil won

He showed me power

I said I dont care

he promised me a way out

I said I already have Jesus

He told me God was sinful

I said that’s impossible

He told me of he could give me anything

I said I dont trust you

He showed me unlimited power

I said Id rather have love

so he said I have the perfect girl

I asked if she was a Christain

He said she was perfect

I said id already been praying for her so God will provide

He was quiet…

so I thought Id won

but I loved her more, more than Jesus

I have no idea how or why

all my life id prayed

“help me to love you more than anything

future wife and future children included”

but somehow, when I was weak

all I thought of was her

she was a fantasy, a dream

but I loved her more than Jesus

so I wasnt worthy

the devil had won

can I get back to loving the Creator??

or am I destined to fall into fire forever????

Lord have mercy on my soul…

woman, im trying to forget about you… I just cant. I love you… but maybe I should give up on my dreams…. maybe I shouldnt seek the best woman for me… I should settle for less,,, for someone I tolerate but dont love so shes not an idol… I dunno I dont want me or you losing our soul… ill see you in heaven dear.. but he problem is id sin worse… id love someone that wasnt my wife


I need to ive you up my dear…. that’s when they say you find somebody… help me to let you. go… its all your stupid fault!!! YOu had to be my perfect soul mate!!! YOU HAD TO BE PERECT FOR ME!! You holy woman!!! WHyd you have to be so holy and virtuous and awesome!!! ITs not fair!! Tell me about your weaknesses!!! That way I can dispise you like you desires me for my weaknesses. I cant stand that you have too be so amazing I love you with everything. You made me love an idol cause you were so flawless. Why did yo undo that to me? Why did you have to be exactly what I want and need???? I hope you come down to earth and make me see you as you really are… whatever that is… than maybe I can not love you as much!!!

why do you torment me woman!!

I never met her

but I knew she was there

from the pain

the tormenting suffering I endured!!!

the pain of her not around consumed me

I tried to forget

but I knew she was out there

I tried to let go

but I never had her

so the pain stayed

the pain permeated

spread from by heart to my mind

nay the whole body was in pain

from missing my core

the pain engulfed me

I knew it was a sin

loving one more than God

and I hated myself

but I loved her so much

and it wouldnt leave

I dont need to know the details

I knew she was perfect for me

cause I sent out a call for love

and only she truly got it

as there is only one God

I have only one lover…


dear woman

dearest woman

the one that hurts me just be being away

Im sorry im such a sissy. I shouldnt care this much about you. To the point Im in pain. Thats a sign of weakness. I trust you. I bet youve had it far worse than me dear. Im so sorry I couldnt be there for you. All I can do is write you and tell you my zany thoughts. Forgive me. I wanna give you a big hug and stroke your hair as your just ball all the million tears youve been holding in. I just want you to be comforted and at peace. If having another boyfiredn would help I wish teh nicest best sexiest man could date you just so you didnt suffer. I just dont wanna see you in pain and I cant be there for you right now. I feel like ive failed you. When we meet ill never let you go. And I want you to know God loves you immensly moer than I do. Dont make me an idol. Love and worship God and youll find healing. He is the Creaotr and He can heal any ailment you have, even heartbreak cause of an asshole like me. I need you to be a strong Christian for me. So I can recover my faith. We need each other to stay true to Jesus. Cause HE is teh great caretaker. And He’ll take care of both us as we walk the path of righteousness together. If I go my my grave wrong about Jesus so be it. BUt there’s nothing more beautiful than God Himself coming down and taking on the wrath meant for humanity to save wrethces like us. If that was a lie id be crushed. It means so much to me. ITs the core of my worth. Even you wouldnt mean as much without an Almighty merciful compassionate God. But because He does care you mean so much more to me. youll have to tell me your journey from reading my book to meeting me!! I want you to write an autobiography judst for me!!!! I wanna know everything about you!!v Cause I love you so much and wanna know more about my muse. I bet you have a fascinating story. You mus be intresting to be my girl;) I just cant wait to meet you. If your ever in pain.. please read my good poetry and feel refreshed. I wrote them for you after all!!!! I hope you like them . I hope they help. I hope these writings help. I have so many questions for you, but I kinda think id screw it up. However, I think your so magnificnet youll make up for me!!! All my weakness youll make brighter in me. I hope you makle fun of me when I make a wierd face or struggle eating food (im an extremely picky eater but ill try for your sake!!! just don’t expect me to eat a lot). I LOVE YOU. More thans words can express.

please dont be in pain

that’s my job!!!

Im supposed to take the pain for both of us!!!

So you can be happy…

im sorry if I ruined things

im a bit of a clueless nincompoop

but at least I got heart!!!

your man

always your man

ps you can be weka around me. I know your stregth I know how powerful you are. YOull be able yo let your guard down and be whatever. Cause I just wanna be ther for you. I might mock you, but I promise it’ll be in love;)

pss. I know you’d never go out with another man… unless you were getting to me… and when we meet I want you 100% to me and me alone. I just know we cant be together right now, so I want you happy. I dont wnat you in pain when Im not there to comfort.

It was you

that all those crushes led to

the nerves the butterflies

I never got lucky

but that’s cause I am lucky

to have you

it was you

the one I prayed for daily

who I begged and pleaded for

higher and higher expectations

with each prayer

yet you won’t let me down

it was you

the one I was in pain for

because you meant so much to me

I lost my desire for just anyone

and replaced it with you

forever only you

it was you

the one that was made for me

the one that compliments me

that completes me

that gives me life

and loves me in equilibrium

they took away our freedoms

one by one

we elected people to protect our freedoms

they did nothing

their evil genius ideas consumed them

they wanted total control

a new age of man

where they electronically control us

the new world order is upon us

it was never about gays

it was about destroying the family

it was never about women

it was about turning them agains men

it was never about protecting women

it was about killing their offspring

it was never about the stopping gun violence

it was about Total control and no way to fight back

it was never about blacks

it was using them as a pawn

it was never about racism

it was about control over the one race that is always racist and can never be proud of their heritage

it was never about diversity

it was about division

it was never about helping immigrants

it was about white genocide

it was never about a better life for them

it was about a worse life for you

it was never about education

it was about indoctrination

its not about religious freedoms

its about attacking Christianity

it was never about wars for democracy

it was money laundering

it was never republicans vs democrats

it was one party rule; aristocracy

it was never about America

it was about the jews

when will the war start??
I just pray you give me a few months with my soul mate before you start it

maybe that’s what I need a war… to restore my faith…when my woman cant save me ill be begging to Jesus

I was a fool for thinking we could resolve this peacefully… when trump runs for election… they are just gonna cheat again….

im not much of a politician.. but I want Trump to know I care about him as a person. Like id be willing to go to war if they jailed Him. He’s not far right enough, but he aint bought. I appreciate his love of America, even if his vision is a bit skewed. ANd that sob kishner, the filthy jew!! Theres one in ever rich person circle it seems. But I hope Trumps makes it to heaven, at the very least he’ll be haliarious. If I was in a better state id be praying for him. Here’s my question to you mr Trump… what are you gonna do to stop the election from being cheated on?? YOU know they’re gonna do everything they can to cheat. They desperately don’t want you in power. But even if you get in power, how ar you gonna fix the real problems? We are dying morally religiously and racially. How do you convince a large portion of the country that homosexuality is an evil abomination. That sex should be saved for marriage. That feminism is anti women and says women are not good enogugh as women so they must compete with men. That a solid family that is loyal and loving and everyone knows their role is the key to a strong country. That anything other than a man being able to provide for a large family with a wife who doesn’t have to work off one job is a failure by the government via overtaxation. That God promised to not let seasons change in the Bible and therefore global warming is an attack on Christianity (and is just a huge hoax, theyve lied so many times they should be jailed for theft). That yes, the white man is being opressed via massive minorities programs and pushing women in places. That yes. the white man is being a minority in a country that hey were opressed in as a majority. We have to deport the minorities. Save the sons of the pilgrims and teh posterity of the founders mentioned in the declaration of independence. But how do we do any of htis with an evil aristocratic group? And without the people rising with fire and passion behind the leader? We need an awakening … a revival. A new age of Christianit that shines brighter than any age since the apostles. If I could just get my faith back… whoever is reading this: please pray the Christ have mercy and restore me making Him my best friend again. Anyways… this countries dying trump. Its the end of an eon. But the begining of a new glorious age. Im excited for the future my dear president. We’ll finally see the future as it was supposed to be, with flyng cars and new innovations that amaze. But first we gotta go through hell. And I think Gods gonna raise up some great leaders to wage the war on evil. What if God sends a revival and every race gets touched? ANd then when they return to their homes they spread it there? And teh glorious Kingdom of heaven is greater on earth than ever before!!! I can only dream. LORD protect your people. And save America. White America.

I like both desantis and trump. I dont like that the scumbags out there are donating to desantis. But I dont think either of them are what we need right now. We need a spiritual revival. The core of our problems is not political ( as it may seem ) but moral. basically everything I said above. Theyve used polotics as a way to psuh their own religion, the one that the jews invented. and its finally coming to a head. It all seeems so hopeless. Cause there s few people even naming our problems ( are hteir any?? on the public stage on mainstream meida or tv I mean ?) Its gonna take a miracle but the people need to have something to fight for, something to live for , something worth dying for !!!!! Cause right now its so empty and shallow. No one wnats to chalalgne the staus quo on this imaginary state religion. Both trump and desantis took steps but I feel like they didnt go far enough. How I wish I could sacrifice my life for the betterment of my people!!!!! I love white america so very much. Even you scumbag feminist can be redeemed. BUt I see mena nd women suffering. THey need each other to thrive but women are taught they must be independmetn but it only puts them on pills as they long for that man to compliment them , the lead them, to be there for them. Such is nature. Its the hand youve been dealt women. Embrace it and you will find so much happiness. Think of it this way, you get to stay at home and watch the children grow and train the next generation of leaders. Theres more power in motherhood than any career. I know families cant afford this right now, but I want to make it a reality. Its my dream for America, my vision for the future. TO have strong independent loving and nurturing homes where they all have each others backs with true brothers and true brotherhood. It strengthens everything. Anwyas, Ive out that ive had multiple dreams of war, with trump at the helm and desianits fighting with us. BUt hten again I had multiple dreams of running away and that never happened. Oh in one dream I was getting married but I was hidden in a safe hiding spot before we could meet. I wanna meet my soul mate so friggin bad. Always goes back to her eh? So what do we do oiin times like these?/ GET ON YOUR HANDS AND KNEES AND BEG GOD FOR FORGIVENESS AND REPENT OF YOUR SINS!!!!!!

when your deciding who to endorse, chose the person who is least likely to stab you in the back in you pick the other person.

btw… when I said desantis> trump… I wastent an endorsement.. I was jsut saying I liked what desantis was doing and wanted trump to up his game… it was a challagne for him so to speak. To end government lockdowns. To stop sex change period (at the very least minors). To figth agianst the currupt healthcare and medical shutdowns. To put the schools hands back into the parents. I just want what’s best for the. ation and our people. n But Im not good at enodorsements. I dont trust politicians, mnot even trump. You dont go far enough!!! Honestly im just happy Casey desantis made a full recovery… that made me very very happy. Lord bless those on the side of freedom

why didn’t ou just ask??? I gave you my number.

I KNOW UM A FOOL; I just want this nation to be one under God again.

what do you want from me??

I wrote to you

but you never replied

I prayed for you

but are you a believer?

I cried tears of pain

because I felt like let you down

but did you even care?

I waited an hour sitting at a diner

but you never showed.

I wanted to sacrifice for you

but we havent even met…

I put up my signal for you

but where were you?

I wrote you almost daily

and I got not one word back

I tried to give up my addictions

to make you happy

do you know how hard it gets?

I tried giving my life for yours

because at least then one of us would be happy

why does it sting so harshly

to be unknown

to be forgotten

to be invisible

by the one you love the most?

why does the pain come

when I dont know you

when I cant be around you

when your nothing but a fantasy

why cant you be real ???

why do they torment us?

woman, do you love me?

how much?


woman what do you see in me?

I see a waste

the epitome of pathetic

your less than average failure

I dont even know if Jesus is the good guy!!!!

I just desperately want Him to be!!!

forgive me

im the dung of the earth…

the slime ball of nature…

the poison rain of the world…

I asked for a few things personally….

but they held so much weight of gold

for you my dear one are worth more

more than all the possessions ill ever own

more than my job career or all the money ill make

more than the friendships dive accumulated

more than my own family to me

and outside of God my family the one thing I truly love deeply

but I want you more

cause im pure evil

I feel like the bad guy

like a movie villian

just waiting to break


please dont send them to hell!!!!!! tell me what I need to do!!!! im so sorry woman… I let them all down

im sorry I wrote all that…

I just wish I could get to you

its so frustating

if you moved on…

maybe we jsut werent meant to be

at least youll be happy

ill find happiness in being an uncle!!!!

but I dont know if ill find anyone

cause Im a complex wierdo

who was in love with a fantasy

if you really are real

and something happens to me

and I die

promise me youll find someone to make you happy!!!

honestly what woman other than my fantasy dream girl would want me?
I hope its alot so I can let her know she was better than every girl that wanted me… that she was chosen as the cream of the crop and not cause I couldnt find anybody… I want her to understadn how great she is in my eyes

im sorry if I made you feel terrible…

your the stars in my night

the spring in my wilderness

the sunshine on my cloudy day

the cool breeze in my heat

the oasis in my desert

the rainbow on my rainy day

the pathway in my twisted forrest

the island of peace in my ocean of chaos

the wildfire to restore my prairie

the tree vine to overcome my quicksand

my bridge over stormy water

the cave from dangerous weather

my eye of the hurricane with peace within

where the whole world is falling apart

but we have perfect peace

because we have each other

id sacrifice for so much more (you)

if I could become a slave for you to be free…

if I could take on pain for you to feel well….

if I could take on confusion for you to be at peace….

if I lost apart of me to make you feel whole…

if I had to walk alone for you to belong…

if I had to become impoverished for you to be rich….

if I had to lose myself for you to find yours…

if I had to lose my talents for you to find your gift….

if I had to hate for you to love

if I had to die for you to live

then I could get it all back with your hand forever

because you free me from inner slavery

because you take away my pain

because you give me such tremendous peace

because you complete me

because we are one together forever

because your value is more than all precious metals combined

because we suffer together and thrive as one

because you are the greatest gift Jesus gave me

because we balance each other out in perfect equilibrium

because ones life is only as valuable as what he leaves behind

Dear God,

If I truly did commit the unpardonable sin and am doomed for hellfire, what is my way out? Are you a fair just God if an imperfect insane being commits the unpardonable act? One whose tried to follow you to His best and yet still prays for redemption? What have you required of me? TO do justly love mercy and walk humbly with my God? Ive tried Lord, ive tired. Im sorry I dont walk with you very well anymore. I really do feel like the bad guy. Im so sorry GOd. IM sorry ive lost my faith and my love for you. It eats me up. I want to be the friend to the Almighty. To be obedient , loyal, and spend much time with Him. Im sorry im obsessed with a girl. ANd if it werent for the voices I wouldnt believe in a Sophia. IM sory I read that gnostiic gospel crap. Forgive me. IM sorry I car eso much for this woman to th epoint shes an idol. FOrive me Lord, take me back. Help me to give her up in my heart and put you back on my throne. I dont wanna be against you!!! Im such a poor weak being O Omnipotent!! I NEED YOU TO LIVE TO BREATHE TO FUNCTION. I cannot create out of nothing. I cannot sustain and give life. Im just a wandering soul looking for eternal peace, and love. Love from a Higher Power and love from a woman. PLease I beg you not to torment me forever. I love your laws and your commandments and your teachings. I want to be a Christian. This idol thing is killing me Lord. PLease let me be with her so I can lose this obsession and get back to you. im srry I love her so very much. firgive me fr loving her more than you!! HEal me. Save me. Redeem me! Rememeber I just went through an intense breakdown. Im just recovering. Let me be an ally of yours GOd!!! I belive we can do great things together and youll get the credit and glory becaeu you are the mastermind and life-giving force. LOrd protect my soul mate. COmfort her from heartache. Make her to have peace and joy without me. Keep her pure and safe for me. Love her in a beter way than I can. Tell her I love her.

have mercy on my soul,

your servant,

restore me,

Joshua Paul Brown

ps. Please dont send her to hell because im an idol to her. Please look past that. Please help me to not love her so much. Help her to be a good Christian woman. ANd me to be a good Christian man.

if God wants to know why I wanna be aChrsitain. Its because I dont forget all the good that it did me. ITs the reason im not a crossdresser or worse. Its the reason I didnt kill myslef, He told me Im in the temple of the Living GOd. ITs teh reason I care bout other people and have the grace to forgive. Its the most beautiful message ever told: An all powerful God becomes HIs creation and suffers theri wrath to free them!!!! HOw marvelous!! How wonderful!!! How fantastic!! BUt I love the teaching of Christ, I love the actions He took, an I love HIs compassion time and time again. And honestly, there’s a part of me that feels bad Jesus was so lonely. I read it again and again, and it just felt like HE had immense pain and loneliness while on earth. ANd I wanna be His frioend . I dont know if I can ease the pain, but iwan tHIm to know HE means so much to me and it would be an honor to suffer and prove my worth for Him. If He wnats a wife, I hope HE finds the perfect Bride, but that’s unscriptural, the chruch is HIs bride. But I wanna be great like HIm. ALthogh ill never reach HIs heights. I still love you Jesus…Your words molded and shaped me… and its very hard for me to sell out a friend…

what do I need to do? Please if there are higher powers that can help… guide me to to what I need to do … the best outcome…. for me and her and the good guys… I suppose if I have to die… give me the stregthh to die well… and ill finally be free of my illness… but if I must live gratn me the most perfect wife if possible… as long as I dont go to eternal torment… im trying to avoid that as much as possible. help me to do the riht thing to go down the riht path.. dont let let screw this up….I repeat…. DO NOT LET ME SCEW THIS UP!!!

on a more rational note… why am I so important??? I dont understand!!! What is so special about me?? Why am I a superhero? I dont understand what I did?? In my eyes im still a failure without a girl house decent job or much prospects. im just a normal guy who sruggled and GOd was good to. who had a great family and strong support group that got him through some challenges. I dont think Ive done anything that great. ANd the only people I know whove read my book thank it aint that great. WIll someone tell me why im so importnat? THe voices even make it seem like im impotrant in the spiritual realm. How? WHat difference to I make to the siants or angles who are in paradise? ANd its nto like I can save people in hell. I dunno somethings up… I just wann abe with my soul mate dammitt.

id give you my world

if I could get get your time

id sacrifice my hours of free time

if I could converse with you

id give up my hobbies

if I could go on walks with just you

id give up my most prized possessions

just to hear that laugh and see that smile

id work extra hours

to see you happy at our home

id take the humiliation of romance

if I could show you daily my love

id put you in charge of all my money

just to let you know your worth it and

that I trust you

id let you name one of our sons

but my names are to great;)

(daughter tho;)

id give you my life

but I know itd be too painful for you

id wish I could let you feel the way you make me feel

the joys the ecstasy

the pain when your not there

o dear lover

how great is my love for you!!!

How do I prove it?
How do I let you know my love

and feel the way I do?

im thankful for you my dear

Dear woman,

one ive never met

and know nothing about

Forgive me for taking it all so fast. I apologize. I dont know what youre like in actuality. I dream and fantsize anbout you. BUt your a living breathing human. with strengths and weakness. Your not perfect. LIke im not perfect. There will be things that you are just not good at or hate htat I love. There will be things about each other we will despise. We may even yell at each other. Im not ussually a yelling osrta person but I may get there. I dotn wanna hurt you but I might. I might forget an ann iversary. or birthday. I might annoy you. I might want some time away form you. You might want some time away from me. We will hav monetary struggles, rihc or poor. We will have trouble wiht our kids. I might get tired and not have neergy to do everything with you. The most I may have energy for is a walk. I have my illness woman!!!! I get depressed at times, sometimes heavily. I won’t be able to pour my love out on you becaseu of this at times. Im a fucking hypersezxual!!! That means I need sex daily or there’s pain. Ill try to beat it for you but what if oyu dont wnana and I gotta masturbate? what if I have troible getting an erection for you? I hope and pray not but I have weird arousals when I look at porn. What if they come for us becasue of our beliefs? You cant be anti lgtbq anymore . you can’t be pro white!!!! and I keep building this up like we are perfec tofr each other!!! We might take time to get to know each other. We might hit some hirdles and bumps. We might not sjhare alotof interests. or things to talk about that are interesting . or at all. We may struggle adjusting to each other and our perosanalities nmay clash. or not click. What if you get bored with me? Or the gajilion wlaks I wanna take. Im not that great woman. Im just a normal guy. That might lose his gift for wtriting or run outtta ideas for poetry. I mean your so beautiful youll probably expect luxury and finer things. Thahats not me. I just wnat simplicity and quality to a degreee. I dont knwo if im fancy enough for oyu. THe hotter the woman the moer she expects to be pampeared and have everything done for them. I want someone on the ground level with me fighting and living!! I wanna do things with oyu evne work sometimes. I ll be honest ive always talked about doing the dishes with our kids bur I might wanna do them with you. Thats becuase you can get the most interesting conversations atby being put in certain situations. It sounds weird but when your working you sometimes get the best conversations./. And when your going to bed you get different convertsations than other times. It sounds werid but I swear its true. I wan na know oyu inside and out and get the most outta you. And sometime sthe best memories and the best ocnversatoins come when youre working or doing somethings you dont wanna do/. PLus the best stories come from eoither great successes or great failures:) Are you the kinda beauty that woudl wanna apint the house with me ?? OR rearagnge furniautre togheter even tho were rich?? I wanna get teh best of you and sometimes its the working man that is able to express himself the best cause hes out there experiencing things an living. I know im kinda a lazy buymn so I wont go to far. BUt a litttle work togehter will be fun. Maybe we’l vounteer ( think ive mentioned that before old folks home or a kids group (until we hav eour own:). Whatever our path , I wanna be with you! BUt coudl you handle all that??

I tired to convicne myself we wouldnt work

but I think I wnat you more now

your man

the one and only

ill always be yours

ps does that sound stupid or does it make sense? About getting the best conversations and experinces by working together? O really wish I could talk to you!!!!! Then I could get rid of all my nonsense by you tellign me “Josh, no woman dreams of working or doign dishes with there future husband!” but I can dream

pss. im not marrying you if you dont wanna bake and cook with me!!! That will be fun to do together!!

Dear woman,

Ive been busy thinking of what I want you to be… but what are you?? Do you hate things I write? That I adore you when ive never met you? That I love you so much when I know nothing about you? I don know you… as much as I wanna pretend adn act like im in love with you… this is all fantasy. A dream. Until we finally meet. Please go easy on me if I said dumb stuff or repulsive ideas taht were to distateful in your eys. I only wanted to show you everythign I am and let you know how much I care. I just want someone perfect for me that God made for me so fiercely … it burns from time to time cause I desire love of the romantic kind. I desire beauty… outward and inward.. I desire a companion like Adam. And I just… if your what im hoping… I wannna give you the absolute best of me in every way. and I dont want you suffering because of me. that’s the last thing I want. I guess Ive been writing you because I want you to be happy. I feel bad I cant be there so all I know to do is write you poems and letters and such. I hope it helps. I wihs I could hear from you, even jsut letters . That would be so much fun. dont worry about being this or that or even living up to the standards I put out. I never meant t o burden you by being this or that. dont be afraid to call me out or an idea I have as stupid or lame… I want you to be honest. I want you to be real with me and not feel like you have to be sonethong case I said it. I want you authentic. and yes I hope we can joke and banter. I have man different sides to me ya know. Please help me choose the right path. please be good with me and help me eschew evil. you have no idea how mch I care about you ( well , maybe you have an idea;). I wonder what you think of me? I value your opinion, even when I disagree. I love you like the birds love the air… your a necessity.

much love,

to you,

and remember to punch me as hard as you can when we meet;)

your man

ps. If you ever meet an angel… tell them im sorry ive struggled so much… tell them im trying my best to be a good guy… and tell them ill never be as great as Jesus…

pss i want you to know I dont feel like a very good person… I still felll guilty from time to time about stuff… and I hope you can forgive me for my sick lusts of gender bending and crossdressers and crap…Im so sorry

psss How have you been able to wait this long???? ITs driving me nuts!!! I have no idea how you can be so patient!!! Your must have superpowers or someothing cause all I can think about is you… forgive me iif your waiting for me to forget


If my love for you were water

it would fill the entire ocean

if my love for you were a star

it would dwarf the sun

if my love for you were a road

it would never end

if my love for. you were precious metals

there wouldn’t be any left to share

if my love for you were a book

it would be deep inspiring and life changing

if my love you for you were a word

it would mean love on steroids

if my love for you were a season

it would be constant and joyous

if my love for you were a river

it would be a wild ride of continuous bliss

if my love for you could be contained

I doubt the Milky Way would be large enough

if my love for you were a mountain

it would reach the heavens

if my love for you were power

id be as potent as a hurricane

if my love for you were sacrifice

id be willing to give up my world for your companionship forever

if my love for you were understanding

the whole would would know the meaning of romance

if my love for you were time

every thing would stop… as this is what creations been waiting for

is that okay?? coulda been better but ill ask you later….

I didnt know her

but I trusted her with my life

blindly trusting in a higher power

to get us together

to keep her safe and true

to let her experience the love I have for her

I didnt know her

but I knew she had character

I knew she had virtue

and I knew of her beautiful soul

because that’s all I prayed for

continuously without fail

and I trusted God would pull thru

I didnt know her

but I wanted her to have it all

I knew how great she wows

and didnt wanna let her down

im not much , personally im small

but I gots to be something more

so I am worthy of her

and give her the life she deserves

I didnt know her

but my heart could feel hers

my soul told me she was real

my emotions went crazy about her

and logically I had to have a counterpart

so I ran with my heart first

eagerly waiting for her first appearance

so that I could always and forever

know her…

they say you gotta give someone up to get them. Yet how can I give up my greatest desire and passion? when it pains me to be away from her and the greatest pleasure is writing my love out for her. How do you handle this dear woman??? How can you stand being apart from me? You must be a superhero, cause for me its like a continuous pain without you. Very unhealthy. I thought itd run its course but its still as potent as ever. I guess this is really hard for you. DOes my writings ease your pain? Cause I wanna do whatever I can to alleviate the pain. PLease know I love you more than words can esxpress…. I cant wait to meet you!!

they payed us Pennys for days of work

but it wasnt enough

they taxed us on everything even imaginary crises

but it wants enough

they gave our money to everyone, except the sons

but that wants enough

they brought in the filth of world without measuer

but it wasnt enough

we became a minority in our own land

but it wants enough

they forced debauchery of sexuality in everyway

but they kept pushing until pedophial was legal

but it wasnt enough

they killed our unbron an mad eour women whores

but it wasnt enough

they made it illegal to sepak oout against them

going after Christians who were anti gay

but it wasnt enough

they lied about the global warming

risisng the taxes beyond measure

but it want enough

they attacked anyone who said their name

and took away all there money and assets

but it wasnst enough for them

they mutilated kids and attacked those who disagreed

but it wasnt enough

they had laws protecting everyone except the white straight male

but it wasnt enough for them

they control the media ad deliberately lied time and time again

but it want enough

the cheated in every election since jfk at least

but it wasnt enough

they lied about alternative energy

as it killed birds and wasted unrecycliabel parts

they create wars for money

noit giving a dman about the soldiers

but I twasnt enou

but it wasnt enough

they said they wanted to put brain chips in us to control us

to enslave humanity orever

and poeopl laughed and said it was a conspiracy theory

they openly said they wanted to genocide a race of peopel

but no one cared

Dear satan,

What do you want with me? Why do you want me so bad? Do you wanna see me suffer? Do you hate me that much? SO what if you can offer me power or gifts or talents or pleasure or the world. Can yo ube my best friend like JEsus was?? Can you be a sholder to cry on a ear to hear and a place of resting and peace?

Can you comfort me with teh truth and guid to to deeper understanding? DO you understadn me, really? All my ins and outs inside and out so you know exactly what io need at all times? Can you suffer the eternall wrath of all mnkind to show your love for me? Do you have charcter and virtue and honesty ? OR are you a mimicker? Do you have the power to create life and sustain creation? And do you have th perfect woman for me taht loves the turth and will suffer with me and stay loyal?

Why should I side with you? What do I have to gain? IM a deeply flawed individual. I need a higher power that’s good becuaes I cant be good enough to save myself. Can you save me from damnation? OR give me a paradise of eternal resting? I just dont know why id side with you…. I wish I knew waht was going on. But until I get hard facts, Im siding with thte good guys. I ust dont turst teh auhtor of confusion or the father of lies.

how will you escape God’s judgment?

I honestly feel bad for you

Joshua Paul Brown

why did they say God and satan switched places???? im so lost… why would God ever fall? what does it have to do with me? what am I supposed to do? am I the antichrist?

please DO NOT worship me!!!! im just a flawed man. I dont desire worship.. I desire friendship and love… especially from her

quite honestly … If I were a god or deserving of worship…. I want rightreouness and cahracter and virtue form my people. Id want them to quite living sexually immoral lives, to quit tdoign and spreading drugs. For men to work hard and rpoviced for their families. FOr women to be submissive and thankful fro what they do have and to be amazing mothers. FOr people to be decent to each other. And treat one anoterh qwith reepsect, nbut be wiling to dtake a stand and fight when it went contrary to what is good. FOr peopel to quite being so greedy and be grateful for what they do have. For lots of big families wehre hte sibling always have each coheres backs. FO r peopel to create to deiscover to amaze. TO create great honest creations. TO be honst and uprioght in whatefer their job or career was. For people to stay true to there race and epopel above stragners and put an end to glonbalalism and diverstiy and race mixing. For comradely and mercy and justice to and peace to be the laws of the land. FOr women to find a man who loves them and stay loyal to till death. For men to take care and provide for their woman as well aas tehy can. for chidlren to be the focal pont of society. Not for drag queen groomers and pedolphiles but for the enrichment of society and tpo carry on the lagecy to the next generation. for goodness to reign ove rthe peopple. I would geratly love that mreo than praise . It would be an action ofrom of worship.

pleas dont say im as good as God… im not

Leave a Reply