twas the day after Christmas,
the household was eager
to mayhap catch a glimpse
of a man so meager
what’s more exiting than Christmas?
some people may ask.
I will tell you the truth
tis a very hard task
maybe if you saw him
you might even say,
the fudge cutters real
I saw him today
they lay our their fudge
every boy every girl
both young and old
to stick on their tongue
a morel bit size;
many endless supplies
what name does he go by?
what prize does he seek?
the fudge cutters his name
he’s out to seek the meek
a poem hope
I once was bound in despair
until I heard news through the air
the news of one who came to save
I searched my head and left my cave
for in my cave there was no hope
just thought and demons forbidding me to cope
but all that changed upon a cross
when one mans life took away all loss
once cursed as I looked above
swearing I would never come to love
not people noway no how
not my creator of whom I now bow
now I look forward eyes full of light
saved from sorrow I reach a new height
what have I. found that I hold so dear
why it is hope for my savior is near
America
MY passion, my home, my country
once founded by a righteous generation
the land of the free, the land of the just
darkened with many blemishes
but still my place of refuge.
A place birthed with liberty, hope and righteousness
when one can voice his say
or go where his heart leads
still a lingering hope preservers
though communists and evil doers fool many
dressed as an angle of light they come
trying with all their might to ruin us.
but not accordion to a dream,
and not without people rising up
we will not surrender,
we will not fold
let us remember saint Washington
and the angle who brought a vision
one where this land of haven
triumphs of the darkest of evils
not even the worlds united can overcome
America is desperate to recover its greatness
A land yearning to go back to its roots
and claim the promise of a free land once more
when evil doers twist lie and confuse the truth
but there is still hope
and when the darkest hour is revealed
mayhap the people will unite under one God
and learn to stand for the truth once more
and in the end when we rise victorious
a nation radiating whit light form on high
we will once again have a righteous generation
may the people then cry with one accord
America the land of the free
the land of the brave
and the land land of the just and godly
redemptive hero
A dark knight reborn
he is filled with grief and sorrow
as his mind races
overwhelmed with his dark past
he is haunted with those memories
no more does he want that
to roam free form his sins
and fight for a better side
is the new desire form his heart
with purity and light
he walks with newfound purpose
with mercy and compassion
he starts a path anew
avenging then just and pure of heart
once filled with darkness and wrath
he has turned to a righteous path
no more does he cause destruction
to roam upon his heart
and unveil the evils of his soul
now a soldier of the light
he protects the weak
and fights for justice of meek souls
now at peace he fights for those
alone
there I was..
alone
surrounded by the masses…
rejected
looking for someone..
anyone
crying for help…
anywhere
hoping for someone ….
to save me
try to stay steady…
to stay strong
listening to the voices…
gibberish
mind going everywhere…
racing
finding an ally…
a true brother
rejected
we get rejected
we get abused
we get shafted
we get left behind
we get forgotten
we rise above
we rise with love
we rise over trials
we rise in hope
we rise for goodwill
we hope in truth
we hope in purity
we hope with charity
we hope in goodness
we hope to end strife
school of reform
why do the heathen rage?
why do the foolish seek war?
why do the vain seek self glory?
Why do the warmongers spread fear?
why do the criminals attack innocent?
they rage for glory
they seek war for filthy lucre
they seek glory for selfish pride
they spread fear for power
they attack for gain
how do we prevent rage?
how do we stop money obsessing?
how do we end selfish pride?
how do we cease the lust for power?
How do we stop selfish gain?
BY showing the benefits of peace
by explaining the meaning of life
by exhorting the value of others
by giving it to the people
by showing the value of charity
Sacrifice
our hero lay defeated
our hero lay alone
our hero lay crushed
our hero lay lost
the darkness was present
the losses were never ceasing
the hope was being lost
the dreams were dashed to pieces
yet strength had not ceased
yet fortitude was present
yet courage remained
yet faith was still a whisper
instead of hiding… he found hope
instead of crying… he rose valiantly
instead of laying low… he faced his destiny
instead of fearing… he risked his life for all
hidden beauty
Her beauty is Hidden
her eyes are full of companion
her ears listen in kindness
her mouth speaks charity
her hands give the gift of warmth
her breathing proves her modesty
her walk shows her purity
her talks value others
her hug grant great comfort
her legs walk good tidings around
her heart is filled with joy
her hair exposes her freedom
her beliefs solidify her sainthood
her love changes peoples hearts
her conversation converts people to truth
her loyalty lasts forever
her testimony is eternal
new beginnings
I ran swiftly
not knowing where
not looking back
no guilt no shame
only seeking to begin anew
I thought quietly
at the memories
at the pressures
at the failures
happy to leave it behind
I found hope anew
happy to find work
happy to find friends
happy to find a home
ready to began anew
the earth and all of its fullness
days glow afresh
shining forth
in glorious light
going foreward
to blaze trials anew
mountain overlooks
rivers shimmer
woodlands sing
canyons echo
land was made for you
eternity glistens
nature screams
times stops
earth is yours
forever
gone but not within
they’re gone
but not within
we remember
we recall
we never forget
their memories shine
their face glistens
their voice echoes
their wisdom endures
their love remains
irreplaceable
unforgettable
stuck forever as memories of light
timeless in my time
they remain within my heart
What is man?
man is deeper than meets the eye
man is funner than imagination can create
man is wiser than time flies
man its weirder than animals can imitate
man Is heart-filled more than the mind thinks
man is greedier than a bank
man is as jealous as an ex
man is sadder than the tears of heaven
man is goofier than cotton candy
man is more helpless than a lost dog
man is as redeemable as credit
man is as hopeful as a new day
mans is as precious as a newborn
man is as worthwhile as life
man is unforgettable as we stand the test of time
Time flows
On all fours we crawl
Speaking each language in gibberish
Seeing our surroundings our eyes open
Hearing the sounds of life in awe
In the arms of safety blissful
On two feet we run for freedom
speaking one language we socialize
Seeing the world we gaze in wonder
Hearing our favorite music enthralled
Figuring out the way of life
On a cane we creep forward
Speaking in riddles and wisdom
Seeing the world as it was
Hearing the cries of past loved ones
Reminiscing yesteryear as we await our fate
journey
broke down
we weep
head strong
we fall
marching forward
we stumble
looking for answers
we’re lost
strengthened within
we laugh
built up
we rise
blazing paths
others follow
answering questions
purpose is found
dreams
of peace within
of harmony amongst friends
of the unity of allies
of charity to the poor
of goodwill to neighbors
of bonding within families
of trust amongst partners
of sleflessnes towards others
of hatred of lucre
of distance from welfare
of hope for the future
of innovation that excites
of science that discovers
of religion that purifies
of life that preservers
of dreams that endure
CHANGE
I was…
weak
foolish
fragile
weeping
conceited
selfish
I am…
strengthened
wisened
fortifide
compassionate
humbled
selfless
I will…
overcome
enlighten
carry on
befriend
be gracious
sacrifice
virtues
stay strong…
with mercy
stay wise…
with humility
stay brave…
with compassion
stay honest…
with goodwill
stay righteous…
with sincerity
stay fortified…
with meekness
stay holy…
with purity
stay lowly…
with dignity
stay peaceful…
with justice
stay thankful….
with understanding
stay hungry…
with a love of life
American made
child of the republic…
be strong like the mountain
unmovable in your resolve
unchangeable in your ways of virtue
impenetrable in your fortitude
child of the free
be wise as the wind
always searching yet never satisfied
helpful to strangers yet steady to kin
going where your heart deems worthy
child of the brave
be courageous as the waterfall
not afraid to make a leap of faith
purifying your cells amongst the rocks
showering the world with uncanny fearlessness
weariness
weary hands..
continue to work despite the pain
weary legs…
keep marching to the best of life
weary eyes…
fight those tears and see life
weary mind…
dont quit chasing the answers
weary tongue..
keep preaching the truth
weary ears…
keep listening for peace
weary heart…
never quit loving
weary body…
ignore the pain and thrive
weary soul…
you fight, rest is for the dead
progress
we love for unity
we unite for peace
we peace for progress
we progress for wonder
we wonder for creativity
we create to gaze
we gaze to seek
we seek to love
we love for unity
forever
Bitter loss
I cried.. they mocked
I explained… they didn’t understand
I showed… they rejected
I created… they destroyed
He ran… they followed
He spoke… they listened
He wept… they comforted
He invented.. they appreciated
I reached out… he laughed
I pleaded… he punished
I desired peace… he already obtained
I wanted fellowship… He was engulfed in friends
He looked down… at me
he ripped up.. my words
he terrorized… my hopes
he conquered… my peoples hearts
down but not out
broken-down, beaten, but not conceding
lost and alone, but not friendless
tired, in despair but not lifeless
poor and in debt yet full of love
terrorized, in danger but still brave
brainwashed and indoctrinated yet still open
weak and powerless but capable
push and pulled but in one piece
ripped and shredded but strengthened in heart
mocked and scorned but smiling
flattered and mislead but honest still
attacked and accused but a steadfast reputation
forgotten and left behind yet at peace within
rejected by all but her, endless love
Always
If you’re in pain
I will feel it
I will be beside you
I will aid your aliment
However I can
Always
If you are lost
I will guide you
I will comfort you
I will make you forget the unknown
And show you
This is where you were meant to be
With me
Always
If you are lonely
Wherever you are
I’ll be beside you
Guiding you
Loving you
Cherishing you
Supporting you
Always
If you’re in sorrow
I’ll wipe those tears
I’ll cry for you
I’ll take it upon myself
Until you laugh
And weep no more
Always
If you are poor
I will give you my love
I will show you laughter
I will make the rich Envy you
For the all the love and good
That comes your way
always
KNOW
If you’re rejected
know you belong to me
If you’re confused…
know i will enlighten
if you’re in sorrow
know we’ll weep together
if you’re lost
know well find a path together
if you don’t know…
know i love your honesty
if you are feeling small
know i love your humility
if you’re wanting
know ill give you all i’ve got
if your feeling alone
know im with you in spirit
if your are alive
know i will always cherish you
if you are mine
know you will always be
if you are unloved
know the whole world will be jealous
of my love for you
My love
My love
will outlast time
and transcend space
my love
will make time stop
and never cease
my love
will ease your pain
to the point of ecstasy
my love
will fill the empty air
and surround you in comfort
my love
will cease your doubts
and bring clarity
my love
will end your searching
and will guide you
my love
will surpass you best dreams
and eliminate any nightmare
my love
will be there in sorrow
and ease your troubled mind
my love
will remind you Im enough
and make all your past forgotten
my love
will make others’ mundane
and excite that beautiful mind
my love
will make you forget
all that came before
my love
will continue after death
and always comfort you
my love
will replace what was
and set joy inside
forever
Virtuous origins
The highs of joy
began when i understood sorrow
the depth of peace
began after great confusion
the sounds of laughter
began after rivers of tears
the mountains of faith i moved
began after years of doubt
the strength others admire
began with endless failures
the courage to take a stand
began after countless fears
the wisdom of sages
began with unlimited questions
the hope for tomorrow
began with a hopeless past
peace of mind
began with struggles of demons
and the love of God
began with hatred for the Almighty
but ended with blissful love
Eternal
Id rahter be with you
We laugh with love
we bond with joy
each and every celebration
yet id rather be with you
even in tears
filling up my empty heart
we cheer our hearts out
we come together as one
over meaningless games we give meaning too
yet id rather see you at your worst frown
and mayhaps bring out that million dollar smile
that warms the air surrounding you
we feast to celebrate
foods loaded with taste
fill our bellies to the barrel
yet your eyes are my desire
even if they are heavy with sorrow
they still glimmer with your ceaseless hope
we play all day
hours of swear toil and fun
for the rights to reign victorious
yet id rather hear that angelic voice
even if its all choked up
it rings as heavenly as mortals may
red blue and white
red for valor
bravely enlisting
fearlessly fighting
with the red blood
soiling the ground
for freedom
blue for vigilance
never ceasing watch
standing strong relentlessly
sailing the blue
both sky and and sea
for justice
white for purity
never seeking war
always bidding peace
among the brotherhood
of Adams race
for our prosperity
my love,
if my mind could feel,
it would feel love for your you
my love,
if my heart could speak,
it would sing of your virtues
my love,
if my hands could experience your brilliance,
they be enlightened like the renaissance
my love,
if my voice could see you
it would marvel at your pure beauty
my love,
if my love for you could talk,
the language would be divine angel speak
my love,
if time could contain my emotions,
it would erupt like a volcano of the purest love
for my love for you
is a Holy love
begun in Christ
lasting eternal
wiling to suffer
pulling you up when your down
and always cherish you no matter the trial
my love strengthens with each hardship i encounter
the more i feel pain the more i can love you
you
i searched for you
not knowing
your virtues
your radiant cheer
blindly i look
hoping against odds
that you exist
that you wont let my burning heart fail
will i ever see you?
your smile of cheer
your strength of comfort
your eyes that shine
as the stars of the sea
radiating all life…
when will i be we??
My dream
is to see you smile
forgetting all your troubles
replaced by us together
through all life trials
My hope
is to make you happy
letting you experience
the joys of life
with me by your side
my desire
is to watch you mother our kids
who learn from you
the ways of truth
and shine forth as lights
my wants
are seeing you shine for me
radiating as the stars
for no one else but me
making my dreams reality
my passion
is seeing the best of you
doing every bit my part
to make your life worthwhile
and your trials redeemable
my fulfillment
is only possible with you
as two become one
one is crippled without its half
but perfected with its missing part
my name,
is to be one with you
sharing life’s struggles
and enjoying life’s joys
together with our brood
my rest,
will be next to you set in stone
for the ages to see
and awake together at the trumpet
will our Lord in paradise together
I trust
that God doesn’t fail
as He is Almighty
and knows what to
every time everywhere and with everyone
I trust
that God answers prayers
Not too early or too late
but when the prayer means the most
and has the greatest impact
I trust
that when good suffers good is followed
for evil has no part with good
and when evil attacks good overwhelms
and prevails even in death
i trust
that my mistakes lead to good
as God redeems wrong
and makes them success
for those that put their faith in him
i trust
that when i’m hated He’ll be glorified
as hating good brings shame to some
and invigorates the good
strengthening their inner being
I trust
that God made me an equal half
who loves God as i do
and who compliments me perfectly
ready to suffer with me through any trial
i trust
God has more power than evil
able to stop any wickedness
allowing satan to thrive now
to test His people and prove their worth
I trust
souls last forever
belonging to the place of peace
or the prison of perdition
eternally Glorying God
im here for you always
When sorrow enters your soul,
my soul will take your sorrow
and replace it will laughter
ill be there for you
in sunshine or rain
when anxiety fills your emotions
my presence will calm you
and fill your emotions with peace
ill be there for you
through thick or thin
when insanity takes over your mind
i will give you logic
and bring your mind back to reasoning
ill be there for you
through sanity or a lost mind
when pain fills your body
my words of comfort and cheer
will make your body forget the pain
ill be there for you
in laughter or tears
when death stings your heart
my love of life will bring you back
forgetting your loss and remembering hope
ill be there for you
in life or death
I am the pain from suffering
mind body and soul
all tormented by weakness
strengthening me
i am the disappointment of failure
trying over and over
and getting nowhere
making life more meaningful
i am the hurt of loss
my favorite people things ideas
all falling apart before my eyes
making what i have more precious
i am the shortcomings of hope
always wishing for the moon
but receiving a nightmare
fire testing my faith to perfection
i am the sting of loneliness
always seeking a friend
but walking the narrow path
drawing closer to the Divine
i am the dashing of dreams
all my wants crushed by life
stuck in a time loop of disappointment
giving rise to my unbreakable spirit
i am the one who overcame
bringing nothing into the world
leaving my dreams and words of cheer
regretting none of the hard times
Unborn child
you’ll see loss
but you’ll experience wonders
that will never leave you
unborn child
you’ll have pain
but witness marvels
exciting that precious mind
unborn child
you’ll get bored at times
but exciting thrills await
taking you places unforgettable
unborn child
sorrow is necessary
to fully get joy
balance will complete you
unborn child
if no one wants you
God will take you in as His own child
protecting you from all ails
unborn child
you will be loved
always by your Creator
watching over in tender mercy
apart from you
I’m vain and concieted
with no one but myself
to care for
apart from you
I search my innermost depths
and see darkness and pain
my lifeblood depleting hourly
apart from you
I love with reservation
patiently waiting for you
to make life worthwhile
but with you
I have someone
to love and cherish
who reciprocates it
making me whole
but with you
my pain is washed away
filled with joy from you
springing eternally
binding us closer
and with you
my love has no limit
for your heart is boundless
able to receive endless charity
never letting me fall back alone
ill stand by you
when the going gets tough
ill be there closer
absorbing all the heat
to keep you safe
ill stand by you
ill stand by you
when all else forsake
even if its just us
ill be there with you
to the very end
ill stand by you
ill stand by you
through mocking and venom
any malice towards you
ill bear and replace
with love and laughter
ill stand by you
the white slave
we worked
for them to live here
we welcomed with open arms
and they spat on us
we talked friendly
and they mocked secretly with their dialect
we preferred them with our laws
and they still broke our laws
we gave them priority over our own people
and they despised us
we opened our culture to include them
and they said we had no culture
we embraced their culture
and they blamed ours for their faults
we gave them money
and they sent it to their home country
we tried to show them love
but they only had contempt for us
we cried when one of theirs died
they applauded when they murdered ours
we tried to be one
but they wanted separation
we wanted peace
they wanted control
they were united with their people
ours were riven in two
The Lord Giveth
God gave us mountains to conquer
God gave us valleys for reprieve
God gave us waters to purify
God gave us clouds to dream
God gave us trees to build
God gave us caves to explore
God gave us electricity to marvel
God gave us rain to wash away
God gave us air to breath life
God gave us stars to shine as
God gave us hills to rise above
God gave us beaches to relax with
God gave us animals to rule over
God gave us life to walk with Him
God gave us death to seek Him
God gave us HIs Son to know Him
my highs come
when I think of our highs together
just your thought brings ecstasy
my heart comes alive
when I fantasize of us together
sharing moments of laughter and unity
my love feels volcanic
when I think of me becoming we
replacing my wanting heart with bliss
my life seems worthwhile
when you make your entrance
making elan outta mundane
my dreams become reality
when you show yourself
surpassing my wildest dreams
my ramblings make sense
cause someone finally gets me;)
as you respond with tact
my body’s been kept pure
a holy temple waiting for you
as one becomes twain
my tomb is set in stone
your the only one worthy to share it
rising to the sound of our Savior
together
my love wlh remain loyal
you were born to live with me
but one day you’ll pass away and separate
yet my love will remain loyal
you will laugh over joys
and you will cry from earthly pains
but my shoulder will always be open in love
you will ponder life
you will marvel at nature
while I stand by in harmony
you will discourse with philosophers
you will question scientists
yet I will take you farther
you will experience inspiring wonders
you will experience heartbreaking sorrows
as my heart steadies us forward
you will find joy unspeakable
you will get lost in a world of awe
as I guide you home to the angels
im right here waiting
you seek comfort
you gaze for strength
im right here waiting
strong as a rock, soft as a pillow
you seek for meaning
you desire purpose
im right here, waiting
deep as the ocean wise as the sky
you’ve longed for love
you want more than words
im right here waiting
with a heart of flesh and words of stone
you speak riddles
you question life
im right here waiting
rhyming your riddles and fulfilling your questions
you were born for more
you dont want to wind up alone
im right here waiting
full of love and compassion
life with me…
you’ll see my demons
but understand my sainthood
it will be challenging
but will reap rewards
there will be hardships
but tremendous victories
there will be heavy sorrow
but tremendous joy
there will be rejection
but I will always be near
the hate will be uncanny
but the love ethereal
the struggles immense
but the good times aplenty
there will be echoes of silence
but smiles from the memories
it will require sacrifice
but bring tremendous gain
life with me…
will be a journey leading through hell
but winding up in heaven
I searched for a way out
but got more lost
until the Son found me
I sought after friends
but only found shallow fools
until the Son befriended me
I screamed from the pain
helpless to find healing
until the Son restored me
I felt empty and shallow
with no meaning or purpose
until the Son gave me command to live
I felt wretched and devious
disobeying all natural laws
until the Son regenerated me
I felt abandoned and.betrayed
with no one to go to
until the Son rescued me
I felt in the valley of the shadow of death
destined to burn for all eternity
until the Son saved me from myself
I felt distant and far from God
screaming profanities against His name
until the Son brought light to my heart
I felt abused and molested
with no way out
until the Son whispered to my heart
I am the God of sorrow
taking your pain on myself
that you may have joy forever
they say coal is diamonds so it is
the crazy one spoke
but his words fell off the deep end
and all saw his insanity
society moved on
the harsh one spoke
words of bondage
but all saw his yoke
society moved on
the irrational spoke
words impossible
but all saw its fallacy
society moved on
the persuader spoke
speaking diamonds of coal
appealing to the deprived
but most saw his trick
the swindler swindled
speaking of the rarity of coal
and the abundance of diamonds
fooling only fools
the propagator persisted
pushing them paradise to the children
wearily some caved
seeking that diamond of coal
the dissenter rebelled
but it was too late
coal was diamond now
the sane were crazy
the gentle harsh
the rational irrational
as paradise became hell
I dreamt of her
her honest pure mouth
with nothing to hide
putting knaves to silence
her personality shining
as bright as electricity
warming those surrounding her
and fending off ruffians
her emotions in tune with divine angles
as she cries over injustices
and rejoices in the humble
who rise victorious
her eyes show the depth
of a soul driven through fire
ready to tackle any obstacle
and give thanks for hardships
Her belief in God steady as a rock
unquenchable love of her Savior
praising thanking and walking with Him
Everyday as she grows closer to the Divine
as the sun shines by day
and gives its light to the moon by night
so my love will never cease, by day or by night
as water fills the oceans
and covers the earth in rain
so to will my love cover you and reach you anywhere
as fire consumes forests
and spreads continuously
so to will my love consume you and continue evermore
as wind blows to and fro
surrounding us from every direction
so my love will surround you wherever you go
as the earth gives you ground to walk on
and a place to rest your weary body
so to will my love serve you, giving you rest
dear soul mate… I hope you can read these… I dont believe in myself… but I believe there is a higher power… and I believe you were made for me…. as I for you… I just wish I could see your face or hear your name or given a hint that, yes, you are out there waiting for me. All I have to go by is my heart/faith… ill have you know im getting better daily… and I think there will be nothing sweeter this earth can give me than meeting you and getting you know you… I hope you love Jesus as much as I do… that you can forgive me for my sins, look past my laziness, and handle my quirks. I just want you to know you are precious to me and Jesus. We will do everything in our power to take care of you and fill your heart with love. I trust that we will meet at the right time. I don’t want you to see me when I’m down or heavy, so its a good thing we didn’t meet right away. I want you to get the best of me, in every-way. I pray I get funny again by the time we meet. I wanna see that beautiful smile and hear that angelic voice laugh. I hope you’re not in any pain because of me. I just want what’s best for you. And hopefully I have a part to play in that:)
I waited for her eagerly
counting the stars above
praying to the God of Creation
hoping that she exists
with nothing but a dream
God asked me why?
why is she so important to you
why do you need her
why not anyone else?
why do you love her?
I told God I didnt have much to me
so I wanted someone that made life worthwhile
im lonely and dont belong anywhere
one wife and I might as well aim for the moon
I know she loves you like I do so it’ll work
the nights got long alone
the days seemed meaningless
without her to share them with
like I was a shell of what I could be
and women all seemed this or that
but she was everything I sought
all I heard was doubt
all I knew was rejection
why I held on hope is beyond me
I still feel like a reject
like a throwaway rag
but I believed she was out there
someone that accepted me
that forgave me
that chose me above all else
like I did to her
f
and when we meet,
a piece of me will die
the dark hatred of self
as I finally see someone
that proves I have worth
because she was made for me
and I for her
that wasn’t a very good poem but it kinda is how I feel … I hope she likes it
we wait in ecstasy
just the thought of her
made my heart pound jittery
as excitement floods my mind
with dreams of yesteryear flashing
could this finally be the year?
after years of day dreaming
and tears from praying
all I have left is joy from hope
of that soul that matches mine
all those years of doubting
will be laid to rest
with one simple hello
ill go from hell to heaven
as she makes me forget
the loneliness and sorrow
no more looking at girls
and wondering what ifs
im set for life with her
as my high goes to higher
ive found her!!!
the girl of my prayers
the angel from God !!!
the weight consumes me
piercing thru the marrow
cutting beneath the skin
reaching deep into the bones
becoming one with my very being
it made me lonely
in a room full of people
none could bring laughter to my heart
and everyone felt like a stranger
even the closest of kin
it made me easy tasks monumental
each simple action taking its toil
draining the lifeblood from me
wearing me to the core
forcing me to give it my all just to get by
the emotions were gone
just a lingering weight
replacing the simple joys
and giving me heavy sorrows
yet “this to shall pass”
my tears and prayers will be answered
I look back in my life
seeing the pain constantly
felling it as if I were there
wondering how I made it
thanking God that time moves forward
I reminisce of yesteryear
the joy!! the wonders!!!
overshadowed by grief and letdowns
everywhere in my past
thankful all things move forward
I remember the past
so much to do with my life
so many options to take
but I fear I take the easy path
wondering if I could have done more
I recollect my history
and become grateful for the past
I realize mistakes taught me
weights strengthened me
and God always had my back
I dreamt of her
with my waking eyes
all her righteous qualities
all her love and loyalty
someone made for me
but it was just fantasy
my imagination went rampant
dreaming of the impossible
my mind played tricks on me
woman arnt dreamt up by man
with every fiber of my being
I wished she were real
I hoped it was more than a dream
I wanted to make dreams a reality
but that isn’t within my power
I wanted someone to cherish and love
who was worthy of my suffering
and pushed me to be more
because she was everything
and I was everything to her
and Chirst was everything to us, as one
whispers of hope
the mountain looms overhead
reaching to the heavens
surrounding with no other options
overwhelming our weary hearts
a whisper in our hearts:
“every mountain shall be brought low”
Loss after loss I experience
felt ive lost the best parts of me
weeping so much no tears are left
heart in the gutter from lose
yet a whisper in my heart
“o death where is thy sting…”
I seek for joy everyday
everything seems so empty
nothing satisfies my empty soul
everyone goes their own way
I cry out in desperation
a whisper lingers in my heart
” I am the Bread of Life”
Im weighed down heavily
the tasks of life overwhelm
the sacrifices for my loved ones
daily taking its toll on me
with no where to turn
but a voice whispers in my heart
” come to me all ye heavy laden and I will give you rest”
floating hearts
my soul drifts here and there
seeking depth substance and truth
asking the hard questions
that can’t be answered audibly
seeking solace and a resting place
my mind wonders in oscillation
seeking wisdom humor or the right words
hesitating outta fear of failure
always giving it my all
seeking to be the best it can be
my heart floats on steadfast
seeking one to share its love with
finding none worthy of it
only those who abuse and use
praying to the Creator of hearts
seeking her the answer to my prayers
my love remains
take away my emotions
bury them deep within
a cold robot i’d become
yet love is an action
and you bring out my best in me
my love for you would still remain
waiting to see you , to break free
take away my will
the urge to go on no more
a wandering soul drifting
with no path to follow
yet deep down I’m holding on
my love for you would remain, keeping me
pushing me forward to be with you
take away my sanity
the logic of love lost
the muscle of mental health vanished
giving me cloudy thoughts
and dark chaotic possibilities
yet my love dear woman will remain
keeping me loyal to the promises for her
Dear soul mate,
sorry bout that crazy last post. Jesus is the good guy. There is no other God. Im sorry I got so obsessed with her. You are a mortal like me. But immortality is within grasp by seeking finding and abiding by living God. Lets be honest, I wouldn’t wanna be with a perfect diety anyway. I like the fact you have flaws and are imperfect. That’s just like me. I think if I were perfect I wouldn’t be as desirable. And I feel the same way about you. it makes you more relatable. More fun to tease;). And I have worth cause I can make up for your weaknesses as you can for mine. We complete each other. We aid the weakness of each other to bond tighter whilst assisting. I wanna see you cry so I can hold you and comfort you and wipe every tear from your eye. I wanna be strong so you can fill your weaknesses with my strengths. maybe more later
love,
your love
my beloved,
time marches forward, but my love stays strong. Thousands of options available, but your the only one I want. MY passion for you burns strong like the sun. Immovable. Irrevocable. Irreplaceable. Intoxicating my very being. Being I know you can accept my love and reciprocate it only brings warmth and longing to my heart. This heart has seen a lot of pain, but that pain can be transformed into warmth and caring for you. All you gotta do is exist. My love will transcend the horrors of life and bring joy to your beautiful soul. Please dont ever feel pain alone!!! I will always be here to feel your sorrows with you so you may find comfort in the dark times. Come to me dear woman, and I will show you the way to happiness. Be there for me and I will never succumb to the nightmares of darkness. You have the ability to keep me afloat in this life. The ability to give me something more meaningful and deeper than just living for self. Sacrifices for self lead to pride and self obsession. Sacrifices for loved ones lead to greater rewards than any self serving action. That is why I desire you: to have someone on this earth to sacrifice for. Sometime to see smile due to me. To see laugh from being around me. From hearing her voice of seeking for more together. Together we shall uncover so many truths from the pains of mistakes to the joys of bonding. I can’t wait to start my journey with you! To uncover the magnificent wheel of your mind churning and creating fabulous times and conversations and passionate uncovering of truths. For what Is a more noble ambition that the seeking of truth?
love.,
your love
I will love you more once we meet. And I plan on loving you more gradually everyday. If your as wonderful as I imagine and worthy of the calling I can’t wait to develop the unbreakable bond of deep lovers.
To my beloved,
I know our love won’t be perfect, as nothing this world is. It will be flawed as I am as you are. There will be struggles and pains and heartaches. There will be silence and boredom and confusion at times. I feel like ive been pumping this up like we are these perfect beings that can do no wrong. I want you to understand im flawed. That I will make mistakes. That you will feel a way that not not even I can solve. Im no deity, no flawless lover. Ill make my fair share of mistakes. As you will. But I believe love is as much about the grind and attempts to reconcile as it is the perfect days of emotional bliss. Ill try to make it up to you when I fail you. Ill try to do my best to satisfy your desire, as long as they do not go against my moral compass or faith in the Higher Power. Forgive me for my faults in advance, I will not be able to achieve your every dream. Ill give you everything ive got, but even that may fall short to your expectations because ive touted myself as this great lover. Words are empty without the actions to prove them. And I pray my actions heed my words of love for you. And there are times when nothing can bring me outta depression, not even the love of a perfect woman. Don’t take it personal. Ill bounce back for you, but sometimes its just too heavy. I desired to run away today to drive 5 hours just to see you because im missing you severely. I long for you with so much of my being. But how long will this longing last, after we meet? Will I always have this desire for you? Will It fade as life goes on or will it grow into a closer relationship of oneness. If you truly become one with me, I pray that you uplift me and bring me to a higher level as I do for you.
my love of woman belongs to you and you alone woman,
your number one fan
ps. I hope im not overthinking everything. I just dont want to disappoint you. I’ll behonest im still scared im gonna fail heavily somehow. Like everything gonna be too heavy and I make a giant blunder that destroys people’s faith in me. Please keep me in your prayers. I feel as though you have more faith than me at the moment. Im so lost and confused. I hope we both live forever with God one day. Love you more than my own family. I will wait longer if you need more time. I still feel unworthy of praise glory or adoration. Thats probably a good thing:) Stay strong, stay patient. And remember you won the grand prize as I did. I guess you could say we are the grand prize. Let us be an example for the whole whole world to see what true love looks like. Sacrifice for me and I will sacrifice for you. Love me and I will love you harder. Stay true and all the other girls will seem ugly and undesirable compared to you. Give me great healthy strong smart children and you will be loved more in old age by this man, immensely more. I love you in this life as if your the only girl that mattered. Cause you are to me.
pss
do you like these letters im writing you? It would be so much fun to hear from you. I don’t care if the whole world watches us every step of the way. I want them to see your beauty your grace your womanhood of brilliance. And that mind of yours… I want the whole world to see your so much more than just a pretty face. I want everyone to see woman have so much to offer and give without trying to be manly from feminisms. That being feminine requires a different type of strength and has a far greater beauty than anything men can accomplish. I wanna brag about you without having to say a single word. That the whole world sees you magnificent soul in action and young girls say : I wanna be like her, a diamond of a woman who proves that women are beyond priceless when they embrace womanhood and motherhood. ( and chastity.. virgins are far more attractive and beautiful… if you wait till marriage everything will be better ) I love you so much I know you won’t disappoint.
psss
sorry… if you dont want the whole world to see you no one will. I forgot I ued to be like that,, to hate everyone watching me or focusing on me. I guess Ive kinda lost myself in a way because I know everyones watching me and ive adjusted. If you want privacy we will have that . I understand you dont want the whole world watching. I just am so proud of you I wanna show you off and brag about you. We will have privacy for your sake. I love you
To all the women out there that think there my soul mate:
This is like highlander.. there can only be one. Why would I want more than one wife? I cannot treat them as well as just one. I can’t bond as deeply, feel as close or discover her inner beauty as frequently and deeply. If I truly am desirable… I want the best woman for me. If two becomes one I want a woman that is on my level who is worthy of me and my sufferings and abilities. I desire someone that would not only bring out the best in me but have enough to offer with enough creativity and personality to last me for thousands of years and beyond. I want the kind of girl that wants to be there for me when im down. The one who is willing to suffer and go through hard times to ease my pain, as I would do the same for her. The one who understands right from wrong and chooses to be live a virtuous lifestyle. The one who loves the idea of veracity and is on a mission in life to seek after truth and uncover more and more though mistakes triumphs and everyday life experiences. The girl who I could waste time doing just about anything and be happy just because im with her. The one where no time is wasted when im spending time with her because she is so precious. The one who is strong but merciful, wise but meek, and courageous but level headed. Who knows her role and submits but has ideas and thoughts that contribute to my success and brainstorming. Someone who will sacrifice for our children and care more about them than me. Who values life and sees the beauty in creation and desires teh the best for all yet understands the consequences of sin and vices. Who dreams the highest but realizes the limitations of the virtues of the human race. The one who never gets tired of hearing I love you and never loses her affection for my love. Teh one who would forgive me when I make huge mistakes yet pushes me to be the best I can be. Who isn’t ashamed to call me her lord but understands a lord is only as great as his subjects allow him to be. Who will never betray me and despises the wickedness of the world. Who understands that I am a traveler of time and change yet does her best to help me keep the best of me in tact. Someone who would love me as the only man she’s romantically involved with, the only lover she would ever consider.
Love,
a psycho who is mad about his love
ps.
Are my standards too high? Am I reaching for the heavens? Does this love exist on earth? What does she desire in a man? Can I live up to these or her standards? I feel like im gonna fail miserably, but at least ill aim for the heavens.
love aint love without her
I conquered my demons
struggling with their throws
and continuous attacks
finally at peace with myself
yet Im nothing without her
I accomplished wonders
wrote words of beauty and elegance
transpired poetry transcending veracity
yet I long for her sweet love
I understood secrets
hidden from the whole world
truths that took me a trip to hell to discover
yet all seemed wasteful Wihtout her presence
I sought after love
I found love here and there
from friend acquaintances and strangers
all there for me but I feel empty
that deep connection between man and woman
the kind that makes two one
that transcends logic
and makes love between the two
cover ever facet of the being
and combine them to one entity of completeness
she is perfect for every part of me
My mind
searches for a voice of reason
a wise woman who weeks after truth
and despises knaves and wheedlers
who understands right from wrong
and speaks the words of comfort
my body
desires a soul that keeps herself pure
no ugly stains on her perfect skin
no metal hooks to contaminate
only pure raw natural beauty
that has no nothing to hide
my soul
wants the one and only
the matching mate that matches me
the passion that driving both of us together
equal to mine in worth and talent
that shines like the sun in the darkest of night
my heart
pleads for a heart of compassion
a beautiful merciful partner
that desire good even for her enemies
who pleads for the less fortunate
and aids the down and and out
my personality
seeks the correlating star
funny serious and deep
carefree steadfast and believing
she who gets me and returns the favor
with words of comfort joy and laughter
if I exist she must
I failed
miserably I sought after love
seeking one worthy
never finding one to call mine
I prayed
diligent I sought a higher power
to solve this crisis within
time after time I poured out my soul
I wrote to her
an imaginary figure
hoping she was real
the one id be one with
im waiting
calling out to her endlessly
wooing her with my best
knowing she must exist
because I do
I was born to go through hell
battle my demons and rise above
daily seeking forgiveness from God
while daily pushing myself to righteousness via faith
finding my path upwards
I was born to sacrifice
to forgo my dreams aspirations and hopes
all for the pruning and testing of worth
challenging myself hourly to self control
to make myself an agent of goodness
I was born to love
to cherish the souls around me
and pray for all who cross my path
hoping none suffer eternally
even the worst of all I pray for mercy
I was born to be with her
the one I love made specifically for my being
the one who makes two into one
who complements my weaknesses
and becomes my strength
as I love her more than myself
ive been crazy before
losing my mind to an uncontrollable illness
suffering constant mental pain
taking years to recover
with the looming possibility of relapse
ive been crazy again
methodically seeking pleasure
craving that one more act of bliss
addicted to the pleasure
never able to escape
ive been crazy still
seeking a religious way via faith
to desire to be Gods best friend
is it sanity or insanity ?
is it pride or servitude?
ill be crazy again
when I met her face to face
the dream of my life
the hope of my prayers
the answer to the question
am I alone in this world?
what would you give
to have a soul mate
to have an equal in worth
to look at a stimulating counterpart
to meet the girl of your dreams
what would you give?
what would you sell
to be closer to your better half
to communicate with more effectiveness
to understand their pains and struggles
and come together closer as one
what would you sell?
what would you sacrifice
to make your unity eternal
to stay together forever
with bonds of steel and love
transcending space and matter
what would you sacrifice?
I dreamt of her
religiously following the good Word
practicing the acts of truth and mercy
living by faith without fear
helping those around her like an angel
without the recognition of a saint
I prayed for her
that she would stay true
to her convictions and beliefs
tho the world tempt her right and left
that she stay loyal to her first love
as her love for others sees fruit
I desired her
to love cherish and hold her
as my one and only
to help her on her quest for justice
to aid her in her spreading of mercy
to seek the Higher Power together
I sought strength
I fought a good fight
I bleed bruised and was beaten to a pulp
I went the distance only to lose
feeling devastated by my failures
but I learned through it all
there can be no strength without pain
and came to embrace the struggle
I sought to be brave
I opened up my heart
I was scared to reveal my demons
but what Is courage really?
is it standing up to the man?
Or fighting off your demons?
courage from villains is carnage
tackling you demons is the epitome of bravery
I desired wisdom
but I asked foolish questions
again and again I asked
to no avail but mockery
until I realized though it all
by asking the foolish questions
the foolishness left me
replaced by understanding
I doubted everything
my beginning my future
I didnt think I could last
I wasn’t strong enough to do it
not on my own
but a higher power
an omnipotent being
if I believed in Him
by seeking obeying and believing
I would do wonders
I was lost
with nowhere to turn
nowhere to run and hide
desperate for aid
I sought help anywhere
people couldn’t cure the sorrow within
others couldn’t understand my troubles
they gave me no reason to live
but if I relied on HIs grace
it all made sense
and the pain eradicated
my spirit was weakened
by constant wear and tear
everyday life worn it to the brim
the struggles within caused pain
it amplified the strife within
my spirit was in perpetual turmoil
but His spirit was enough
not the strength the power or the might
but the Spirit itself gave life
leaving me at ease with divine peace
I believed in myself
after years of inner turmoil
it seemed to go well
I thought I could succeed
but I came to realize
I couldnt do it on my own
my vanity got me high
but when I went alone I fell
sinking like heavy metal
I realized I needed more
more than just self
I sought aid through others
I trusted them
they did the best they could
they gave me as much as I gave them
together we accomplished some
but we fell short
I wanted so much more
but we just weren’t enough
failure after failure
turmoil after turmoil
proved even together
just aint enough
I had no where else to turn
was life a joke?
A painful realization of failure
a haunting memory of shortcomings
yet I sought the Living God
a faith in the Higher Power
hoping to find meaning
His Word spoke to my heart
saying that faith in Him
was the only faith that lasted
that He couldnt fail
that even in our failures
there was a silver lining
of a soul enriched by His power
my future lover,
I pray that you find your way to me at the right time. The anticipation is killing me. I feel like a child waiting years for Christmas Day, as if every day I thought the next would be Christmas but I must wait in perpetual daily limbo. I desire so much to finally meet you. So many questions would be answered. So much doubt would be set free. IF I could just hear you say your perspective I could realign what the voices say to reality. You are my way out. The counterbalance to the insanity inside. The mental stability to combat my illness. I believe in you, even if I dont believe in myself. I shouldn’t elevate you beyond what you are, but I believe you are that great. You know what im terrified of? That somehow in the matrix of life im greater than my Master. I dont want that. I dont desire that. It terrifies me to no end. How can I teach or guide Him? Yet the voices haunt me dear. Im terrified of both being greater or being blasphemous by even suggestion anyone can be better. Forgive me God!!!! I wish I was never born for so many levels and ways. Im scared woman. I fear there is secrets hidden in reality that were untold. I trying my hardest to fight them but they consume me. Please bring me back to reality. Tell me the truth !!! I need it desperately. Please meet me soon.. you have no idea how much I need you. You are the pillow that comforts my head on me bed when im weary …. the coat that keeps me warm in the winter… the electricity that lights the lightbulb for me to see clearly… I LOVE YOU
love ya im exhausted
my love is animalistic
I long for you
as a airborne fish longs for water
I need you
as wolfs need a pack to belong
I feel alone without you
like a bird of a feather with no together
I thirst for your presence
as a gazelle thirst for water in a Savanah
I hunger for your company
like a staved bear in a roman coliseum
I desire suicide without you
like a dolphin with no other of his kind
I think of you constantly
like a bumblebee seeking honey
I lay traps to catch your heart
as a spider lays a web
I listen to your voice im my head obediently
as a perfectly trained water seals
I feel depressed Without you around
waiting as a dog awaits his master
I travel over land and sea to migrant to you
as the migration of birds
I fight other males for your love
as a male lion wins over his mate
I stay loyal my whole life for you
as a penguin chooses the one and only mate for life
Dear world,
are we bound for a collapse of society? Are we going beyond depression? Is there a way out? I feel so guilty. Like I shoulda done something, done more. People cant afford to live in this society anymore. Inflations outta hand. How do we fix this? And all I want is a stupid soul mate. And what if I cant get my medicine? Because society collapses? I just may take my life. The pain is too excruciating. Is there any way I can solve this? Is there any way anyone can solve this? Please help God!!! Please save your people.. please save white civilization. I may never met her…because I may die. It was a dream worth chasing. The thrill gave me ecstasy. If I ever do meet her I will love her more than my own soul. I will cherish her beyond words. I will put her in front of my wants and desires because her happiness is my want and desire ( unless times are tough and I have to make mullistic decisions to protect or provide for us). DId I create a new word? Mullisitic? Does that count? Things that you mull over. anyway. I love her so very much. And I hope she understands the depth and breath and width of my love. Jesus forgive me for my idol. I am only able to love her like this because she loves you as much as I do. I will remain loyal and faithful to you and if she turns and forsakes you, I will turn and forsake her. I learned that Jesus said literally “daddy, father” when He endured the wrath of man. I dont know why but that gives me the goosebumps. The depth of Him calling the Father daddy at HIs weakness. Like He’s crying out to HIS dad saying “I do this for you dad. The pain is excruciating beyond words. I never wanted this. But I love you so much I did it. Did I met your requirement? Did I pass your test? This was all for you. Because you were always there for me. I wanted you to approve of me. I wanted you to know I would do anything for you. I gave it everything. I remember when we were young and we had it all, when I called you daddy. I did this all because you were always so good to me. Because you always gave me your all. Im glad I could do this for you. Because you mean the world to me. And all creation is you handiwork. Im glad I could do this for you. Your the best dad ever. I love you daddy.” It just hits so deep. I could write a sermon on Jesus calling the Father “Daddy.” Forgive me Lord for my sins. Keep me true to you dear Savior. If you want me to give us my soul mate, I would for you “bro.” adopted but still. DO you want me to die for you? Like you did your Father? Only without the wrath of man on me? I love you brother.
love
the madman.
ps soul mate… my flame for you burns as an exploding star… I cannot contain the power of its reach. It perpetually shines in my heart. I dont think Ill ever run outta of ways to say I love you. And My love is eternal. Like my masters.
dear soul mate…
I want to die. Im terrified of being punished eternally. Im terrified Im some pawn being used for another goal. That I will never break free or find peace because im gone be used for torture for others benifit. That im doomed to despair eternally. That I dont have the forgivenesss within me so I cant go to paradise. That Jesus hates me and is the bad guy while He orchestrates my torments ( im so sorry Lord). That I dont have the faith to win. That there is so many secrets out there as my mind races forward backward and every which way. THat im uncovering secrets but they all turn out to be lies. Who are you soul mate? The voices make It sound like im in love with a diety. Thye go abck and forth whether she’s good or not. sometimes she loves me sometimes its like she wants me to suffer forever or lose my manhood. If I dont get better ill blow my brains. It gets. hard soemetimes. I dont know how im going to make it to old age. Please have someone assasiate me Lord!!! Please kill me in my sleep!!!!!
I think I love God and now im only think I love you
dear soul mate…Do you still love me? After my confusion, my doubts, my shortfalls? Im not a good person. I believe the voices even when they make no sense. There is no female deity. If one exists she isn’t mine. Not like you. You understand and comprehend my insanity. Who am I? a mere cripple… dependent on pills to get by. . a lazy slob that desires so much more than he deserves. I may die soon. You have no ida how painful a breakdown is… If the pain and sleepless nights come back… I just cant take that…. Im not strong enough. I should be worried.. but that pain haunts me and I dont wean go back. Maybe im not read for you after all. I cant seem to win\
I still love you.
dear soul mate,
I may never meet you in this life time. I want you to find a good man and have as many children as you can. Im serious. I cant sleep day 2. The pills aren’t working. Thankfully the pills take away the pain at least. If the pain comes back without sleep I will be suicidal. If the hospital cant find anything I will be in so much pain ill lie to get out and kill myself. You have no idea how excruciating the pain gets. I cant last long if I dont have any medicine to help. I wish I coulda just went on one date with you. Just one time to tell you life was worthwhile because I knew you were out there. I love you but I cannot take that pain. PLEase pray I get my faith back,,, so I can finally be at rest. thanks for teh fun
ill make are your life is fantastic when im in heaven,… with as much as I can
I will always love you
maybe if I can kill myslelf I can finally see those eyes…
I just cant sleep
ive I cant find something to get me sleep the nightmare is too much
I cant go through what I did if the medicine doesn’t work
there’s no way I have teh strength to undure that
do you think Gods mad at me? like I screwed up royally for believing gnositcis stuff? OR maybe I blasphemed teh Hily Spirit? I wanted so bad to be a good guy. With every fiber of my being and every action and every thought I wanted to follow Jesus. But I failed so hard. I let Him down. I just wanted to be HIs friend. But I got an idol with an imaginary girl. If I wind up in hell God knows why and God is right. Im sorry God. Im sorry im so weak. And im sorry I said I wanted to be Jesus s best friend. That;s pride and blasphemy. And Im sorry I dont pray no more. That I dont spend time with oyu like I used to. It was always hard God… but I always felt your loving presence. That even if the whole world rejected me I had one friend named Jesus who thought I was cool and worthy. I feel horrible I lusted after you sexually. I feel worse I shared it with the whole world. If I do go down, Im sure people will look down and say ” He got what He deserved.” Ill still love you tho Jesus. Even if you send me to hell ill be happy you didn’t suffer anymore.
I dont want to kil myself. tss just im scared. If the medicine I have doesn’t work, what if they cant find any medicine that takes away the pain or helps me sleep? ill have no other choice with the pain. Wanna hear a crazy thought? What if God just heals me? That He says “enough of the pain… I am the Lord that health” and has mercy on me. But I doubt that’s gonna happened. I used to believe so much that that would happen I went off my medications. And look where that got me. I think it helps people to believe if I suffer more. OR something like that. I dunno. What if I actually did miracilously got better? But what is the will of God? Not my will but thine. I probably need to suffer more. GOd can heal me instantaneously if HE chose
I understand that a lot of. people may take their lives if I do. And the pain of my soul mate would be equal to my pain. So im gonna do everything in my power to not kill myself. I just know how bad it gets. When the demons are chanting your soul will taste good in hell and its painful and ocnitunous. I just cant bear it… but ill try to hold on as long as I can. For you guys. Cause I love every person I ve ever met.
THANK GOD… I got a great nights sleep. But if the medicine doesn’t work… that pains too unbearable.
I can go on. Maybe I will see her yet. Sorry for the scare but I was terrified.
dear soul mate:
forgive me. I dont mean to scare you I was as scared as you are. If I felt the pain from rejecting my medication id have hope. But what if my medication just stops working completel? where do I go to relieve the pain? Please tell me you didnt give oyur life for me. DOnt you dare come to earth to be with. THE only way is it God let you keep your painless sorrow less state or wiped you memory of the bliss of heaven. I love you
love you so much,
Joshy
ps im sorry if I stopped a rightoeous war. If we need to go to war im behind the conservatives 100. But I just feel like there needs to be.a massive awakening or revival first for people to get right with God. I down wanna screw things over.
to the one I desire,
THe million dollar question is this: are you an idol? A man tried to convince me you were an idol at work once. Anytime I talk to you to my mom she says your an idol. She says satans teh one putting that brining desire for you in my life. That satan is the one that makes me want you so bad. The scripture says if a man is burning with desire he may marry. Is that implying that that burning desire is evil or of satan? CS lewis once said something along the lines of if you make one person the importance of your life you’ll lose them and be dissapointed one day. Even after all that.. all I want is you. Im a terrible Christian. You have no idea hwo hard ive prayed for GOd to take away this desire. TO male me asexial and not care for women. I keep telling HIm id give you up for HIm. BUT would I? Maybe you are an idol. Maybe im a heretic. I just dont want anythign in this life right now. NOthing but you. Thats the definition of idolatry. But is it idolatry if they bring you closer to GOd? because that’s why I reject every woman. They aren’t CHrisitni. they dont believe like me. Their GOd isnt mine. And im so lost cause I don care about other peopel as much. I dont care about my family as much. I just trust you can restore me. Maybe I live in sin wih this desire for you. I crave your everything. But you know what… I still feel like I love God more. Im not just saying that. If I found out you were pro lgbtfags id be furious and want nothing to do with you. IF I found out you had a tattoo id quote scripture where HE and says no marks on your body even for the dead and leave you. if I found out you didnt have faith in GOd I could tell by our conversations and I would drop you like snow falling from the sky, leting you melt in the grass. I have a wierd ciomplextion. BEcuase taht is why love you so much nbecaseu you love God so much. Because I finally found someone that loves God like me and as much as me.
do you love me or God more?
cause if Im an idol in your life I dont watn you
love your chosen man of God
honestly that’s why I was crazy about that other girl that’s a little older… I felt like she really loved Jesus and that the number one thing I desire. in a girl. She seemed dedicated in everyday she lived. I want that in you dear.
maybe my faith aint strong now but it will recover. ITs what made and molded me into the amn I am. IT was trained me right from wrong. it was guides me still despite all my unbelief. Its the reason I held on when I didnt want to . The reason I had hope when I had no were to turn. I haven’t forgotten you Jesus. YOUr still number one in my heart
I cant hold on much longer!!! I NEED TO SEE HER!!!! MY HEART IS IN PAIN!!! Like its useless without her… here’s a poem for you my dear:
What good is a heart?
with no one to share it with?
with no one to love more than feelings
with no one to sacrifice for
with no one to call your lover
what good is a mind?
if it stays to itself
and shares nothing with another
keeping all its secretes and talents
locked up within
what good is a soul?
alone wandering the earth
with no equal no better half
no one to calm it in the rough times
and illuminate it in the good
I sought her
an imagination?
a faulty dream?
a vain desire?
a selfish ambition?
yet she seemed so real
I thought of her beauty
everywhere everyway allconsuming
intertwined with her dna
not an ugly cell within
only pure beauty
emanating from her soul
I waited for her
wasting time working
wasting time eating
wasting time sleeping
wasting time waiting
yet all this is worth it
just to be with her forever
if I exist… she must
if I feel pain… she must feel more
if I burn with passion… hers must be crippling
if I have a standard… her beliefs must align
if I miss her more than life… she must have waited ages
if I believe in truth… she must have a strong foundation
if girls desire me… boys must surround her relentlessly
if I have longing… she must feel like hell
if I have love for her… she must have uncanny love
if I want no other… she must have eyes just for me
if I believe in God… she must be a saint
If I have understanding… she must have a brilliant mind
If life is pain… she must be the silver lining
if diamonds are precious… she must be the perfect rock
if humans have worth… she proves it
if man was made for love…. woman was made to experience that
if twain become one… I want us to be one forever
if death separates us.. we will reunite
if loneliness were a disease… she would be my cure
if sacrifice were the only way… id sell my world for her
if she loves me… ill never let her go
Maybe im taking it too far… maybe this obsession is unhealthy… I just want her so bad on so many levels… Im obsessed with women…. they make me happy… and im dreamed up teh most perfect women and desire her with burning rage.. I cant shut it off… please kill me God.. or take away the pain from not having her around
im an idolater. Everyone was right. I desire her more than God. I care about her more than Jesus. I love her like a woman with so much love. Im sorry Christ. Im sorry I have this idol. Forgive me. Help me to leave her behind. I shouldtn love her so much. I shouldnt be willing to sacrifice more for her. I shouldnt seek her more. htan I. seek oyu. Im evil. Please forgive me. Help me to lsay my idol. TO forget about her for good. I hope id dont confuse her. I want what’s best for her. ANd that’s no t me. GOd a lmighty forive for thsi burning rage. FOr this obssesion. im sorry.
look deeper, beyond the flaws
I wanted the world
the moon and the stars
best life with the best woman
a wonderful set of kids
but I had nothing to give
nothing to earn it with
or prove my worth deserved that
I wanted the best attributes
strength of the heart
courage to die for those I loved
wisdom to know when to fight
but I was shallow and vain
with nothing to say
and little interactions to prove
my worth to obtain such gifts
I desired greatness for myself
to rise above my struggles
to be strong in the face of adversity
and conquer my demons perpetually
to be there for others when I was in pain
but I was pathetic
unwise cowardice weakness
those were my strengths
I couldn’t even save myself
what business did I have
giving my hand of help out others
when both of us would sink?
I looked in the mirror
and saw the most frightening thing
helpless alone confused
searching for a way out
everything boring me
while at the same time overwhelming
but I looked deeper within
deeper beyond the blues that consumed
and I saw determination
I saw hope in a higher hope
pain that could be healed
and the force within growing
ready to forget forgive and conquer
I kept the pain inside so the world wouldnt worry
I looked inside my blues
and found bloody red pain
surrounding me circling my body
ready to escape the body
and spill my bloody pain everywhere
But I focused on the blue
holding all that pain inside
keeping the worst of me inside
while trying to shed rays of hope
battling optimism and heaviness
Yet the red kept me going
the painful bloodiness within
kept the strength inside
while showing the carefreeness
and bliss of my baby blues
that gave the whole world hope
IS IT idolatry or love
if youd die for her
give-up your well being for hers
would people call that lust or love?
willing to sacrifice everything but Christ
giving up vanities to be with with her
is that idolatry or love?
when nothing else satisfies
and you feel so shallow alone
is that obsession or love?
if you pray for her constantly
to love God more than you
is that a selfish lies or love?
if you’d leave it all behind
just to be with her in this life
is that vain worship or love?
if you desire nothing more than to be with her
but you still love God more
is that elevating the creature or love?
if the only way you’d leave her
was if she left Jesus and didnt have Him first
is that covetousness or love?
if you promise God you’d give her up
if He told you to
and were willing to walk alone in this life
is that obedience or love?
I can make it on my own
that’s fine with me
I dont need any other
ill just hold in this loneliness
and bear alone these burdens
It might be a lot less meaningful
it might feel empty and shallow
with just me and myself to keep me company
but I can work the 9-5
for no one but myself
I might wish upon the stars
for something to make me feel alive
drifting slowly through time and space
dreaming that I were a different kind of man
who didnt care about family posterity or love
as I slowly grind aimlessly for just myself
look finding someone else in your life won’t solve your problems. I shouldn’t write dumb poems like that. Thats just who I am and how I feel. God will satisfy.
if I waited a thousand years
would you still love me?
Or would you need others to sustain you?
if I promised you
would u believe?
would it be strong enough to keep you going?
if I faltered
could you forgive?
how much could you take from me until you couldn’t?
if i lost my mind
would you be there to heal?
how much could you take from my insanity?
if God asked me to die for Him
would you be able to carry on?
would you take care of our posterity and carry on?
if in heaven we weren’t married
would you still be my friend?
would you still be into me after ten thousand years?
dear woman,
I can be very very boring. I hope you can handle that. I hope you understand that love is in the little things. The sacrifices you make. The opportunities you lose to be with them. The small talks where you have nothing to say but just enjoy each other so much you talk about the weather just to hear them speak. The meals made with love, the chores done for the other, the money made from hard work just to provide. The small experiences that would mean nothing with a stranger but everything with your love just because you love them so much. The quiet times where you say nothing but just enjoy their presence. The common enjoyments you share solely because your love cares so much about it and that alone makes you interested in them. The love of what’s right and hatred of evil that makes you both burn with passion against them and strengthens the bonds between you two.
I may be a weirdo a quiet one
but
i
love
you
Look.. im gonna be honest. Ill try my best… but a mamas more important than a dada in for a baby. ill try to help out but I think ill be mostly useless. I want as many kids as God will bless us with. ANd im gonna kinda need you to be a superhero. I hope are children turn out as beautiful as you in their character and beliefs and I hope they love God as much I used to and will once again. So my names… you better friggin like em woman!!!! that’s my contribution…. I hope they are your joy and bring you rejuvenation as we teach them right from wrong and the things that matter in life. I hope they give you back all the love and dedication you gave them . that they make you proud and honor your wishes. Just so you know a huge reason im so picky about women is that I want the best possible mother for my kids. Someone that will be there for them in the worst times. a woman who they love so much that even teh thoughht of suicide makes them feel horrible at what that would do to you so tehy take the pain and come to you for healing. I hope youre a better mother than I am a father.
I tried giving her up
but she was never there.
How can one give up what one doesn’t have?
a dream perhaps… give up your dream
but this isn’t a dream or a goal or a hope
its concrete fact of feeling
how can I stop loving if it doesn’t exist?
unless it does but its just not tangible…
air cells faith all exist without being seen
so my love… she must be real
for how can I feel this passionate
about a fake person?
how can we be together apart?
when we’ve never seen talked or even greeted
how can two love without their other half?
one day… one day soon
we will complete our broken halves
we will prove that eros exists….
srry to the whole world ive been wasting my talent of mind on a stupid girl… When I meet her ill try to get back on track and write pieces of goverenment nature and hopefully when my faith is back on religious truths. rigght now I just care about her so sorry about that….but I think the answers are already out there by honest people… they just need to be heard
the best answers
often come from the strangest questions
how does one know an answer
unless first a question is conceived?
to wander the mind is to dare to ask
creativity begins with curiosity
but solidifies itself with truth
ask is the first step to receiving
seeking the first step to finding
and wondering the first step to discovery
desire without limits leads to obsession
obsessions leads to cloudy mind
and clouded mind to mistakes
can desire be satisfied?
for how long to what limit
or does it burn uncontrollable like the sun,
never achieving its goal
is desire the opposite of satisfaction?
what is meaning without understanding
or virtue without truth?
if love is an action how do perform it?
how do I let her know
i
love
her
the worst type of confusion
is the kind you aren’t confused about
where you are so certain
that you’d lose your mind
when lies and “truth” are swapped
when you’ve been taught lies all your life
that two plus two equal 5
that science cannot falter
that history only has one side
when your world is flipped
can you withstand the propaganda
when science lies for money
when history is altered for power
when math manipulated
will you be able to go on
knowing the good guys aren’t
and everyone has an agenda
would you rather stay ignorant
as the world burns to chaos
than wake up to a war
for the soul of mankind?
Those who never question
blindly follow their masters
don’t explore beyond
and never find what there soul thirsts for
those who never dare
look normal like the rest
fit in a typical lifestyle
but never untap their potential
those who never love
are an empty shell of a soul
seeking selfish desire
and die alone without comfort
those who never wonder
live in a enclosed world
and blankly glance at the stars
with body vacant of the soul
those who never dream
live for the present timeframe
chasing nothing but instant satisfaction
living like a man without freedom
TO my dear woman I may never meet,
They say that a woman chooses her man. What does a guy gotta do to have you choose me? How do I prove my love? How do my words ring true to your heart and reach the depth of your soul that thirsts for more in a man. I have some weaknesses yes. But you know them. I try to be as honest as I can be. So you know what you’re getting into. The main thing I don’t have is money or a career path. I hope my words and pleading you don’t fall on deaf ears or let you down. Ill give you what I have…. a broken mind of fragility yet curiosity… a personality of uniqueness…a heart of compassion… a soul of longing…. a body of purity… and loyalty… that’s the number one thing I desire in a partner (who wants a spouse that cheats?). All my suffering has developed me into something with more to him. As my better half you’ve suffered immensely too. I wanna help heal those wounds. I wanna comfort you as a strong yet gentle man comforts his strong but been through hell wife. To let you know that I will always be there for you. That when I see you in pain my heat aches and I will do whatever it takes to aid your wailing heart. That when the times get tough to will straighten our bonds because we have each other and our God to lean on.
love
you
today
tomorrow
and
as long as
I
live
and maybe as a ghost too:)
ps.
you should know its very hard for me to change an obsession. the foods I loved as I child I still love. The entertainment that entertained me is entertaining. That the teams I root for I still root for. That the Bible that shaped me I still cherish. That the women I cared about I still have feelings for (dont know if that’s a good thing). But Ive loved no one like I love you (ill love no one like ill love you). ANd its gonna be very very very hard to break my obsession with you.
what you become is more important than what you are
being right
isn’t as important
as being merciful
being wrong
isn’t as bad
as being conceited
being the last
doesn’t mean as much
as finishing
being alone
means little
if you’ve got a good foundation
losing yourself
is only a concern
if you never come to your senses
talking the talk
is all rhetoric
unless you are willing to put in the hours
running away
can always be solved
by returning to where you belong
being afraid
is just a process
of overcoming your fears
seeking love
takes trial and error
but if you get it right endures
living a life worthy of praise
requires sacrifice dedication and diligence
for all will be revealed in time
un?answerable questions
when you falter
where do you run?
when you make a mistake
who do you blame?
when you fail?
who do you go to
when the world seems big?
what shrinks it for you
when your all alone
who do you think of?
when your your own worst enemy
who is your greatest ally?
when you cant find a way out
who do you turn to?
when right is wrong and up is down
who is your council?
when fear is greater than sanity
how do you see clearly?
when you fall more than rise
whose there to pick you up?
if the greatest ally betray
where would you turn?
Dear woman,
I hope you can read these. I hope with everythingn ive got your out there . Im ni longer depressed from the illness. Im. dpereewssed from not being aorund oyu. Ive developed a stargne complexion. A rare cases of obsession. Where few if anything matters but you. THE voices and emtions make me doubt God is for me. Thats where I ussually go for comfort. Maybe He was mad at me and is punishing me. Do you believe in an unpardonable sin? or am I living a lie? are you a great idol in my life? And God is cursing me? Or the idol is a curse enough taht punishes me. I wish I had just taken a normal gf. That I didnt have this high of a standard. I coulda lived with a decent woman and felt okay. Actually, with my obsession I dont think I ocuold have. I need someone that believes like me. That I can talk to easy. That will love m in the boring quiet times. I still feel like a loser, the opposite ofa “chad.” I still remember online people encouraging me to ask a girl out. And even the Babylon Bee chimed in and wrote an article about a man wandering into a store asking nobody for help. I know im a bum. Its just hard because im not good with strangers and ive been super messed up and im so weird. Even some people were posting picutres of beautiful women almost begging me to do something. Ive asked out girls and got rejected before. Im really picky about looks ill be honest. LIke she has to be thin and slightly attractive without tats face pericings or wierd colored hair. Im not making you up to avoid asking girls out. Theres been times Iv efelt like asking girls out but I want you. IM so weird. IM so different. I feel like I dont beling in this world. Like I was a mistake. I struggle with everyday talk. I struggle with everyday living. I just wnana be with you. Just talk to you, hear you , and get calrity. I want you to explain everything to me. What happened when I wrote my book, why no one could talk to me, if God is for me, and your journey how you came to say that man is mine. I wish I could forget about you let you go and move on. BUt my heart burns with desire for you. DO you think the saints and angels are upset with my wasted platform? I always wanted to be the good guy. What am I really? And these continuous talks of Sophia and Lucifer are driving me mad! Lucifers bad. and there is no Sophia. What’s your name woman? “Im a bad guy. ” that write itslef without me. How do I become a good guy? I desire three things right now: to be with you, to not suffer etternally forever in the next life, and to restore my faith in JEsus and walk with Him again. I feel so empty shallow and worthless. what good is your love to me if I cant receive it? whsat good is my love for you if I cant experience how it makes you feel. do you love me?
forgive me for losing myself
your man
ps why do you want me? I see waste. why do you love me? I feel unlovable… like ive gone too far
pss I love you
how does “A Wandering Heart” sound for the title of my poems? maybe ill put romance, good poems, and miscellaneous ones together in one collection.
It all goes full circle. Ive lost myself via the illness. Ive been obsessed with finding a girlfriend all my life. I have to give her up. I have to follow Christ again. Ignore the voices within that condemn me. That say ill never go to heaven because this or that (they never say why). They ignore CHrist as If Hes not there. But I believe in the Almighty Son of God. Goodbye woman. If I never marry or have any kids the will of God be done. I must focus on the Bible and following my best friend.
God matters more
but can I still love her with alll my heart?
Jesus is my best friend
but can I make her my best friend as well?
Id give up anything for Christ
but it’d be hell without her
I dont want to make her an idol
Yet can we both love Chrsit as one?
Firgvie me ALmight for my obssesion
but can my obsession bring us closer to You?
if she loves you as much as I do
wont we help each other grow towards you
How do I escape this burning passion
its consumed me much of my life
to the point I want nothing else
help me GREAT SPIRIT!!!
take away this pain
normal women dont take it away
just her the woman I was made for
HELP ME JESUS
to give her up
but everytime I do
she comes back
haunting me with her perfection
at least In my eyes I see no flaws
how Lord? how do I kill love
if its lust why am I willing to sacrific efor her
if its lust why dont I wanna get phycisal
wju do I want so much more?
if its lust why do I desire friesnhip above romance?
if its lust why do I only wnat her because she loves you?
why wouold I walk away the second she proved she wasnt worthy ?
the second she proved she wasnt a deep desire and follower of Jesus?
if its lust why doe sit seem so pure?
if its lust… why does it feel eternal?
kill it Lord… kill the love I have for her
its better than living in pain without her
help me to leave her before I meet her
please just take this pain away
LOVE IS PAIN
DEar woman…
Its probably for the best. That we dont meet right now. ITs better I suffer as I get better. Sure, meeeting you and getting to know you would make me happier than anything but being in heaven. I pray I love Christ more than you.. more than my beloved. But I need to suffer more . I need yo conquer my demons on my own. BEfire we meet I must get my faith back on my own. ITs the heros journey. I ve got to conquer my demons to get the girl. Ive got to prve my worth, prove that I deserve you. I wish I could know you were getting these. That I knew you were out there. I love you so mch dear woman. It pains me that we cant be together. But I think that proves im not well enough yet.
love you more than your brain can comprehend
ps let me tell you a secret to break your heart: you bring me the most joy but also the most pain from missing you. Why do you torment me like that??? DO I break your heart as well? Or do my writings bring you comfort?
Love is free as air
yet costly as life
Love is as wild as the ocean
and as tame as the sky
Love is as infinite as the cosmos
yet as intimate as a cell
Love is as savage as the wilderness
and as clean as water
Love is immensely rewarding
yet requirers immense labor
Love is as humbling as failure
yet empowering as success
Love is tears over loss
yet laughter over gain
Love is gratitude over company
and despair over separation
Love is faith for the best of times
and hope in the worst of times
Love is logic for confusion
and confusion when you lose it
Love is peace of mind in action
and giving of thanks to others
Love is ruling over with compassion
and serving with dutiful obedience
Needs work. Id love for my soul mate to be good with English or writing. She could read these and edit them and give me some great feedback to help me impove my writings. We’d make a great team.
yin/yang
wihtout loss
I would never know victory
without pain
I could never find healing
without hate
I wouldn’t understand love
without despair
I would never grasp hope
without danger
safety wouldnt be important
withour fear
peace of mind wouldnt be
without distractions
focus wouldnt be needed
without evil
what is good?
without sacrifice
how would we show we care?
without strangers
how could we have brotherhood?
without death
how could there be life?
without time
how could forever exist?
without woman
how could there be man?
Without you
how could there be us?
Some question God. They say “why does God allow evil if He is good. Why is there suffering if He is perfect?” They are fools. Everything must have an opposite in life. There must be evil is there is a good. That doesnt mean there has to be ann equal amount of evil and good. But what is evil but the opposite of good? And if God is the perfect being of divine good then evil is the opposite of Him in any way. So hatred, strife, malice, fear are all opposites of God ( unless its hatred of evil, strife with evil, and so forth). If we are creatures of free will we must choose what kind of people we are. DO we repent seek Christ and live by faith for His Kingdom? Or do we choose our own selfish ambitions? And I thikn GO ddesigned it this way not just cuase He loves freedom of choice (as a fahter loves when his son chooses to obey him outt of a goodwill and love and he doesnt have to force it upon him). also.. there is beauty in redemption…. it means more and allows us to love deeper. (Luke 7:47) . I believe the saints of Christ, the Sons and daughters of God will love God more than the angels. Because they have more to be thankful for . But making an evil entity to good is a joyous conversion that makes everything mean more. Suffering refines us. It creates rare beauty that cannot be replicated in any other way. It teaches us lesson that we couldnt comprehend otherwise. ANd maybe best of all, it teaches us compassion for those who have suffered likewise and even empathy unbeknownst. to us. Becuase if no one suffered nothing would get accomplished (as everyone would be fine with the statues quo), no one would learn perseverance, and no wonders would be accomplished (as people wold be content).
heroes shine forth as the best of us. They face the same challenges we do but rise above their challenge and conquer them. They display the best morality and virtues and put others in front if themselves. When the going gets tough they overcome despite the obstacles and their limitations. They are the perfect role models for everyone as they teach is what it means to be the good guy. Often times they have to make difficult choices that would break a lesser man. ANd who is the perfect hero (forgive me I couldnt help it) is the Son of God, by whom all other heroes are measured. He was tempted in everyway we are yet never failed. Starved for 40 days without food and He outwitted the devil at everyline. He was hated mocked beaten half to death, rejected by His own people and still loved His enemies with everything He had. He never hurt anyone, only sought love peace and goodwill amongst all people. He walked alone to take the wrath of God to free mankind from his chains. THe leaders of HIs day hated HIm and tried to make Him falter in everyday but He always outsmarted them wiht HIs wisdom . He only spoke truth in every way and outtwitted the most twisted of lies. He had compassion on the people and healed them of any sickness or infirmataty so long as they had faith. He sought the nobodies, and valued women and children. He saw the inward worth of people and didnt judge them on their sins faults or past history. His goal was to save. His whole mission was to come to die for the sins of mankind and take on the wrath of God to redeem as many as will come to Him. That was His plan from the beginning. HE and the Father only agreed to create mankind if He were to sacrifice Himself to save it. And He suffered the wrath of all mankinds sin on Himself. The ultimate Hero. WHo deserves the ultiamte praise glory and adoration. And maybe the greatest part is He desires your friendship more than praise. In this case, to be the friend of God, you must obey Him. Yet He wnats to have a deep intimate relationship with His creation. To be there for you in everything. To show you the path of godliness that only enhances your being. To lead you through the suffering to reifne you for a eternity of peace and life Wihtout pain and sorrow. To enter into HIs eternal kingdom of eternal bliss.
im losing it… these lies are pushing me to the brink… I need something to distract me… someone to save me. please help me Jesus… give me strength give me sanity… dont let me kill myself… this uncertainty is poisoning my mind… please just tell me she’s out there… please just let me talk to her.. or just take away the voices and demonic emotions … what could she do… really? I dont think she would save me right now… I need a greater miracle than a woman
I saw her
reading the scripture
singing the hymns
walking with God
but it was just a dream
I heard her
helping the less fortunate
sacrificing for her family
being there for her friends
but it was just a voice from my dreams
I witnessed her
taking up her cross
rejection the way of the world
giving up her idols and lusts
but it was my imaginary daydreaming
I chose her
the loyal partner
the perfect match
the best friend
but she wasn’t real!!!
it was just my bringing desire
dear woman… I guess im breaking my promise… somewhat… cause im a pos… but if there’s any godly woman.. heck decent woman who have virtue… I just want a firend right now… I really dont wanna date unless I know you and like you… but im open to spending time with beautiful women that are interesting… forgive me soul mate… but how can you make a promise to someone that you dont knwo thir name… forgive me… if you dont wnat me… im sorry 7152056705
I dunno what the hells gotten into me… the voices havnet been as bad… the dreams arent nearly as nightmarish… I actually feel good somehow…. why was it wrong to wanna wait for the perfect for me soul mate???? im so lost… I didnt wanna be a player… Im not good at starting relationships and cutting them off… it stings when I say goodbye to people, even when im the one that leaves… I dont wanna be the worlds most eligable batchelor…. Im not bruce Wayne and dont wannna follow his loner path….I wanna be Peter Parker and have my Mary Jane Watson. Mary Jane Brown that is:) maybe it’ll be fun to get to know women … maybe ill meet some gorgeous women… I just suck at knowing their age and dont wanna date to young or old… im not good at talking to random strangers for women… that’s another reason I wanted her… I suck at intriducung myself to strangers… what do I say if all I see is outward beauty.. how do I know she’s got inward value? maybe itll juststart asking them what they think about trump
Love of the unknown lover
she was never there
but I wanted her to be
I dreamt of her beauty
I wrote her poems
I prayed earnestly for her
I wanted to will her into existence
unsuccessfully
I had nothing to go by
just pure willpower
a hope that I had a better half
voices in my head telling me
she was everything I wanted and more
but I knew nothing about her
in reality it was imaginary vanity
I dreamt of her inward beauty
I desired a personality perfect for me
I wished for a perfect companion
that would make me forget all others
vainly adding more and more expectation
receiving nothing to consolidate my heart
fruitlessly seeking her: the nonexistent
Amidst all this confusion
I couldn’t give her up
I desired her so fiercely
I dont want a just a lover or just a wife
I wanted someone more
something to complete me
who would reciprocate the love I gave
and make my barren soul whole…
If I could choose any woman in the world
Id search for you alone
id see the most praised
the most glorified for there beauty
the highest decorated for their body
and say “Id rather be with my beauty”
because in my eyes she’s more beautiful
if women had every thing to offer me
the most money to give me a life of luxury
the most esteemed positions they could offer me
the funniest best personality to be with me
the most faith to move mountains
id say id rather be with my women
because in my eyes she has more to offer
if women were to be the best at anything
the best lover to make me in heaven
the most loyal that would always be there for me
the most divine with angel like qualities
the best friend that would complete me
id say your either a bold face liar
or you haven’t seen my woman
cause she’s all that to me
kinda a dumb poem when shes not real no? what if she is real tho????? you think she can be all those things ?? or is it foolish daydreaming….. you may say that im a dreamer…. but I believe she s a dreamer too!!!!
for Eva (srry soul mate)
Those eyes
those beautiful baby blues
the centerpiece of her beauty
showing that compassionate soul
forefront for that brilliant mind
bursting into life
shining forth as the sapphire sky
gorgeous hair flowing wild and free
an amazing body that most women envy
and men cant take theirs eyes off
class in every way she glows with grace
but its the eyes that shine most brilliant
the gateway to the soul
and are the epitome of beauty
for what good is a body
without the ability to see
and what good is looking
if there’s no color to brighten the mood
and what color is more perfect
to express the calm soothing peace
than that divine shade of heavenly blue
here you go krsitaistan Ann
she wants to shine forth with the best of them
show off her beauty and prowess
but they reject her
they say she can easily be replaced
but I see no one worthy of her legacy
they mock her for her chastity
for her loyalty to God
and her saving herself for the right man
but ive never seen such beauty
such glorious dedication to the truth
she dedicates her life to a higher power
spreading love and cheer
to as many as she meets
fighting for the weak and helpless
Her beauty transcends the physical realm
I could write dozens of poems on those two women… I love them so much!!! I cant wait to meet them in heaven and talk about our lives and how they went down… sorrry would mate… Ill find a way to write better poems for you when we meet..I dont know how those two women feel about me but damn they’re gems
I wrote
and they said
girls are crazy about you
at first I was shy/scared
because I was so depressed and meess up
then I had the fucking dumbest idea ive ever had
I said if girls are craazy aboutu me
there must be one girl whose better than the rest
better for me
kinder matches my personality
a hard worker a woman of virtue
an I ntelgient woman who comopletes me
and God made man for one woman only
so if women are crazy about me
she must be out there
so I tried to sstop looking at girls
but when I slipped cause I couldnt reisst
id daydream and say what if
and marvel at ther beauty
and fanstasize
and if a guy wa witha beauty
id be jealous and say why cant I be with her
or someone as beautiufl
but I knew most women were selfish and feministbs
but most of all was keeping pure for her
causae I wanted her badly
this imaginary fantasy
I dreamt that she could complete me
I even imagined her to be the sexiest most stiunning everything
cause I was a vain peice of shit
and said if shes my olny girl she might as well be the best
but the voices and dreams condmened me
and I crakced
so I aksed out a girl that I was friends with
someone I dint even want to date
and have no plans for
ive beocme a mosnte
I want her more than anything
I lost hope
the bad guys won
they said racisms bad
its bad to judge others
your people are worse
your are privileged
you have it so good
others suffer because of you
they came as good people
we just want equality
so long as your people are on the bottom
and everyone else benefits
you don’t know how hard it is to be them
you should pay them back for what you did to them
as they stole our land jobs women and country
they fooled our women
the most gullible of all
the easiest way to attack
“men are evil.. be independent”
“do whatever you want done be a slave to men”
feminism just doing whatever you choose there s nothing wrong with that
date minorities.. they love you better.. they deeper… will be more exciting
don’t be mother’s- that beneath you-unless its with a minority
be a rebel- murder your baby- destroy the beauty of your natural body
they raise our kids as our parents were taxed
they showed them sex in elementary school
they pushed sexuality on them
even forced some to mutilate themselves
told others they were gay or lesbians and that was good
pushed drag queen and pedophilia as a good thing
told our kids white people are the problem
told them they’re evil and the root cause of oppression
jews controlled everything
the porn the banks the media the entertainment the government
asians and Indians got great jobs
blacks killed raped and murdered like a vermin while we could not speak a word against
hispanics were the highest percentage of pedophiles as they stole our land illegally
muslims couldn’t be touched for their crimes while they hated America
yet whites are the problem in a nation created and built by white men
and we white men couldn’t criticize anyone or we were evil for being bigoted racist homophonic xenophobic
our white men took the burden of a falling nation
they were last in line for any privilege
least likely to get a job cause everything was against them
least likely to get into a schools cause they were white men and everything was easy for them
nearky impossible to find a decent woman
was forgotten in politics and every major field despite their brilliance
they were blamed for their their masculinity as if that s a problem
rejection scorned broken and mocked they still held firm
and one day they will raise up and turn this lost cause into freedom justice and truth
im lonely… are there any pro life anti lgbtq ant feminist pro white girls that wanna have a good conversation????????? I got time…
the clump of cells grew
the clump of cells had feet and hands
the clump of cells could feel
the clump of cells fight with everything
the clump of cells came out a dead baby
the parasite was alive
it took energy from its host
the parasite had a heart like its mom!
the parasite wanted life
the parasite was just a dead baby when it came out
the unwanted baby smiled
the unwanted baby had eyes like her mom
the unwanted baby had the most adorable smile
the unwanted baby loved its mom- it knew who gave her nutrients
but the unwanted baby was unwanted so it was just a dead baby when it came out
shout out to he beautify pro life women out there !!!! id love to date you and fall in love with you for you stance on protecting the innocent!!! it makes me wanna fight for you and protect you!!!!
when the voices condemn God
I try to stand by Him
because I want Him to be real
I want Him to be right
His ways are so perfect
HIs ways are without blemsih
it all makes sense
He made the world
He made creation
but the voices condemned me
promised me someothing better
but in my mind what can be better than a perfect loving just forgiving God?
but the voices scondemend me
I couldnt feeel His presence
I couldnt hear His voice
I had lost the willl to go on
because He was the reason for Life
I became obsssesed with an imaginary woman
I thought she could make me happy
I thought I could find something about myslef
I just wanted to be friends with my GOd aagin
it seemed like He was punishing me
so I couldnt speak to HIm
or Hear HIm
I was so lo st
I repleaced taht love for God with her
that wretched soul I am
that evil man of demons
and the voices condemned me for wanting God
they took my emotions of made me wanna support evil
but I just wanted her- and they used that against me
where is my God????
MY GOD MY GOD WHY HAVE YOU FORSAKEN ME???
please bring me back
I have no soul mate
I have no woman that can befriend me like you
there are no woman that mean as much as you do
and if the voices condemn me for this poem
im was nothing before I was created
and im still nothing
To love a woman
what the hells the point
what do you get outta it
why does it matter what they think
what is love but vanity
what is woman but confusion
they come for you deceptively
they make you play a fucking game
they dont care if you wait forever
just so long as theyre taken care of
its all about them
you cry out to them
try to be honest
try to be worthwhiole
try to develop something deeper
but they watch you suffer
as they pick another
chooosing you like sweaters
you pour out your heart and soul
hoping for just one
that’s all you want
just one
but she makes you wait
she doesnt care about you
your just there to make her happy
to say waht she wants you to say
all for her
you write her your lifes story
knowing youll be mocked
spill your heart out on paper
and no one shows
they give you a timeframe
andt hey leave you
all you wanted was her
but shes probably mocking you most of all
stadning there in her glory
knowing shed never waste a second
with a pathetic chump like you
to love your soul m ate
there’s no such thing
loves a lie
people just use each other for pleasure
love as true as a shadow
soul mates are as real as darkness
never there always wanting
hey soul mate : your not real so fuck you
youve made me waste a year and longer waiting foryou
what the helll do you want from me??
ive given you everythign ive got
even God betrayed me
but you too???
why did I trust you???
why did I give you so much of my time?
why did I waste years of prayer on you??
what do you want from me?
why do l live knowing your not real?
what the hell do you want from me?
I bet youd be happy if I killed myself!!!!!!!!
rid the world of my asinine stupidity!!!!
so people can lauggh at me easeir
so that no one has to keep pretending like they care
where wer you when I needed you most???
I almost cried
but I remmebered I lost my soul
that im doomed to burn forever
so those flames from my future
can back and dried up the last bit of hunmanity I had
and belive me I feel like hell for lashing out at you
I dont deserve you
find a good man and be happy
itl be better so I dont hurt you anymore
forgive me woman
even when I ash out I feel pain for hurting you
even when I feel hurt I still feel love for you
im serious: find a good man not me
im a joke…
I cant provide for you
I cant take care of you
I cnat be theree for you
all I can do is write gay poems
and say I love you
I have little to offer
find a good man
find a better man
if you choose me
itl be like taking care fo a baby
emotionally ill be the one seeing you
I have my illness
why would you wnat a guy with bipolar?
who doesnt have hobbies?
who could break at any time?
could you handle that ?
being poor and taking care of me and our kids?
I could barely speak I was retarded
Id wake you upon the middle of the nightt
just to say I hada anightmare
youo dont want me
im an idiot a fool
I lack basic skills
I lack basic undertasndings
im 30 years old living with my parents
working a part time job
no degree no future
you should be a model
be succesful
marry a good man
im not a good man
not anymore
I dont pray
I dont read scripture
ive lost God
I just want you to be happy
I want you to find deep joy
and if I cant do that for other women
how coudl I do that for you??
if I dont love God like I should
how can I love you like I should?
please just be happy!!!
your pain brings me sorrow
dont cry our ill kioll myself from the pain
I can teven comfort you
ive decided I should be the one to burn forever for you
they keep saying hell or jail I cant tell
but either way I wnat it to be me
so I can smile aas I rot seeing you without pain or sorrow!!!!
so you can look down and see how much I love you
even in death
I might suffer more seeing you burn
I still
love
you
ineffably
I just want you to know that woman
that id give my soul for you to keep yours
that’s what id give for my soul Jesus
forgive me Lord
I expect to go to hell now
im gonna follow the Bible and Try my best to live by faith
but ill brace for a hard eternity
even if I go to hell
I love Jesus and will follow His perfect teachings
becaue deep down… I still love you Lord
and desure to do the will of the Father
and just so you klnow LOrd
IF you asked me to give her up….
I would
that s why I want her to find a good man
so shie can go to heaven
I dont wanna drag her down
I fucking love you soul mate
I dont want you suffering with me
I want you happy
that’s a lie… I want you by my side so I can protect you
im just really really poor woman
I feel horrible
casue if your as great as I think
and as beautiful in every way
you deserve better than me
I dont mind being poor
but making my wife and kids poor is a nightmare to me
I want momney to buy you flowers, nice lclothes, and stake you on fancy dates
and money to proivde for a big family so you dont have to work
I falter
I tried everything
but noithing seemed to work
in my mind
my assured dillusional mind
she loved me
but I always loved her more
but how do you prove your love
to a unknown person
a nonexistant name
a fictional lover
but I still gave her everything
if I knew her
id do so much toi make her happy
because what is love but desiring the best for another?
and I want her to be comforted in times of soorow
to be allieved wih words of cheer in time if oain
to be surrounded by a friendly face when she feels alone
to be held closley when she feels shes drifting away
to be taken care of when she feels overwhelemed
to be greateldy desired when she feels unwanted
to be cherished with flowers so she can see beauty as I see hers
to be overwlemed with love poems to let her know she has value
to be attendted to so she knows that someone cares for her more then herself
to show her tohe world so she sdoenst jahve to go alone
to hold her closley and wipe every tear away
becusea her tears are precious diamonds to me
as it displays her beauty of compassion
and her weakness show a beautiful soul
willing to feel for lesser and dispaly what’s hidden beneath: care and concern: that you do give a damn
but I love your willingness to fight for what’s right
I love your fortitude to stand strong on truth
and teh fact you dont give up on people
and your loyalty… your glorious emerald of staying true even when you cut them off you still care
i
loved
you
ill love you more
your gonna porove you can be bithe ectermely beautful indisde and out
I won’t give up on you
if yous tay true to me ill fight valliantly
if love is eternal we shall never separate